Disclaimer: I do not own degrassi
Cam's POV
Last week was rough, but I am finally starting to feel a bit better. I did not try to hurt/kill myself like I did last time, but I was not feeling like myself at all.
I just stuck through the numbing pain with Maya reminding me every day that it would be better soon. Next time I think about drinking like that I really should remember what it feels like to be depressed because I think I had forgotten. I never want to go through that cloudiness again. Surprisingly I didn't get too anxious. It was much worse this time because life just felt like a never ending bad dream.
Today is Halloween, and it is the first year Lexi helped choose her costume. Her first choice was to be a hockey player, but Maya had a fit at that saying it was a "boy's costume". I honestly didn't see the harm in letting her be a hockey player, but she ended up getting her second choice which was a ladybug.
This year Halloween falls on a Monday and Lexi had a party at her preschool which Maya helped out with. I would have gone but I had hockey practice this morning, and didn't get the chance. When I got home at 3, Maya told me that there were two little boys in Lexi's class who dressed up as me for Halloween. It knew that they made jersey's with my name on it as well as generic hockey player costumes, but I would have never guessed that out of all of the players on the Maple Leafs I would be Halloween costume worthy.
It's actually kind of silly to me that kids look up to me. I never thought of myself as influential, and honestly I'm not. If anything you would think that all of my issues would make it hard for people to admire me, but even after my issues with depression and anxiety got out my fans stood by me.
In Kapuskasing people don't think of me differently. I'm just Cam, the kid who lived down the street. That is part of the reason I love it there. In Toronto it is a bit different. I am approached by fans asking for an autograph which is fine, but sometimes it is kind of strange.
Anyway, Maya invited her sister, Jake and the kids to go trick-or-treating with Lexi, and she is very excited to spend time with her cousins. The doorbell rings around 5, and I answer the door to reveal Katie, Jake, and their two little ones.
"Hey guys. Come on in. Maya and Lexi are in the living room" I greet holding the door open as the four make their way in. "I hope everyone's hungry. We brought pizza!" Jake shouts walking straight through the foyer to the kitchen.
It was decided by Maya and Katie that they would pass out candy while Jake and I brought the kids trick-or-treating. I didn't have an issue with the arrangement. I get along with Jake just fine. He's a pretty cool guy not to mention he's hilarious. I don't have too many friends outside of hockey, and I consider Jake to be one of them.
"Oooh Pizza!" Maya states walking into the kitchen and grabbing a slice.
I go into the living room where Lexi, Nate, and Kenzie have already started playing, and I tell them "You guys should eat some of that pizza so you don't get hungry while we're trick-or-treating!"
They all meander into the kitchen to join Maya, Katie, and Jake to eat, and I follow behind Mackenzie who's lagging a bit behind Lex and Nate.
Maya and Katie get the kids situated with their pizza at the rarely used dining room table, and they blabber amongst themselves about kid things while Jake and I eat at the kitchen island.
"How was the trip up north?" Jake asks curiously referring to Kapuskasing.
I think about a word to describe the trip and settle on one half of a minute later. "Crazy!" I reply exhaling audibly.
"What happened?" he asks curiously taking a bite of pizza. "Everything, trust me. It was just nuts." I reply thinking back at the trip.
He raises an eyebrow at me and keeps eating.
Before we know it, it's almost six, and Katie and Maya bring the kids into the living room dressed in their costumes. Five year old Nate is dressed up like Spiderman, and three year old Kenzie is wearing a witch costume. Katie takes pictures of the three youngsters in their costumes, before Jake and I start out the door.
"So, Katie tells me that you and Maya were fighting. What was that about?" Jake asks me as the kids run up the path way of a house in our neighborhood.
"It's not important. I over reacted to something she said, and it got out of hand really quickly!" I say rubbing my head recalling the whole ordeal.
"So is everything okay again with you two?" he asks curiously as the kids run back with smiles on their faces.
"Yeah, I think that we're okay." I add as we start toward another house.
"Well, that's good. Katie and I argue about stupid things all the time, but I don't know if we would still be together if she hated my family." Jake mentions awkwardly.
"Why did you even ask if you knew what the fight was about?" I ask him raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know. I guess I wanted to see what happened. Katie tends to exaggerate things." He responds as the kids go up another pathway to ask for candy.
