The Fenton portal still covered in caution tape. The police hadn't even bothered to clean up their crime scene garbage. Or maybe it was still there to warn people (people like me) to stay away from the dangerous machine.
I ripped away at the tape, not caring about any penalties that might befall me because of it.
Nothing would find me after this, anyway.
I took a few moments to contemplate what I was doing here. I was about to kill myself. Could I truly go through with this? Something had to be said about my sanity considering I was going to do it the same way Danny died. I doubted I could really go through with it.
And I knew it was going to hurt. I remembered the way Danny was screaming…
The room began to spin. I was losing myself.
***
Steam continued to rise off of the burned body of my best friend.
"FUCK!" Tucker screamed as soon as I stopped screaming.
He pulled out his phone, hands shaking, as he dialed 911.
I stayed frozen in my spot on the floor, not able to take my eyes off of Danny's burned body. Tears and sobs shook my entire frame.
I could hear Jazz's frantic footsteps running down the stairs towards us.
"What's going on?!" she demanded before she had made it to us.
Neither Tucker or myself could not turn to face her, but we heard her gasp and scream. I could even hear Tucker urgently speaking to the paramedics. The noises seemed so far away for me.
My eyes stayed glued to Danny, who was trembling.
And then it hit me; he was shaking. He was breathing.
He was fucking alive.
Still shaking, I forced myself to crawl towards him.
The closer I got to him, the more I could see was wrong.
He was lying in the most twisted position I had ever seen a human lay in. I wasn't entirely sure that most of his muscles could bend the ways that they were bent. His face was covered in burns and blood. The jumpsuit he was wearing was torn and burned, exposing his skin in many areas.
I chocked at this portrait of this grotesque portrait of my best friend- no, this boy that I loved.
I loved him, and look at what I had done to him.
His entire body was shaking less by the time I reached him, and his breathing was becoming more erratic.
Very lightly, I placed my shaking hand on his shaking shoulder.
"Danny," I somehow managed to whisper.
He responded by turning his head towards me, and coughing up blood. I retracted my hand, scared that I had caused that by my gentle touch.
Danny's face was so badly damaged. It was burned and I almost couldn't tell it was him.
Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. His ice blue eyes remained the same.
"Sam," my name fell from his trembling lips, paired with a weak smile.
The weakest, most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life.
New tears welded up in my eyes.
"I'm here, best friend," I cried. "I'm here."
He startled me by lightly laughing.
"Best friends," he sighed. "I don't know about that one."
Through all the pain I felt, I looked at him confused.
"I always figured we were more is all," he explained, closing his eyes.
"No, Danny, no," I was suddenly urgent, and I shook him lightly. "Keep your eyes open. Don't you close them."
He forced them open again.
"Why?" he asked. "I want to be sure the last thing I see is your face."
Ice shot through every vein of my body.
'The last thing I see is your face. The last thing I see. The last thing.'
"No, this isn't it," I was frantic now. "This isn't the end of your life, Danny."
He drew the deepest breath I've ever seen anyone take.
"You know, Sam," he said. "I've always wanted to tell you that I loved you, but until now, I was never strong enough, and-"
He was cut off when he began to cough again, more blood spilled out of his mouth. His eyes shut tight, and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to let him know I was still there.
His eyes slowly reopened, and I watched his pupils fail to dilate.
He stopped shaking. His chest failed to rise again.
His hand fell out of mine.
I crashed back into reality screaming.
These memories. These shards. They were the only push I needed. I needed them to go away. They had driven me to insanity.
The shards of my memory had fucking taken over my life. They reminded me daily of why I was the worst person in the world. And why I didn't deserve to be alive anymore.
My eyes began to search for the button to open the large portal doors. As I remembered, it was located right on the side. I hit the button harder than necessary, hoping it would still work enough to open it.
There was a loud screeching noise as the doors protested to open. The now-rusted metal scrapped against its metal frame.
I looked into the dark hole, trying not to look down at the floor. Despite my best efforts, my eyes fell to the charred floor, and the unburned outline of the body that had lain there.
I held my breath as I fell to my knees right next to it, next to him.
"I'm coming," I whispered down to the floor.
Wasting no more time, I rose and looked for whatever Danny had hit, making the accident happed. I looked as hard as I could, trying to see through the dark. Slowly, my eyes adjusted, and I was able to make out a clear handprint on the walls of the portal. It covered a large green button that said ON.
So that was what happened; Danny had activated the portal while still inside of it.
My hand, smaller in comparison to the handprint that marked the burned wall, covered the button.
I could feel myself breathing heavier than normally. I could feel the shards reaching out for me again as Danny's screaming began to ring in the back of my mind.
I fought with everything I could to stay in the present moment, when I realized that I was about to end the present.
