**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I will update "Time Changes Everything" tomorrow. I just don't have it in me to work on that story tonight. Enjoy the night!**

DAY 30

Holy shit! I've been sober for a full thirty days! They were hell, and there were times I wanted to give up, but damn it feels good to say I've been sober for a full month! When I got out of group today, I was handed my 30 day chip and everyone clapped. I can easily compare that to winning the belt. I got hugged and I felt such a sense of accomplishment.

I found out today that the anxiety, insanity and restlessness is known as Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome. And the reason my body has been so tight and so sore isn't because I've been in the gym whenever I'm bored here, but because my body hasn't known pain in a sober state for so long that I have to go through the "growing pains" all over again.

After I meet with my therapist one on one I'll get my stuff back. My cell phone, my iPod, my laptop. I'm going to text and call everyone! Well, maybe not everyone. But I am going to call those that matter.

I'll write more later. Meeting time.

RKO

Randy closed the book and threw it in the drawer. He got up and walked down to his counselor's office. He knocked on the door and walked in.

"Hey Chris." Randy said with a smile.

Chris smiled and shook his hand, "How're you doing Randy? How's it feel to know that you're 30 days sober today?"

Randy nodded, "Really fuckin' good. It's crazy to think that I'd ever say that. To me, I am not the type to be sitting in a rehab center pouring my heart out, but Doc, this is really what I needed. I haven't felt so clear-headed. I think I could go out to the ring and put on the best match I've ever had."

"That's really great Randy. I like to hear that from you. I know you were really hesitant upon arriving here. You didn't know if you could handle it, and look how great you're doing. Now, let's talk about how you're communication is going. Who have you been writing letters to?"

Randy shot him a look, "Right, because I'm going to believe that you don't know this answer already. I've been writing my parents, my siblings, my friend and my ex-wife."

"And what have they been telling you? Have they been honest with you?" Chris asked.

Randy nodded, "Yeah, they have. And I knew they would. I'm a no bullshit kind of guy. I don't pick up on little clues and I don't respond to pussyfooting around the bush. If you want me to do something, you have to tell me what to do. So when I told them to be honest and tell me how my addiction affected them and they didn't hold back either."

"How did that make you feel? How hard was it to read what they wrote?" Chris probed.

Randy nodded, "It was hard. I knew what to expect, but I wasn't prepared for the guilt and the shame I felt reading it in their own handwriting. And hearing about how life was for my ex-wife as she dealt with our son after I walked out was really hard. So I'm really looking forward to checking in with everyone and beginning life over again."

"That's a good attitude to have. And you're right, it's never easy to know exactly how your addiction affected those around you. But it's something you have to hear to fuel the want to stay sober. Anybody can need to stay sober, but you have to WANT to stay sober too." Chris said.

"You're right. And had you said to me two weeks ago, I would have blown you off. But now that I am in this position, I have to say that I agree with you completely. And I had a total meltdown a few days ago where I couldn't handle the cravings and the anxiety and I wanted to walk out the door but Debbie really helped me come back down to Earth and now I feel really good."

They talked for awhile longer about what to do when those incidents arise. And then Randy's session was over. Chris walked him to the admission office and walked out with his personal belongings. "Just remember, they can be overwhelming. Think before you use." Chris said with a smile.

"Will do. Thanks Chris." Randy said with a nod. He went outside sat down at a picnic table. He turned on his cell phone and promptly text Amanda, "Hey doll. How are you and Brandon today?"

Amanda was out running errands for work when her phone chimed. She practically choked on her coffee as she read it. She had known that the text was coming, but it still caught her off guard. She text back, "Hi Randy. We're doing ok. How are you doing? Congrats on your 30-day. Did you get my latest letter?"

"I'm doing good. Brandon started off with a great morning. Thanks for the congrats. It feels good. No, I haven't, when did you send it?"

Amanda finally replied, "A few days ago. You'll probably get it this afternoon. I'm at work. I'll be able to talk after Brandon goes to bed. I'll text you and see if you're still awake."

