Chapter 8

Meanwhile, Anakin was piloting his new starfighter (upgraded to the point that his tantrum over the old one was rendered even more childish) among the stars he had dreamed of visiting as a child. He had seen too many of them during his time in the war. He had contributed to the destruction of too many of them.

The first night, he settled into a dark bar and nursed a glass of dubiously-fermented ale. Sitting in a corner with his back to the dirty wall, he observed the courtship rituals of the creatures who frequented the place.

Watching strangers troll for a sex partner for the evening reminded him just how lucky he was to have someone like Obi-Wan who was willing to put up with him in so many ways. Searching his feelings for the answers he needed before returning home, he began questioning himself.

Am I afraid? When is Anakin Skywalker ever afraid? When he feels helpless to protect those who are important to him. And that's what I'd be afraid of-not being able to protect Obi-Wan from me.

I'm afraid that I can't make him happy. Then I could lose him as surely as if I rejected him out-of-hand yesterday. I'm afraid that he'll get tired of me and leave me. I'm afraid of loving too much and driving him away.

But then, he knows me. He knows what I'm like. And he still proposed that we give it a try. He's not afraid. Maybe that should be enough for me.

The following night, Anakin decided to sequester himself away from prying eyes and intrusive interruptions. He found a room for the evening, ordered in food and drink, and flipped on the HoloNet. Away from the Temple, he had access to the 'adult channels'. He decided to experiment a little to address his second concern.

Am I repulsed by Obi-Wan and the thought of intimacy? Actually, I'm astonished that I never considered it myself before. Is not like Obi-Wan's hard on the eyes. He has that swagger. And that hair that falls into his eyes all the time. So endearing. And I sometimes wonder how far down his freckles go . . .

He found some pornographic vids to watch and settled in to see what tickled his fancy.

I've never been hesitant to seek out Obi-Wan's touch nor to feel comforted by it. I've never felt that it was inappropriate or awkward. He's my friend, my mentor. This could be a chance to enjoy new aspects of that treasured body as well as his mind and spirit.

And truthfully, it's been years since I began to worship his body as a vessel of the Force and as a warrior. I always admire his physicality when we spar. The first time he demonstrated Soresu to me with a real lightsaber, I was in awe of how he moved. I never thought I'd be able to match him. Perhaps now I have met my match.

Anakin spent the rest of the evening flipping through the different offerings for heterosexuals, homosexuals, and every other combination in the galaxy. He had to admit that he would probably rather just be home with Obi-Wan, lying on the couch and sharing some wine.

The next day, Anakin found himself piloting on auto-Anakin. His mind wandered to his last qualm.

Am I unsure? How can I be? Of course, this feels new and unexpected, but the signs were all there. Obi-Wan made his intentions clear without pressuring me. I was the one sending unclear and unfair, mixed signals to him. I'll be lucky if he gives me another chance.

Will I ask for one?

Closing his eyes, Anakin allowed himself to picture his potential future with Obi-Wan. That was when he felt the thrill. The one Obi-Wan had been talking about. The one he knew Anakin needed, and he offered to provide. There was also the challenge, the unknown territory, and the excitement. A smile crept across his face, and he finally knew his own mind. Without even opening his eyes, he headed his ship toward Coruscant and home.

The young Jedi decided that a surprise homecoming might be more fun. He commed ahead to the Temple hangar to ask if Master Kenobi's speeder was docked. He was informed that Master Kenobi had left for the Senate building early that morning and was not expected to return until nightfall. Anakin was thrilled.

He spent the rest of the afternoon arranging a cozy dinner for the two of them, complete with food he did not cook himself. He lit candles and changed into more flattering civilian clothing. He had the wine on stand-by and was all set for his Master when he returned after a long day of boring meetings with imperious Senators.

Obi-Wan swept into the room and stopped short. The first thing he noticed was the dim lighting. Then the smell of food. Finally, he saw Anakin standing off to the side of the room holding two glasses of wine. Anakin offered him a small smile and a glass.

The Jedi Master wasn't sure that he was in any shape for this encounter. He was tired. He was irritated. He didn't want to do any more talking today. His mouth and throat were dry and raspy from all the words he had had to deliver that day. His head felt heavy, and his feet hurt. All in all, he felt crappy.

But he did accept the glass of wine and gave Anakin his cloak to hang up. He stood watching the younger man walk back to the door and hang the cloak on a hook. It was then he noticed that Anakin was dressed comfortably, and he yearned to be so as well. Taking a sip of his wine, he placed it on the table and held up one finger in a gesture for patience. He disappeared into his bedroom for a minute or two and re-emerged attired similarly to his friend. Both had bare feet.

Now, he felt considerably better.

He waited for Anakin to speak first since he was the author of all the atmosphere in the room. Anakin smiled and moved forward to take his friend's hand. When they moved close enough to the table, Anakin put his own wineglass down to lift Obi-Wan's and offer it to him again. Obi-Wan accepted it graciously with a small tilt of his head.

Anakin then offered a toast, saying softly, "To us." They touched the delicate glass together, making the faintest ring. It was then that Obi-Wan noticed the soft music in addition to the candlelight and food. Anakin had apparently put some effort into this evening. But the Master continued to say nothing and nurse his tired throat. Besides, he thought, I've already said what I want. It's his turn now.

"Let's eat," Anakin suggested, sweeping one hand toward the set table. Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. They took their usual places and Anakin dished out the delicious and still steaming hot food. Obi-Wan noted that most of it was comprised of his favorite delicacies. They continued in companionable silence, Obi-Wan wondering what was next on the itinerary for the evening.

He didn't have long to wait after the last forkful was eaten. Anakin cleared the table and reappeared at the kitchen doorway with soft eyes. Finally, he found his voice.

"Thank you for giving me the past couple days. I hope that this evening is as much a gift to you as the time to think was a gift for me. I know you must think I'm the most self-absorbed creature in the galaxy." He was rewarded with a purse of Obi-Wan's lips and the lifted eyebrow, but he continued in the same tone unabated. "But the more I thought about us, the more I realized that I already knew what I wanted. I just needed you to make me externalize it. As usual, you know me better than I do, Master."

He paused for effect. Then he added, "I want you. I want us. All of us-mind, soul, and body."

TBC