((Alright, I'm back, at least for now. My muse has been completely dead lately and I've been attempting to revive it without success. I decided to do Chain of Command next, and it is Starscream-centric/has a lot of Starscream torture in it. In other words, I love it. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers of any kind or Red vs Blue.))

CHAIN OF COMMAND

*Any and all Starscream abuse can be credited to the actual writers of the show. They really seemed to hate 'Screamer in this episode.*

"Why did I even bother to show up this morning?" Starscream complained to himself as he stormed onto the set. He threw the script to the side, fuming.

"Oh cheer up Starscream," Megatron slapped the Seeker on the back. "This is going to be hilarious."

"For you!" 'Scream shot back, pulling forward.

"True," the Decepticon leader grinned evilly. "I'm going to have Soundwave record your expression when the Predacon tosses you around like a ragdoll; it'll be my new screen saver."

"Primus kill me now," Starscream muttered under his breath, putting his head in his hands.

In the middle of the Arctic, the Predacon remained frozen in his icy prison. As the sun rose, however, the ice encasing him began to slowly melt. Yellow optics onlined, his chest started to glow, and the Predacon screeched, shaking his body to pull himself free of the ice. The Predacon shook all of the ice off of his body and attempted to take off, only to pause in confusion. He tried to lift his limbs and bent down to sniff his claws, confused. He pulled again and again…and eventually ripped them free, with two blocks of ice stuck to them.

"Okay," the director stood up, "who's the wise guy who decided to super-glue the Predacon to the ice?"

Off-stage, Starscream gave Miko a high-five.

"Military command of the Predacon is most logical," Shockwave replied, "since my services are required elsewhere." Both Megatron and Shockwave entered the warship and the door closed and locked. Starscream, a tad bit frantic, raced for the door as well, slamming a fist on it. He turned around, a nervous smile on his face, and the Predacon bent in low, optics narrowed, his face in Starscream's.

"Is this part of the—" Starscream managed to voice before the Predacon sank his jaws over the upper half of Starscream's body, lifting him straight off of his stilettoed feet. The Seeker screamed and the Predacon shook Starscream around a bit. Before anyone could stop him, the rest of 'Screamer had vanished into the Predacon's mouth, and he had swallowed. Satisfied, the Predacon laid down, head resting on his claws.

"Was that supposed to happen?" Knock Out asked, even as Megatron burst out laughing, nearly falling back on his aft.

"SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT!" Starscream's muffled voice could be heard, his fists banging metal.

"Shockwave," the director gestured.

The cyclops sighed. "Very well."

"Wrecker fact #17?" Wheeljack asked, suspended from the rock face.

"Guards never look up," Bulkhead answered. He started to move down so to knock rocks on the Vehicon's head, but instead he hit a loose patch of the rock wall. Losing his grip, the green Wrecker fell all the way down, landing directly on the Vehicon's head.

"Nice one Bulk," Wheeljack commented sarcastically, letting go. He dropped down beside his pal, helping him to his feet. "You okay?"

"I think so," Bulkhead rubbed his head. "But he isn't."

Wheeljack looked back at the Vehicon in question. "Yeesh. Shouldn't have looked."

Both Wreckers whirled about as another Vehicon came out of the mine. "You killed Kenny," he spoke simply. "You guys killed Kenny! You fraggers! How could you? He was my best friend! How could you?!" Before either of the befuddled 'bots could comment, the 'Con had dropped to his knees, clutching his faceplate as he sobbed. "Oh, my PRIMUS! Kenny, you're dead! How did this happen? You were so young! It's my fault; I should've seen the warning signs! I didn't even know you were smoking! It worked so fast!" He crawled forward, cradling Kenny's head. "You had so much to do, so much Autobot-killing to do! Oh Primus, who will help to kill Autobots now? I don't want to live in a world with Autobots!" He burst into tears again. "My Primus, why? Oh Kenny…"

Everyone stared.

"Okay, he's either an incredible idiot, or he's a really dedicated actor," Bulkhead decided.

"I'm not doing this," Starscream shook his head. The Seeker was coated in a lime green slime that, no matter how much water was administered, refused to come off.

"Starscream, all you have to do is poke the Predacon and duck," the director explained. "It's not that complicated."

"I got eaten," the Seeker shot back in a flat voice. "I was in that vile beast's stomach for two hours before Shockwave could get me out. I smell like a dead fish threw up on me, and I'm pretty sure that this stomach fluid is never coming off. I deserve at least a five minute break."

