Author's Note: hey, everyone, soooo…I wasn't planning on working on this anytime soon because I've got other things waiting for me, but for some reason I just couldn't stay away, so I wrote chapter 3 while taking a break from slaving away over my book that's coming out, Obsidian. So I've noticed that Nuada is a bit on the fast-track, some might say, and hopefully this is explained properly in this chapter. I hope you like it. Originally the love-confession and all that was going to take forever, but that's just not where it went when I started writing (boo), so oh well. I'm still happy with this. I hope you guys are, too. Enjoy the chapter!
Concerning the Chapter Titles: real quick, the titles of all three chapters are songs. The first one is from Disney's The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (it's the ending theme during the credits). The second is the name of a song I like that someone brought my attention to as it applies to Dylan and Nuada in general. And this title is a line from the song "Creature of the Wood" by Tricky Pixie. Just wanted to make sure I had all my references in order.
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ChapterThree
Our Souls Entwined
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"Dylan…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Dylan, I am so very sorry, but I…I love you."
The words crashed down on Dylan like an icy wave, half-strangling her so she had to gasp for breath. Her lips felt just a touch bruised, but pleasantly so, and they tingled, unused to being kissed with such gentle but fervent pressure. She could still feel the tender invasion of his tongue, though that most shocking of all kisses had already ended; could still taste him on her lips, in her mouth. There were no words for the taste of Nuada's kisses. No words for the confession echoing in her skull.
"What did you say?" She whispered. She shook her head, stunned. The winter air burned frigid against her damp cheeks. "No, you…you can't. You can't love me. You hate me."
Star-blond brows furrowed. A brief look of pain flashed across Nuada's face, deepening the shadows around his eyes, and he shook his head. His thumb swept across her cheek, leaving a trail of golden heat. "Never say that. It isn't true. It could never be true, Dylan. How could I ever feel such for you? For the woman who has always stood by me, remained steadfast beside me against all odds despite the shadows and pain of—"
She wrenched out of Nuada's arms. The night immediately turned icy in the absence of his warmth. "I don't want your gratitude or…or your pity or whatever…" She trailed off at the hurt that swept across his features. Biting her lip, she drew in a shuddering breath. "Look, I know you can't ever feel anything like that for me. I'm not stupid. I didn't expect anything. I don't expect anything," the words were tumbling from her lips now, she couldn't seem to stop them, "and you don't have to lie to me to keep me with you. I made a promise and I intend to see it through. I'm not going anywhere. I know what the king will do if you come back without me, and I'm not going to let him—"
"I never thought you capable of such cruelty as this," Nuada whispered. Dylan clamped her mouth shut. Turbulent, xanthous-gray eyes stormy with a torrent of dark emotions that threatened to drown them both, Nuada tangled his fingers in her hair and tilted her head back, forcing her to look at him. "Lies, you call this? Unfaithful, then, you name me. Me? It would be an ill turn if I deceived you so when your heart is already broken. You think I would use you so cruelly? Toy with you, draw you in, only to toss you aside when it was over? Is that truly what you think of me?"
"I…I just…but you can't. You said…at the playground, you said—"
"May the Fates curse me for the idiocy I spouted back there. I was a fool. I was a coward. There," he snarled. "Is that what you wished to hear? I'm a damnable coward, Dylan. I have lost or will lose nearly everyone I love at some point or another, through death…or through betrayal, just as I have lost my sister and my father. I've known this for centuries, accepted it. Once, decades ago, I foolishly dared to hope that I might not lose one whom I cared for deeply…but then she was taken from me. After that I allowed no other to insinuate themselves into my life, my heart…until you."
Nuada drew her to him with inexorable pressure. There was no chance for resistance, not when his low, earnest voice seemed to vibrate with something akin to pain, a pain that resonated with something within Dylan's heart. His nearness threatened to overwhelm her. He gripped her shoulders and said, "You slipped beneath my guard, battered down my defenses, stripped me of everything, and I knew nothing of it until that moment when I kissed you for the first time. And then I knew myself lost and damned for the treachery of my heart, and because of my cowardice, I could not face the truth of it. So I hid behind what I had always believed until that moment. I turned you away, broke your heart, to hide my own weakness. Forgive me that if you ever can."
Dylan squeezed her eyes shut. The treachery of my heart…Of course. They still couldn't get past the taint of her humanity. Love her he might—though she didn't know if she could believe him, even though he'd never lied to her—but he despised her, too. How long would it take for his hatred of that intrinsic part of her to poison any tenderness Nuada felt? How long could he love her before he began to loathe her even more than he loved her?
"Do you know what it is," Nuada whispered, his voice nearly breaking, "to realize you've betrayed everything you believe in, that you have sold your soul blithely and have sunk so low that you do not even care anymore that you are without honor, so long as you may keep what you sold both for in the first place? I knew that in the end, I would lose my soul, my honor, and everything else, if I let myself love you."