Without any more hesitation, I closed my eyes and slammed down on the button.
Waiting.
Silence.
Stillness.
Darkness.
Nothing had happened. Absolutely nothing.
Everything around me was still as I opened my eyes.
I looked back to the button and pressed it again, desperate.
Still nothing.
My hand began consistently raining down on that damn button, praying that a spark would ignite the portal. Praying for the death that I so badly deserved.
When I realized nothing would happen, I began to back away from the button.
Was this my punishment? Not being able to die? Having to live with this sick guilt forever?
There had to be something I was doing wrong.
I ran to the outside of the portal, looking for instructions, details, something that would tell me how to turn the damn thing on.
It was nothing but dark as I tried to find something in the lab. Maybe I should have worried about the lights after all.
My eyes caught sight of a wire that was connected to the frame of the portal. I traced the large cord all the way to a large generator where…it wasn't plugged in.
I had to plug the fucking thing in so I could die. That was all.
Strangely eager, I grabbed the cord and plugged in into the metal box power source.
Still. Fucking. Nothing.
"Damn it," I muttered under my breath. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."
I was desperate for this. I was desperate for this escape. I needed this portal to work.
I began to press every button on the generator, hoping something would happen. My palms rained down on every switch and knob available.
And without warning, I hit one switch, springing the generator to life. The hum of the large motor inside was quite possibly the best noise I had ever heard in my life.
But that noise was suddenly drowned by a louder noise.
The sound of an explosion rocked the entire lab. But it wasn't quite that; it was the sound of a dimension being ripped open…
The room shook, and suddenly there was so much light, I had to cover my eyes, even though I wasn't directly facing the source.
And then everything grew quite again. The only noise to fill the room was the steady humming of the generator behind me.
I opened my eyes and they slowly adjusted to a now eerie glow that consumed the whole room.
The portal sat there, wide open, with a strange green shield of light.
Was this light what killed Danny?
I approached it, and slowly raised my hand towards the green light. I expected it to be solid, I expected there to be pain.
My hand went threw the light, and it was freezing. The shock of the sudden chill forced my hand out and away from the light. When I pulled it back, I noticed a strange flowing green mist emanating off of my fingers. I watched it, wide-eyed until it quickly faded away.
What was this? Did Danny freeze to death in this light?
No, it couldn't have been that. He was burned, and he was in pain. Aside from the chill, there was no pain in my hand.
I waited a few moments, until my hand reached its regular temperature, and reached back into the light. I pushed through until my elbow was engulfed in the light.
Again, there was cold, but no pain.
I quietly debated whether or not to jump into the light. It was not transparent, nor could I see my hand through it. But I did know it would be cold enough to eventually kill me. If I exposed my body long enough to this severe temperature drop, I would eventually catch hypothermia and die.
Maybe it wasn't the same was as him, but it was the same spot.
I was cut off when I felt something absolutely freezing squeeze my wrist.
By force of habit, I tried to pull my arm back, but whatever was holding it had it tight.
I began to scream, my fight or flight response kicked in. I grabbed on to the frame of the portal and fought to pull my arm back.
"LET GO!" I yelled urgently at whatever was hold me.
My feet began to slide towards the light. The mysterious force was winning.
"STOP!" I screamed.
Summoning all my strength, I gave one final pull on my arm. The opposing force disappeared, and my arm shot out of the light. Whatever was holding me came out too, and flew through the air over my head. Before anything else, I ran to the side of the portal door and slammed my hand down on the close button. Slowly, the green light faded away as it was sealed behind the large metal doors.
And darkness filled the room again.
I noticed that the whole room had dropped in temperature. Maybe it was from the chill of that strange green light.
Either way, I decided it was time to turn on the lights. I started feeling my way on the walls for a switch when I stopped dead in my tracks.
The same green glowing light caught the corner of my eye. It was a much smaller source than the door, but it was the same nonetheless.
My face turned slowly to meet the source of it. A pair of small green orbs were looking at me. They were the only things I could see in the dark.
The closer I looked, the more they resembled eyes to me.
And that's what they were; glowing green eyes.
My eyes stayed locked on these eyes, and they stayed locked on me. Someone was in this room with me. But these eyes a multitude of emotions in them, with curiosity burning in them.
I was too afraid to move. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run but I was dead bolted to the ground I stood on.
Still, I knew I had to do something. My hands silently felt the wall for the light switch as my eyes stayed locked on the other pair across the room from me.
When my finger finally found the switch, I could not force myself to flip it; I was afraid of what the light could reveal to me.
Without warning, the pair of eyes began to move. They rose, as if whomever they belonged to was standing up. The movement of my guest suddenly triggered all of my muscles in my hand.
I flipped the light switch.
As my eyes adjusted, my legs failed to support me anymore.