In Life and Death

by Chasyn

On hiatus indefinitely. Sora goes to the hospital complaining of a stomach ache and finds out he's pregnant? Riku's the other father? What's up with the creepy doctor? And computer hacker? And some guy is plotting to kidnap the baby? MPREG Sora , Riku/Sora, and OC's.

20. Not Without You

In Life and Death
Chapter 20: Not Without You

The voices swarmed around like annoying, buzzing insects. All were recognizable expect one and that one was becoming increasing familiar. It was frustrating, hearing the voices and feeling the touches but not being able to respond or move. How long at it been? Was he dead? What happened? Mom? Kairi? Riku?

"Riku?" His throat felt dry and scratchy and it didn't sound like his voice. He tried to sit up but his head started spinning. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself. His throat tickled with each breath. Opening his eyes offered no help, it was pitch black.

"Riku!" He called louder. He couldn't see anything, but he assumed that was because it was dark wherever he was. Hadn't he just heard someone announce it was late? Wasn't it Riku? How long ago was that? Was he all alone now?

He tried to sit up again, slower this time, but was stopped. He felt something on his chest then and something wrapped around his arm. He knew they must have been wires of some sort. He could hear the incessant beeping of what he assumed was a heart monitor. But he couldn't stop the panic.

"RIKU!" He heard a crash followed by a string of curses.

The light was flipped on and he was blinded again. He threw his arm over his face, blocking out the intruding light.

"Sora?"

He felt the weight on the bed and a hand pried his away. "Riku!" He reached up and pulled the older boy on top of him.

Riku put his arms out to catch himself. "Sora, you're okay."

Sora's grip only intensified.

Kairi appeared beside them having been woken by the commotion Riku made. "Sora?"

"Call Ally." Riku waved her away.

She nodded and darted out to find her phone.

Riku moved into a sitting position and pulled the brunette into his lap. "Sora?" He repeated the name again and still he didn't move.

"What happened?"

Riku looked up as Rain stepped in the room. "I don't know." He reached around and pried Sora's arms from his neck. "Sora?"

Sora opened his eyes and blinked a few times. It took a moment for him to focus. "Where…" His voice was hoarse.

"You're in your room Sora."

Rain disappeared out the door and returned a moment later with a glass of water.

Sora took the offered glass with a timid smile, brought it to his lips, and took a sip. His throat instantly felt better. "What… happened?"

Kairi appeared in the doorway. "Ally's on her way."

Sora looked over at her, confusion written on his face. "Who's Ally?"

Rain, Kairi, and Riku all exchanged glances and looked away. None of them wanted to give him answers.

"Riku… what's going on?" He looked around the room, noticing for the first time that everything was gone. The bassinets, the changing table, and the small dresser that was full of clothes. "Where are they?"

Riku flinched and bit his lip. He was dreading his moment. He knew how hard it was for him to deal with their deaths. He feared the news would kill the brunette.

Sora's eyes widened when he still didn't get an answer. "Damnit!" He screamed. "Where are they? You can't keep them from me!"

"Sora… I'm not…"

"Give them to me!"

"Sora…" Riku didn't expect that someone who had been in a coma, trapped in a bed and unmoving, for three weeks would be able to do much of anything. So he was caught completely off guard when Sora started flailing. He used his legs try and kick him off and his arms to push him away. Riku was momentarily dazed when Sora's fist connected with his jaw.

Sora tore at the wires and IV's that connected him to the beeping machines. He scrambled to free himself from the tangle of his blanket as well. He lost the battle with both and fell out of the bed, pulling one of the monitors down with him.

Kairi had slipping out of the room at some point and Rain was blocking the entrance. Riku lurched forward and caught the monitor before it fell and righted it.

Sora was still tangled and flailing on the floor. He couldn't get to his feet.

"Sora, STOP! Sora!" Riku grabbed him and wrestled him back on the bed, but Sora still wouldn't give up. "Stop!"

"No!"

"Ally's here!" Kairi called loudly.

Rain stepped inside as Ally hurried past. "Hold him down."

"What's that?" Riku asked, eyeing the needle that she was holding.

Sora hadn't seen it and he wasn't paying attention to the nurse. "Let me go!" He screamed.

"A mild sedative." She answered.

"You stupid, fucking, kidnapping, pervert! Give them back!"

Riku ignored Sora's words and used all his weight to hold the brunette as still as possible.

Sora hissed loudly as he felt the needle pierce his skin.

