Miranda was still too sleep-addled to figure out how to proceed. She just grabbed a cardigan she only ever wore at home and made her way into the bathroom, where she stared at her pale face for a moment, splashed some cold water on it, then brushed her hair briefly. It had to do.
Sneaking out was easier than she'd anticipated. It seemed her father had gone to bed already. She didn't turn on the lights on her way down, missing the last step and almost crashing to the ground, if she hadn't managed to hold on to the banister.
It was colder outside than she'd expected, but at least that made her feel a little more awake. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked over to the playground. Jack was nowhere to be seen at first, but then she spotted her lurking between the trees on the other side of the playground.
"What are you doing here? If the security guards had caught you sneaking around..."
Jack had looked slightly hopeful as she'd approached, but her face sank at that. Miranda wanted to bite her tongue. Not the kindest greeting. Not quite fair. And she wasn't even angry anymore. Just tired and genuinely worried and at a loss for what to say.
She stopped a few feet from Jack, neither of them saying anything for a moment.
"Did you walk all the way here in the middle of the night?"
"I did."
"Why?"
Jack was tense, her expression guarded, hands buried in the pockets of her leather jacket. The silence between them stretched, grew unbearable.
"Do you still think it was a mistake?" Jack asked eventually, in a surprisingly small voice.
Miranda took a deep breath, shook her head.
"I didn't mean it when I said that. I was angry, I wanted to hurt you."
"Are you still angry?"
Miranda folded her arms in front of her chest and looked at Jack, her eyes almost black in the darkness.
"Not really," she admitted after a moment. "But why couldn't you just tell me?"
Jack gave her an exasperated look.
"This isn't so easy, okay? It just isn't. I know I fucked up massively. I haven't talked to anyone about all that shit, not outside stupid counselling, in any case. And to you of all people?"
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Miranda frowned at her. Jack dropped her gaze and shrugged uncomfortably.
"Look at you. Look around. I can't compete with any of this even at the best of times. It's not even that I feel I can't live up to your expectations – it's like I've already failed to do that."
"But that's never been the issue!" Miranda protested wearily, feeling more frustrated by the second.
"Are you sure about that?"
Jack looked about as miserable as she felt.
"Your dad thinks I'm trash. You'd have liked to prove him wrong, but I failed you there. I am not..."
Miranda's hands clenched into fists.
"All I want is for you to trust me! I don't care what he thinks, did I not prove that?" She sighed. "And I don't have to prove him wrong. You're not trash. I know that. That's enough."
Jack raised her head again.
"You do?"
Miranda took a step closer. She wanted to touch Jack, just to make sure this wasn't some strange dream, her subconscious playing tricks on her. She ached to just reach out and take her hand.
"Yes. I don't quite understand how you of all people could have gotten it into her head that you're not good enough for anything, but if that's why you didn't tell me, I can live with that. I can try to understand."
"It's not just that, you know? I really don't want it to define me. I want you to see more than that when you look at me."
They looked at each other.
"That shit is in my past. I can't change it. But it won't happen again, if you're worried about that. I mean, I try not to get into fights, I really do, but it doesn't always work. But everything else is under control. I'm not going to be the bad influence your dad thinks I'll be..."
"Oh, shut up." Miranda took a quick step forward and hugged Jack to her. "It's okay."
Jack was rigid in her arms for a moment, but then she eased into the embrace, put her arms around Miranda and held her close.
"Fuck, I missed you."
"Me, too."
Jack pressed her face into the crook of Miranda's neck, exhaling deeply.
"I like that thing you're wearing," she muttered a moment later. "Cute bunnies."
"Seriously Jack, shut up."
"You should wear it to school."
"I'm warning you."
Jack just pulled her closer.
"So we can do this after all?"
"If you stop making fun of my clothes," Miranda muttered, stroking Jack's neck, smiling to herself.
"Well, alright." Jack lifted her head, Miranda's smile the most beautiful sight in the world. Cold fingertips grazing her cheek, before Miranda leaned forward and kissed her ever so lightly.
"I'd ask you to come back with me, but..."