"If you get a break, it's coming out of your pay," the director shot back, arms across his chest. "You will do this."

The Seeker sighed. "Fine, fine, you win this round. I'll do it."

Take One

"You miserable beast! I am your commanding officer and I order you to crawl back into your kennel, now!" Starscream shouted at the beast. The Predacon merely snorted and turned away dismissively. "I said 'now', already!" Starscream jabbed the Predacon on the leg with an electric prod.

Instead of attempting to blast Starscream with fire per the script, the Predacon's tail swung around, slamming into Starscream. The Seeker, with a scream, was sent flying head over heels.

"He's going…he's going…and he's gone," Megatron commented with a smug grin.

Take Two

"I said 'now', already!" This time, the Predacon's optics narrowed, and his jaws shot forward. With a girly squeal, Starscream hopped back, managing to avoid being swallowed again. However, the Predacon then bent down, picked up the electric prod in his teeth, and flung it forward.

"Medic," the director called half-heartedly as Starscream collapsed, convulsing.

Take Three

"I said 'now', already!" After jabbing the Predacon, Starscream pulled back, optics squeezed shut and hands held up in front of his face. There was no motion for a while and he opened his optics. "He's asleep."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," the director groaned.

Take Four

"I said 'now', already!" The Predacon's optics narrowed and it fired the blast of fire. However, Starscream didn't duck in time and instead had his body engulfed in fire.

"Stop, drop, and roll, 'Screamer!" Knock Out yelled as the Seeker flailed, although he was grinning broadly.

"Ooh," Megatron winced. "Who knew Predacon stomach fluids were flammable? Or caused that big of an explosion?"

"Time for a break," the director informed them.

"Oh, you think?!"

The Predacon was happily napping, per the script, when he heard heavy footsteps approaching. Lifting his head, he spotted Starscream storming up in the Apex Armor. The Seeker was visibly charred, slime still splattered across him, one optic fritzing, with several dents swathing his body.

"You do realize this isn't in the—" Knock Out was stopped by the director.

"Shh," the director waved a hand. "Let's see how this ends."

"Okay, now in you go!" the Seeker snapped at the Predacon, even as the beast stood and growled. Starscream tapped his chest. "Ha! Do your worst. The Apex Armor is virtually—" He was cut off by the Predacon latching onto his arm and hoisting him off his feet. "AH!" The Seeker was unprepared for being shaken and tossed about like a ragdoll, his body battered by the very thing protecting it. "No! Release me!" The Predacon shook him around a bit more, before throwing him at the wall. He slammed into the wall and crashed into the floor.

"That…was pretty good improv," Knock Out nodded. Several minutes of silence passed.

"Megatron," the director hissed. "Your line."

"Oh," the tyrant shook his head. "Sorry…Starscream, are you with the beast?"

Starscream gritted his dentas as he stood. "Yes, Master! We've been reviewing…attack maneuvers." Under his breath he muttered bitterly, "He's doing quite well."

"All of that is definitely staying," the director nodded. "Nice one Starscream."

"Oh sure," the Seeker groaned. "Like I really planned all of that."

"Is this it?" Miko asked, hoisting up a rock.

Magnus stared at her. "Yes, Miko, of course that's it. Because the relic we're looking for looks just like a rock."

"Wow, I really found—hey!" Miko protested. Wheeljack and Bulkhead snickered.

"No worries. My Predacon is no doubt dismantling the interlopers as we speak," Starscream bragged. "It was a challenge, but I managed to tame the savage beast. Taught it to heed my every command."

"You're not wearing the Armor to protect yourself from it?" One of the Seekers asked.

"Slag yeah I am," 'Screamer muttered, ignoring the director's glare. "What? I'm being honest!"

Wheeljack threw the grenade at the Predacon's mouth, expecting it to sail into the beast's maw. However, his tail smacked it aside. It bounced off of a rock face, off of the floor, rolled for a bit, slid down a crevice, bounced again, and landed right on Wheeljack's shoulder. "Aw scrap," he managed as it went off right in his face.

"I don't know how," the director muttered, "but I know you are responsible for this."

"Moi?" Miko feigned innocence, even as Ratchet tended to Wheeljack. "I have no idea what you mean."

