I do not own The Hunger Games

Chapter 10-

(Peeta)

I woke early that morning; so early that it was still somewhat dark outside. I had just enough time to open my eyes when the thoughts poured in. I became very confused. I knew I was in Katnisses house. Was that good or bad? Did she want to hurt me or protect me? No, no I thought. Start simpler. I moved away from the hard topics.

I'm Peeta Mellark. I'm a baker. My favorite color is orange, like the sunset. I was in the 74th Hunger Games, which Katniss and I won. I proposed to Katniss on the victory tour but that was just for the cameras. Katniss and I were friends. Then Katniss wanted to run off into the woods, but then she chose Gale. We didn't run off because she chose the rebellion and Gale. I was heart-broken. Then Katniss and I had to go into the Quarter Quell. I was captured by the capitol and Katniss went to thirteen. This is where the thoughts and memories swirl together. I remember that during my torture I was trying to hang on to Katniss, and the truth but every day my grip became less and less. Until one day, I would have sworn to you she was a mutt. I remember being rescued, I remember seeing Katniss the first time. She ran at me. I thought she was going to kill me but the second my hands went around her neck a tiny voice in the back of my head scolded me, and told me I loved her. That's why I was so confused the rest of the time.

After more thoughts, and more wrestling with myself I settle with the facts that I love Katniss, I don't know if she feels the same way, but she chose me. The capitol was bad, the rebellion was good, and we won. The sun comes up and I hear Katniss roll onto her back. I glance over at her, but she seems like she's still asleep. Only seconds later, I feel a kind of hum come from Katniss, but it's muffled. I look over at her and she seems frozen, lying on her back, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.

"Katniss?"

She tilts her head slightly and quietly says, "Mmm?" Then her head snaps back to its original position and her eyes close tight. I rush to her side and have my arms around her in a second.

"Katniss? Katniss? Are you okay?"

I have her curled in my lap when I notice her breathing is very heavy. I'm scared she's sick.

"Peeta. Peeta, I…I'm fine." She croaks.

But that's the biggest lie I've ever heard. I can tell she's in a freakish amount of pain. Whether is mental, physical, or both is my problem. I hold her tighter and bury my face in her dark brown hair. As the minutes pass, she becomes less tense. She finally looks up at me and whispers,

"Good Morning."

"Good Morning." I say back, my voice full of relief.

I let her lay back down,

"Breakfast?" I ask.

"Yes." She replies, wearing the most forced smile I've ever seen. I wish she wouldn't do that. I wish she knew she didn't have to be happy or strong for me.

"Alright. I'll go make you something and bring it up here."

I didn't really want to leave, but I knew she was hungry. As I turned towards the door she grabbed my hand like she did every night, and it almost made me laugh.

"Katniss, I'm not going anywhere. It's morning not nighttime. No nightmares can come right now."

"No. I'm coming with you."

"Alright, well then get out of bed and come on."

She slowly gets out of bad, and she falls a little when she try's to walk but I catch her and ask,

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

This morning I'm making just plain muffins because we don't have much else. I need to go some more ingredients. As I'm putting the muffins on a plate she says,

"You didn't go home last night."

"No, no I didn't. I, uh, stayed."

"Good."

I smirk a little. As dangerous as it is, I'm glad she wants me to stay overnight. It's like those old nights on the train. The only times I had the smallest of hope she was falling for me. She eats three muffins in the time it takes for me to eat one.

"Want to work on the book?" She asks

"No. I want to talk to you about something?"

"What?"

"This morning."

"Mm, yeah, sorry about that." She says, getting up to put her plate in the sink. I can tell she'll do whatever it will take to avoid the subject.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

I walk over to her wrapping one of my arms around her and putting my other on her forehead.

"Are you sick? Do you feel bad?"

She leans her head on my chest and says,

"I'm fine Peeta…I'm not….I'm not sick."

I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me.

"Then what was this morning about?"

"It happens every morning Peeta."

"What does?"

"I mean, just when I wake up, I can't, I can't move. It's like when I wake up the same thing that happens to you in your nightmares, happens to me. I become paralyzed with fear, well and memories."

"What are you afraid of now Katniss? I understand the memories, but what can you fear now. We're safe, home in district 12."

She doesn't answer, it makes me even more worried.

"I'm not going to make you tell me, but you really should talk to someone about it."

She nods, and I know I won't get anything else out of her today. I nod back and she hugs me.

"Alright, well we should do something today. Want to work on the book for a bit and then maybe go for a walk around town?" I suggest.

"Sounds great."

The book was not as great as it usually is. It usually brings hope, and good memories. It usually it helps me sort out memories. Yesterday, it even brought us laughter. But today, today was bad.

Katniss was half-heartedly talking about the way Mags mumbled at someone or something when she was annoyed. Then in a split second everything in my head became shiny. Bad memories. Katniss is bad, she hates me. I hate her. She's bad. No, Peeta stop. She's good, she's great. Bad Katniss. I grab the back of my chair. They'll pass, I tell myself. Just hold on. My eyes shut tight. The nightmares rush and surge. After a few minutes I get myself together and understand what's real and not real.

