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Day 55

Well…I know that I haven't written in awhile, but I've been busy. I've been reading the book that Amanda sent me, I've been texting her a bit, I've also been taking advantage of having my iPod and surfing the web a bit…and of course, I've been masterbating… a lot. Yup, I said it. Now that I've been sober and cooped up in here for so long, I'm horny as Hell. Holy shit.

Yes, I'm still an asshole. A sober one, but yes I'm still an asshole. Dave text me. We talked for a bit, and since he's had to get sober also, it was nice to hear someone else's take on it who is somebody I personally know. Then I also talked to Nathan for awhile. It really trips him out that I'm in here. I'm a shitty role model, but hopefully I'm changing that. So when Brandon is a little older, I'll be someone who he'll want look up to.

Amanda has been letting me listen in on the home teacher working with Brandon. He's making such great progress. He's becoming a little chatterbox! She sends me a new picture every couple days.

She's also been in touch with Mom and Dad now. She hasn't introduced Brandon to them yet, but only because they're trying to figure out if they should wait until I meet him first, or if it'll be ok. They're leaning towards ok. Especially since he doesn't get to see her parents very often. Amanda's going to let me know tonight what they decided.

I had another bad episode two nights ago. It was bad, but not as bad as the first. I was pretty angry…erratic…needing a fix…but I'm ok now. I had some really great resources here and I talked to the counselor. I'm actually pretty pissed at myself because of the whole thing. Why does this keep happening? It's been almost two months…so what the hell? I mean, I know that they say that sobriety is something you deal with daily, but DAMN.

Coming up on 60 days in here…what a trip. The last 30 is spent preparing for the outside world. We go on a few outings and on day 90 we get to invite someone to come to our release day. Basically we stand up before everyone and pledge our sobriety. I know this is big, but I really want to ask Amanda if she'd come to it. I know with Brandon it might be hard, but man it would be really great.

I have to admit…I miss Amanda. God I miss her a lot. I really wish I wouldn't have screwed everything up so badly. She deserves the world. And texting with her and talking to her has been great.

Alright, group time.

RKO

Amanda hung up the phone and walked over to Brandon. "Hey buddy. Should we do something fun tomorrow?"

Brandon nodded, "Yeah!"

"We're going to go see Nana Elaine and Papa Bob!" Amanda asked happily.

Brandon didn't respond. He was engrossed in his show. She reached over and turned off the tv.

"HEY! MY SHOW!" He said angrily.

"Then listen to mommy." She said pointing at her nose. Finally, when he brought his eyes up to hers she said, "We're going to go see Nana Elaine and Papa Bob!"

"Who that?" Brandon asked.

Amanda smiled nervously, "Well….that's daddy's parents."

"Daddy's parents? Where's daddy?" Brandon asked sounding confused.

"Well, Daddy's gone right now. But, his parents would really like to see you since it's been a long time. So, we're going to go and see them tomorrow." She said.

"When Daddy be home?" Brandon asked.

Amanda looked shocked…and she wasn't sure how to answer that…"Umm….well…Daddy is kind of…Umm….are you ready for a bath?"

"YEAH! Bath time!" And Brandon took off running to the bathroom.

Amanda sighed with relief, she didn't know to handle questions about Randy. It would be much different if he was around, but since he was in rehab, he wasn't even able to come and visit on his days off.

"MOMMY! I'M NAKED!" Brandon shouted from the bathroom.

"Ok, I'm coming!" She replied. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

**Please read and review! How will Brandon's reunion with Randy's parents go?**