Chapter 5

Knowing Obi-Wan's entrenched habits as well as his own, Anakin presented himself at the older man's door in the morning when he knew Obi-Wan would be sitting down with his first cup of tea. He punched in the code to open the door, and observed his Master in his customary place at the table. However, the tea was absent. And Obi-Wan looked like he had not slept at all.

Anakin immediately bypassed the table and went into the kitchen to brew the tea himself. As he stood waiting for the water to boil, he leaned against the counter and studied his friend. Obi-Wan sat nearly motionless at the table-had he even gone to bed? Anakin wondered. He shook his head of unruly curls and proceeded to make a cup of tea just how he knew his Master liked it. Or at least how he used to like it. Perhaps that had changed too.

He set the cup down in front of Obi-Wan and took the seat opposite. The tired man reached automatically for the fragrant beverage and sipped thoughtfully at it. His eye remained glued to the tabletop until he set the cup back down. Then they slowly rose to Anakin's eye level.

Unused to Obi-Wan-ever the consummate host-being less than gracious, Anakin decided to dismiss this and all the other unsettling developments of the past months in favor of just plowing ahead in their talk. He was tired of the cloying nature of their relationship now.

"I know you want to understand, but I'm not sure you do," he started out the way he had planned for the past few hours, not sleeping well himself.

Obi-Wan cut him off. "Do you know what I did when I came home last night, Anakin?" he asked. When the blonde shook his head, Obi-Wan continued, "I watched a terrible HoloVid about a family who loses a child to demon possession. And I cried." The last confession was said in a whisper, but a forceful whisper.

Anakin sat back in his straight-backed chair. He really wasn't sure what to make of that. What did that have to do with his fighting?

Obi-Wan sighed, reading the confusion on Anakin's face. "You're not the only one who is experiencing withdrawal from the events of the past four years, Padawan. What we saw, what we did, changed me too. It's made me re-evaluate everything I have believed in for all of my adult life. And it's terrifying," he finished. His stare bored into Anakin.

His next words were pleading, "How do you do it?"

"Do . . . what exactly?" Anakin asked in return.

"How do you deal with these emotions? I know I want to experience them now-don't get me wrong. I'm not going back to the way things were. I can't. But this is-" Obi-Wan stopped to run an exasperated hand through his hair then leaning on his elbow and cupping his cheek.

Anakin actually smirked a little. "Officially, I don't have any emotions . . ." he began.

Now it Obi-Wan's turn to smirk. "You know all of that is changing. I am changing it. The Code is evolving. We were lucky to escape the war with the Order relatively intact," he said, his smile fading. "The Jedi need to propagate, faster than we have with our traditional methods. We need to cultivate the kind of community and kinship that comes from family units." He paused.

Obi-wan looked at his former Padawan to see his reaction to this announcement. Anakin's mouth hung open, and his jaw worked soundlessly. Jedi families? He was speechless. And to know that Obi-Wan was behind these changes? Incredible. He had changed.

"There's more," Obi-Wan continued. More? Anakin thought incredulously.

"I want the companionship that a spouse would provide. I want a family of my own. The comfort and love that could provide would be the greatest adventure and challenge of my life. And the most rewarding." He finished his tea and settled into his chair, more relaxed than he had felt in months. He had bared his soul, and he couldn't be happier to share it with the man sitting there currently trying to determine just how crazy his friend had gone.

"I suspect you want something more too, Anakin." Obi-Wan couldn't seem to stop the flood of words now that the dam had broken. "That's where this urge to fighting comes from. You're searching for something comforting and familiar. Perhaps we will eventually want the same things. . . perhaps not. But I refuse to let you go," he said with finality.

Silence descended on them. But their gaze never wavered. Finally, Anakin cleared his throat, "Where am I going?" he asked slowly, dazed by the deluge of information assaulting his brain.

"Down a path you should not. Violence is not the only way to feel alive, Anakin. There are other-challenges-in our lives, ones I don't think you've considered," Obi-Wan said deliberately.

