Chapter 22: St Mungo's

How many days had passed without Remus? 3? 4? Without him the days didn't seem to matter. It was as if a huge hole had been punched into the very soul of the group of friends, a hole which could only be filled by the pale, bookish boy. Every day they had been pestering Professor McGonagall about going to see Remus at St Mungo's but she was yet to allow them and simply told them to try and forget about it and not worry. But of course that was ridiculous. Every moment they thought about him, stuck in hospital, ill. Dying? They didn't know. Each class they took turns in taking notes for him and at night they would simply look at his empty bed sadly. But despite their current worries, they couldn't help but think about the secret they knew he was keeping from them, and had decided to go to the library.

'I can't do it, Sirius,' James whispered, standing outside the doors.

'It'll be ... fine. Remus comes here all the time,' Sirius replied, hesitantly, leaning away from the door as if it were poisoned.

'Exactly! The only people who come here are weirdoes like him and Ravenclaws!' James said, cautiously leaning forward to prod the door.

Peter merely sighed and opened the door, grabbing his two friends by the wrist and dragging them in behind him. They had to find out Remus's secret and he knew he couldn't do it alone.

Remus groggily opened his eyes to see the same white room he had been seeing for the brief moments that he was conscious. It had always been empty but apparently today was an exception.

'Oh, you're awake then?'

The boy willed his eyes to focus on the blurry figure standing at the foot of his bed. He recognised her voice, but couldn't quite place it. He tried to squint through the haze of his eyelids and the woman laughed.

'You look like James. He always does that when he doesn't have his glasses on.'

It was then that it hit him. The voice. The reference to his friend. He prayed that he was still unconscious and that this was still a dream. Maria Potter could not know that he was a werewolf.

James and Sirius had only lasted about five minutes in the library before running out screaming and dusting themselves off as if they were somehow dirty. Peter had rolled his eyes and grabbed the books nearest to him before following them back to the dormitory.

'Peter! You stole books?! Madam Pince will not be pleased,' James guffawed, weighing up the hardbacks in his hands.

'The term is 'borrowed', James. It's what you do at a library,' Peter sighed, taking the books back and setting them out on the ground so that each title was visible.

'Blimey, Pete, it's like you're turning into Remus!' Sirius gasped, pointing an accusatory finger at his friend.

'Well, he's the one who holds us all together; someone has to be him, don't they?' Peter snapped, picking up the books nearest to him, and beginning to read.

'I want Remus to be Remus,' James whispered.

'Me too,' Sirius said.

'I do as well, but he's not here right now. But hopefully he won't have to leave again once we figure this out. So get reading,' Peter instructed, throwing two very large and very heavy books at his friends, and smirking as they glared at him after narrowly avoiding a broken nose.

'It's ok, Remus. I've always known,' the Healer smiled.

Now that his vision had cleared, he could see her. The long dark hair, the kind smile, the large brown eyes. Why did it have to be her? Anybody but her.

'You obviously wouldn't remember,' she began, sitting down on the edge of his bed. 'When you were first attacked all those years ago when you were four, your parents brought you in here. It looked like you weren't going to make it. You were in hospital for three weeks. Because of the...nature of the accident, I'm afraid a lot of the Healers backed away, they didn't want to have to deal with a ... well, a lot of people left but I just couldn't let you die. When you came to my house I wasn't even sure if it was definitely you, you have grown up so much since the last time I saw you. And when you were brought in this time, it seemed like you were definitely not going to make it. But James couldn't lose you. I know how much you mean to him, you and the others. And you opened your eyes briefly and whispered their names, and I knew that you were going to be okay.'

'What happened to me?'

'It looks like you slashed open an artery. You also broke your ribs to an extent that one of them actually punctured your lung. Most of your bones were broken, including your spine. It's been a long couple of days but we're out of the danger zone now,' she informed him.

'What's the lie this time?' Remus sighed.

'You had a virus that began to attack your nervous system. Last I heard, they believed it which is a good thing since Professor McGonagall is thinking of letting them visit you soon.'

'Visit?! No, they can't! I mean, I want to see them, but they can't see me in this state!'

'Most of the damage is from your chest down so as long as you stay in bed, which you most definitely will, they shouldn't notice anything.'

'They notice everything. Every single time, they always notice,' Remus muttered, wincing as he moved himself into a more comfortable position.

Maria Potter smiled but inside she was saddened. Did Remus not trust his friends enough to tell them? It isn't good to keep things secret, especially big things like lycanthropy. They would understand, she knew they would. They wouldn't leave him. Her heart felt suddenly heavy when she realised that since that awful night when he was first bitten, Remus probably never let anyone in ever again.

'Would you like me to say that they can't come?' she asked the boy, who looked so small and vulnerable, curled up on the white bed.