The scene where the Predacon was supposed to attack the Armored Miko was coming up quickly. Starscream watched as the beast crouched over Miko, about to attack her. Instead, at the last minute, he turned, growling, and lunged for Starscream. The Seeker screamed as jaws once again wrapped around him and he felt himself slide into the belly of the beast.

"I have to admit," Miko stood up, smiling, "that was cool."

"Megatron, stop laughing!" the director shouted. "And Shockwave, please get your pet to stop eating Starscream."

"Yeah, Shocky," Miko taunted. "You might want to reign Fluffy in."

"For Primus's sake, can't any of you act mature?" the director groaned.

"No," Miko admitted.

Starscream tsked, approaching the fallen Miko. "Even the strongest armor can't protect the weakest of creatures."

Miko suddenly shot up and grabbed Starscream. "Protected you, didn't it?"

"Ooh," Knock Out murmured, "you just got burned, 'Screamer."

"Don't call me that!"

Take Twenty-Seven

"I said 'now', already!" Starscream stabbed the electric prod into the Predacon and, with only the slightest squeak, ducked to avoid the fire blast. Standing up, he realized his crest was singed and, panicking, quickly put it out.

"Victory!" the Seeker exclaimed, happy to have finished the scene.

"Finally," the director breathed a sigh of relief. "Now nothing else can go wrong."

"The lens cap was on," Knock Out pointed out.

Starscream stared uncomprehendingly, before screaming in inarticulate rage and storming offstage.

EXTRA: Starscream Auditions

"Thank you all for coming," the director started, walking across the platform in front of the mechs before him. "Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, Transformers Prime Starscream quit earlier today, and since all of your series's are over/you are dead in them, we are holding auditions for the new Prime Starscream. First up," he glanced at the clipboard, "G1 Starscream."

"I feel absolutely ridiculous in this costume," G1 'Screamer commented on the grey Prime Starscream outfit he had on. "Anyone else agree?" Several of the other Starscreams murmured consent.

"Look, just-just read the lines please," the director managed to not snap. "From the top. And…action."

G1 Starscream glanced at the script. "I have been a fool. Made mistakes. Monumental ones. I now realize I was never destined to be leader, or even an equal partner. And, I am at peace with that. I have gained a clearer understanding of—" G1's words were interrupted by a snickering from the Movie Starscream. "What? What's so funny?"

"Your-your voice," Movie Starscream managed. "It-It's so squeaky. You sound like a mouse."

"At least I don't look like a Dorito," G1 huffed. Movie narrowed his optics.

"What did you say, you whiny little baby?"

"You heard me loud and clear," G1 shot back, jabbing Movie right in the cockpit. "You look like a fragging Dorito. Plus, you couldn't have been anymore pathetic in your series."

"Well at least I'm not a sniveling coward who bowed down to Megatron every time he raised his arm," Movie snarled, shoving his face in G1's. "You must've been great in the berth, 'cause you acted like his glitch."

"At least I didn't get killed by humans," G1 growled.

"At least I wasn't killed thirty seconds after gaining leadership,"

"Well I'm immortal pal," G1 snapped. "What's your excuse?"

"That's it!" Movie socked G1 right in the face, a hard right hook sending the Starscream reeling. "It's so on! You are going down, old mech!"

"Just try it, wanna-be!" G1 grabbed Movie's neck, kneeing him right in the midsection, and started punching the Starscream in the face repetitively. G1 howled as Movie twisted his wing until something snapped and then proceeded to headbutt the Bayverse star.

The director had his head in his hands shortly after as G1 and Movie soon dragged Animated into the free-for-all, Unicron Trilogy standing on the edge and watching. G1 had just repeatedly slammed Movie's head into Animated's crotch when the door opened.

"Excuse me," Shattered Glass Starscream came up to the director, holding the script. "I got held up by some Autobot idiots. I hear you're auditioning for a new Starscream for TFPrime?"

"You're hired!" the director exclaimed, standing up. "Congratulations, you got the job! Monday, 7:00 AM, Studio E, show up on time."

"WHAT?!" G1, Movie, and Animated all shouted, looking up from their brawl.

"Can I go now?" Unicron Trilogy asked.

((To be honest, I've never actually watched the Unicron Trilogy. I just threw him in there to add an extra 'Screamer. And Shattered Glass Starscream will be featured later on, and may be out of character, though I tried to keep him a bit in character. I also thought it'd be funny if Generation One and the Bayverse decided to get in a bit of a fight over which one is better. No matter what universe, a Starscream is a Starscream, and 'Screamer is all about ego.))