Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I have had really bad writers block, and in all honesty, I can't stop watching moves on netflix. lol Thanks for reading. Review, Review, Review! I love you all! Thanks for being the greatest readers a girl could ask for!
Disclaimer: I don't own degrassi
Maya's POV (Next Day)
Christmas is in 3 days, and we are going to have to spend it in the hospital. This round of chemo is the big one. Doctor Pierce is confident that she will reach remission after this one, but it's going to take quite a while.
Instead of the 3 days on, 18 days off, she is on for 8 days straight and then off for 13 having to stay in the hospital the whole cycle due to the fact her immune system is weaker than ever.
These doses are really taking it out of her. She's four days in and she is already looking worse than I have ever seen. With Lexi looking skeletal and Sabrina on her death bed, I am very scared at what the future holds.
As news of Sabrina's worsening condition spread to the patients and their parents, the wing has become a very somber place. Many of these people have known Sabrina for years, and are shocked that a girl so sweet who has battled cancer for the majority of her life could be dying.
We still haven't told lexi. In all honesty I'm not sure how to. I was doing some research on how to explain death to kids, and most websites say something along the lines of "compare the body to a pair of sneakers. They both get worn out and then stop working." That would work if it wasn't for the fact that Sabrina is barely 15.
One website was saying how to explain death by illness, and said to makes sure to explain that it is nothing that your child has, and that they shouldn't be scared of their own fate. The issue with that is that Lexi does have the cancer that is killing Sabrina.
We don't want Lexi to worry about her dying, but I am starting to think that given the circumstances, it's inevitable.
"Hey, umm… Sabrina wants to see Lexi if it's not too much trouble." Jim states standing in the door frame of Lexi's room.
"Of course it's not. She's awake right now. Perfect timing." I tell the sad man with a sympathetic smile.
Carefully, I start to prepare Lexi to leave the room. It takes maybe 10 minutes to get her ready to go, and then using a lot of caution, I carry her down the hall to the room where Sabrina is.
Sabrina is paler than usual, her lips are chapped very badly, and her eyes are yellow. It's actually quite strange seeing the teenage girl without her wig. She never came over without it, and the only time I had seen her bald head aside from now is when she showed Lexi her head.
She looks sickly, but at the same time content. It is obvious by her smile that she has accepted her unavoidable demise which is strangely comforting.
"Hey Lexi" Sabrina utters out hoarsely to the little girl on my hip.
When Lexi doesn't respond I glance at her, and see that she is kind of frightened by the girl on the bed. "Lexi, it's just Sabrina. Don't be scared." I whisper into my little girl's ear, and she looks at me sadly.
Sabrina smiles at Lexi as she leans on the pillows unable to lift her head. "Lexi, I just wanted to tell you something important." Sabrina continues her voice cracking several times.
Lexi fidgets in my arms, and I get the feeling that she wants me to set her down. Sabrina laughs slightly, and nods to the best of her ability signaling for me to set her on the bed. I put her down carefully avoiding placing her on Sabrina's foot.
"Lexi, I'm going away. I want to tell you goodbye." Sabrina states with a shaky voice.
"Where are you going?" Lexi asks curiously. "I'm dying, Lexi. I'm hoping that I go up to heaven." She smiles solemnly at my little girl as a tear strolls down the teenager's cheek.
"Why?" Lexi asks with a confused frown on her face.
"I'm really sick, and the medicine isn't helping me. My body isn't working right anymore, and soon it's going to stop. I won't be able to see you again… I want you to know that I have really enjoyed getting to know you. You are such a sweet little girl. I also want you to know that just because I'm dying doesn't mean that you will. Everyone is different, and I know that you'll be fine. Stay strong, Lexi." Sabrina shakily tells her as she starts to get emotional.
I feel a tear on my cheek, and quickly rub it away, and sniff back the tears. Sabrina is handling this very well, and she explained that better than I ever could have.
I look over at Lexi who looks very sad at this point. I'm sure she still doesn't understand everything all the way, but seeing Sabrina crying and looking like this is probably difficult for her.
"I love you, Sabrina." Lexi tells her sadly causing Sabrina and I both to get even tearier eyed. "I love you too." Sabrina cries looking at Lexi sorrowfully.
One of the machines that Sabrina is hooked up to starts beeping, and a nurse rushes in to fix it. I pick up a startled Lexi, and the nurse tells us that we should go.
"Goodbye, Sabrina." I say waving solemnly knowing that I most likely will not speak to her again.
I carry Lexi back to her room, and as soon as she is back in the privacy of the room she cries. I guess she understands more than I thought.
She cries into my shoulder, and almost knocks her IV out of her arm.
"Mommy, I don't want Sabrina to leave!" she cries miserably. "I know baby. I know." I comfort her trying to hold in my own tears.
"Baby girl, do you wanna watch some cartoons?" I ask her trying to calm her.
She nods slightly pulling her head from my shoulder and revealing her red eyes, and tear streaked face.
