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It was dark when I woke up.
Slowly, experimentally, I stretched my legs, extending them beneath the heavy blankets. I was sore all over, inside and out. Parts of me I'd only known about in theory were now aching for real.
Edward stirred beside me. I turned to face him; his features become visible as my eyes adjusted to the dark. Sleep softened his face, erased the crease between his eyes, formed from frowning and squinting in the sun. I touched my face there and felt a little wrinkle of my own, although softer.
I felt soft and wrung out, physically and emotionally drained. We'd had plans to meet the others for dinner in the dining area – I'd been told the Black Bear Inn was known for its gourmet seasonal fare – but obviously we'd slept through it. No one had called, though, either. They were probably as exhausted as we were.
Although probably not for all of the same reasons.
So Edward loved me. I believed him when he said it; he wasn't one to speak indulgently or use words to placate feelings. If anything he was honest to a fault.
The thing was… he'd had my heart for quite some time now. I'd just never really let him know. There was plenty of I Like You and I Miss You but I Love You kind of catapulted us into a different stratosphere altogether. All of the proverbial cards were on the table.
It wasn't that I was afraid he'd act differently now that he knew the extent of my devotion, it was that I worried he wouldn't. I didn't ever want Edward to be someone he wasn't, but I hoped sincerely that who we were really were, now that we'd come to this place in our relationship, was right for one another. It seemed so effortless for some people, like Alice and Jasper. And even Rose, for all of her stubbornness, was a good match for Emmett.
I'd fight for something amazing with Edward; he was worth it to me. I just hoped he'd fight, too.
Peeling back the covers, I slipped out of bed to use the bathroom. The fireplace was still burning but it had mellowed to a dim flicker and I was chilly. I hurried back to bed as quickly as possible, shivering.
"You cold?" Edward mumbled.
"I'll be okay," I whispered, curling into a ball.
"'s not what I asked," he said, and I felt his hand on my hip, pulling me closer.
I scooted over, lining my body up with his, and kissed his neck.
He sighed, his arm tightening around me.
Suddenly I was on top of him. He tugged the blankets up over us and held me tight.
"You feel good," he said.
I wiggled, a little surprised to feel that he was hard. We'd done it just a couple of hours ago.
"You too."
I ground into him slowly, getting myself worked up before lowering onto him.
Our breathing increased, two bodies, one movement. Like always, he gripped my hips with his hardened, calloused hands, maneuvering me the way he wanted. I'd found that I loved when he did that, because what he wanted was usually what I wanted as well.
Sliding my hands down to his sides, I flattened my body against his, wanting to feel more of his skin on my skin. It changed the angle, making it a little more difficult to move.
His hands left my hips and cupped my face, urging a kiss. He rolled me on to my back and slid in slowly, kissing me long and slow. Sometimes his kisses drove me into a hotter state of arousal than the actual sex. I felt wide open and receptive, wanting everything he had to give me; his body, his heart, himself.
He pulled out and kissed his way down my neck to my nipples, down my chest to my belly button, to each of my hip bones and then below. I'd been close to coming from before so it didn't take long for his mouth to make me melt, and then he was inside me again, hard and fast, sliding wet and good.
This was only the third time we'd been together without a condom. It was messy, but it was our mess, and I liked it. He stilled above me, his body expanding and contracting with the intensity of each breath.
This was always the moment when I wanted to tell him I loved him, but self preservation had always kept me from doing it. I didn't want that anymore, though. I didn't need to tell him all the time, a mindless mantra, but I wanted the freedom to tell him when it felt right.
"I love you."
He shuddered one last breath and pulled away slightly, kissing my closed eyelids.
"I sure hope so," he teased. I opened my eyes and stuck my tongue out and he swooped down, catching my mouth with his. I giggled at the goofiness of the kiss, all awkward and thick tongues and silly. He pulled out and got off the bed, pulling me with him to the shower.
"C'mon, lover girl. "
Since we'd gone to bed so early the day before, we were up and ready at a decent time in the morning.
We dressed quickly and met Riley, Vicky, Alice and Jasper in the dining area to eat. The food was more than I'd hoped for; rich, delicious and fresh.
As I'd suspected, the others had all had early nights as well, although I doubted it had just involved sleep. This had to be one of the most relaxing and romantic places I'd ever been to. Even Alice and Jasper were looking a little handsy.
Afterward we headed over to Heavenly Ski resort to ride the lifts and attempt the slopes.
I was still rather wobbly on my skis, and I fell a lot, but I was improving. Edward was patient, biting back laughter and quick to help me to my feet time and time again.
After a couple of hours we all grabbed lunch at a nearby restaurant. Alice and I urged the others to go on ahead while we did something else for awhile. Like me, she was new to the winter sport thing and was as ready to chill as I was.
"Just call or text if you want us to find you," Edward said, patting the pocket where his phone was hidden.
"I will. Go. Have fun," I said, shooing him away.
Alice turned to me. "So…"
I rolled my eyes, smiling. "You just can't wait, can you?"
"Pssh, no way. Spill."
"I told him. And… he feels the same way," I said quietly, wrapping my icicle fingers around a steaming after lunch latte.
She nodded. "I thought he might."
"It wasn't, like, this grand declaration or anything. Edward's not the most…"
"Gooey."
"Gooey," I smirked, "person around. But that's okay."
She shrugged. "You never know. Maybe he'll surprise you one day."
"Maybe." I sipped at my drink. "Anyway…thanks for encouraging me. You and Rose both. I needed to stop freaking out."
Alice swiped her spoon through the crest of whipped cream atop her cocoa. "I sort of see it both ways, Bella. On one hand, Edward's not a mind reader… so you can't really expect him to just… know what you're thinking. Or feeling. But on the other hand, you deserve someone who's crazy about you. You should never settle. Ever."
I nodded, knowing what she said was true.
"Bottom line is you have to communicate. A lot. And make sure he's communicating too, in a way that you get."
"When did you get so wise?"
She winked. "Cosmo."
I giggle-choked, nearly spraying our table with coffee.
"Kidding, kidding!" She laughed out loud. "I just… I don't know. It makes sense."
"You've always been intuitive," I said, squeezing her hand. "Thanks."
We were high in the air when the sun went down, riding a lift back to the resort.
Deliciously tired. I could live like this every day.
Edward knocked my knee with his, drawing my attention away from the gorgeousness around me.
"So, you like it?"
"Are you kidding me? I love this. I don't want to leave."
"I was worried it would be too cold for you, being a frail desert flower and all," he said, his eyes flashing impertinently.
"Shut up," I snorted, elbowing him. "I happen to like cold weather."
"I do, too."
We rode in silence awhile, our legs dangling and swinging.
"I'm glad you came with me, Bella."
My heart fluttered. I looked up at him, enamored with his wind-reddened cheeks, his keen green eyes. They'd been hidden most of the day because of the sunglasses we'd both been wearing, but now, in the almost-evening, they were focused on me. His eyes were always so surprising, like it was a treat to see them, something rare.
"Me too. I'm glad you invited me."
He leaned over and kissed me softly. I wondered briefly how lips stayed so warm, even on the coldest of days.
"You still afraid of me?" The question was barely above a breath.
My eyes drifted open— I hadn't realized they'd closed –and locked with his. "I don't think so…"
"You trust me?"
I nodded, involuntarily gripping his jacket in my fist.
"You have to tell me… okay?" He looked at my mouth, kissed it. "I don't want to lose you because you think I don't feel enough."
My stomach tightened at his admission.
"I love the way you keep it real between us," he continued. "And yeah… I love you."