Title: This Just Isn't My Day

By: Ice-Eagle Y'Siri

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or the Akatuski or anything associated with Naruto.

Summary: Normally, I'm a very calm person. So just imagine me coming home with my friends and the Akatsuki in my living room. And all I wanted was a simple vacation annoying the heck out of the preps next door. Great. Just. Great.

"Now," I started, "This is the Internet..."

7 hours later...

It was now close to seven thirty in the evening, and I had been pulled out of my room by Kisame to see everyone else arrive and dash into their rooms. I had to admit, the breeze that they created while moving so fast was quite refreshing. I heard the slam of our front door, then a couple of fwumps from downstairs. Hearing some grumbles and groans, I moved to see what the source of the noise was.

'Well', I thought as I looked around my kitchen and the human tangle of my two best friends sprawled on the ground, 'this wasn't what I expected. Though I suppose I should have by now.'

"Well, aren't you going to help us up?" I raised an eyebrow at my friends.

"Just what did you do to drop down on the ground like this?" Rian and Cat grimaced at the same time.

"Rian pissed off Kakuzu and well, you know how he is when he's mad..."

I just crossed my arms and leaned myself against the counter, still not helping them up, "Please, do inform me. I want to know what sort of mess you two got into this time around. At least you didn't spend six-no wait, seven-hours with a shinobi who was convinced he knew how to use a computer, then nearly blew up the damn thing, then nearly punched a hole in my wall when it froze. After that he tried to lock me in my room and sat sulking-"

"Aya-san, I was not sulking-"

"-outside my door until you all came home and then dragged me out when he saw you two on the floor."

"-I was just keeping watch until Leader-sama got back."

Catherine's mouth twitched, " Yeah, poor you. Pity us instead. As usual, Rian said a clueless comment-"

"-which wasn't really clueless at all, may I add-," Rian shut up when Catherine bopped her on the head.

"-and the next thing we both knew-though I still don't know how I was brought into the whole mess-we were sent flying across the football field. Konan had the good sense to catch us both, and Kakuzu contented himself with a combination of tickle torture with those freaky thread things of his and chasing us around till we nearly passed out."

My eyes widened, "The football field? You mean the soccer practice field, right? My boys'll have to play on the real football field when school starts back up again, ya know. And why did you guys decide to come to the school, of all places? I didn't think you hated the place that much."

Rian waved a hand dismissively, "Yeah, yeah, the soccer football practice field whatever place. Besides, the fields are outside, and at night they won't be seen. Besides, it's not like they have alarms or security cameras on the fields, anyway. We remembered your precious American football team, Aya. Chill. And anways, Pein and Konan hated everywhere else we went that we could think of."

"That still doesn't really explain why-"

"-It has markers for our eventual body-throwing competition, "We all jumped as Kakuzu appeared in the living room, "And I'm assuming that Leader will be using you three as our bodies. Presumably."

Following behind, we all settled ourselves in our favorite chairs and couches. Myself, I had a squishy brown leather la-z-boi I liked reading in. Rian and Catherine made themselves comfortable on the couch, while Kakuzu relaxed in a window seat. Then what the Akatsuki member just said sank in.

"Wait. Us? What did I do? Rian, what did you say to him?"

Rian (aka Best friend number one) looked uncomfortable, while Catherine (Best friend number two) managed the queer task of looking disgusted and amused. Confused, I looked back and forth between the two of them. Kakuzu was silent and stared at Rian.

"Why don't you tell her?" Rian snuggled farther into the couch, scowling at the greedy Akatsuki member.

"Do you want the threads chasing you again? I thought you learned the first time around. Better yet, I'll have Sasori make you his puppets for an hour."

Seeing movement on the ceiling, I flickered my gaze up and then down again, smirking. Being threatened with that frightening possibility, Rian let out a little shriek and finally fessed up, "I asked about his hearts."