Miranda gave a small, apologetic shrug. Jack just nodded
"I know. Your dad."
"Yeah."
"It's okay."
"No, it really isn't. " Miranda sighed, but wrapped her arms around Jack waist again and pulled her in for another kiss. "I missed this, too."
"Your hands are really cold," Jack muttered.
"That's why I put them there."
"Oh? I hadn't thought that was the reason..."
"That's why you wear trousers that large, right? For me to have better access?"
Jack grinned.
"Yeah, that's the only reason, baby."
"'Baby'?" Miranda asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Not okay?"
"I wouldn't let a guy call me that. But coming from you... it's kinda cute."
"I'm totally honored."
Miranda smiled and pushed her hands a little deeper below the waistband of Jack's jeans.
"As you should be."
Jack rolled her eyes, then frowned.
"But seriously, are you cold?"
"A little. Warm me up?" Miranda smirked at her.
"Wouldn't want those security guards catching us."
"Always a catch." She removed her hands very reluctantly from Jack's hips. "Walk with me for a while?"
They didn't exactly hold hands, but walked close enough for them to touch now and then.
"That was a horrible week."
"Tell me about it! I was so desperate, somehow I had dinner with Jane tonight."
Miranda stopped and turned to Jack, who looked a little embarrassed.
"Somehow, huh?" she asked with a grin.
"It just sort of happened," Jack muttered.
"Do I have to be worried?" Miranda winked at her.
"Yeah, right."
"You didn't look too friendly when you tried to kick her."
Jack frowned.
"Were you watching?"
It was Miranda's turn to look embarrassed.
"I have a perfect view of your favorite smoking place from the library."
Jack huffed.
"I never noticed."
"It hurt to see you."
"Fuck." Jack grabbed her hand at last, threaded her own fingers through Miranda's. "Let's not be this stupid again, okay?"
Miranda looked down at their entwined hands and nodded slowly.
"I'd like to try, at least."
. . . . .
Miranda was slowly regretting her decision to sit down at Jane's table for lunch break on Monday. She'd been in a really good mood after the weekend, but the smug smile on the other girl's face was hard to bear. She was hoping Jack would drop by soon. She kept looking around for her, but then turned and snapped at Jane:
"Doesn't it bother Liara that your happiness depends largely on other people's relationships?"
"No, she's very understanding." Jane couldn't stop grinning, even as Miranda turned away, clicking her tongue. "Oh, come on. You're both so happy again, that's just really nice. And you sat down here for a reason, didn't you?"
"To eat lunch? It's the main purpose of this place, after all."
Jane snorted.
"I thought that was humiliation, increasing people's social anxiety and food poisoning."
Miranda fought back a smile.
"Well, I certainly didn't sit down here in order for you to pry into my private life."
Jane pulled a face.
"That's a shame, because I have questions."
"Jane."
The absence of Jane's goofy grin suddenly bothered her a lot more than the grin ever had.
"Okay, here's the deal. I know it's none of my business, strictly speaking. But you know what bothers me about the entire story?"
Miranda busied herself with the overdone pasta on her plate.
"I can't wait for you to tell me."
"How did your dad come by Jack's files? He can't have obtained them legally, can he?"
Miranda dropped her fork again and closed her eyes.
"You think I don't know that? What do you want me to do about it? And who told you, anyway? Jack or Liara?"
Jane rubbed her forehead.
"It really doesn't matter. And I don't want you to do anything, I'm just worried about your dad."
"Yeah, welcome to my life!"
"Does he know it hasn't worked?"
"I don't want to talk to you about my father."
"Is that a no?"
Miranda glared at her.
"We aren't exactly talking at the moment, if you must know," she said through gritted teeth.
"Great, you pissed her off already!"
Jack let herself fall onto the seat next to Miranda.
"What did she do now?"
Miranda put her hand on top of Jack's knee beneath the table and stroked it lightly.
"Nothing, just been her usual self," she replied calmly, but shot Jane a warning glance to drop the subject.
"She can be alright, you know?" Jack said lightly, her own hand moving atop Miranda's.
Jane frowned, but didn't say anything else on the subject, just drew her own conclusions.