She tensed her shoulders, stiffened her spine, clenched her teeth to keep back the sob stinging like salt in her throat. Lost my soul, my honor…Why did he have to say things like that? Why did he have to be so cruel…without even realizing it? Sunk so low that you do not even care anymore…Why was it so hard to breathe? Dylan forced her lungs to expand, forced herself to ignore the slow, leaden thumping of her heart. She wouldn't let it hurt. It wasn't like she hadn't known he felt this way. He might care for her, but he didn't want to.
Nuada's voice, tinged with something that might have been awe, penetrated the hurt gripping her like a merciless fist. "But then…I tasted your thoughts. The depth of the love you bear me. How could I turn from such love, such…beauty? Such hope, forlorn though it may be? I am not so strong as all that, Dylan. If anything or anyone possesses the strength to break me asunder, it is you."
Then the tears came again, though Dylan struggled to hold them back; they stung her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest. His tunic smelled of pine trees and summer. She breathed in that scent and clung to him. Nuada's arms enfolded her, strong and sheltering. Muffled by his tunic, she still managed to sob, "What are we going to do?"
She knew she didn't need to elaborate. They couldn't be together. They could never be together, unless the king ordered them to get married. And what if he didn't? What if they allowed themselves to keep falling, sure of their inevitable union, only for King Balor to then rescind any threat of forced marriage? It would shatter them both. Yet how could they walk away from each other now? And how could she stay with him—why would he want to stay with her—when she was so detestably human?
"Nuada," she gasped into his tunic, "what are we going to do?"
"I don't know," he whispered roughly against her hair. "Gods, Dylan, I…I simply don't know. But we will think of something."
A half-hysterical laugh tore from Dylan's throat. She nearly choked on it. "What? What could we possibly think of? We're completely screwed. At least I am. You have centuries to find someone better, but I will never, ever find someone like you."
"And you think it so easy to find someone like you, Dylan?" Nuada tilted her chin up. The storm in his gaze had yet to blow over. Anguish and desperation and uncertainty warred within the depths of his eyes. "You think it wouldn't break something within me to have to let you go? I have sacrificed a thousand times over for my people, for my kingdom. Always it has knocked me down, but I have struggled to my feet. Now I have found the one thing that will lay me low for eternity. I have lost a woman I loved more than once in my many centuries. I cannot do it again."
His mouth came down on hers, scorching past the cold from the wintry air. Blood still pounding through him from the immersion into Dylan's thoughts, his own confession, the kisses that would always haunt him no matter what happened after, Nuada groaned against that sweet mouth and crushed Dylan to him. She gasped, sighed. Clung to him as if he might disappear at any moment. He was so gentle, his kiss patient, coaxing. He teased her lips apart with the softest nips of his teeth, the smallest flicks of his tongue. And when his tongue delved into her mouth once again to taste her, the sweetest invasion, she wasn't afraid. Even after he drew back, he cradled her face between his hands, calloused fingers caressing like rough velvet against her skin.
"Do not cry," Nuada murmured. "Please, Dylan. It will be all right."
She shook her head, feeling as if the movement were almost too much trouble. Exhaustion began creeping in on her. "You don't know that. I just…it seems like every time I let myself really care about someone, I lose them. My parents, my sisters. Even John—he disappeared and I grew up and then he came back, and I still love him so much but it's different now. There's a gulf between us because of those six years we were apart. I've never felt closer to anyone than I did to John when we were young…until you. I can't let you get any closer because you're going to leave and then I don't know what will happen to me."
"I'll not leave you, Dylan. Do you think me so faithless? Have I abandoned you yet?"
A trembling fist swiped at the tear-tracks on her cheeks. She drew a shuddering breath. "Things are different now." The knife that had been thrust deep into her chest at that first moment of rejection at the playground now twisted viciously. She could almost feel intangible blood spilling from the heart-wound. "Nuada…I can't do this."
Silence. A heartbeat of hushed fear and incomprehension. Ten heartbeats. Then, "What?"
"I can't…I can't let you do this to me."
"Do what?" He demanded softly. "What am I doing to you?"
Somehow Dylan managed to whisper, "Breaking me. I've broken…more times than I can remember. I've been shattered and had to piece myself back together so many times and I…I can't break again. I can't let you break me."
He shook his head. "Have you so little faith in me?" When she tried to pull away, he grabbed her by the upper arms. His grip was just shy of painful. "No. No, by the Fates, you cannot tell me you trust me, that you know me better than any other, then accuse me of trying to hurt you, trying to break you asunder as you have been broken before." He gave her a small shake. "Look at me. Look at me, dammit. You've dragged this confession from me and now you cast me aside?"
"No, that's not—"
"I love you," he said softly. Each word was a sliver of ice biting deep into Dylan's chest, a crystal knife that threatened to leave her bleeding to death. She closed her eyes and turned her head away. Nuada shuddered. "What you've shown me, what you've forced me to realize—it feels as though you driven a knife into my heart. I was a fool to turn you away. I can only beg your forgiveness but please, Dylan…please. Don't turn me away as I turned you away. Do not inflict that agony upon me."