"How fast does it…" Riku felt Sora slacken. "… work? That fast, huh?" He breathed out a sigh of relief and climbed off the bed.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Rain and Kairi had gone back to sleep shortly after Sora had been sedated. Riku sat in the silence of the kitchen. He didn't hear Ally as she came down the hall. She looked as tired as he did as she pulled out the chair opposite of him and sat down. They sat there in silence for a while before Riku sighed. "So what do I do now?" His voice was full of sadness and fatigue. He leaned back in his chair and lifted his head to meet her gaze.

"Right now… you wait for him to wake up."

"How long is that going to take now?" He asked softly.

She shrugged. "Eight to twelve hours. He needs it."

"He's been asleep for three weeks."

She dipped her head. "Yes. But it's a restless sleep. After a while, the body starts to… degenerate. When you don't use your muscles, you start to lose them. So… even though he was only awake for a matter of minutes, he exhausted himself with both the physical and emotional stimuli."

Riku wasn't completely sure he understood but he trusted her words. He sighed and rubbed his head. "Okay. He's going to wake up. Tomorrow. What if he freaks out again? Will he?"

She sighed softly and dipped her head again. "I can't predict that. But my guess is… you're going to have to be... gentle with him. Very, very gentle. Both emotionally and physically until he completely recovers."

Riku nodded slowly. "How long will that take?"

"That will depend on him. And you."

Riku nodded again and they were lost in silence until he got up and walked over to the refrigerator. "Sometime to drink?"

Ally turned in her chair and nodded. "Juice."

He pulled out a carton of orange and one of apple and held them up.

"Orange."

He set it on the counter and returned the apple to the refrigerator.

"Can I ask you a question?"

The way she said it made Riku flinch. "Sure." He said it slowly as he began pouring juice into the two glasses he pulled from the cabinet.

"The story of the appendicitis and the resulting coma as a spontaneous reaction to anesthesia… I accepted it because… I liked you all the moment I met you." Her eyes were on his back as she spoke. Watching for any change in his demeanor, she continued. "And I wasn't too happy working in that nursing home. So… I ignored the fact that you all were hysterical, far beyond the worry over a coma stricken friend. Especially since he was in good condition. I ignored the fact that his appendix scar is in the wrong spot and the stretch marks and the odd weight deposits. I ignored all the secret whispers and the fact that you keep your bedroom locked and I've never seen you go in or out. And the one time I thought you were, you saw me come out of Sora's room and you turned away. I can even ignore what happened last night. He said, 'Give them to me.' He called you a kidnapper."

After pouring the glasses and returning the carton, he carried both glasses to the table. He set them down and took a seat. "He was… confused." His eyes didn't lift from the table.

"I have no doubt that he is." She paused. "I can tell there's some big secret. I won't ask because I know if I was going to be told the truth, I would have been. But I can't help but speculate. Some theories have found their ways into my head."

"Such as?" Honestly, he was curious. The appendicitis lie was a last minute afterthought. It came to him moments before she first came over.

"A tumor, though to cause such stretch marks… it would have to had been very big and would have had to grow over a long period of time. Why he would wait so long… obliviously munny is not a question."

Riku smiled slightly, his eyes still on the table.

"Next… is some kind of botched plastic surgery." She leaned on the table. "Liposuction or some weird procedure. Get the wrong surgeon and they can easily screw up. I have a third theory… But that doesn't isn't plausible either." She shook her head slowly. "So for now, I will just keep wondering. But I will give you this to think about. If he's lost something… or someone… while he was in the coma… if he's delusional about it… you're going to have to really be careful with how you deal with it."

With a nod, he lifted his head to meet her gaze. "Ally… there is a secret…" He said slowly. "I would love to tell you. But… while I am involved… it's not my secret to tell."

"I understand." She stifled a yawn and shook her head. "Now… I'm going home and crawling into bed. I'm supposed to come back at eight… but if you don't mind… it's been a long night and I'd love to sleep in. He should be fine but if not, I'll be on the other end of my phone. If he wakes up or flips out again, call me."

"Thank you, Ally. I really appreciate all you've done."

She smiled. "I know. See you tomorrow. Or later today. Try and get some sleep. And don't worry so much."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Riku yawned and stretched and rubbed at his neck. He'd fallen asleep in the chair again. He rubbed at his eyes as he sat up. "Sora?"

