CHAPTER THREE
Business was steady that day, and my seven hour shift went by without a hitch. When I got home, Quil had made dinner, and I had just enough time to scarf down the ravioli before I had to go get ready for the gig. Tonight, I was playing at the Forks High School for a fundraiser they were having. It was a dinner dance, and I was going to be playing through the dinner part of it. Only adults were allowed, and it was a semi-formal event. I was wearing a black dress that my mother had bought me for a funeral once, and that was still in good condition. I pulled some of my hair up, and left the other half down. I reapplied my makeup and put on the jewelry I had used at my wedding, wearing a pair of short heals on my feet. I grabbed my music and my saxophone, and raced out to the car, kissing Quil on my way out. He was going to get some sleep before his next round of patrol, so he wouldn't be there tonight. But, I knew that several of the older wolves would be there. They had all gone through the La Push school system, and they were all aware of the current financial state of the school.
I played all the way through dinner, and by the time I finished, my face felt like mush. I hadn't played at all on our honeymoon, and I was wiped out. Lauren, Brady, Collin, Kaylie, Sam, Emily, Jared, Kim, Paul, Rachel, Jacob, Nessie, Leah, Joel, Abbey, Seth, Brooke, and Embry were all there. Also, Lauren, Kaylie, and Bryce's parents were there, seeing as their mom was the principal. I finished off the song I was playing with a mess of runs and a final chord, and then I took my bow and left the stage to a round of applause.
Sometimes, there are moments in your life that you know you'll always remember. You'll remember who was there, and what sounds there were, and what you were doing when time stood still for this one moment.
From all the way across the room, I could tell that something was wrong. I watched as Kaylie, Lauren, and Bryce's father clutched his chest, and fell from his chair onto the floor. I was stunned. The people around him, including his wife, reacted immediately, but I just stood there. I stared as they called his name, and someone dialed 911. Everyone was crowding around him, and someone was trying to get them to give him some space.
Somewhere in my subconscious, I moved out of the way as the EMT's rushed in the door less than five minutes later and started doing chest compressions. I snapped back into reality as Emily grabbed my arm.
"Hey!" she said, only sounding slightly panicked. "Lauren and Kaylie are following the ambulance to the hospital. Sam and Jacob left to get everyone that's not already here."
"Okay," I said. "What should we do?"
She shook her head. "Collin told me to get everyone to the big white house." I could see the tears in her eyes now. "Things didn't look good."
I nodded, grabbing my bag and my saxophone case. "Do you think he wants the kids there?"
"Yeah," Emily said. "That's what he said. He said make sure everyone is together."
"Okay," I said. "I'll call over there and let them know what's going on and then I'll swing by Collin's parent's house to get the kids."
"Okay," she said. "That should be fine. I'm going to call the girls and tell them to head over there with their kids." She ran her hand over her eyes. "See you soon."
I was already dialing my phone and I ran out into the stormy night. I unlocked the car and climbed in, explaining to Landon what was going on as I backed out of the parking lot. He was kind of in shock, but he would tell all of the other eagle guys what was going on. I didn't really know what I was going to tell the kids, but I decided that I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I ran my hand through my hair, and pulled into Collin's parent's driveway.
I quickly explained what was going on, and then brought Tyler and Anna out to the car. I wasn't sure how close they were to their grandfather, but this was going to be a rough night either way.
The kids were quiet on the way to the big white house. I didn't know what to say to them, and they didn't know what to say to me. It was a torrential downpour by the time we got there, but I pulled the car right up to the garage and we ran in.
We weren't the last ones there, but we definitely were not the first. The house was very warm, with so many hot bodies inside.
"There's a movie in upstairs," Dan told me, and I directed the kids up there, assuring them that their cousins were there.
After that, it was nothing but a waiting game. After about an hour of just quiet talking or silence, Sam and Jacob came in.
"He's gone," Sam said.
Quil squeezed my hand, and I laid my head on his shoulder. Death was a part of living, but that didn't make it any easier to take in. I hadn't really known Kaylie, Lauren, and Bryce's father all that well, but I knew that they all had some rough days ahead of them. Quil had his arm around my shoulder, and he rubbed his hand up and down my arm. I was crying, but more out of sympathy than anything else. I felt for my family members, and I didn't want to see them go through this.
