Thank you all for the heartwarming responses to the last chapter. You guys are the best! Thanks so much!
Okay so next we'll take a look at another bit of Emma's backstory. So 're you guys up for a flashback chapter? Here we go...
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, just this profile :)
Ten years ago. Oregon State Correctional Institution. Low Security Facility for Women
''Congratulations, today is the day that you will be released,'' says one of the guards to Emma when she leads the blonde and the other prisoners to the mutual area where they'll have lunch.
Emma remembers the guard as the woman who brought her the envelope with the car key in it, 11 months ago. That was the same day when she found out that she was pregnant. When she came to think about it, this guard was actually the only one who was at least a bit civil to her during the time she spent in jail. ''Yes it is,'' she replies. She counted down the days until she would be released on the wall of her cell. She had used another part of the wall of her cell to count the days since the day her baby was born. The day that Henry was born, and ripped out of her life in an instant. It wasn't necessary to draw these little lines on the wall in order to know old her son was, as she kept track of it in her head, but it was nice to have something physical to hold on to. To have a routine that involved her son. But today is the day that she will be released and she has to start all over again. 'Well at least I've a car…' she thinks sarcastically. Actually she's frightened to death. She has nowhere to go, no family or friends where she can turn to. 'How pathetic, Neal was the only one I had,' she ponders. She takes a seat at the table she normally sits at, together with four other women.
''So they'll let you go today?'' says one of them while she's slurping from the bowl of soup that's standing in front of her. Emma knows her name is Rachel, but they never really spoke to each other before.
''Yes,'' replies Emma. She's not actually listening to what the others are saying and she gazes down at her plate.
''Hey, I asked you something!''
Emma's neighbor obviously said something, but it went completely past the blonde. ''Sorry, come again?'' she therefore asks now.
''I asked if you already know what you're gonna do next?'' the woman taps with the spoon against her plate.
''I've no idea yet,'' she admits.
''Gonna be hard than,'' her neighbor establishes.
Emma sees in the eyes of the other woman that she's liking it. That she's liking the fact that Emma has no one to turn to, no idea where she's going. The woman next to her is someone who enjoys other people's suffering. 'To forget her own misery probably', thinks Emma. During the whole period Emma stayed here, she tried to isolate herself from persons like this, from everyone actually. She's always been a loner, having to deal with transferring from one foster family to another, and here it's nothing different really. She learned from a young age on to take care of herself and that is basically what she's doing here as well. The only time a day she has 'conversations' with other prisoners is during their day job, in the kitchen or in the library. But these conversations don't go further than requesting for things she needs or answering work-related questions of her colleagues. When they have their hour of free time outside, she always walks with her head down or sits in a corner of the concrete enclosed square. The expression on her face is always the same, hard and unfathomable. The walls she built up around her are like the prison walls, thick and indestructible. No one can break through, and others know it. That's why they leave her alone, at least most of the time.
Today it's different. The news of her release spread fast and nosy inmates join their table to catch a glimpse of the mystery girl who's getting out today. ''Do you have family to go to?'' asks one of the other girls.
Emma knows her from the library and she finds it a nice girl to work with. Hard-working and not too forthcoming like some of the others. ''No I don't.''
''And friends?'' asks someone else.
''Nope.'' Emma focusses on her lunch again, trying to make clear that she doesn't feel like talking.
But the hint doesn't work with the girls. ''Ya have a boyfriend?'' asks a brunette.
Emma sighs. ''No I don't.''
''Oh when I get outa here, that's the first thing I'm gonna do. Find myself a man,'' says the girl who just asked Emma about having a boyfriend. Her voice gets louder with each syllable she speaks. ''How I've missed to be in the arms of a strong man, a beast! I would wrap my legs around him and…'' she makes the associated movements with her arms and hips.
''Georgie, shut up and eat your food!'' shouts one of the guards.
Emma is grateful for that, not just because it's finally silent now in the eating area, but also because she doesn't want to be reminded of her relationship with Neal and how that all went wrong. Neal was the first man she truly loved and the memories that are returning to her now, hurt her from the inside. How could he do that to her? Betray her like that, after what they both had gone through. It still didn't make any sense to her. And then that car key? What was the meaning of all that? Was it the feeling of guilt that he had or did it mean something else?
After lunch, all the girls go to back to their workplace, which meant the library for Emma. There were three other girls working that afternoon. The guard from earlier that day is keeping an eye on them from her writing desk. There was not much to do really. Inmates apparently didn't read that much, and only a handful of prisoners visited that afternoon to borrow a book. Emma had sorted the new arrivals on alphabetical order and placed them on the corresponding shelves. She had also done some administration work in the meantime.
''Swan!'' yells the guard to her.
Emma is startled from her thoughts. It almost never happens that they're spoken to by the supervisors. These people mostly sit the whole time, watching TV screens and writing stuff down. ''Yes, Madam?''
''Come here, I need to speak to you.''
Emma does as is told, and walks over to the guard.
The woman talks silently, not letting the other ones hear her. ''Today is your release day, correct?''
