Title: This Just Isn't My Day
By: Ice-Eagle Y'siri
Dislaimer: I don't own Naruto or any other associated characters except my own, which currently are Aya, Rian, and Catherine.
Summary: Normally, I'm a very calm person. So just imagine me coming home with my friends and the Akatsuki in my living room. And all I wanted was a simple vacation annoying the heck out of the preps next door. Great. Just. Great.
Aya's POV
"We've made our decision". The three of us exchanged looks from our position on the floor.
We were either going to die, or we were going to be their hostesses for however long until they were able to go home. Neither was very appealing. Sure, we liked the Akatsuki, but they were mass murderers to the X-treme (with a capital X), so being their hostesses would be…interesting. So I guess being alive was better than nothing.
And to think, I thought I would have a sort-of normal vacation filled with pranks to pull on the preppy neighbors. Except I'm guessing they might be on to us. Considering Rian left her initials on the last surprise we left them, it's no wonder they amped up their security, though I do believe the rottweilers patrolling the perimeter is a bit much. I mean, we're not that bad. Most of the time.
Back to the conversation:
"You mean you've made the damn decision, Leader." The amount of sarcasm imbued in just that word made me raise an eyebrow at the speaker on one of the armchairs. He had whitish-silver hair and didn't wear a shirt underneath his partially undone Akatsuki cloak. He is built, wow. Not like adolescent hotness built (I've had enough of that from football), but like older man hotness built. Jeeeeez. He also had on a silver rosary around his neck, and he scowled.
"The hell you looking at, bitch?" I gestured "The rosary".
Catherine leaned over and whispered, "Somehow, I don't think he's a Catholic".
"Neither can I." He has such a dirty mouth. Didn't his mother have better manners? But then again, he's clearly psychotic. No doubt he forgot everything from his childhood, if he even had one.
"-and Jashin is my God and-" Oh, whoops. Was he still talking?
"Jeez, Hidan, can't you shut up?" Deidara, exactly how he looked in the show, flopped on to the couch I was on previously, catching a kunai and throwing it back. Man, they better not destroy the house, or there'll be hell to pay for it.
"Dammit, Tobi, watch whe-"
"Silence." At Leader's tone, Deidara settled with a grumble and the rest took the oppurtunity to relax against walls or lean against the furniture. All of them, I noticed, kept a wary half eye on us as he spoke. They needn't have worried, though. We couldn't have done anything without us being seen, regardless.
"As I have said, we reached a decision. We agree to this arrangment, and since we will be staying here, we won't demolish the house. We also agree that we won't kill you. I can't promise that you may not come to inury, but we will try to not cause life-threatening damageto you three. Agreed?"
The three of us stood up cautiously, "Agreed."
Rian, the most flexible and accepting of us, just sighed after surveying them all. "Well, I guess we should figure out where you're sleeping. Catherine? What's up with the house?" She scratched her head.
"Well, it's a 8 bedroom house, but since the three of us have our own rooms and since there's not way in HELL we're sleeping with y'all as roommates-"
"Like we'd want to," Hidan muttered darkly. I smirked and Catherine continued like she hadn't heard the dig "-you guys'll have to pair up somehow. I'll take you upstairs. Rian, you coming?"
"Yeah," I sighed. Great. They're leaving me by myself to get groceries? Wonderful.
"Since we've magically added nine more guests, I'll go back to the store and get more food." I grabbed my keys after putting the cold items away to see Tobi, much to my surprise, detach himself from the group and intercept me at the door. Out of the Akatsuki, I found Tobi the most tolerable, maybe Konan (from what I knew of her) and Itachi (since he rarely spoke at all) second and third.
"Tobi wants to come. Tobi will be a good boy. Can Tobi come?" I grinned at his childishness and slipped out the door, him right behind me.
"Tobi, you can't wear a mask. Or the cloak." He wagged a finger at me as I got in my Jeep and cast a genjutsu on himself. Now, he wore a hoodie like me (but red, not grey) and the same black pants with a turtleneck underneath to help cover his face.
Jeez. Secrecy much? He's nearly as bad as Kakashi-
"Excuse me?" Uh, oh. Did I say that out loud? I covered my mouth as I backed out the driveway. Oh, crap.
"Nothing, nothing. Just trying to remember what to get from the store. Hop along behind me, okay?"
"Tobi be a good boy. Tobi follow and not get lost!" I started laughing as I drove down the street. He's so weird. I'm going to have an interesting time with him at the store. A little while later I pulled into the Giant Eagle parking lot and grabbed a cart out of a nearby shopping cart drop-off.
Tobi was waiting for me by the floral section, sniffing at some flowers. He cocked his head at me as I came up "Tobi is confused. Why do the flowers not smell?"
I cautiously tapped the leaves of the red Rose plant, then grinned, "Don't they have fake flowers in your world, Tobi? They're for decoration so people don't have to worry about taking care of them. That's why it doesn't smell".
"But they're not as pretty as the real thing, are they, Aya-chan?" I turned towards him with a frown as we began to walk down the aisles, "Where'd you hear my name, Tobi?"