The older Jedi reached across the table to grasp his friend's hand. "Would you consider a family of your own to be a big enough distraction to keep you from this self-destruction?"

Anakin shrugged and said, "It's nothing I've really given thought to. I didn't know I'd ever have the option to make the choice for myself." He furrowed his brow slightly as his mind tried to follow the progression of such events. A family. Children. A companion he could openly love and show affection to? It didn't sound too bad after all.

He was returned to the moment by Obi-Wan squeezing his hand. "I think you could-should-try," Obi-Wan said tenderly.

Anakin laughed at that and squeezed back. "Ok, Obi-Wan. I'll just go out and find someone to get that started for you, Master." He couldn't resist rolling his eyes. These things took time, didn't they? He had to not only know someone, but there had to be trust, love, intimacy, comfort-all things that couldn't be gained overnight.

Tightening his grip on Anakin's hand, Obi-Wan said, "Why not start right here?"

"In the Temple? Well, yeah, probably-"

"No," Obi-Wan cut him off again. "I mean, right here." And he reached out for Anakin's other hand. "We could be a family. Or the beginning of one. If you wanted. If you let us be."

Finally, realization dawned on Anakin. "You and I?" he repeated. "Why would we be a family?"

Obi-Wan took in a deep breath. "Because I love you. And I want to be with you always. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. It's the only thing I want anymore."

Anakin was caught up trying to decide if he had heard Obi-Wan right. He narrowed his eyes slightly and continued to study his Master's face. Then he thought better of his limited human intuition and dipped into his other realm of the Force. He sought out Obi-Wan's signature and put all of his need to understand into a soft press against the other man's mental shields. He felt Obi-Wan relax and welcome him in.

And he did understand. There was the trust, love, intimacy, and comfort he had been thinking about moments before. It was already built between himself and this man who was his closest friend, his biggest champion, his most trusted confessor. And then there was something else. Something less familiar and comforting and more thrilling.

His eyes widened on his physical self as his spiritual eyes opened to the glow of Obi-Wan. He had not considered his relationship with his Master as anything more than what it already was-as all-consuming as any relationship any two Jedi had ever had. It had always been so. They had always been a blazing beacon of attachment that defied the Code. But with the war, the Council had overlooked this for the good of the Galaxy.

Now, they were officially sanctioned by the Council, not that Anakin would have let that group of out-of-touch Masters stop him from anything he wanted if he wanted it desperately. He had always known himself better than the Council pretended to. He knew that he harbored different needs than other Jedi. And that had been part of the thrill of the attachment for him.

And in light of this realization about their attachment, weren't he and Obi-Wan already a family? Didn't they share a connection that was unique and exclusive? No one had ever come between them. And Anakin's need for family that drew from his attachment to his mother was always fulfilled by Obi-Wan. He had soothed Anakin's fears, his nightmares, his anger...

But what did he bring to Obi-Wan? What could he offer this man who was a paragon of honor and selflessness? Just what did his Master love about him, he wondered. So he asked.

"Why do you love me?"

That was not what Obi-Wan had expected to hear or to be asked. Had Anakin ever questioned why others were drawn to him? But then, their inauspicious beginning-essentially forced on one another by circumstance-had always seemed to haunt Anakin despite the intervening years and mitigating experiences.

He smiled tenderly at the younger man again. The look was full of feeling bursting out of Obi-Wan's eyes. He extracted one hand to place it against Anakin's cheek. "Because you are you, Anakin. You are my best friend, and the only person in the galaxy who I want by my side, no matter the circumstances. If I have to attend one more boring state dinner, one more excruciating excuse for a peace summit, or even one more evening alone here in my quarters without you, I'll go mad. I crave your company, Anakin."

The younger man smiled and even blushed a little. He understood craving. "And I yours, Master. I've never felt completely at home in my own apartment. But, here, now," he gestured around at their shared rooms. "This is where I call home. Our home."

They smiled warmly at each other, assuming complete understanding had been reached.

TBC