''Yes, Madam.'' Emma had learned that it was important to be polite towards the guards, otherwise disciplinary punishments could be the result when no respect is shown towards the superiors.
''And do you already have a plan? For when you're out I mean?''
''No…'' Emma says looking down. ''Madam,'' she quickly adds.
''Listen. I was here the first day you came in. I saw a girl who was totally defeated and hurt. But also a girl who would let no one in. I saw it the minute I saw you: you are different. You are different from each and every one of the other girls here, in a way that you've potential and fighting spirit. The others lack that, and I dare to say that none of the other girls here will ever get out of the criminal circuit. It's like a vicious circle in which they never can escape from. Yes, they will be released here eventually, but they always manage to get back here somehow. But you can escape, I know that for sure. I've seen you working here with that much precision and dedication like it's a freaking high-end museum you work for instead of a lousy library. And you've earned the respect of the others, which is the hardest part here.''
The words of the guard leave Emma completely stunned. She never has gotten a compliment in her life and tears are welling up in her eyes.
''There you are!'' it seems like Emma's reaction unfreezes the guard's always so strict attitude. There's even a little smile visible on her face. ''I thought I would never be able to see the real you,'' she continues. ''Okay here's the plan. Your plan. A friend of mine works at a probation office in Manhattan, New York. He offers you an administration job there. Actually you're not allowed to leave the state for the next months, as you know. But I've made a deal with the court and they allow you to go to New York. That is if you agree on working at the probation office. I think when I told them it was a probation office you're going to work for, that was the decisive factor for them,'' she adds, even giggling a bit. She's startled by her own reaction and the serious face is coming right back again.
''Why are you doing this for me?'' asks Emma softly.
''Because I know you can do it. You're the only girl here who can, and I don't want that opportunity to go to waste.'' There's a short pause before she continues. ''And when you had your baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't there. They had me working at another facility at the time, and I heard a day later from one of my colleagues that you already had your baby. She also told me you wanted to call him Henry. I quickly contacted the adoption agency and explained the situation. Asked them if they could do something to fulfill that one wish that you had. The official adoption, when the parents would pick up the baby, would be the next day. Apparently the adoptive parents hadn't agreed on a name yet and liked the name 'Henry.' So your kid is out there Emma, and his name is Henry.''
This was all too much for her to handle.
The guard saw it and offered a chair to the blonde.
The other girls in the library looked at the two with suspicion in their eyes, but went on with their work.
''You did all of that? For me?'' she manages.
''It's nothing really. Just come by to see me in my office before you leave today to get all the paperwork in order and then you're good to go. Had your car shipped to New York already, you can pick it up at JFK International Airport. Got your flight tickets ready for you as well. You can stay with that friend of mine for the first few weeks, until you find your own place and saved some money.''
''I don't know how I'm ever able to thank you. I can't accept this. It's too much,'' stutters Emma.
''See it as a chance to start a new life.''
''Thank you…''
''Okay, and now back to work. Don't want to miss these last bucks that you earn here right?'' the guard says loudly and strict for the others to hear it.
''Yes Madam,'' Emma plays her part, and gets back to the others.
She's back in her cell at 5pm. She received a plastic bag from the supervisors to put the few belongings in she has. From below her pillow she retrieves her knitted baby blanket, the only possession she has which she feels a connection with. It is the blanket she was found in, at the side of the road. She holds it in her hands and smells at it, wishing that the smell of her as a baby is still in it, although she knows that that is impossible.
''Ready to go?'' asks a guard that opens her cell door.
''Yes,'' she sighs and she looks around one more time. She definitely will not going to miss this little space, but it also had something safe. Now she has to face the 'angry' world that is outside these prison walls. She's not sure if she's up for it.
''If you want to sign here and here,'' asks the guard, Emma's 'hero', when she's in her office. When all the paperwork is ready, the guard looks up at her. ''Go out there and make me proud. I know you can do it, now it's up to you to find the faith in yourself. You're a good person Emma, show that to the world.''
''Thank you so much… For everything,'' is the only thing the blonde can come up with to say.
''And don't think you get rid of me that easily. I expect a full report of your boss every month on how're doing. And a letter from you once in a while wouldn't be bad either,'' she adds.
''I promise!'' says Emma. It's a promise that's like a vow.
''Okay, so you'll all done here. Off you go. And remember: make me proud.''
And there she goes. Back into the wide, wide world. Starting a new life, with a chance that was given by a prison guard nonetheless. It feels unreal and like she's dreaming. When she gets into the car that will bring her to Portland International Airport, she pinches herself in the arm and the little pang of pain she feels tells her she's not dreaming. That this is all very real.
I know, I know that ''Bowl of soup'' thing was really dull and old, but I couldn't help myself writing it down :P But besides that 'weak point,' what did you guys think? Do you like these flashbacks, or do you feel it has to stay in the present time? It's up to you guys, really! And if you have any other suggestions, comments or complaints, please do not shy away and let me hear your ideas! I would greatly appreciate it :)
Have fun Sunday watching 'Manhattan' and have a great weekend!