The brunette was lying flat on his back. His eyes were on the ceiling and his cheeks were stained with tears. He said nothing as he blinked and more tears fell down his face.

Riku rose and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?"

Sora blinked a few more times before he answered. His eyes were still on the ceiling. "No." He voice that came from his lips sounded as far from his as if he meowed. It was low, it was hoarse, and it sounded like someone resolved to death.

Riku swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "Can I… do something? Get you something?" Gingerly he put his hand on Sora's arm. He got no response from the gesture. "I can call the nurse if it's a side effect from the sedative she gave you last night."

"No." Sora blinked again as fresh tears spilled out. "I feel fine." He said, stressing the word feel. "But I'm not fine."

"Sora…" Riku started slowly. "I don't know how to tell you this…"

"Don't say it." He blinked tears again. "I know what happened."

"You… know?"

"I know enough for now. You can give me the full story later but right now I don't think I can't take it."

"Sora…" Riku scooted closer to him and pulled his legs up on the bed. He had just enough room to lie down on his back beside the brunette. He brushed his shoulder against Sora's but made no other move to touch him. Mimicking him, Riku turned his gaze to the bleak, white ceiling. He wondered exactly what Sora knew and how. He knew there was nothing he could say to change or lessen the pain. He couldn't do anything. And it was killing him.

Sora's eyes were still on the ceiling when he silently moved his hands to his stomach, as he had done do many times over the past months. There was nothing there anymore. No protruding bump. No fluttering movements. Nothing.

Riku felt the movement against his arm. Silently, he rolled over on his side and lifted his hand to rest it on Sora's. "Sora…" It was barely a whisper. "I just want you to know… I love you. It… this…" His fingers brushed against the ring on Sora's finger. "It wasn't about… them… I love you."

Sora rolled over on his side towards him and threw his arms around him. He buried his head against Riku's chest as he felt the strong arms wrap around him. He couldn't control himself then.

Riku held him close as sobs racked his deflated frame.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Riku?" She whispered it as softly as she could as she slipped inside the silent room. "You awake?"

Riku rolled over, slowly as to not wake Sora, and looked up as Kairi stood over him.

Kairi's eyes moved to Sora's sleeping form. He looked better and she knew the reason was Riku.

Sora shifted in his sleep and tightened his grip around Riku's waist. The movement pulled him closer and he snuggled against him again.

Riku didn't breathe until he was certain Sora was still asleep.

"How is he?" Kairi knelt down by the bed.

"Exhausted. He spent all morning crying."

"You told him?"

Riku shook his head slowly. "No. I was going to but… he said he already knew."

She nodded and breathed out a soft sigh. "Can I… do something? Get you something? Lunch is ready."

He smiled. "I think I'll pass."

She resisted the urge to smack him and stuck her tongue out instead. "Rain made it, not me. Promise."

"I should stay here."

"You should eat something. He should too. Ally got here about an hour ago. She's made some kind of soup broth thing that she says will be easy on his stomach."

He shook his head. "He's still sleeping."

"He can sleep later. You both need to eat. Now. So either you wake him up or I'll get Ally and Rain and we will make you."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Yes mom."

Kairi smiled in triumph and silently slipped out of the room.

Riku sighed softly. He knew Kairi was right. His stomach had been protesting for over an hour. But after the weeks of worrying, he was enjoying the feel of Sora pressed against him. "Sora." He said softly and got no response. "Sora? You need to wake up now."

Sora pulled tighter against him, refusing to wake up.

"Sora." Riku pulled away slightly and repeated the name, louder. "Sora." He smiled when he saw the brunette open his eyes. "Good morning, love."

Sora smiled for a moment and tipped his chin up to touch his lips to Riku's. The kiss was soft and lasted only a second before he pulled away and sat up. The smile melted from his face and he rubbed at his eyes.

"Ally and your mom made lunch." Riku said, sitting up.

"Ally…"

"Oh…" He smiled and scratched at the back of his head. Of course Sora didn't know her. He'd gotten used to seeing her and talking to her on a daily basis, but Sora had yet to really meet her. "Uh… the nurse… who drugged you last night."

Sora nodded his head slowly and pulled his knees up to his chest. He hugged them as he rested his head.

"She says you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

Riku reached over and put a hand on Sora's shoulder. "Sora... you're never going to get better if you don't let me take care of you."

"I don't want to get better." Sora shook the hand off. "Just leave me alone. Let me sit here and rot."

