CHAPTER 18: Party Time

Sirius had never felt more at home in a place that wasn't Hogwarts. He had never truly realised how awful his home situation was until he had something else to compare it with and, looking at the way James got on with his parents, the way lots of people were having fun at one of their parties, the way that everyone was welcome here, Sirius realised how terrible his family really were. He had always known that what he had was not normal but he had never properly appreciated just how badly he was treated until now. A burning hatred filled up inside him. He never wanted to go back. Here, among the banners and music and people having fun, this was where he belonged. There was no prejudice here and he loved it.

Remus didn't really know what to do with himself. He couldn't remember the last time he was at a party and he had certainly never been to a party like this. Ever since he first got bitten, he hadn't had any friends up until he met James and Sirius and Peter. Perhaps he had been to birthday parties with the friends he had as a toddler but he couldn't remember much before life as a werewolf. He didn't really know how to behave. In a way he resented his sheltered upbringing but he understood the necessity of it. He wished, not for the first time, that he was normal and that this would all be easy, but he wasn't and it was hard for him. It was unsettling for him to be in a room so full of people who didn't know him. He was terrified of meeting new people because of how he was and he had to keep reminding himself to breathe and not panic. Despite all of this, he was having a really good time. He realised that as long as he was with his friends, nothing else mattered.

James bounded around the house, dragging his friends along with him. It was so exciting, being here with them. He loved parties, but had always found the ones that his parents threw tedious because there was nobody for him to talk to. It was always his parents' friends, not his own. This time was different and he was having the best time.

'James, James, hold on,' Sirius called from a metre or so behind, 'where are we going?'

'Just come on!' James yelled, charging on faster through the swarm of people and out of the door into his large garden. He continued on, down towards a small wall which separated the Potter residence from a dense forest. Just before he reached the wall, James turned and headed towards a large tree in full bloom despite the snow still littering the ground and began to rapidly climb it.

'Are you being serious, James?' Remus called from the ground.

'Of course he's not, I'm the only one who can be Sirius,' Sirius laughed, leaping onto the tree and following his friend up into the leaves. Remus sighed and gingerly followed them up the tree. He loved climbing trees, but it was dark and he couldn't see where he was going. Eventually he felt two pairs of hands grab him and pull him through the leaves.

'Welcome, Remus!' James grinned, gesturing to the massive tree house that he had just been led too.

It was bigger than the largest room in Remus's house. There was a massive bed in one corner and a couch in the other with Gryffindor posters littering the wooden walls. Beside the couch was a coffee table laden with food and drinks.

'My parents thought that we could come here for our own little party to get away from all of the adults and their boring conversations,' James smiled. 'I thought you would like this better. I could tell that you weren't used to things like that.'

Remus and Sirius grinned and ran over to the couch.

'This is so cool, James,' Sirius said, helping himself to the pile of food in front of him.

'Wait a minute, I have to go and get something back at the house, I completely forgot,' James said, making his way back down the tree.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and shrugged. Sirius began to tuck into the food again but Remus stood up and began to walk around the room, gazing at everything in it.

'Is something wrong?' Sirius asked, looking up at his friends face and seeing that Remus looked upset.

'No, not at all. Well, maybe. I'm not sure.'

The small boy sighed and went outside to sit on a branch. Sirius joined him.

'What do you mean? What's going on, Remus?'

'It's just...I don't belong here. I don't belong here with you and James,' Remus replied, gazing out at the lights coming from the Potter mansion.

'Of course you do, what are you talking about?'

'I don't, Sirius. You both deserve someone better than me. I mean, look at this place. James lives in a mansion, Sirius. You live in a mansion. This tree house is bigger than any room that I have back at home. Merlin, it's almost the same size as my entire house! I got such wonderful Christmas presents from the two of you and I couldn't afford to give you anything anywhere near as good. Sometimes I just feel like you're just putting up with me because I don't have anyone else. Because I'm not good enough, I just wish I could be something more for you.'

Remus trailed off into a whisper and blinked the tears away from his eyes. He had always been poor, he was used to it, and it was the only life he knew. He never resented his parents for not earning more or anything but he just couldn't help but feel inadequate. James and Sirius deserved a better friend, someone who wouldn't be nervous in a crowd of people, someone who didn't have to lie to protect his secret, someone who could give them back just as much as they gave him. He hated feeling like he was dragging them down.

Sirius didn't know what to say. He looked at his friend, dumbstruck by what he had just heard. It didn't matter to him how much money Remus had, and he knew that it didn't matter to James either. How could Remus possibly think that he, what, that he wasn't good enough for them? It saddened Sirius to know that his friend was thinking like that.

'It doesn't matter, Remus,' he whispered.

'It does,' Remus replied in a low voice, hiding his face from Sirius because he couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Sirius put his arm around his friend and pulled him close into his chest. He could feel Remus's bones through his clothes and he almost succumbed to tears as well. How could Remus not see how much they cared about him?

'Remus, you have no idea how much you mean to us, ok? You have no idea. What would we do without you? There is no one in this world who could ever take your place to us. It doesn't matter to me how much money you have, and I know it doesn't matter to James either. Every time I see you hurt, or when I first saw you today and you were so thin and looked so ill, it scared me because I couldn't help but think about what would happen if I lost you. I couldn't deal with that, mate. I just couldn't. Things just wouldn't be the same without you as you. We don't want someone with lots of money, or a big house, or whatever, we want you. Do you understand?'

He felt Remus's head nod and he took his arm away from his friend's shoulder. He stood up and pulled Remus to his feet, reaching out and wiping the tears away from his face.

'I don't ever want to hear you talking like that ever again, ok?'

Remus nodded again and hugged Sirius tightly before walking inside and sitting back down on the couch. The two of them began to tuck into the food before James appeared again with a crate full of butterbeer.

'I totally forgot that mum bought these for us and – Remus, having you been crying?'

'Um...hay fever,' Remus improvised, taking a bite of chocolate.

James looked at Sirius who shot him an 'I'll tell you later' look. James nodded and passed around the butterbeers. At that moment bright numbers appeared on the wall, and began to count down from 60.

'My dad wanted to make sure we didn't miss the New Year,' James explained.

The three boys watched the numbers get lower and lower until they finally reached 0.

'HAPPY NEW YEAR!' they chorused, as fireworks exploded overhead.

'So what was wrong with Remus?' James whispered, glancing over to check that the thin boy was definitely asleep. 'Because I'm pretty sure someone doesn't get hay fever in January.'

'He told me that he didn't feel good enough to be our friend because he didn't have a lot of money,' Sirius sighed, shaking his head at the memory.

'What?! That's ridiculous! Was he being serious?'

'Well, since he started crying, I'd assume so, yes.'

'You told him he was being ridiculous, didn't you?'

'Of course I did! It just scared me a bit, you know? It made me think about what life would be like without him. What we would be like without him, and I didn't like it. I really didn't like it, James. Sometimes I feel like we're losing him to some place where we can't get him back because it's somewhere that we can't reach him. We're losing him to his own stupid thoughts.'

'We're not losing him, Sirius. You know as well as I do that we will never let that happen. You, me, Remus and Pete until the end. That's how it's always going to be, yeah?'

Sirius looked up and smiled at James. They stood up and walked over to the couch where Remus had fallen asleep about ten minutes previously. Together they picked him up, trying to ignore how light he was, and lay him down on the bed. Sirius took the couch and James got into a sleeping bag that his father had sent along when it was apparent that the three boys weren't going to come back inside. Silence fell as the two boys stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come, and smiled at the thought of the four friends being together forever.