Satisfied with making his point clear, Kakuzu looked out the window, content not to talk. I raised my eyebrows, "His hearts. You asked about his hearts. And he didn't kill you."

My best friend looked sheepish, "Well, not really his hearts. More like the mask things that cover his hearts. They're so creepy looking; they look like those Japanese whatchamacallems-uh-"

I suggested dryly, "-Noh masks?"

Rian beamed, "YES! Why couldn't he have at least one smile or something?"

Cat and I exchanged a glance. Rolling my eyes at Catherine, I replied, "Well, they serve their purpose, don't they?"

"Yeah," Rian frowned, "But they could psyche out the enemy even more. Well, even more than a freakish black thing lobbing Fireballs Of Doom would, I suppose."

Shaking my head, I focused on Kakuzu and the mass on the ceiling, "Back on the original conversation: One, I'm nobody's dummy for a body-throwing competition. Two, using genjutsu on me or my friends is cheating, Sasori, especially when you know we can't use jutsu or anything like that."

"WHAT? HE'S HERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? AYA!" I blinked innocently at the two troublemakers on the couch, then frowned at the freakishly loud volume. My headache was on the verge of coming back. I'll have to take some Advil or something soon.

"What?" Kakuzu looked up, waved, then turned his attention back outside.

"That's bordering on Satanic treatment! I don't want to die anytime soon!"

The black shadow faded into Sasori as he dropped to the ground, then somehow glided over to one of the remaining la-z-bois, "And I suppose becoming my puppet for a short time would have fit into that category?"

And Kakuzu said, "And? So what?"

Rian huffed, "Well, duh. I hate being controlled. Number two, I forgot that we were dealing with one of the most secular people in the world *cough* Kakuzu *cough*. Yeesh. Yeah, it sucks. Ninjas. Hmpf."

"I think the fact that the Akatsuki are ninjas is well-established, Rian-san. Kakuzu-san, isn't there some financial prize for the farthest body thrown in the body competition?"

I threw up my hands, "Why are we still talking about this? I'm not a body!"

"Who the hell's not a body?"

Hidan strode down the steps and leaned against the doorway and I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Oh, god. Another one. Just watch, Deidara is going to appear next. Why us?"

"Who the hell said they're not a damn body?"

I glared at all the fingers pointed at me, "I did, but I meant for the body-throwing competition."

I curled up in a ball when I saw Hidan scan me slowly up and down, then grin, "I feel violated. Get him to quit staring, seriously."

"Aw, poor little Aya doesn't like men checking her out?" I lobbed a pillow at the silver-haired ninja, which he ducked, calling out, "But Aya most definitely has a body."

I looked pleadingly at my friends, who looked as helpless as I did. Curling up even tighter in my chair, I pulled the blanket that was hanging over the back off and hid myself under it. Kakuzu (now that Sasori had mentioned money) had actually turned his head toward the center of the room and looked like he was paying a little attention to what was going on. Whoopee. Sasori, in the meanwhile, had leveled himself out of his seat and took a seat opposite Kakuzu and began to speak to him quietly, head lowered.

"I meant for the body-throwing competition, you twit. Now quit staring, or I'll sic Tobi on you."

Hidan scoffed at my threat, "Like I'm scared of that pansy. Gods above and below, the damned fool wouldn't even kill a baby rabbit."

I frowned, "Well, he couldn't have gotten in Akatsuki for nothing, though. And who would kill a baby rabbit? They're adorable, " then my eyes widened, "You've killed a baby rabbit? Why? Don't tell me you've used one for a ritual!"

Catherine and Rian had maneuvered themselves very quietly back in the sofa and peeked over the backside of it, watching our conversation. Catherine, hearing this, mouthed 'What the heck are you doing?' I just shook my head at my best friend.

The silver-haired ninja snorted, "Of course not. There isn't enough life force for Jashin in a baby rabbit. Yeesh. Besides, a shinobi's gotta have limits. And they taste gross."