"Sora you don't mean that." He moved closer and grabbed Sora's chin, forcing him to look at him. "I know it hurts. I know it feels like the end and you feel like nothing will ever make you happy or smile again. But I promise. I will do everything I can to lessen that hurt. We'll make it through the pain."

"Together?"

"Together."

Sora wrapped his arms around Riku's neck. "I love you."

"Come on. If we don't hurry, we're going to have three angry women after us."

Sora pulled away and sighed. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and forget how to breathe. But he had a feeling they wouldn't let him do that. "How long has it been?" He asked softly.

"A little over three weeks."

"I've been in here for three weeks?"

Riku nodded. "Pretty much."

Sora looked down. "Can I… can you… help me… I want to take a shower."

"Sure. Let me go tell Kairi first. She tends to get a little impatient."

Sora nodded and lowered his head to rest his chin on his knees again.

Riku was out the door and down the hall when Kairi poked her head out of the kitchen. She heard the door open. "Is he okay?" Ally and Rain appeared beside her.

"Yeah. But uh… I'm going to help him get a shower and get dressed. Then we'll be out."

Ally crossed her arms and smiled. "You remember what I said this morning."

Riku frowned. "My only concern is helping him."

"Really?"

He shook his head slowly but a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "Right now, yes."

Kairi crossed her arms, clearly upset that she wasn't in on whatever joke was being shared. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing." Ally smiled as she turned back to the kitchen. "Just be careful. He shouldn't be on his feet too much."

Riku nodded and hurried back down the hall to Sora's room.

Sora had moved towards the edge of the bed. His feet were dangling and he looked up as Riku came back in. "They won't work."

"What?"

"My legs. They don't work right."

Riku walked towards him and nodded. "Ally mentioned something about muscle degeneration. You have to take it slow and build yourself back up."

Sora sighed as Riku picked him up, the gesture reminiscent of the many times he'd done so before. Except there was one difference. Sora closed his eyes against the threatening tears and leaned his head against Riku's shoulder. "I don't like this." He mumbled.

"Sorry, but Ally says you shouldn't be on your feet." Once inside the bathroom, he gingerly set Sora down on his feet.

Sora leaned against him and watched as he pulled the shower curtain back. "You sure mention her a lot." He said, breaking the silence and trying to distract himself from thinking too much.

"Who?"

"That nurse."

"Ally?" Riku straightened after he turned the water on and turned to smile at Sora. "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

Sora looked away for a second, thinking. "No, not really. At least I don't think so. It's just weird to listen to you talk about someone I haven't met."

He laughed. "Technically… you have."

"You know what I mean." Sora stuck his tongue out.

"Well… she's been here every day since…" He stopped and looked away. "I wasn't doing so well." He said slowly. "Actually… I wasn't doing much of anything at all until yesterday morning. Ally… she… helped to keep me relatively sane. Rain and Kairi, too."

Sora wrapped his arms around Riku's neck. "I know the situation was weird… but I… was really happy. I really was. With you… with… them… I wanted them so much."

"I know, I know."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Damnit Riku! I just finished drying off."

After Sora finished his shower and had been helped him back to his room, Riku took a quick shower. He was in and out in less than five minutes. He also had called Connie to inform her that Sora was awake and he would have to cancel. He promised to call and reschedule and keep her informed. Now he stood behind Sora, smiling broadly after having shaken his wet hair in the brunette's direction. He smiled and grabbed the brush Sora had been using. After running it through his hair a few times, he dropped it on the bed. "Come on. Can't stall anymore."

"I'm not stalling." Sora mumbled. "I would just rather be alone."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Riku said softly, watching Sora in the mirror.

"I didn't mean alone-alone." He turned. "I meant you and me alone. One night, just you and me. I'm tired of the fawning."

"You've been awake for less than a day. And you've slept through most of it."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Then I don't want the fawning to start. I want to sit and cry until I can't feel anymore. And I don't want them to stand over me, worrying."

"We can do that. But another day. Today, your mom and Kairi want to see you. And Ally wants to keep an eye on you."

"There you go again, bringing her up."

Riku smiled but ignored the comment. "You've had us all worried for a long time. You can fall apart later. I'll pick up the pieces."

Sora nodded as Riku put an arm around his shoulders. The movement still felt awkward but he was slowly regaining control of his legs. He let Riku help him down the hall but let go of him as they walked into the kitchen.