"Did Bryce get there?" Nessie asked from where she was sitting on the floor.
"Yes," Jacob said. "Barely, but yes."
"I'm glad," Natalie said. "That would have been awful…"
Jacob then came and sat down by Nessie on the floor. Sam stayed standing by Emily. "How are we going to tell the kids?" Sam asked.
"I think we need to wait for their parents to get here," Jocelyn said. "And I for one would prefer to tell them all at once."
"Agreed," Lyssie said.
I heard a door open upstairs, and little feet padding across the carpet. We all turned to look. Eila was standing at the top of the staircase.
"Daddy?" She said.
"Yeah E?" Jacob called back, standing up so she could see him.
"Bryce will be very sad, won't he?" She asked, and her little eyes filled with tears.
"Yeah, sweetie, he probably will."
The tears ran down her cheeks then. "Then I think I will be sad too," she told him.
"It's okay to be sad, Eila," he said. She nodded. "Could you hear us?" Jacob asked.
"Only because I was listening," she said, and her soprano voice was choked with tears.
"Was Cade?" he asked, questioning how much his superhuman children had heard.
"No," she said softly. "He is asleep." She wiped at her face. "Actually," she said. "Everyone is asleep, except for me, Jenny, and Nick." She shook her head, and her quiet sob made my heart break. "They don't know," she said. "They can't hear."
Jacob bounded up the stairs and wrapped his daughter in his arms. "Sh," he said, rocking her back and forth.
"It's hard being different," Eila said. "And I don't know if I like it very much."
"I know honey," Jacob said. He kissed her forehead, and wiped away her tears. "But hey," he said. "You know that you've always got me, right?"
Eila nodded her head, her little curls bouncing. "Okay," Jacob said a minute later. "How about you go back and wait with your cousins, and I'll come and get you when Bryce is ready."
"Okay," Eila said. She kissed her dad on the cheek, and walked back into Dan's room. Jacob watched her go.
He came down the stairs and threw his hands up. "Well," he said. "Eila knows."
"I'm gathering that," Caleb said.
Nessie sighed and put her head in her hands. "She's got a lot on her plate for such a little girl."
Jacob sat back down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. "Well," he said. "You turned out okay."
"Yeah," Nessie scoffed. "Alleluia to that."
"They're coming," Brian said suddenly, and I assumed he meant Lauren, Brady, Collin, Kaylie, and Bryce.
Soon enough, I could hear their car on the long winding drive, and I braced myself for the emotions that were about to enter the room.
Collin came in first, and his face was grim. He looked like he had been punched in the stomach, and Brady looked the same way. Lauren and Kaylie were both crying silently, and they looked like they were in shock. Then Bryce came in. Compared to the others, he looked like he had been hit by a train. He was filthy from running patrol, and his eyes were red and swollen. You could tell that he had pulled it together to face his family, but the raw emotion in his eyes was heart breaking.
They came in and shut the door behind them. People scooted over on couches, chairs, and the floor to make room for them, and they each took seats accordingly.
"I'm sorry you're all out so late with your kids," Lauren said, and her voice was audibly pained.
"Hey," Leah said, squeezing her shoulder. "I've told you from the very beginning; we're a family, and this is what families do for each other."
Lauren nodded. "I think," she said, and her voice shook. "This would be a little easier if I wasn't pregnant."
Brady's head jerked towards her. "You're pregnant?" He asked.
"Yeah," she said, confirming herself. The tears were pouring down her face. "I found out this morning."
He kissed the top of her head. "Awesome," he said quietly, though the joy of the situation was stolen by the grief.
"Anyone else?" Alex asked sarcastically.
"I am," Kaylie said.
Collin looked at her. "Wish I could say I was surprised," he said. "But I've been suspicious for about five minutes now."
Kaylie offered him a small smile. "Smooth," she said.
"Me too," Kaitlyn said.
"Me too," followed Nicole.
"I am as well," Ashley said.