"YOU'VE EATEN ONE?!" I shrieked, "A HARMLESS BABY RABBIT? HOW COULD YOU?"

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Jashin damn it all, Aya, calm the fuck down. And it was forty-ish years ago."

"A BABY RABBIT? WHY?"

Sasori and Kakuzu were drawn back into the conversation by my cries, looking bemused.

"Aya-san," asked Sasori cautiously, "What did Hidan-san do?"

I pointed an accusing finger at the accused man, "He ate a baby rabbit!"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow and said, "And?" just as Sasori replied, "So?"

I threw up my hands in defeat, "Ninjas! A. BABY. RABBIT."

While I sat sputtering, Rian and Catherine attempted to explain.

"You see, "Catherine began, "Aya used to have rabbits as did I, actually. Her name was Starry Night. And before she had pet rabbits, her and her family rescued baby rabbbits and took them to the shelters or released them into a wildlife preserve. So she's flabbergasted that Hidan would eat a baby rabbit. Although, " her nose wrinkled, "I do see her point. Eating a baby rabbit-much less killing one-would be gross. And sad. I couldn't do it."

Hidan had begun to look exasperated, "Jashin, Aya, it's just a baby rabbit. What's the deal? Sure, females think it's cute, but it's not like it missed out on a helluva lot anyway."

"You took away the chance of it having lots of little rabbits or running in freedom or smelling flowers!" I raved, "You took away the life it might..have..." I trailed off, following a stray thought.

Wait, wait, wait. Hidan had to kill or whatever to Jashin to keep his immortality. What if he killed humans for their-

"Years, "My eyes widened, "You ki-mmmph!" I gaped at the hand that covered my mouth, then was caught in his violet eyes.

"If you know any better, " Hidan rumbled, "You will not continue that sentence. Yes, it's what you think it is."

He slowly moved his hand away from me and backed off from my chair. My eyes narrowed at him, "That still doesn't change the fact that you killed a baby rabbit. And ATE it, for crying out loud."

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Can't we get off the Jashin-be-damned subject? I'm getting bored."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. Jeez, if I kept this up, my headache would come flying back. Not good for one who had a concussion, "Like your attention span is that great, anyway. What a surprise. What must be done to entertain you?"

The vulgar ninja grinned lecherously, "Well, having an orgy with a couple of-"

I covered my ears, "ARGH! NO FREAKING WAY! Virgin ears over here! Not in our house, thank you!"

All of the people in the room looked vaguely surprised, "You're a virgin, Aya?" asked Cat.

I blinked confusedly at her, "Well, I could ask a really stupid question that you would probably eviscerate me for, so I won't. But duh, I'm a virgin. I didn't want to get knocked up during senior year. Besides, my parents would probably disown me. And the issue has never really come up so far."

Hidan sat himself on the floor in front of my chair, "Now this is definitely interesting. Please, tell me more."

"I wouldn't, Aya-san, "Sasori's voice held a warning, "Hidan-san has the biggest mouth in the Akatsuki, if not in the ninja countries."

"Please, Aya-san," Kakuzu jumped in, "This isn't something I particularly want to know about."

I looked over to Cathering and nodded, then focused on Hidan, who was chortling, "Kakuzu-teme said please? Holy shit, man. You must be special, Aya, if you could get him to say please. It almost, "Hidan winked and I glared, "makes me jealous."

I just sighed. Hidan. What a punk. And a jerk. Cute, though-no, bad thoughts, bad thoughts!

" Well, whatever, " I shrugged, " I don't want to talk about my sex life with you. Stuff like that is personal."

The sighs of relief were probably audible from a hundred yards away. Yeesh. I didn't think that they minded that much. Crikey. Hidan turned himself around so he faced me on the floor, " Aw, you don't trust me?"

I just stared.