Rain jumped up from her seat at the kitchen table when she saw him. "Oh honey!" She tried to hold back the tears as she wrapped her arms around him. "I was so worried."

"I'm okay." His voice was small.

She released him and patted his back. "I know, I know sweetie."

Kairi stood up more slowly than Rain had and gave him a quick hug. "I'm glad you're awake." She said softly and turned back to the table.

Ally smiled as she stepped forward and held out her hand. "I'm Allisabeth. Most call me Ally."

"Yeah." Sora shook her hand.

"I'm glad to see you're recovering from your anesthesia induced coma. Right?" She looked over at Riku, who scratched at his neck and looked away.

"Yeah." Sora said slowly. "Anesthesia… from… the operation?"

"Appendicitis." Riku mumbled.

Sora sighed and shook his head. They were gone and he still had to lie.

"I'm sorry." Ally said softly, reading his expression. "I shouldn't have said anything."

The lunch that followed was silent and awkward. Ally sensed the tension and with a smile and promise to be back to check on things tomorrow, she left. Afterwards, the four of them sat in the living room.

Sora looked around at them and they all avoided his gaze. "Where are they?"

"Sora…"

"No… I'm okay. I have to know."

Riku nodded and stood up. Without a word, he headed down the hall. Nobody said anything until he returned a moment later. In his hands he carried a small purple and gray ceramic jar wrapped in a white baby blanket.

Sora said nothing as he accepted the urn from Riku. He lowered it to his lap, his eyes glued to it. It was heavier than he thought it would be. "What happened?" He asked slowly.

Riku sighed heavily as he sat down on the chair opposite of Sora. "Gliss was born first." He said slowly. "She seemed fine. Perfect. Your eyes." The smile that curled his mouth faded almost instantly. "I never got to see Roko. He was born… dead. He got tangled in his umbilical cord and…he suffocated. Right after you… uh… I'm still not completely sure. Something tore and you had internal bleeding. You died on the table. I… got kicked out after that. We were told later that Gliss had a heart defect they didn't discover when she when she was born. If they had… but between trying to revive Roko and save you…"

Sora nodded slowly, his eyes still on the urn. "I don't understand. I felt them. Up until I went in that room… I felt them. I swear I did."

"Veera said Roko had been dead at least a week. There's a small chance that if it was done sooner, he might have lived, but Gliss would have still died. If it were done later… you all would have died before making it to the hospital."

Rain leaned forward, peering at Sora. "I know it's horrible, sweetie, but we are lucky you're still with us."

Sora ignored her. "I felt him. I felt them both. I know I did. I think." He shook his head and rubbed at his eyes. "Veera said all this?"

"Yeah." Kairi answered when no one else did. "We haven't heard from her since though."

Sora looked up at Riku. "You held Gliss… you got to see her and got to hold her."

"I took a picture too, with my cell phone."

"The phone you lost?" Riku had mentioned it when they were in the bathroom.

Riku nodded. "I tore the whole apartment apart. I've searched the van, the parking lot, every piece of clothing that it could be stuck in. I don't think we'll ever see it again. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Sora's gaze dropped to the urn again. "It's… mine. You all were right. All along. I put all my trust in a doctor I didn't know. I should have… I don't know. Gotten a second opinion or found a specialist or something. Or been hospitalized. Maybe if I had…"

"Don't do this to yourself sweetie. You did what you thought best. Babies are never an easy thing. No pregnancy is a guarantee. Maybe, one day when you're ready, you boys can try again."

Sora said nothing as he hugged the urn to his chest. "I'm tired."

Riku nodded and started to get up.

"I want to go alone." The brunette got up and left without waiting for an answer.

Riku fell back in his chair and slouched down in it. "Fuck. Things are never going to be okay again."

Rain reached over to clap him on the knee. "They won't be the same, but they'll be alright. Just give it time, okay?"

"I guess."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Sweetie, I have a stewardess conference to go to in Lamonatte. Will you be okay for a couple of days?"

Sora glanced up as Rain came into the living room. He was sitting on the chair with Riku on the floor in front of him. He was running his fingers through the long, silver hair, trying to keep his mind from thinking by memorizing each lock. Some movie was playing on the television but Sora found it boring after a few minutes.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah mom, I'll be fine."

She didn't look convinced. "Oh I wish I could skip it. But I really do have to go."

"Go. I'll be fine."

She still didn't move.

Riku turned slightly to look up at her. "It'll be fine. I promise."

