It was a week after the prank on the Slytherins and no one suspected the four young Gryffindors. The house members' hair and skin had gone back to normal a few days previously but the trick was still the talk of the school. Sirius and James were desperate to reveal themselves as the perpetrators to the rest of the school but Remus kept talking them out of it with the help of Peter, who usually sided with Remus on anything logical.
After the glory of their last prank, the four friends had begun to plan another. It was this that they were doing late at night in the Common Room on Friday night. James, Sirius and Peter had their heads almost touching, pouring over a potions book whilst Remus was attempting to read up on various useful spells and charms but his eyes just wouldn't focus. The moon hung low in the sky, intimidating and ominous, with the threat of the full moon the next day but for the first time in his life, Remus barely noticed. He was too engrossed in planning with his friends that he barely noticed that his head was spinning slightly and he had a headache. All he was thinking about was the next move he and his friends were going to make. He knew that he should be completely against most of what they were doing, especially if they were only ever targeting Slytherins. He knew what it was like to be targeted for something that you couldn't help, just because it was part of who you were and he didn't like that that was part of what he and his friends were doing. Still, he couldn't help himself. For once, he was included, he had friends and he was happy. It was as if he was almost normal.
'Remus, look at this one,' Peter said, shoving the book under his friends nose.
Remus squinted at the page, waiting impatiently for the letters to arrange themselves into words.
'I think you need these more than I do,' James laughed, taking off his circular glasses and offering them to his friend.
'I'm just tired, I can't read anymore,' Remus sighed, pushing the book away.
Sirius's head whipped up and, with a concerned look, he rushed over to the pale boy's side and put his hand on his forehead.
'What are you doing?' Remus asked, backing away slowly, slightly worried for his friend's sanity.
'It's just that you actually pushed a book away from you and refused to read anymore. I thought that meant that you were ill or dying or something…' Sirius explained, a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes behind what looked like genuine concern. 'And you do actually feel like you have a fever, Remmy. Do you feel alright?'
'Yes, I'm fine Sirius. Except don't call me Remmy,' came the reply, which Remus was surprised to find wasn't completely a lie. He didn't feel nearly as bad as he usually did around this time and he had, in fact, genuinely forgotten about it all, which made him feel so happy. With a smile he pushed himself out of his lounging position and heaved himself to his feet.
'We can work on this in the morning, ok? I'm too tired to think right now.'
Remus lay awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling, concealed behind his closed curtains. It was strange. He was thinking about various spells and incantations that he and his friends would find useful instead of his lycanthropy that he knew would hit him hard tomorrow. His subconscious was afraid to sleep in case he had another nightmare, which wasn't uncommon around the time of the full moon, and so kept his mind alert, awake and busy by thinking about various pranks he could pull off. His was starting to notice his head spinning and his headache was progressing to the verge of a full migraine but he seemed to be able to block it out. Still, so he wouldn't worry his friends in the middle of the night, he slithered out of bed, vanished the contents of the bin and set the empty container next to his bed in case the luck he seemed to be having didn't last through the night. As he done this, he listened to the slow breathing and snores from his friends and for the first time didn't feel as different from them. He knew that he was a monster; he knew that there was no real cure for him, but what if his friends were somehow saving him? What if their friendship suppressed the wolf inside him? He smiled at the thought as he crawled back into his bed and resumed staring at his ceiling, feeling sudden fatigue wash over him. He nestled his head into his pillow, beginning to feel the effects of the full moon, but grinned into the darkness. For once, he had hope that he had always been too afraid to feel. The hope that his friends were saving him.
For what he thought was the first time ever, Peter was the first one to wake. It was getting deeper into autumn so although it was always dark in the mornings now, he could tell it was not yet early enough to call it the next day. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and drew the curtains around his bed. From his bed he saw the moon still high in the sky, even though it was morning. He didn't really like winter. It was so cold and dark and depressing looking. He was looking forward to Christmas, where he might go home and see his family, but other than that he disliked the season altogether. He looked out across the Hogwarts Grounds. The view from Gryffindor Tower really was stunning. The grounds stretched out as far as the eye could see, the grass shimmering in the combined light of the moon and stars as the dew froze into glimmering crystals. The soft clouds in the sky littered the deep navy doorway to space and Peter imagined flying. Not with a broomstick, he was worse than hopeless on a broom, but just in the air, feeling the cold breeze through his hair as his fingers trailed the soft, fluffy edges of the clouds…
He was awakened from his reverie as the sound of coughing came from the bathroom. Peter spun on the spot, now facing away from the window and turned to look at the bathroom door. The coughing continued sounding weak and hoarse. Peter looked around the room and saw that all three of his friend's curtains around their beds were pulled over, so he couldn't see who it was in the bathroom. He hovered, unsure whether or not to offer his help. The hoarseness made him think that it might be Sirius who, whilst appreciating the concern, would want to be left alone. Peter, unsure if he was being a horrible friend or not, silently climbed back into bed, drew his curtains and waited for sleep to come once more.