He's a ninja. An AKATSUKI S-class ranked ninja who's a sadistic bastard who has no reservations when it comes to killing people. He uses his rituals to prolong his own life and make him literally impossible to kill, betrayed his village, ate a baby rabbit (maybe more), and maybe killed his own family. Well, I might be exaggerating on the last one. And he has the almighty gall to ask about trust.

Good Christ.

"Duh. What did you think, I was Tobi? Not that I don't like him or anything..."

The violet-eyed ninja scowled at my friends' sniggers. Sasori and Kakuzu weren't helping by smirking, well, evilly. They are mass murderers, after all.

"I'm surprised," Rian piped up when Hidan looked about to explode, "That all of you ninja are so tolerant of us. Really. For supposedly psychotic ninja-"

"Rian! That's the second time you've put your foot in it today! " Catherine tried to hide herself under a manmade igloo that consisted of a grand total of three pillows. Smooth.

I snickered, "Well," I said thoughtfully, deciding to play along, "My friend does have a point, you know."

"Aya!"

I blinked innocently at the Talking Mound of Pillows That Was Cat on the couch, "What?"

We could all see the virtual steam climbing out of the Mound's earholes, "You know perfectly well what. Besides, I thought you were supposed to be the one with the sense of self-preservation, not me!"

"Now you know how I feel on a daily basis. Now you know what I put up with you people every single day. And you wonder about my sanity. Sheesh."

"Yeah, " Catherine's head peeked mournfully from behind the Mound, " I know. I actually feel...like I got to worry about you guys and getting in," her nose wrinkled, "What's that word? Trouble."

"Isn't that what it's normally called anyway, Catherine-san?"

Rian grinned at Kakuzu maniacally, "No. We call it art."

"What you sense, oh young child, " Sasori's voice was dry, "is the wonderful feeling of responsibility. Unfortunately for you, it grows as you get older."

I blinked at the puppet master. Dang. I didn't realize that these shinobi could actually be profound, though I suppose Sasori would now be excluded from that group. Maybe Itachi had the mental capacity to be philosophical, but he's too creepy and cold to pull it off successfully.

I jumped in thoughtfully, "I would have called it a conscience, but that works too, I suppose."

"Why thank you, O Wise One."

My eyes crinkled at Sasori and Cat. Rian spoke up again, " Well, back to what I had been saying earlier-"

I abruptly stood, pushing off of Hidan's shoulder, "-and that's as far we'll get on that subject, Rian. At least until later. I'm off to fix dinner."

"The hell? Can you be anywhere near the damned food and not kill us all if you mess up?"

I beamed at the assembled group in the room, "Good point. Well, who's volunteering to help?"

*cricket silence*.

*long cricket silence*. I glared. Everyone just stared back.

*the cricket got hoarse and shut up*

Fed up, I rolled my eyes, "Fine. I'll ask Zetsu to help out. I'm sure you guys would love what he'd eat."

The sudden rush of volunteers was both gratifying and hilarious. Moving past them into the kitchen, I warned, "I caution you, I listen to music while I cook. If you got issues, say so now or forever hold your peace."

"Damn, I'm out. I'll burn the Jashin-be-damned water if I'm trying to listen and cook at the same time. Later, bitches, " Hidan exited with a cackle.

Sasori (no suprise here, since he technically didn't have to eat) opted out as well along with Kakuzu, who went to see if he could find a ''decent money-making kill office in this world''. I reminded him to change and he responded with a dismissive flick of his fingers before leaving.

Shaking my head, I opened the medicine cabinet, "Ye gods, they make me feel old. And they're all older than us!"

"Yeah, I think Deidara's the closest in age to us, though," Rian looked around the pantry, "What are we making, by the way?"

"Spaghetti." I swallowed my Advil and took out a strainer from the adjacent cabinet.

Rian nodded, "Okay. Isn't Deidara like, nineteen or something?"

Catherine stared, "God, he can't be that young."

I looked quizzically at her. I had been plugging my Mp3 into my portable speakers, "Why not?"

"He looks like he's in his twenties, at least."