She sighed but nodded and left shortly after.

Sora let out a loud sigh and leaned back in the chair. "Finally. I thought they'd never all be gone."

Riku laughed. "They'll all be back soon enough."

"Don't remind me." He groaned.

Riku turned slightly and looked back at him. "So what do you want to do?"

Sora shrugged. "I don't know. Can we… go somewhere?"

"Where?"

Sora shrugged. "I don't care. Shopping? Or just a walk or drive. Anything. I just want out."

"Sure, if you feel up to it." Riku shrugged and leaned back against him.

"I do!"

"Okay… let's see… there's a park not too far away. Nice trees and pretty quiet. We could go for a walk."

"I'll be ready in a minute."

Riku smiled as he watched him bounce off. Maybe what Rain said the other day was correct. Maybe everything would be alright.

But things weren't alright. The moment they got to the park, they spied a woman with a stroller. She stopped, bent over, and pulled the small, giggling baby out.

"Get me out of here!"

So they went back to their apartment and Sora said nothing for the rest of the evening.

"I'm sorry." Riku said, apologizing. "I wasn't thinking when I suggested it. We can try again tomorrow."

But tomorrow had been the same. They went shopping and had to leave when they came across baby clothes. The grocery store had baby food and formula. A children's movie had just opened and the theater was packed with parents and their kids.

"This isn't fucking fair!" Sora screamed after he slammed the front door closed. "I did everything she said! I followed all her rules. I changed my diet. I took the damn vitamins. I kept it a secret from people who could be dangerous. I had appointments every two weeks and was always early. She gave me a deadline and I took it easy when she said to. I read the books. I watched parenting documentaries. I went shopping. I was ready! I was prepared! I know mom and Kairi liked to tease me but I was ready. And anything I didn't know I would have learned along the way." He was babbling then and started repeating himself as the tears came. "I was ready. I was ready!"

Riku gripped his shoulders tightly. "I know. I know."

Sora pulled away from him and ran down the hall. His door slammed shut shortly after.

"Damnit!" Riku kicked at the coffee table and sent it flying.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

It was getting late and Riku hadn't heard a peep out of Sora's room for a while. His kick to the coffee table had broken one of the legs and cracked the top. It was now sitting in the dumpster outside.

He turned off the television and stood up. He had been mindlessly flipping through it for the past few silent hours. He walked down the hall and paused. He wanted to knock on Sora's door but he thought better of it and opened his own. He left his light off and fell into the bed without taking his clothes off. He closed his eyes and thought he heard a door open.

A few minutes passed and his door opened. "Riku?"

"Sora?" Riku sat up in bed and saw the movement. "Don't turn on the light."

"Why?"

The light flipped on, illuminating the various baby things Riku had hidden away. "Damnit! I said not to Sora."

Sora's eyes widened and his bottom lip quivered.

Riku jumped up and pushed Sora out. He slipped the light off and shut the door. "You weren't supposed to see."

"You kept it all…"

"I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I hid it. I couldn't deal with it and I didn't want you to see it."

Sora nodded slowly and looked at the floor.

Riku grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards his room. "Come on. Get some sleep. Your mother will be here tomorrow. Got to prove to her that we can take care of ourselves or she'll never leave us alone again." He gave Sora a small push and guided him to his bed.

Sora stopped and turned around. He bit his lip. "Riku... can I... just uh..." His voice was small and barely audible as he looked up to meet Riku's eyes.

Riku sighed. "What Sora? What do you want?"

"You." He wrapped his arms around Riku's neck and pulled him into a kiss. He tightened his grip and pulled Riku backwards towards the bed with him.

Riku knew better. He knew he did. But it had been so long since he really got to touch the brunette and after almost a month of worrying about him, not doing so was driving him crazy. He wrapped his arms around the smaller waist, earning himself a moan from the brunette.

Sora was getting impatient as he pulled at Riku's shirt. The skintight fabric was giving him a hard time.

Riku pulled away long enough to pull the shirt over his head.

Sora shed his own and latched back onto Riku's neck, pushing their bare chests together.

"I love you." Riku whispered as he trailed kisses down Sora's neck.

Sora's grip around Riku's neck tightened, drawing himself closer to the silver haired teen. He brought his lips to the other's ear and let his teeth nibble slightly on the lobe. "Do it Riku... hurt me... make me scream..."

Riku's breath hitched as he felt the breath against his ear. It took a moment for the brunette's actual words to sink in. "What?"