She could feel his pain, his anguish and yearning, mingled with self-disgust. The same strange connection they'd experienced on the cusp of that brutal nightmare stretched between them now, a gossamer filament connecting and binding them. Still Dylan shook her head. "Nuada, we can't be together. You know that."
"I will find a way," he whispered. "I swear to you, I'll find a way for us. I'll never break you, break your heart. I will never turn from you, abandon you. Gods, I swear it." With a lightning movement he drew his twin-knife and pressed it into her hand. "I'll swear in blood if that is what you need. Don't you understand, Dylan? I have no armor left. You've stripped it all away. I could have pretended that I felt nothing for you but distant fondness before touching your thoughts, but once the truth of what you felt crashed down on me, I could no longer deny the truth of what I felt. I know that you've been hurt before, by other men as well as by me. Please let me prove myself to you."
"Nuada—"
"Please."
One word, sharp as the blade held between their cold hands and brittle as frosted glass. It hung suspended between the Elven prince and the mortal, bearing down on them with all the weight of the aching love that clawed at them both. Dylan's gaze roved over his tormented face. He'd been hiding this, from himself as well as her. For how long?
She sucked in a deep breath. "What…what are you asking me?"
His eyes—flickering between warm amber and dingy gold-gray—slid closed. A tremor shivered through the Elven prince. He let out a short, almost-gasping breath. Then he whispered, "If I can find a way for us to be together…if I can find a way to have you and do my duty by my kingdom…then will you…Dylan, will you marry me?"
Her eyes shot wide. "M-Marry…"
"Will you accept me? Choose me? Will you do me the very great honor of becoming my wife?" He took her shaking hands, clasping them gently. "I know your faith is an obstacle, and I would not ask you to give it up. But I will do anything if you will marry me. I will beg you on my knees if that is what you require."
Dylan snatched her hands away. "Whoa. Whoa, slow down. I…you're doing a total one-eighty, I feel like I've got whiplash. What…first you're like, 'I could never love you,' and not even an hour later you want to marry me? What?"
"You're angry."
She shook her head. "No, I'm confused. I am really confused. It's like you've been taken over by an alien or something. And…and I…you don't want to marry me!"
Nuada frowned. "Why not?"
"Because I'm human! And a commoner and…and a healer and…and I'm out of my mind. I've got more emotional baggage than you do. I'm not good for you. I…you don't want me."
With the implacable strength of a warrior, he dragged her back to him and wrapped an arm around her. Then he held up a hand. "Walk my thoughts. See what I felt when I walked through yours, how the truth of your heart forced me to acknowledge the truth of my own. See the moment when I realized I'd nearly allowed you to walk right out of my life forever. Find the truth of my love for yourself if you must…but do not stand there and tell me what I feel or not."
Sunlit topaz eyes locked with teary eyes of moonlit blue. Dylan carefully fitted her palm to the calloused flat of Nuada's hand. Their fingertips met, five pulse-points of heat. Nuada's forehead touched Dylan's. He closed his eyes, brow furrowing so that shallow lines wrinkled the space between his eyebrows. Dylan allowed her own eyes to slide closed as well. She drew a shaking breath.
"Feel what I feel," Nuada whispered. He was so close that his lips brushed hers with every word, phantom kisses. "Taste my thoughts. See what you have wrought within me, Dylan. Then I beg you…be mine for eternity."
The first tendrils of his mind whispered through their link, soft and sleek as shadow, warm as sunlight, gentle as a lover. He coaxed her to the edge of his mind, guiding her with only the most delicate of mental caresses. His breath came in short, shallow pants as the intimacy of Dylan's thoughts entering his in just this way flooded through him…and through her. Dylan's breath caught in her throat as she came into him fully, as the haven of Nuada's mind enveloped her. Nuada breath escaped in a long, low sigh and he whispered in a voice tight with some indefinable need, "Oh, yes." Their thoughts, their selves twined together, midnight warmth mingling with gentle moonlight; the fullest merging of minds Nuada had ever done with anyone but Nuala. "Yes," he breathed against Dylan's mouth. "Yes."
"Nuada…" Trembling, she sighed against his lips. "Nuada…"
Dylan never wanted this to end. Never. To be so close to him, so hold him within her as he held her within himself…she was fairly certain this was more tender, more intimate than any physical expression of love could ever be. And she saw now what he'd meant by "what you've wrought within me."
He truly had no armor left. There was nothing to protect him if she should choose to hurt him. If she refused him, if she turned away from him…it would devastate him, and he would never recover. Too many people he'd trusted as he now trusted her had broken him in the past for him to take it again.
Warm lips pressed to hers, and she gave herself up to his kiss, a kiss so tender it made her heart ache. Into the kiss he whispered, pleaded, "Marry me, Dylan. Marry me, mo duinne, mo crídh."
Wondering if she'd lost her mind, Dylan whispered, "Yes."
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Author's Note: wow! Not what you guys were expecting, was it? I do like to surprise people. What do you think's gonna happen next? I currently have no idea, but hopefully I'll figure it out, lol. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Hugs! Loves to you all!