'...No. I want to see them. Just as long as they won't notice. They can't notice...' Remus whispered, a thought suddenly coming into his head. 'If you've known for all of this time, why haven't you told James?'

'Well, at first I wasn't sure it was even you. I know that Remus Lupin isn't the most common of names but, forgive me for thinking so, but I didn't think you would have gone to Hogwarts,' she explained, looking into the small boy's eyes and smiling as he nodded his forgiveness at her thinking that. 'But James told me in one of his letters that your mother was ill and you had had to go home to visit her. I noticed that it was the day of the full moon and then I knew that it was you. So why didn't I tell him? That's not my decision to make. It's not my place to tell him. If you don't want him to know, that's up to you, but it's a very big secret to keep, Remus. You don't have to do this alone.'

Mrs Potter stood up and left the room, kissing her sons friend on the cheek as she did so. Remus stared blankly at the ceiling, struggling to process what had just happened.

'Well, about time!' Sirius said, unflinching at the glare of Professor McGonagall.

'So we can go and see him right now?' Peter grinned, practically bouncing on his tiptoes.

'Yes, Madam Pomfrey is waiting in her office with Floo Powder, but Remus was very ill, he might not be very-'

'Thanks, Professor,' James interrupted, storming out of the room with his friends hot on his heels, not stopping until they had reached Madam Pomfrey's tiny office in the Hospital Wing.

'Right, so we can go now, yes?' Sirius smiled excitedly, heading straight for the vacant fireplace.

'He'll be coming back soon then?' Peter asked, heading to the fireplace to join his friend.

'Yes, he should be getting transferred here within this next week, but I think you boys should-'

'Thanks, Madam Pomfrey!' James interrupted once again, grabbing a handful of powder, yelling 'St Mungo's!', and disappearing after his friends in a flash of green flames.

'REMUS!'

He couldn't remember falling asleep but the small boy was jolted awake by a tangle of limbs crashing onto his bed. Hard as he tried, he just couldn't act annoyed even though it was painful to have them on top of him, and instead started laughing until the three boys had crawled off him and sat on the edge of his bed, grinning.

'Hi,' was all Remus could think to say.

'Madam Pomfrey says you'll be back at Hogwarts this week!' Peter squeaked, his grin apparently permanently stuck.

'Yeah, I heard. They've taken me off the medication now so I don't really see why they would keep me here,' Remus replied, grinning in spite of himself. He couldn't help but look forward to going back to Hogwarts with his friends. He really couldn't wait to be with them again.

'So what's it like in here?' Sirius asked, casting a suspicious eye around the room. 'It looks too clean.'

'Well, I was unconscious for the first few days then I spent most of my time reading or talking to the Healers, I didn't really have time to be bothered by the cleanliness of the room,' Remus replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

'Are the Healers nice?' James asked, inspecting the pile of books on the bedside table.

'Oh yeah, they're great! Except this one, she's a real battleaxe, Maria Potter I think her name is,' Remus said, smirking.

'My mum's here?!' James gasped, eyebrows raising in disbelief.

'Well, I'd assume so since she works here and I've been talking to her,' Remus grinned. 'And I'm joking, she's very nice.'

'I can't believe she didn't tell me she was with you! I've been sitting here worrying and she's been with you! Ridiculous!' James said.

'You've been worrying?' Remus repeated. Even though it had almost been a year since he's met his friends, sometimes he still found it strange to believe that people actually cared about him.

'Of course he's been worrying! We all have!' Sirius sighed. 'When will you realise that we care about you, mate?'

'It was really scary. You passed out, so we carried you to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us stay so we came back in the morning to get you only to be told that you had been carted off here!' Peter said, his hands twisting in his lap.

'I'm sorry,' Remus whispered.

To everyone's surprise, James laughed. 'And you really need to stop apologising all of the time!'

While the three visitors laughed and Remus smiled shyly, the door opened and Maria Potter entered.

'Hi Mrs Potter!' Sirius, Peter and Remus chorused, while James almost back flipped onto the floor to hide.

'Hi, boys! Here to visit, I see,' she smiled. 'Ready to take him off our hands?'

'Seriously? He can go right now?' James asked excitedly, resurfacing from the ground.

'Seriously. You boys just come with me, we'll wait outside while he gets all of his stuff together,' Maria smiled, leading the boys out of the door, allowing Remus to pull his clothes on over his bandages without questions. She soon realised that despite the talk that they had had, Remus was not going to open up to his friends any time soon. She could understand that but wished that the boy could trust his friends as much as they trusted him.

'WE'RE BACK!' the four boys yelled as they individually crashed into the matron's office. They ignored her instructions to be quiet and, after allowing her to give Remus a quick once over, ran from the Hospital Wing back up to their dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. They still hadn't sorted anything out for that prank and they really needed to get started right away. The summer holidays and the end of their first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were right around the corner.