"Please Riku! I need it!" Sora lifted his hips, clashing his body hard against Riku's, earning a moan from the boy above him. Tears streamed from Sora's eyes as he pushed his lips hard against Riku's in desperation.

Leaving one arm to keep balance, Riku lifted the other to pry Sora's own from his neck. A look of disgust washed over his face as he pushed the brunette down.

"Wait! Riku!" Sora latched onto his arm, trying to pull him back.

Wrenching his arm out of reach, Riku slid off the bed. He bent over to grab his shirt.

"Riku!" Sora jumped off the bed and grabbed for him again. He tried to put his arms around him and kiss him, but Riku pulled away again.

"Stop it. I'm not going to fuck you so you don't have to think about them."

Sora glared at him and pushed him. "What? You'll only fuck me when I'm drunk?"

"Go to sleep Sora." Riku turned and headed out the door.

"I don't want to sleep." Sora followed close behind. "I want you."

Riku stopped as he reached the end of the hall. He felt Sora's breath on his back and his arms as they slid around his waist. He was having trouble thinking straight and he was feeling himself giving in. "Stop."

Sora slid around Riku and pushed him against the hall. "You don't really want me to stop." He fingered the button on Riku's pants. He dropped to his knees and pulled at that button.

"Stop." He grabbed Sora's arms and pushed him. He turned away and didn't look back as he headed for the front door. Grabbing the keys off the table, he slipped out and slammed the door behind him.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Sora looked up as he heard Riku's bedroom door open. He was sitting in the living room, leafing through a magazine. "So you did come back."

Riku sighed and rubbed at his forehead tiredly. It was after ten in the morning. He didn't get much sleep last night. "I was only gone for about an hour. You were asleep when I got back."

"Where'd you go?"

Riku shrugged as he turned for the kitchen. "Nowhere."

"To find someone else?"

He stopped and turned. "What?"

Sora dropped the magazine on the couch beside him. "Well you wouldn't fuck me last night. Tell me though. Was it a he? Or a she?"

"What?" He wasn't sure which he was more furious about. The fact that Sora insinuated that he was cheating or that it was with a girl.

"You've been flirting with that Ally every chance you get and I know about Connie. You've been seeing her for a long while. Even when I was pregnant. Kairi said you had a date with her the day after I woke up. Pity you had to cancel."

Riku was speechless for a second. He opened his mouth and closed it once before shaking his head. "Wow… do you honest think that?"

Sora crossed his arms and glared in answer.

"Sora… you were in a coma for three weeks. You've only been awake for a couple days. I'm not going to go anything that would hurt you or mess up your recovery. Ally said that…"

"There you go again. Bringing up your little girlfriend."

Riku clenched his fists and tried to keep his anger under control. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Oh yeah." Sora rolled his eyes. "I believe that." It was dripping with sarcasm.

"Look." He stepped closer and looked down at Sora. "I got in the van and I drove around in circles. I came home when I realized it was almost out of gas and I didn't have my wallet. You were asleep in your room. So I went to sleep in mine."

"I'm going to my room." Sora jumped up and pushed him out of the way. "I don't want to look at you right now."

Riku turned to watch him storm down the hall. "Fine. I'm leaving anyways. I got my job back."

Sora said nothing as he slammed the door.

Riku walked down the hall and stopped outside Sora's door. He reached for the doorknob and stopped as his fingers touched it. "You're mom should be here this afternoon. Will you be okay by yourself?" He got no answer. "Sora?"

"I'm not a fucking baby! Go away!"

Riku hesitated. "You can call me if you need something." His hand lingered on the door before he turned.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Sora?" He closed the door behind him and dropped his keys on the table beside it. "Sora?" He had a nagging feeling as he moved down the silent hall to his room. He hadn't heard from Sora all day. Granted, he could have called instead of waiting for the brunette. But in case he was still mad, Riku hadn't called. He didn't want to chance being yelled at for something he didn't do again.

He stopped outside Sora's door and knocked on it. "Sora?" No answer. "Sora, are you in there?" Nothing. "Look… I'm sorry about last night and this morning. You have to know I love you more than anything and I would never look at anyone else." He sighed when he still didn't get an answer and shook his head as he turned for his room.

He opened the door, flipped on the light, and his mouth dropped open. Gone. It was all gone. The dresser full of clothes, the beds, the tables. Everything.