Their husbands all reacted accordingly. Wyatt's mouth had never been wider. He looked more shocked than if she had told him she was an alien. I fought a smile in the sullen atmosphere.
"No use hiding it," Lyssie said. "I am too."
"Me too," Abbey said.
"Me too," Brooke stuttered out.
"What?" Embry said, totally surprised. "Seriously Brooke?"
"Seriously," she said. Considering their twins were now eight, no one was more shocked than me at Brooke's announcement.
"Wow…" Leah said. "So… eight of you?" she asked.
"Nine," I said.
"Huh?" Quil snapped at me.
"Just kidding," I responded.
A few peals of light laughter went around the room.
"Oh my gosh," Quil said. "Don't do that to me!"
I chuckled. "Sorry," I said. "But hey, I had you all going for a second there."
"You sure did," Robert said. "I was like what?"
"I'm scared as shit," Ashley said matter-of-factly, and the look on her face was priceless at that moment.
"Well," Brooke said. "So am I. And I've done this before. So I guess it must be pretty normal."
Silence took over the room then, and all of the grief that had been dimmed by the good news flooded back into my system. We all sat there for a few minutes, taking in the news, and burning with the grief that the night had brought.
"I was going to tell my parents tonight," Kaylie said, breaking the silence. The rain pattered delicately on the roof, slowing from the previous downpour. She wiped her hand across the back of her face. "I guess it's just one more thing he won't be here for."
"He will always be here," Seth said. "Even when it seems like he's totally missing, he'll show up. Again and again, something will remind you of him."
Kaylie nodded. "We have to tell the kids."
"Eila knows," Jacob said. "She heard us talking."
"Wow," Bryce said. "Well, at least that's over."
"Yeah," Jacob said. "Do you think we should wake them up and bring them down here?"
"That's probably best," Leah said. She took in a deep breath and sighed. "This is going to get rough."
"Yeah," Mikayla said.
Most of the room got up to go get their kids and bring them downstairs. I heard Jacob clumsily trip over someone lying in front of the door, and then apologize quickly. The younger kids were really confused at getting woken up, but the older ones acted like they sort of expected it. At twelve, Nick and Jenny were not as naïve as they used to be. Even the ten-year-olds probably knew what was going on. I for one knew that when you grew up in a wolf pack, you grew up fast. There wasn't much anyone could do about that. Being who you are, you have to know how to deal with things at a younger age.
They sat all the kids in a line in front of the window wall, and they all had different expressions on their faces. The youngest children looked mad about being woken up, and were all still curled into little balls. The middle aged children were alert, but they by no means looked like they had any idea what was going on. Only Nick and Jenny looked like they knew exactly what they were about to be told, and neither one of them looked happy about it. Eila was sitting next to Ryan and Paige, and she still looked devastated.
After one beat of dead silence, the parents all looked at each other in a 'I-don't-want-to-be-the-one-to-tell-them' kind of way.
After another second, Sam squatted down in front of them. "Tonight," he said. "You guys were brought here because something really terrible happened to our family." He took a deep breath. "Tonight, Tyler and Anna's grandpa had a hard attack, and he passed away a couple hours ago."
I held my breath through the pregnant silence that followed that.
Each of the kids reacted differently to the news. No one was hysterical, but most of them were crying. Actually, Nick was the only one not crying. Anna and Tyler were holding each other's little hands, and soon Brady walked over and held both of them in his arms. Most of the other parents moved in to comfort their distressed children then, and the scene was heartbreaking.
"That is really terrible Dad," Jenny said. Her voice was filled with tears.
At that moment, I didn't think Jenny had ever looked more grown up. She looked so much like Emily, that it took my breath away for an instant. The little babies I had watched grow up were much older now, and it even surprised me. Nick looked like a very young man, sitting there holding onto Jenny's hand. He wasn't crying, and I think this fact alone established his age over the other boys.
"Nick," Joel said quietly.
"Yeah?" Nick said, and his voice sounded strange.
"It's okay to cry sometimes," Joel said.
Nick took a deep breath. "Good," he said. "Because sometimes it's really hard not to." He wiped at his eyes, and I realized how hard he had been trying to hold himself together.
