She didn't even have her phone on her. Nothing but the clothes she was wearing. Miranda cursed herself; she shouldn't have been that impulsive. Should have planned a little, instead of running out like that.
But she couldn't have spent another minute in there.
She didn't know where to go. It was hard to think straight at the moment. She felt numb. Hollow. It was better than the gut-wrenching pain she'd felt ever since she'd left Jack standing there, looking guilty and miserable. Miranda snorted. Of course Jack had felt guilty. She understood perfectly now. Her hands clenched. She wouldn't cry over this. She wouldn't. Squeezed her eyes shut and took slow, deep breaths, until she felt ever so slightly calmer.
For a while she just wandered around aimlessly. Sat on a park bench for a while, gnawing her lower lip, trying to come up with any alternative. But everything else was too far-fetched, and it was already getting dark, and to top it all it was starting to rain. That just made her think of Jack again, but then everything reminded her of Jack.
Every step she took made her more reluctant. She didn't want to ask this kind of favour, any favour at all, actually, but she had nowhere else to go.
At least she didn't have to explain herself over the intercom. Just as she approached the apartment block, an older lady with a floral pattern umbrella shuffled out of the building, and Miranda slipped inside while the door was still open.
Her fingers trembled as she rang the doorbell. A moment later she could hear steps from inside the apartment and took a quick step back.
"Hello?"
"I... uhm, hello. Is Jane home?"
The woman was obviously Jane's mother, she looked so much like her.
"Oh, I'm afraid not, dear. Jane and Liara left about ten minutes ago."
"Oh." Miranda grimaced. She hadn't even realised that it was unlikely that Jane would be home on a Saturday evening. "I see." She thought for a moment, feeling distinctly uncomfortable under the woman's curious gaze. "You don't happen to know where they went?" she asked eventually.
"No, sorry." She smiled at Miranda, making her feel even more awkward. "You're one of Jane's friends from school? I haven't seen you around before."
"Well, we're not... not technically... that close," Miranda muttered. "I'm Miranda," she added, after a small pause.
Miranda could have sworn her name elicited a small twitch of her lips, quickly stifled.
"She has her phone on her, though. You have her number?"
"No, I mean, yes, but I don't have my phone with me." She ran her fingers through her wet hair, suppressing the urge to heave a sigh.
"Is everything alright, dear? Do you want me to call Jane? Is it urgent?"
"No! No, I should... probably just go."
Jane's mother frowned at her.
"Are you sure you don't want to come in? Until the rain stops, at least? You are drenched."
Miranda wanted to decline, but then she thought better of it. The idea of going back out into the rain was marginally more uncomfortable than spending a little time with Jane's mother.
"If I'm not bothering you?"
"Oh, nonsense! Come on in. I'm Hannah, by the way."
Jane's mother – Hannah, but she just couldn't just call her that – insisted that she put on some of Jane's close in lieu of her wet ones, and then made her hot cocoa, which was actually quite nice. They made small talk, strained on Miranda's part, but Ms Shepard didn't seem to notice, or mind. While they talked about school, mostly, she was constantly wondering what to do next. Nothing else came to mind. She'd thought of Ori's mom briefly, but even if she'd thought she'd be welcome, they weren't in town for the weekend. Jane had been her only hope. Jane loved to help. What she understood under helping, anyway.
Her gaze travelled to the window, where small rivulets of water took odd, meandering paths down the glass.
"Doesn't look like it's going to let up," Jane's mother said, following her eyes. "I could drive you home."
Miranda stiffened.
"No. Thank you, but that's not necessary. Very kind, but I'll be fine."
"Or you could call someone at home, have them pick you up?"
Miranda's lips twitched. I'd rather drown, she thought.
Ms Shepard gave her a scrutinizing look, and eventually asked:
"Trouble at home?"
"No!" Miranda gave a laugh that sounded strained even in her own ears. "No," she lied, quickly. "There's just no one at home. See, it's embarrassing, but my father is away on business, and I managed to lock myself out when I took out the trash. Uhm. So I really didn't know what to do, and I thought maybe ask Jane if I could stay..."
"I see."
She was almost sure Jane's mother didn't believe her, but she didn't press the subject, either.
"You should have mentioned it sooner, dear. You can stay the night, of course."
Miranda looked away from the eyes still watching her keenly and muttered her thanks.
"You probably haven't had dinner yet."
She shook her head.
"Something you don't eat?"
. . . . .
She couldn't sleep. It wasn't the couch – well, no, it was the couch, in part – but mostly it was her thoughts, racing from Jack to her father and inevitably back to Jack. It was growing harder to keep back her tears, and she buried her face in the pillow to muffle her sobbing.