"Sounds good doll."

Amanda ended their conversation by sending a picture of Brandon sleeping so Randy could see just how many of his facial features he had grown into.

Later that day Randy got the letter Amanda had been referring to. It killed him that she doubted his commitment to picking up the pieces. He knew damn well that he made his bed, he had to lie in it. But, of course he was ready to be there for the good, the bad and the ugly. And that's why he was hoping to show her just how much he had changed.

By the time that Amanda text, Randy had been dwelling on this for quite some time. So she text him and he called her back.

Amanda was scared to answer. She hadn't prepared to hear his voice. "Hello?"

"Hey doll, is it ok that I called?" Randy asked.

Amanda nodded, "Yeah, I was just surprised."

"I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. I got your letter and I wanted you to hear it from me. I am not walking away again. I'm in this. He is my son and I was stupid as hell before. I am so sorry that I walked away and left you to raise him on your own. But I'm here, I'm sober, and I can't wait to be an active part of his life." Randy said sincerely. "And that doesn't just go for Brandon. I know that I was a total asshole, and I in no way deserve any of your time or thoughts or anything. But, I would really, really like if we could at least be friends again. I would love to prove myself to you, and for us to come together as a family again to give Brandon what he really needs to succeed."

Amanda didn't respond at first. To be harshly honest, the way everything happened, she didn't overly miss him. She didn't have time. Brandon took up so much of her thoughts and time that she didn't get the chance to dwell on their break up. Finally she spoke, "Randy, I'm glad that you want to be here for him. It's a lot though. And I know that getting sober takes a lot, so I just want to make sure that you don't expect too much too soon from him and take it the wrong way."

Randy nodded, "Don't worry about me. I don't expect a miracle. I plan on doing my research and being prepared. And I just really want to start fresh. I wish I could change the past, but since I can't then all I can do is do my best to make each day from here on out count."

Amanda liked what she was hearing, but she also knew better then to get her hopes up. And she didn't bite her tongue. "Well that sounds great Randy, now we'll have to see if your actions match your words."

Randy was a little taken aback, but he also knew that it was his fault that she had such a chip on her shoulder. "Don't worry doll, you'll see."

They talked a bit about her family and his family and Brandon's schooling. And they talked about wrestling a bit also. Then Amanda had to get to bed because she had to be up early the next day.

Randy sighed, "Amanda, it was really great to talk to you and to hear about our son. I want and I need to be involved with him from here on out. I'm not going to let the two of you down again."

"Yeah…it was good to sit and talk to you too." Amanda said finally.

"Well, may I continue texting and talking to you?" Randy asked.

"For now, as long as everything continues the way it seems then yes you may." Amanda replied.

"Any chance I could call when Brandon's awake and I could hear him talking in the background?" Randy asked.

"I think we could do that. You could hear him without me having to say who I am talking to. I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just trying to avoid confusion. Especially since you still have two months before you're even out of there." Amanda answered.

Randy nodded, "Yeah, I get it. I know that you have good reasons for not just handing the phone over to him. But I hope we can work towards that."

"I'm going to start working on the concept now that you are able to do this so he can figure it out and not get TOO attached and hopeful. So eventually, hopefully this will be able to happen. It's just kids with autism have a hard time with stuff like that. Like sarcasm, he doesn't get it at all. I told him I was going to kick him out of my room and he looked at me with a scared look and said, "Kicking me isn't nice. Don't kick me." And I felt like the worst mom ever." Amanda explained.

Randy was surprised by what he was hearing. "Wow, there really is a breakdown, isn't there?"

"That's only the beginning of it." Amanda said.

"Alright. Well, l will text you tomorrow. Have a good night Amanda."

She smiled, "You too Randy. Good night." And she hung up the phone.

As she laid down in her bed, she thought about their conversation and what he was hoping for out of a relationship with his son. She had a lot to teach him about not only about autism, but even more so about his son.

**Please read and review!**