"Sora?" He turned back towards Sora's door and pushed it open. It was empty. The bed was made, the floor had been picked up, and the dresser and table top had been cleared as well. He opened the closet and found it empty. He opened each dresser drawer. All were empty.

Everything was gone. He was gone.

Riku stepped backwards until he felt the bed on the back of his legs. He stumbled and fell backwards on it. A crinkling sound caught his attention and he found a folded piece of paper tucked under the corner of one of the pillows. His name was written on the front of it in Sora's sloppy handwriting.

Riku's heart fell as he unfolded it. He already guessed what it said.

Dearest Riku,

I know waiting for you to leave is a cop out. But I've already spoken with mom and she's going to help me pack and move my things when she gets here. I'm taking all of their stuff too. I know it hurts you to have it in your room. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the whole situation. I'm sorry I got pregnant and I'm sorry I let them die. Mostly I'm sorry that I have to leave. I'm sorry I didn't wait for you to get home but I didn't want you to try and stop me. I'm sorry for what happened last night and for what I said this morning. I didn't mean it. I love you, I do. But I can't be with you. Please don't follow me.

Sora

Riku read the letter a second and third time. He knew the words, he knew what they meant. But he was having trouble making sense of them.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Sora's number. It rang several times before he heard Sora's message. He hung up and dialed again. He dialed a third and fourth time and still didn't get an answer. He then tried Rain's number. She picked up after the second time.

"Riku…"

"Where's Sora?" He interrupted.

She seemed to hesitate before answering. "He's right here but he doesn't…"

"I want to talk to him."

"Riku… I think it would be best if you…"

"I want to talk to him now or I'm on the next ferry to the island." Riku snapped. "I'll swim the fucking channel if I have to."

"Just a minute." She sighed. "Talk to him Sora." Her voice was muffled.

"No." Riku heard Sora's voice.

"He's going to keep calling back."

"I don't want to."

"Talk to him now."

"Mom! Mom?" There was a groan. "What?"

Riku ground his teeth together as he spoke. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Moving out. I assume you've found my letter. Read the letter again if you don't understand."

Sora's calm tone pissed him off. "Fuck the letter. Why?"

Sora was silent for a minute. "Because."

"Why?" Riku demanded and didn't get an answer. "Damnit Sora. Give me a fucking answer!"

"I can't be around you." His voice was soft.

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts too much."

Riku sighed. "Sora, you can't run away from this." He didn't answer. "Sora… I love you."

"I know." Sora's voice was soft and sad. "I love you, too."

Riku threw up his free arm. "Then why?"

A long silence passed before Sora let out a soft sigh. "Because I can't do this again."

"What?"

"I can't get pregnant again." The words came out in a rush. "I can't spend months feeling them and talking to them and taking care for them and falling in love with them only to lose them again."

"Sora… you don't have to." Riku said softly. "We'll make sure it doesn't happen again if you don't want it to. I promise."

"Don't do that. Don't say that." Sora snapped. "You can't promise it won't. Every time we're together… I can't chance it."

"Then we don't have to."

Sora snorted. "You can live without sex?"

"Yes. As long as I have you in my life. I can control myself."

"I know." Sora said sadly. "I can't."

"Sora…."

"I was so mad last night when you left. You don't understand. Every time I'm in the same room with you… I just want to… uh!" He groaned. "The only reason I was able to keep my hands to myself before was… because I thought you were only around because of them. And when you told me you always loved me… I thought great because I wouldn't have to fight with myself anymore. And it's worse now. Hearing your voice is killing me!"

"Sora…"

"Stop talking, please! I know it hurts. But I can't chance this happening again. Please, just leave me alone. Don't call me anymore. I won't answer."

"I can't live without you!" The line went dead. "Sora?"

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

End of Chapter 20. Stay tuned for Chapter 21: What About Us?

Author's Notes: Honestly… did anyone think I'd really kill off Sora or leave him in a coma forever? Now that would be a plot twist. And people are complaining about cliff hangers. XD Really? You don't like cliffs? Fine. This wasn't a cliff. But it's certainly not a happy ending either. Sad.

And another note. I will still try and update every Wednesday like I have been. But up until this point, I've been working on chapters ahead. I've caught up, which means I just finished this one and haven't started on the next. Sucks as before I'd be working on two or three or more chapters ahead of the one I just posted. Ugh. So yeah. Enjoy the longer chapter because while I'm going to try to keep up my schedule, I can't promise.