Jane and Liara returned at some point, she could hear them in the hallway, but to her relief they didn't enter the living room. She was in no state to explain anything.
She had to face them in the morning, though, after a mostly sleepless night. It wasn't much better, though she felt fairly collected as Jane came in, slowly, balancing two cups of coffee, Liara following a little later.
"Good morning!" Jane said, with astonishingly false cheerfulness that did nothing to mask her confusion.
"Hey," Miranda just muttered.
Jane perched in front of the couch and put the cups on the table, then turned to look at her.
"I made you coffee. So, uhm, my mom said you'd told her you locked yourself out, but she seemed sceptical, and I'm confused here, too, 'cause in that case you'd just have gone to your girlfriend? Who, by the look you're giving me, is not your girlfriend at the moment and I should stop talking now?"
"What happened?" Liara pushed some of the bedding out of the way and sat down next to her on the couch.
Miranda opened her mouth, then closed it again. She'd known she'd be asked that question eventually, and she had spent part of her sleepless night thinking of a reply, but there was a lump in her throat that made it difficult to say anything.
"You need some coffee first? You don't look like you've slept much."
"I honestly think coffee might make me be sick right now," she muttered. "Thanks, though."
Then she pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face against them, sobbing lowly.
Jane looked over at Liara, expression helpless and slightly pleading. Liara just reached out tentatively, patting Miranda's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
"It's okay. Really. Take your time."
"I can't go home," she muttered, voice husky. "Not this time. Not after what he did. Not after... bribing Jack to break up with me."
"He did what?" Liara asked.
"And Jack did what?"
Miranda swallowed hard and took a few trembling breaths.
"She broke up with me. Just like that. Said it was too much to handle, or something like that, I don't... And then I get home and he tells me that he did that. Things had just been... good, you know?"
Jane clicked her tongue.
"I can't believe she would have done that."
"Well, maybe you don't know her all that well. I sure as hell didn't."
"Okay, so..." Jane ran her hand through her hair. "Is it okay if I tell my mom? She'd totally understand and I'm sure she'd be cool with you staying for a while. Until we've figured all that stuff out?"
For a moment, Miranda wanted to protest that 'we' in Jane's last sentence, but then she just shrugged, hugging her knees.
"Well, things can't get any worse. God, I hope they can't."
She found it hard to look at Ms Shepard as Jane explained, with her occasional help. She didn't know what to expect.
"I'm sorry I lied to you," she muttered.
"Don't worry about it. You have enough on your plate as it is. You can stay here for the moment, but don't you think maybe I should talk to your dad?"
"If you think that's necessary," Miranda replied diplomatically, even though the thought made her stomach turn. But she gave her the number, anyway.
. . . . .
"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen your mom angry before."
Jane nodded.
"Certainly not this angry. I can't remember hearing her use that kind of language." She turned to Miranda. "She doesn't usually swear like that."
It only made Miranda frown more.
"Should she be handling knives right now?" Liara asked, looking over her shoulder through the kitchen door, where Jane's mother was angrily chopping vegetables.
Jane laughed.
"Yeah, just don't get too close."
"I wonder what he said," Miranda muttered absent-mindedly. "He can usually charm his way out of arguments."
"My mom's tougher than she might look, though!" Jane said proudly. "I can find out what he said later, once she's calmed down. In any case, I think this pretty much means you'll be staying with us for a while."
"Thank you. I mean it, I'm really grateful."
"Hey, no problem. By the way, do you want me to talk to Jack?"
"God, no. What for?"
Jane shrugged.
"I could tell her that I think what she did was morally despicable."
"You'd just get beat up. And I'm sure she knows that already." Miranda closed her eyes, but the kind of thing didn't help against an image that was inside your head. The way Jack had looked. The way she hadn't looked at her. She couldn't get that out of her head.
"Might be worth it, though," Jane said lowly.
Liara just shook her head a little.
"Why don't we do something nice to distract you, before I'll have to leave again?"
"Oh." Miranda grimaced. "I've been taking up all your time together, haven't I?"
"No, not at all!" Liara protested quickly.
"It was a just a Sunday morning, they're the worst," Jane added, almost making Miranda smile.
"You know what, I'm too tired for anything but trying to catch some more sleep. You two go and have quality time together. Please?"
Jane and Liara looked at each other.
"Are you sure?" Liara asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine." She yawned pointedly, and the two of them were eventually persuaded to leave her alone.
Alone with thoughts of Jack she couldn't fight, no matter how hard she tried.