Remus had his thin, trembling arm thrown over the toilet for support as the effects of his lycanthropy hit him at full force. He shivered uncontrollably and longed for the warm comfort of his bed, but knew he had to wait until he had stopped emptying out the contents of his stomach. Despite the full moon hitting him hard, Remus was still adamant that he was right, and that it wasn't as bad as it usually was. He kept convincing himself that his friends were unknowingly helping him that everything was going to be all right for once. Finally, he half crawled back into his bedroom, bringing with him the newly emptied bin, which he set beside his bed once more. He was unsure if he would even be able to speak tomorrow, all of the coughing and acid burning his throat from the vomit had made him hoarse, but he didn't care. As long as he had his friends by him, like any normal person.
'Hurry up! We're going to be late!' came the voice of James Potter, loud as always. Remus's head was felt like it was splitting and his throat was killing him but he sat up and smiled, grabbing his clothes to get changed in the bathroom as he always does. Peter groggily sat up, rubbing their eyes whilst Sirius threw his sheets off him and got up.
'Why don't we ever learn to just set an alarm like normal people?' Peter grumbled.
'Now, Peter, what's the fun in that?' James replied, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
'And who the hell wants to be normal? It's much more fun being different!' Sirius laughed, throwing clothes on. 'Where's Remus?'
'Getting changed in the bathroom, like he always does,' James sighed. 'I don't understand why he does that. We're his friends; we're not going to laugh at him or something.'
'Maybe he's just uncomfortable around all people, not just us. He's not exactly the trusting type,' Peter suggested, shrugging.
'I just can't help feeling that he still doesn't trust us the way that he should and I don't understand. Sometimes I get the feeling that there is something big that he isn't telling us, something important, and I just feel worthless sometimes because I can't help him…' James trailed off; his eyes filled with confused sadness and looked towards the bathroom door. 'I just wish he realised how much we care about him.'
'I know what you mean, mate. Just give him time, I'm sure he'll get there,' Sirius reassured.
Peter looked up from getting his tie in knots and looked at Sirius, suddenly remembering last night. 'Sirius, are you feeling ok?'
'Me? I'm fine. Why?' Sirius replied, sharing a confused look with James, who shrugged.
'Oh, it must have been a dream then…' Peter replied, glancing at the bathroom where his friend was still concealed silently, and wondered if Remus was ill again and hiding it from them for some reason or if it really was just a dream.
James and Sirius exchanged matching grins of mischief and, speaking in high pitched voices, began to poke at Peter and ruffle his hair cooing 'Aw, Peter are you having dreams about Sirius?' 'Aw, are you dreaming about me little Petey?'
Unbeknown to his friends, Remus, with his werewolf hearing, had heard the entire conversation, and smiled sadly. He wished that he could open up to his friends, he really did and he knew that they would do his best to help him, were it a normal situation or problem. But, despite how often he pretended, or wished, or even prayed, Remus knew that he would always have this secret. He just wished it wasn't so hard. He leant his forehead against the door, sighing, and a single solitary tear ran down his cheek. Single. Solitary. Just like him. Then, with a flick of his hand, it was gone, vanished forever.
'Want a sandwich, Remus?'
The four were sitting down in their regular seats at the Gryffindor Table at lunch. The smell from the food was inviting, but made the thin boys stomach churn. He was still pretending to be absolutely fine to his friends, but he felt positively awful. He felt very weak, ill, and he had a splitting headache. His vision was slightly blurring, and he was getting steadily dizzier.
'What's going on?' James asked his friend. 'You didn't eat anything at breakfast, either. Are you feeling ill?'
'No, I'm just not hungry,' Remus replied with what he hoped was a convincing smile.
'You don't have to pretend for us mate. You look really pale,' Sirius added, hiding his alarm as best as he could. He had only just got a good look at his friend and, although he was used to his constantly pale complexion, he looked literally chalk white.
'Honestly guys, I'm fine. You don't have to fuss over me.'
James, Sirius and Peter shared exasperated and confused looks. Peter had genuinely confused himself into not knowing if he really had dreamt someone being ill in the bathroom, so decided not to mention it but could swear that as the four stood to leave, he noticed Remus stumbling.
The room was just as large as he remembered. This time, however, there was month old dried blood all over the walls and floor and some of the furniture was broken. The first time he was in here, he liked it, he found hope in it, but now it scared him. The tall walls intimidated him, made him feel so much smaller and insignificant. He was sitting in the middle of the floor, his legs pulled up to his chin. He had lasted the whole day today. All through all of his classes, all through dinner, everything! He was quite proud of himself for that. It was getting increasingly difficult to pretend that he was ok but somehow he managed. Remus gazed up at the window in front of him and did a double take. It was the moon. The full moon, shining high and he hadn't changed. Here he was, in human form. The boy stood up, hardly able to believe it, his heart leaping in his chest. He knew it! He knew that his friends were somehow saving him! He just knew it! Remus grinned, felt a tear run down his face. He had done it! That was his last thought before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted.
Fire! Ripping! It was a pain that cannot even begin to be comprehended. Snapping and grinding sounds echoed around the room with the howls that turned into screams as a semi-morphed creature writhed on the floor, still tearing at itself with deformed hands until a small, fragile framed boy lay on the blood soaked floor, the red liquid all over his body. His yellow eyes lost their glazed look and he looked around the blood stained room, defeated. He felt tears spring to his eyes.
'I guess I didn't make it then,' he whispered, the tears falling freely. 'It was as if I was almost normal.' And with that he fainted once more and the world went black.