Chapter 7

Living together made scheduling their sparring sessions infinitely easier. They basically headed to the training rooms when the mood hit them. And despite Obi-Wan's assertion that he had had enough excitement during the war, he relished the opportunity to sweat with Anakin and a lightsaber in his hand.

They had years ago dispensed with training sabers. There was no point in not feeling the weight and texture of your own weapon. Sparring was training, but two opponents who had clashed thousands of times over the years weren't training so much as choreographing their interaction. Refining their give and take, their ups and downs. They were speaking a language of the physical that went beyond the limitations of mere words.

Shedding their tunics had become a matter of course over the years too. No sense in soiling perfectly good clothing when it had become somewhat scarce during campaigns. This also afforded them the opportunity to observe the minute twitches and sinewy glides of muscles usually obscured by layers of rough fabric. It used to be a way to gauge an opponent's next move, but Obi-Wan had slid into the realm of admiring as much as observing.

Their bouts had turned more physical lately as well. They threw more punches, grabbed each other's arms and wrists, and barreled into each other's torsos. Lightsabers weren't their only means of thrust and parry anymore.

"You're slipping, old man," Anakin announced one session. "I've thrown you to the floor more times today than I have this past year all tolled," he gloated.

Obi-Wan smothered a smile and tried for indignant when he replied, "All part of my strategy, Padawan."

And it was-his strategy to increase bodily contact with Anakin. For weeks, they had danced this dance inside and out of the training room. Obi-Wan was trying to be patient, but he was increasingly frustrated by Anakin's dodges. What was he trying to prove anyway?

After another few minutes, Obi-Wan went for broke and pinned the larger, sweaty body with his own. He even cheated again and used a bit of Force restraint on the larger young man. He smiled down into his face.

"Now who's slipping?" he asked. Obi-Wan settled his hips atop Anakin's and straddled them by placing his knees to the mat. Anakin struggled against his bonds to no avail. He was pinned.

"Come on, Master. Give me another chance," he pleaded as if he had been losing all afternoon.

Obi-Wan dipped his nose right into Anakin's face while his hips made a slow circle. Huskily, he replied, "You are mine."

Up to this point, Anakin had never been opposed to sexual experimentation. He had dabbled in some alien species as well as dubious gender. But he hadn't given much thought to experimenting with someone he knew as well as his Master. But in this situation, he figured he'd use whatever he could to find an advantage over the man currently teasing him mercilessly.

When Obi-Wan ran the tip of his nose down the side of Anakin's nose and nuzzled his soft cheek, Anakin nuzzled back. And when Obi-Wan became distracted by his boy's full lips, he relaxed with a sigh, and Anakin made his move.

The Force restraint lessened, and he pushed back against his captor. Obi-Wan tumbled off with a thud, and Anakin jumped up with a cry of triumph. He had defeated Obi-Wan at his own game, or so he thought.

But Obi-Wan had had enough. He sputtered from his position on the mat, "Anakin!That's no way to treat me!" He held out his hands in a helpless gesture.

Anakin took his indignation for more play-acting. "You're just upset that I out-maneuvered you. How is what I did any different from that evil little swirl of your hips that you used to try to fluster and embarrass me?"

Obi-Wan blanched. What? Is that really what Anakin thought? All of this was just a game to him? A joke? He spoke quietly with restrained emotion, "I thought we had an agreement. I thought we were supposed to take care of each other. Why won't you let me touch you?"

Anakin began to look perplexed.

Obi-Wan continued as he sat up and fixed his eyes on the floor. "Winning some contest against you was not why I did what I did. I felt close to you, lying on you intimately like that. It was instinctual to want to connect with you." He sighed with resignation and finally finished his thoughts. "I want to do it more often. I want to do more, more often. With you. If we're going to make this relationship work . . . ."

Anakin interrupted impatiently, "Isn't it already working? Why are you trying to change things?"

Obi-Wan looked hard into Anakin's face, willing the young man to listen carefully. "I want it all, Anakin. I want you body and soul-or nothing."

Half frowning, Anakin naively asked, "What more could there be?"

Obi-wan stares meaningfully at him, and said slowly, "Don't pretend to be that innocent or that stupid. You are neither."

Realization of something he had missed for the past few months finally dawned on Anakin.

"You want . . . more . . . more intimacy?" he asked just as quietly, as he knelt next to his Master.

Obi-Wan reached out to touch Anakin. The flinch he was granted further crushed his hopes. "Do you not?" Obi-Wan asked. "Have you changed your mind?" He dropped his hand and tried desperately not to feel foolish and desperate.

"I don't know," Anakin answered honestly, settling more fully on to the mat near Obi-Wan. He's not running away, thought the Jedi Master. Anakin continued, "I don't think I understood before. But I'm starting to now."

Feeling the searing possession of anger, Obi-Wan pushed himself to standing. "Well, when you decide what you want, you know how to find me," he said, the venom in his words, voice, and eyes causing another flinch from Anakin. He turned on his heel and gathered his lightsaber and discarded clothing.

"Master, wait-" Anakin called in vain. He watched the greatest man he had ever known reduced to storming out of the room, hurt and angry, because he, Anakin, had been so obtuse not to even try to understand the other man's needs.

I'm lucky he even wants me around much less wants to elevate me to the status that no one has ever had with him before, he thought. Why am I so oblivious?

Later that evening, Obi-Wan heard his commlink buzz to tell him he had a recorded message. He flipped the switch to activate it. It was voice only.

Obi-Wan. I'm going off-planet for a few days to do some thinking. We could both use some space. I'm not angry or upset, although I know that you are both of those, and its all my fault. I'm very sorry that I've hurt you with my thoughtless behavior. You and I both need me to clarify my intentions toward you and toward us. I didn't realize the full extent of this commitment when I made it-I want to ensure that I'm equal to it before I involve you again. Take care of yourself while I'm gone. I'll be in touch.

Obi-Wan closed the link with a thoughtful expression. Was he willing to wait for the young man? He had really invested himself in this personal endeavor-not knowing what he was doing exactly. Now he felt angry, confused, rejected, and embarrassed all at the same time. It was very overwhelming for someone not used to feeling anything.

Perhaps it was foolish of him to try to establish this kind of relationship with someone as mercurial as Anakin. Perhaps he should have been happy with the way things were already. Perhaps he was asking too much-more than Anakin had to give anyone.

Stop, he chided himself. I will not sit here and blame myself for this turn of events. I was honest from the beginning. Just because I didn't drag him into my bedroom and say 'fuck me now' doesn't mean I wasn't clear. Dammit, Anakin.

Obi-Wan had a feeling he was going to need more wine. Donning his cloak, he headed out the door.

TBC