My head cocked to the side and I pressed Play on my Sony. While "Lloraré Las Penas" drifted through the air, I filled a pot with water and set it to boil on the stove, "I didn't think he looked quite that old, but okay. He does seem old-ish for a nineteen year old, though. I pegged him at about twenty, twenty-oneish."

Catherine, while we were talking, had started preparing the sauce and setting out the dishes, " That is twenties, Aya."

I smirked and dumped a couple boxes of noodles (bowtie) inside the pot and set the timer, "No, 20-22 is early twenties, not twenties. Hah."

"Whatever, Miss-Politically-Correct-who-shouldn't-even-be-thi nking-straight-anyway-because-a-certain-someone-ha s-a-concussion."

"Do not be jealous of my miraculous healing skillz, Miss-I-can-outsing-anyone-on-the-flippin-planet."

"Children," Rian tapped our noses and we snorted at her, "We do need to make supper, you know."

I cackled, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get back to work."

1 and a 1/2-ish hours later...Rian, Catherine, and I had made spaghetti for dinner, but we forgot the Akatsuki didn't have forks to eat with, only chopsticks. So now dinner became an...interesting affair.

"How the hell do you eat this, woman?"

"Tobi thinks Kakuzu-chan looks like a tomato."

"I wasn't askin for your damn opinion, midget. And I'm NOT a girl. Now how the hell do I eat this?"

I sighed.

"Don't you people have forks or something?" Rian cheerfully (and expertly) twirled her pasta on her fork and popped the bite into her mouth. Itachi's eyes flashed red for a second and began to eat his food exactly the same way she was eating. Noticing this, I grinned.

"Well, Kakuzu," I said wickedly, "Itachi can manage, why not-"

I dodged the gob of spaghetti that came flying at me. Though I know I couldn't have done it if Kakuzu actually meant to hit me, the action also meant that he wasn't too angry with the people at the table.

Yet, anyway.

"Because the weasel has that damned bloodline, that's why!"

"Kakuzu, calm the fuck down. You'll get that red shit on me, dammit! OW! Tobi!"

"Hidan-sempai shouldn't cuss in front of a lady."

"Yeah, Hidan," Kakuzu glared venomously at his partner, "Don't cuss in front of your lady."

WTF? The silver-haired ninja and I exchanged stares, then shrugged at each other. I raised an eyebrow, he smirked, and I sighed and braced myself for whatever godawful joke was yet to come.

"Hot damn. Well," a leer and glare was exchanged, "She's got me flustered."

A loud thunk was heard as I bopped him on the head.

"Idiot!"I paused, then scanned Hidan's head thoughtfuly," Whoa, man. It really is hollow."

"Ooooooohhhhhhhh."

"BURN!" Rian cackled.

I laughed and Hidan just crossed his arms, "What the fuck ever, man. Pick on someone else for a change, bitch."

"Don't call your lady-slash-hostess a bitch, un." Deidara had already finished his plate; it was the mouths on his hands that had eaten the food. After belatedly hearing a slurping coming from his direction, I avoided looking at his arms. Catherine-who had to sit next to him during supper, poor girl-just shuddered and turned to talk to Konan and Sasori.

"I'll call her whatever the hell I want, dammit. Now bother Kisame!"

Cat, drawn by the ruckus that my end of the table was making, frowned in Hidan's direction, "Kisame's unflappable. It's almost impossible to piss him off."

"Maybe if you tried hitting on Itachi? Could Kisame be gay?"

"I was married, Rian-san."

...

...

...

The table exploded.

"WHAT?" "SINCE WHEN?" "HOW LONG?" "WHO?"

"YOU GOT FUCKIN' LAID? HOLY SHIT!"

Kisame looked heavenward and pointed Samehada (which was what I thought was a mummy by the back door) at our noses, "Keyword is was, Hidan. She's been dead for a decade or so."

"Oh," I said softly, "I'm sorry."