Joel patted his oldest son's back. "I know," he said.
Watching all of the kids cry had me more emotional than I had been since our wedding. Quil put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "It's going to be okay," he told me.
Eila was sitting on Bryce's lap, and Bryce had one arm around her, and one hand in Kaylie's hand. Nothing like this had happened in a long time.
It took about an hour to console the children, and it was nearing two in the morning at that point. The rain pattered gently on the roof, and Emily and Leah sang a Quileute lullaby for the kids to fall asleep to. I had heard the old lullaby a million times before, from my own mother and from the other mothers of the pack. The younger kids drifted off to sleep almost immediately, swaddled in their parent's arms or curled in between two adults. They brought the kids upstairs after a while, and after a while we heard snoring from upstairs.
We were quiet after that. There was nothing much to be said. "Is anyone hungry?" Brooke asked.
Multiple people said yes, and I followed her into the kitchen. "You're welcome to anything we have, but I make no promises," Dan told us.
"We'll work something out," Brooke said.
Sure enough, she opened the door to the refrigerator and pulled out about eight dozen pieces of chicken. "You saving the chicken for anything?" I asked.
"Saving it for someone who can cook it," Dan responded.
"I'm your girl," Brooke said.
I dug through the cabinets and started pulling out frying pans and handing them to Brooke. We both had our hands full with that much chicken, but I knew all of it would be eaten. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I could smell the chicken cooking. In fact, I was starving. Emily came in then to help with the chicken, and she took over the four pans that I was manning. I went to the pantry, and I grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a bag of plain potato chips. I brought them out to the kitchen and sat down. I opened both of them and dipped the chip into the jar of peanut butter. I put the combination in my mouth and the taste was sensational.
"Did you really just do that?" Emily asked me.
I looked at her. "Yeah," I said. "I guess I just did."
"Do you normally eat your potato chips with peanut butter?" She laughed.
I thought for a second. "No," I said. "In fact this is the first time I ever had. But it seemed like a really good idea, and it turned out that it was."
"That's weird Claire," Brooke told me.
"Don't judge me," I said.
Soon the chicken was ready, and everyone came into the kitchen to get a plate. I put away my snack, and grabbed a plate myself. We all went back into the living room to eat it. I sat down on the couch next to Quil, and put the hot chicken in my mouth. The food raised everyone's spirit a little bit.
The chicken started out tasting just as delicious as it smelled. But somewhere along the way, the after taste of the peanut butter began to mix with the chicken, and it tasted awful. I put the half eaten piece of chicken down suddenly, and sat the plate on my lap.
"You okay?" Quil asked.
"I think so," I said.
I leaned back into the couch and took a deep breath.
The smell of the chicken was over powering.
My stomach rolled, and I knew the feeling well enough to stand up and run to the bathroom just in time.
I gagged a few times, and soon Quil was kneeling next to me. He pulled my hair into his hand and wrapped an arm around me. The heaving had left me shaking, and he steadied me.
I reached up to flush the toilet, and noticed that it had become very quiet in the living room since we had left. I put the seat down, and carefully stood up and sat down on top of it. Quil stayed crouched on the floor and put his hands on my thighs. "You okay?" he asked again for the second time that night.
"Yeah," I said. "At least, now I am."
"What's going on?" he asked. "Were you feeling sick?"
"…No," I said. "Not really. It came on really quickly." I shook my head. "That was very strange."
I heard whispering out in the living room. "Claire?" Leah called to me.
"Yeah?" I said hoarsely.
"Are you pregnant honey?" she asked.
My legs started to feel numb, and a cold sweat came over me. "Uh..." I said. My head fell forward onto my chest. "I don't know…" I said, and I sounded very unsure even to myself. "How do you know if you're pregnant?" I asked dumbly.
"Well…" Leah started.
"Don't answer that," I said, cutting her off.
I thought for a moment. "Well," I said. "You see, the problem here is I'm only eighteen, and I haven't ever been regular if you know what I mean."
"Huh," Leah said.
"I have a pregnancy test in my purse," Nessie said.
"Why the hell do you have that in your purse?" Jacob asked amidst awkward laughter.