"Maya said that she wanted to leave early because Lexi got sick, then I accused her of hating my family, and Maya said some things that she regrets, and then I did some things I regret. It's nothing. My brothers forgave her for calling them obnoxious immediately, and my mom told Maya that she doesn't hate her. It's all good." I add just trying to get the explanation over with.
"Oh, okay… The way Katie described it sounded like you guys were ready to get a divorce. Like I said, she exaggerates everything." He adds shaking his head and laughing.
I smile. "Yeah… we aren't even close to that." I comment uncomfortably.
"So, how is hockey going?" he asks me changing the subject to something less awkward.
"It's pretty good. We have only played one pre-season game, but I think that we will do well this year. We got some really good guys drafted, and Dallas's divorce is all settled and finalized so he will most likely be less distracted." I tell Jake, and he nods.
"How are things with the construction business?" I ask sticking to the subject of careers.
"Great! I just landed this huge job. We are putting an addition on the art museum, and renovating the rest." He brags excitedly. "A few more clients like this, and we will be living in this neighborhood." He adds as we continue to walk around the upscale suburban neighborhood that I am lucky enough to be able to live in.
"The house down the street is for sale." I add pointing to the for sale sign.
"Maybe someday!" he says looking at a huge and surely very expensive house.
We walk the kids around the neighborhood until around 7:10 when they are too exhausted to keep going. The girls sit in the wagon, and I give Nate a piggy back ride back to the house.
When we get home Maya and Katie give the kids baths, and dress them in their pajamas. After the three of them are dressed and watching a Halloween movie on TV, Katie and Jake leave for a party they had planned to go to.
We are watching Nate and Kenzie tonight as repayment for them taking Lexi a few weeks ago, so that Maya and I could have some alone time.
Once all of the kids are in bed it is almost ten, and Maya and I head straight into our bedroom.
"I can't believe how tired I am right now!" Maya comments stripping off her day clothes and replacing them with one of my t-shirts and a pair of bed shorts.
"I'm pretty tired myself. Today was long!" I mention before putting on my own pajamas, and joining Maya in the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.
We lie down on the bed, and turn the lights out. "I love you M, Good night." I say sleepily scooting a little closer to her, and wrapping an arm around her.
"Love you too." She says scooting lifting my arm off of her.
"What's wrong?" I ask not knowing why she won't let me cuddle with her.
"Nothing." She replies in a very unbelievable tone.
"Are you still mad at me?" I question sitting up and turning on the lamp on my side table.
"A little bit." She responds still facing away from me. "How many times do I have to say sorry?" I ask placing a hand on her shoulder.
"It's just been a crazy week, Cam. You weren't even here." She says finally sitting up and looking my way.
"What are you talking about? I didn't leave the house all week." I comment with furrowed eyebrows.
"You may have physically been here, but you weren't you. Do you know how hard it was trying to explain to Lexi why daddy didn't want to be around her? Cam, she cried for a total of ten hours this week because you kept telling her to go away. You can't say that to your four year old daughter; it really upset her." Maya says looking at me sadly and disappointedly.
I think back at all of the times I was cold to Lexi, and feel extremely guilty. "I didn't know… I'm so sorry." I say with a frown. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that you were just feeling sad, and that you weren't in the mood to play." She responds.
I stare off into space a minute thinking about how I would make it up to Lexi before turning to Maya again. "I'm so sorry, M. How can I fix this?" I ask her running my hands through my hair distraught.
"Lexi seems to have already forgiven you, but I need you to promise me something… You need to swear that you won't pull anything like that again. I don't care how mad you get; you can't do that to us ever again. I love you and I can't handle seeing you like that!" she says starting to tear up.
I feel terrible about all of the pain I have caused my loved ones with just one mistake. "I promise… and thank you." I tell Maya wrapping my arms around her embracing her in a loving way.
She nestles her head into my neck, and puts her arms around me loosely..."What are you thanking me for?" she asks curiously.
"Thanks for putting up with me this week. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have put you through that. I'm back though, and I'm never drinking again. It obviously screws me up way too much, and I never want to feel that way again." I add holding Maya in the hug.
Eventually, I turn the lamp off, and we go to sleep this time in each other's arms. I have to admit, there is nothing more amazing to me than just holding Maya. It's comforting to have her near me and to be able to smell the leftover aroma of her perfume. She is the love of my life, and I am the luckiest man in the world to have her and Lexi.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Tell me what you think in a review or Pm me! I love love love the feedback! I thought you would enjoy the sappy ending to this chapter. I hope to hear from you guys soon! Enjoy your day!