The shark man shrugged, "Do not worry about it, Aya-san. It was political. And there was lots of money-on her side and mine-to persuade us both to be wed."

"YOU GOT LAID? OOOOWWWW! AYA!"

I glared and put down my empty plastic water glass, "That's rude, Hidan! I know that's what you are naturally, but do show at least a little restraint."

"You telling me what to do, bitch?"

I glared at the rude ninja, "Yeah. Kisame'll sic Samehada on you and nothing'll stop him if you don't shut it."

"What the hell ever, dude," Hidan hmphed and turned his nose up at the table.

Shrugging, we went back to eating our food. Eventually, though, the silence got too disturbing and I asked brightly, "Sooooooooooooooo..."

"What, Aya?" Catherine asked tiredly. I forgot. She's been out with all of the Akatsuki all day and so has Rian. They're probably both exhausted. We should be getting to bed soon.

"Well, maybe we could go swimming or something after this concussion of mine clears up."

"Which will take how long?" Pein held my gaze and I shifted uncomfortably. Dangit, but the man was creepy sometimes.

"I don't know. A week-week and a halfish."

"We need to figure out how to get home, Pein," Konan said quietly, "Itachi, could you possibly start thinking of ideas tomorrow?"

The Uchiha only nodded his head and I rolled my eyes. What would it take to make the man actually talk, for crying out loud?

"Good. Pein, what do you think?"

The Akatsuki leader just shrugged, "Fine with me. I don't care, personally. Just stay out of trouble."

I grumbled, "You sound like my dad," just as Rian and Cat said simultaneously, "You sound like Aya."

My best friends exchanged deer-in-the-headlights looks and Tobi laughed.

"Aya-chan should see her face. It's very funny!"

"He's got a point, un."

I huffed, "I'll bet. Since the swimming idea is settled, and since Rian, Cat, and I aren't shinobi, we actually need decent hours of sleep-me especially because of this injury of mine-so we're going to clear out and go to bed. Just leave your stuff on the counter after rinsing them off."

Everyone just nodded and I turned back at the foot of the stairs, "And Hidan."

"What?"

I smiled maliciously, "I still need to get you back for painting my room."

I giggled evilly as a muffled, "Dammit!" drifted up the stairs.

After I changed, I turned out the light and fell asleep. I needed my rest, and I had a lot of planning to do during the next week...

Hello!

So I know that I haven't updated...in months...like I should have...and I'm really sorry! *cowers under desk* I had a crapload of paperwork to do, and then I just got stuck.

Seriously. I was staring at the computer thinking, "WRITE ALREADY!"

And nothing came. Not even a flicker. I had godawful writer's block. This took me about of week to write (in 1-2 hour actual writing periods) and then my brain just...froze. It was only because of my loyal readers and reviewers that I was able to even get te chapter started. I emailed my friend ShikaSennyo to read it and help me out, and that took even longer, and everything was just a royal pain in the butt.

The fact that Hinata is presumed dead currently in Naruto didn't help, either. Honestly. I just stared at the screen and was like 'WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF WHY?!' How could Kishimoto do that to her?! Hinata, hold on! I love you!

So. Suggestions for the continuing plotline? I know what I'm going to do towards the end, and I had the beginning already done, but now I'm stuck on the middle. Where should I go from here?

I'm also having a problem b/c of Nairo, Xana, and Jemmi's story How are We Still Alive? keeps running around in my brain and I'm trying to make mine different from theirs and have it not be the same thing remotely so now I've hit a wall. Help!

I know I shouldn't worry too much b/c for their story it had three authors instead of one, but still. I'M NOT BLAMING THEM, BUT I AM SLIGHTLY FRUSTRATED. Raaawr. Yeesh.

As usual, constructive criticism is accepted. And unless you have a ferociously good reason for a flame, it is strongly recommended that you keep it to yourself.

Thanks for reading!

Regards,

Ice

PS: I reached over 4,000 words! Yes!