"Okay, honey." I tell her sitting down on the hospital bed with her on my lap. I take the remote, and turn the TV on to the only kid's station that the hospital gets.
We sit there watching a cartoon about a pirate until Cam comes back. He was supposed to be driving Mickey to the airport for his flight back to Kapuskasing, so I am surprised when He walks in the hospital room with Mickey waiting in the door behind him.
"What's going on?" I ask confused at what Mickey is doing at the hospital.
"M, his flight got cancelled… There's a huge storm up north, no flights coming in or out of Kapuskasing until after Christmas… I'd take him back to his billet family, but they left for Hawaii this morning." Cam says nervously scratching the back of his head.
"No worries! Bring him to the house. Stay with him tonight. We'll be okay here."I say nonchalantly, and Cam raises an eyebrow at me.
"What about the potential germs?" Cam asks inquisitively.
"We are in this hospital for sixteen more days. I'll disinfect again before she comes home." I assure gesturing at Lexi who is sitting on my lap.
"Mickey, you can come in here." I tell him not wanting to be rude. He walks into the room hesitantly staring at Lexi in disbelief. He hasn't seen her since thanksgiving in Kapuskasing, and he is obviously having a hard time recognizing his niece without hair and looking this sick.
He frowns as the small girl looks up at him. "Hi Uncle Mickey." She says happily causing his frown to diminish into a smirk.
"Hey, Lexi." He smiles at her as genuinely as he can. He stands back looking slightly shocked by her appearance and probably trying to be careful to keep his high school germs from her.
"So, how do you like Degrassi?" I ask him curiously not having talked to him for more than four minutes since he arrived.
"It's alright, its school." He answers shyly with a shrug.
"Okay… I'm gonna take you to the house now, Mick."Cam says guiding his brother out of the room.
"See you later, M. I might come back." He calls walking out.
Cam's POV
"She looks really sick…" Mickey mentions staring out the car window at the snow falling outside.
"Yeah… she does." I agree sadly not diverting my eyes from the road.
"Is she going to be alright?" he asks me curiously, and I think about it for a minute. Honestly, with Sabrina in the shape that she's in, I don't know what to expect with Lexi. "I hope so." I respond still looking at the road.
"Me too." He comments anxiously. The uncomfortable topic of my daughter's illness isn't exactly what I want to talk about so I change the subject. "Are you excited for Christmas?" I ask my little brother in a more lighthearted tone.
"I was… I kind of wish I could go home." He comments banging his head against the back of the seat.
"Oh come on Mick. You haven't spent a Christmas with me in years. It'll be fun." I say pulling into the driveway of my home.
"On what planet is Christmas in a hospital fun?" he asks jokingly.
"Okay so it might not be fun, but it won't be that bad." I tell him opening the car door into the cold night. We enter into the dark and undecorated home, and Mickey says sarcastically "Wow, you guys sure got into the spirit this year."
"We're not even going to be home, and we have a lot going on." I say in defense of the home that looks like it belongs to Ebenezer Scrooge.
"I know." He replies grabbing his bag and carrying it upstairs to one of the guest rooms.
"Hey Mick, you hungry?" I call as he makes it to the top of the steps. "No, I'm good. I'm going to bed." He replies continuing to the guest room he stayed in last time they came to visit.
"It's barely 8!" I yell shocked. "Well, I'm tired!" he rebuts back annoyed.
"What kind of kid are you, you little party pooper!" I say back up the stairs jokingly.
"I'm taller than you!" he yells back laughing. "By like an inch… maybe" I call up. "It counts! You can't call me little!"He replies emerging from the dark at the top of the stairs.
"You are like 10 years younger than me. I will call you whatever I want to. You're my little, baby, brother!" I tease.
"Sure… whatever, I'm going to bed now." He states turning back into the dark hallway obviously annoyed.
Since my brother is boring, I spend my evening getting my mind away from my incredibly hectic life. I start watching movies until eventually I numb my brain of all that is going on.
Maya's POV
I really wish that Cam was here. Lexi is having a rough night, and I am having trouble dealing with it.
"Lexi, I know that you aren't feeling well, and I know you're upset, but baby please stop crying." I tell her trying to quiet her continuous crying. She keeps sobbing, and in all honesty I don't know if I can take it much longer.
A few minutes more of her weeping causes me to feel the need to rip my own head off. I love this little girl more than anything else on the planet, but I can't help but start crying at her insistence.
Being 2 months pregnant, I get emotional very often, and today is no exception. Not being able to make Lexi feel better is stressing me out, and it would be a lot simpler if my husband was here to help.
I go into the restroom, and cry my eyes out not having the power to quiet the little girl. I feel like a bad mother leaving her in the hospital room on her own, but I am getting too stressed out to deal with everything.
Eventually the small girl cries herself to sleep, and I go back into the room "What a crazy couple of months it has been"… I think to myself before dozing off on the uncomfortable hospital chair.