"I don't know," Nessie said. "I think I started carrying one in there when we were first trying to get pregnant."
"That was six years ago."
"Well hey," Nessie said. "I knew I'd need one someday."
"Do you want to take a pregnancy test Claire?" Emily called to me.
"Uh," I said. I looked at Quil, and his face was calm. "I guess."
"Here," Nessie said, handing me a box. "You open it and pee on the stick."
"Oh my god," I said. "I don't think I can do this…"
Quil rubbed his hands up and down my thighs. "It's up to you," he told me.
"I have to know…" I said, trailing off.
"Well," Nessie said. "We'll leave you in here for a few minutes." She turned on the faucet to the sink. "You can come out when you're done."
Quil stood up, and Nessie shut the door behind them.
I took a deep breath, and looked at myself in the mirror. I felt tight, and like I couldn't get a deep breath in. I slowly sat on the ground, and tried to breathe. A million thoughts were running through my head. I was so young… Quil and I were still learning how to be married. A baby wasn't supposed to come now…
My hands were shaking and tried to open the box. It fell to the floor, and I wiped the tears off of my face.
"Quil!" I called out the door.
"Yeah?" he said back.
"I'm going to need you in here."
"O-kay," he said in a slightly sing-song voice.
He came in the room, and shut the door behind him.
"I can't do this," I said, and he was already wrapping me in his arms.
"Sh," he said, stroking my hair. "I know," he said. He rocked me in his arms, and held me until I was composed enough to take some deep breaths. He bent down to get the box and pulled the test out of it, setting it on the counter.
I sat down on the toilet, and he sat next to me. He passed me the test, and I took a good look at it. I took one more deep breath, and Quil ran his hand through my hair as I performed the test. I finished up, and set the test back on the counter. I stood up, and he gave me a long hug. "No matter what," he said. "I can make this okay."
I sniffed. "I know," I said. "We'll be fine."
I opened the bathroom door and walked out, checking my watch. "The deed is done," I said. "With only a slight meltdown."
"It's a big thing," Leah said. "I had a full blown panic attack the first time I took a pregnancy test. The second time I forgot to tell Joel about it for two hours. So, if it makes you feel better, things will change over time."
"I'm too young for this," I said.
"Younger have done it," Abbey said. "You just have to be extra careful."
The twenty minutes passed in jolts, but soon enough my watch read three thirty in the morning. I went to the bathroom by myself, pushing Quil back onto the couch when he stood up to come with me.
The silence was deafening as I took a good look at the test, holding it up to the light.
Two plus signs, in a bright blue color.
"Oh my god…" I said quietly. I came out into the hallway and looked at my anxious family. "I'm pregnant," I said.
Quil ran to me, and I met him half way. He swung me around in a circle, and put me back down gently. People were clapping and cheering, and I smiled. "Wow," I said. I was breathless. "Didn't see that one coming."
"Oh my god," Jacob said. "Quil you're going to be a daddy."
"Really Jacob?" Quil said. "I wasn't aware."
"This is crazy," I said.
"Eh," said Nessie. "I've seen crazier."
I was starting to freak out a little bit. "I don't think I can do this."
"I know you can," Emily said. "Both of you will be great parents. You have nothing to worry about."
"Easy for you to say," Quil said.
"I know," Emily said, holding up her hands. "But you have to trust me on this one. Everything will be fine, I promise."
I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.
I was going to be a mother.
There was going to be a baby inside of me.
There was going to be a little baby that looked just like Quil and I. There was going to be a nursery at our house, and nights where I was up more than I was asleep. There was going to be someone calling me mommy, and someone calling Quil daddy. There was going to be Christmases and birthdays and a first day of school. There was going to be one more little head running around with all of my nieces and nephews. There was going to be one more set of tears to dry when we had to gather the kids to tell them something horrible had happened. I was going to have a diaper bag, and a car seat, and nothing was going to be just get up and go anymore.
I was going to be pregnant for nine months. I was going to have a belly larger than my hands could reach out to. I was going to have something moving inside of me. I was going to have a sore back, and sore feet. I was going to be hungry, and I was going to be moody. I was going to have a baby coming out of me…