When I open my eyes I see how concerned Katniss is. She seems a little upset too. I want to kiss her, to let her know I love her. But I can't, to risky. So I grab her hand and hold it tight. I can't sit here, and I can't work on the book anymore today.

"How about that walk?" I ask.

"Okay."

We put our shoes on and head out the door, when we pass Haymitch's house I suddenly become concerned about him.

"Haven't seen him in a while, have we? We should stop by on the way back. It's rude not to, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him."

Katniss only grips my hand harder and sighs. She takes deep breaths as we walk, she loves spring. I love spring too, but I don't think anyone loves it as much as Katniss. As we get closer to the town square, I think about the bakery. It might be nice to open it back up, for one it would be a job. I need a job, I need something to do, something to occupy myself with. I'm just about to say something about it to Katniss when she stops dead in her tracks and falls to the ground. Her eyes are closed tightly and she isn't making a sound. She shoves her face between her knees, and wraps her arms around her legs. I scream her name. It takes me a few minutes to get her hands into mine. I think I'm on the verge of tears, and lots of people are looking at us. I keep yelling her name. She must be sick, I tell myself. I make a note to call Dr. Aruelius when I can finally get her home. I decide to stop screaming, maybe I'm scaring her even more. She fidgets. She chokes. Then she looks up into my eyes.

"Katniss?"

"Peeta." She says, sounding relieved and standing up.

"Wha…What's going on with you today?"

"It's just the square, everything's happened here."

I pull her into my arms, but I'm not so much concerned. She sounded older, maybe even wiser when she said that. She pulls herself together and I lead her towards the bakery, because she needs a distraction and I want to see what she thinks.

"I wanted to show you something."

"What?"

I don't answer her because we come up to the burnt old building that was my home and families bakery.

"I want to open it up again. It will be away of keeping my family alive. What do you think?"

"It's a great idea Peeta." She says with another one of her forced smiles. I nod back wishing she would stop trying to make me think she's okay.

"Alright. We'll talk more about that later. Let's get you home, you seem like you could use a nap."

On the way home she seems like she's breaking with each step. She clings to me and by the time we get to the front porch, she is practically asleep. I take her upstairs and lay her on the bed.

I stare at her face for a while. She is so beautiful. She looks so young and pure in her sleep. She is the purest person I know, and I love her for it. I feel bad because today has obviously been hard for her. Yesterday was so hopeful and today quite the opposite. But my dad told me about this, he said some days will seem like the end of the world and others almost normal. I miss my dad. He was so wise.

Katniss starts to toss in her sleep and I know her nightmares are beginning. I know I shouldn't because I'll get flustered and confused if I start to get tired, but she turns again and let's out a little squeal and I have to. I crawl into bed and wrap my arms around her. She calms the second I'm around her. It doesn't last long though, she starts to thrash and scream, but I keep her in my arms. A few minutes later, against all odds, I fall asleep.

I wake up to a girl lying right beside me. My arms are wrapped around her, her gray eyes stare back into mine. Katniss. I'm terrified, she's going to kill me, she killed everyone else I loved. No, I think. Stop. Slow down. I look over her and realize she isn't going to kill me. She is looking at me in a sweet way and my arms are around her. So again, I make myself start with the easier stuff and work myself up to the harder stuff.

"You always protected me, you have never hurt me. I protect you, I love you, and the capitol is bad. No, the capitol is gone. We won." I say.

Katniss nods to show me I'm right. Part of me thinks I might be able to stay the night with her now.

During diner Katniss hums the same songs over and over. We sit on the couch for a while, my thoughts range from types of bread to what could be happening to Katniss each morning.

""Today's been hard." I sigh.

She doesn't say anything.

"How about we read our book tomorrow? Let's read all the memories we've written so far?"

She nods and I think I see a bit of excitement on her face.

We walk upstairs hand in hand and I crawl into bed with her. She nests her head under my chin and I want to kiss her. I restrain myself because I know I can't. She probably doesn't want that. She falls asleep and I get up to leave. As I turn she grabs my hand.

"Stay with me."

"I'll sleep on the chair again."

"But that can't be comfortable."

"It's plenty comfortable."

"Please?"

"You saw what happened today when I woke up."

"But nothing happened."

"But something could have."

"Fine. Sleep on your chair. But if you get uncomfortable, you're always welcome." She says and turns over on her side facing me.

I curl up on my chair and she looks at me until she falls asleep.

As soon as I know she's out I whisper,

"I love you, Katniss. Goodnight."

So sorry this update took me forever. PLEASE REVIEW. Reviews=faster updates. Plus they mean the world to me. Thank you for reading! I know Peeta's emotions are scattered and all over the place, but I just feel like his mind would be like that after all he's been through. So there will be more characters in chapters to come and more action. So please don't stop reading!