"The other two talk a lot, Aya-chan. While we waited for you to come home, they talked about you and hoped you were okay, " he paused as I grabbed a couple gallons of milk, "Kakuzu's lactose intolerant. If you get that, you can't let it get in Kakuzu's food."
I just shrugged and walked onward down the aisles and Tobi moved to catch up with me, "I'll be careful. I'm not so stupid as to try to poison him. Give me some credit, Tobi." As we meandered through the fruit section, I curiously picked up a pluot (1) and turned it around and around. Giving it to Tobi, I wandered farther down to see "grape-tasting apples" (2) and, picking one package up, put it into the cart with the other foodstuffs.
"Can we get some of these pluots?"
I frowned at him. I didn't even know what they were-and gasped in horror at Tobi's hoodie.
"TOBI! Did you eat one? You didn't eat one in the store, did you? You did. Jesus Christ." I whacked him with a spork (always kept one incase Catherine or Rian and I had a fight and I got kicked out of the house. They make great lockpicks. If those fail, I use a screwdriver), which, of course, just slid off his hoodie. I groaned.
"Tobi didn't eat any of them! Honest! Tobi is a good boy," he drew me aside as I reluctantly let him fill a bag full of pluquots "Leader needs Tobi to ask you something. Leader wants to know how you three know about us." I facepalmed as we moved farther back through the store towards the meat section. I totally forgot that they didn't know that they didn't exist here! Idiot idiot idiot! Catherine is going to spork my eyes out and beat me with a rusty spoon. I am going to DIE. Tobi interrupted my train of thought with a-
"-We heard Catherine talking about us...and Tobi is confused about why Rian wanted to shut her up...we threatened them after that."
...never mind. I will spork Catherine's eyes out instead. And then beat her with a stick and a rusty spoon. She is going to GET IT when I get home.
...unless the other members of the Akatsuki get her first. Then I'll bring her back and then beat her with a stick.
Tobi was waving his hand in front of my face, and I didn't realize that I had stopped. Blinking and shaking my head, I resumed looking for the different meats and cuts, and ended up grabbing several steaks and left orders of specially sliced beef for me to pick up. I was the designated chef, while Catherine did our laundry (a few carefully planned mishaps with doubly concentrated clothes detergent rid me of the job) and Rian the dishes and vaccuuming. We all took turns taking out the trash.
"Ummmmmmm...," I stalled "It's kinda complicated. You guys...don't exist here. You live in a different dimension."
"I gathered that," said Tobi dryly "Tobi isn't an utter moron. Tobi smart." I chuckled nervously and continued onward, "Ninja don't exist here, but there's a show and manga made by Masasashi Kishimoto , and according to him, anyway, "I rolled my eyes "You're made up. Currently, you are in the United States of America, in the state of Florida, located nearby Gainesville, which is south-east of the capital city, Tallahassee".
His silence started to make me nervous, so I blurted out a question, "So how did you get here? I can't imagine that you just poofed away. Did a jutsu go wrong or something?" We moved further along towards the store, in the canned food aisle, before he spoke.
"I don't really know. Tobi is confused. Tobi remembers us all together for something, and then something went wrong and there was a big BOOM." After I moved to the front of the store and checked out, I asked "Was a lot of chakra released?"
"Yeeees...but there was no one around. We made sure of that," He helped me unload the cart's contents into the back of my silver Nisssan Desert Runner, then got into the front with me, "Why does curious Aya ask? Akatsuki needs to figure out how to get back". Without asking, he got in the passenger seat of the car and I helped him buckle himself in.
"I suppose I just want to hear more about where you guys lived and how things happen from your point of view. Your take on things must've been interesting." That was an understatement "But enough about that. How do you think the others'll react when they hear what I just told you?"
All the answer that I got was a lift of the shoulders in reply. Tobi seemed to be as unsure as me, which is odd in and of itself. Unless..."Tobi not know. Tobi new. But I was wondering...when was this photo taken?" I turned my head as the car moved forward to see the picture that I kept in the passenger's compartment. I grinned.
"That photo was taken in the aftermath of cotton candy fight at the school during a festival," I was on the left, Catherine in the middle, and Sarah on the right. I had brown curly hair and eyes, Rian dark-blonde and Catherine reddish-brown hair. Rian had green eyes and so did Catherine. I was a half-inch shorter than Rian, and Catherine was a few inches shorter than me, "-it took forever for us to get the smell out, after. I don't think my hair had ever been so clean!"
We laughed as I pulled in the driveway. We both got out and began to get groceries out of the trunk. Somehow, I had a feeling that it would be okay...for the time being.
AN: (1)- A pluot is a cross between a kumquot and a plum. They're good but pretty sweet (I'm a very picky eater)
(2)-Grape-tasting apples (also called Grapples) do exist, though I haven't seen them very often. I don't like grapes, but they're interesting to try once. Call them a novelty.
Thanks to Snowshadows for her encouragement and my best friends (they share an account) ShikaSennyo for reviewing and giving positive feedback!
The next chapter will start right where this one ends...I should have it up in a week or so. Review (constructive criticism) and no flames! Thanks!