CHAPTER FOUR

"Claire!" Emily said. And I snapped back into reality. "Stop thinking about it. It's going to be okay. I know it seems like a lot, but trust me, it comes in stages. You have a long time to get everything sorted out, and everything will get sorted out. So just be happy for right now, because everything is going to be okay."

"I'm happy," Quil said, turning to me.

"Really?" I said, slightly surprised. "Cause quite honestly, I'm just scared."

"I'm scared," Quil said. "But I'm happy."

"This is going to hurt," I said stupidly.

"Probably," Quil said.

"I'm not tough," I said.

"You're one of the toughest people I know," Quil said.

"I'm scared," I repeated.

"And that's okay for right now," Quil said.

I sighed and leaned my head on hands, and put my elbows on my knees. "What if I die?"

Quil stiffened beside me and looked at Abbey.

"You're not going to die," Abbey said. "You're a little small, but smaller have done it. You're actually more likely to recover better from the process because you're younger. We just have to be cautious when you're delivering, in case there are complications."

"How are we even going to deliver this many babies?" Brooke asked.

"I have been wondering the same thing," Embry offered.

"That is very good question," Abbey said. "And I will get back to you on that."

Several people laughed. "I'll call Carlisle," Abbey said. "And see if they can come up here around when we should be delivering."

"And if they can't?" I said.

Abbey sighed. "Well," she smiled a sarcastic smile. "Not to be like this, but it's definitely not unheard of to have unassisted deliveries. I don't advise it… But you could all technically deliver your own babies."

"Shit," Brooke said.

"I second that," Ashley said.

"I just want this to be over already…" Nicole said.

"Guys," Abbey said. "We have nine months to figure this out. It'll be fine."

Quil squeezed my hand gently, and I latched onto his like it was a lifeline. Our hands turned white from the amount of force I was exerting on them. Quil had been strangely calm throughout this whole process. Then again… he was thirteen years older than me. His friends all already had kids. He had probably been thinking about this for a lot longer than I had.

I suddenly felt selfish for not having thought to purposely try and have children earlier. Quil had done so much for me, and I hadn't even thought about what he might be wanting out of our marriage. I should have brought it up to him sooner.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and thought about how lucky I was to have him. Most girls who were pregnant at nineteen would be lucky just to have the support of their families, and I had the support of the larger part of our community. Quil was going to be there the whole time. I kept reminding myself of that as the dark night hours began to creep into morning. I was drifting on and off on Quil's shoulder the whole night, and I didn't think anyone had kept their eyes open the entire time. At some point, Quil gently shook me and pulled me to my feet. He helped put my jacket on sleepily, and when I looked around I realized that we weren't the first to leave. I kissed both Kaylie and Lauren on the top of the head and ruffled Bryce's hair before we left.

When Quil shut the door to the car, I realized that this was the first time we had been alone since finding out that I was pregnant. He started the car and gave me his warm hand to hold in the frigid morning air. We drove in silence until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Quil," I said.

He jerked his head toward me and then back towards the road. "Right here," he said.

"We're going to have a baby."

I saw his lips curve up the slightest bit. "I know," he said. "I heard about that."

"Quil," I said, and I could hear my voice shaking. "I'm really scared."

Quil whipped the car to the side of the road and jerked it to park. He had me wrapped in his arms the next second. I started really crying then, and I couldn't stop myself.

"Oh Claire," Quil said, rocking me. "Please don't cry sweetheart."

"I," I said. "Can't do this."

"I'm so sorry, Claire," Quil said.

I choked on my tears. "It's not your fault."

Quil sighed. "I know…" He kissed the top of my head. "How can I make this better?"

I sniffed and tried to wipe my tears away. "I don't know," I said. "I'm in shock." I sniffed again. "And I'm uninformed. I have no idea what's about to happen and I'm freaking out." I wiped more of my tears away. "Time will make this better."

Quil kissed my nose. "I've got all the time in the world."

I smiled a little. "I am so pregnant."

Quil quirked his head at me.

"I just had a completely irrational emotional meltdown. If that is not a sure sign of serious hormonal imbalances, than I don't know what is."

Quil laughed and kissed me again. "We're going to be okay Claire." He sat back up and put the car back in motion. "I promise."

We got home a few minutes later. My watch said it was about five am, so we both went and crawled into bed. Quil wrapped his large body around mine and held me close. In the few hours that I had known I was pregnant, I felt most content in this moment. Quil ran his hand through my messy hair, gently undoing the knots. I fell asleep in minutes.

The first few weeks of my pregnancy were interesting to say at the least. I was sick almost every morning, and I rarely had an appetite. I was also an emotional wreck. Once when Quil wasn't home I started crying because I couldn't get a knot out of my shoelaces. It was rather dramatic. I eventually got the knot out, but it was only then that I realized how irrational my tears had been.

Everyone in town was reacting differently to my pregnancy. My parents were properly excited, and that made me happy. My coworkers had been a little different. They all looked like they couldn't decide between being happy and being horrified. They were middle-aged woman, and obviously knew that I was pretty young. But, they also knew I was married. So, they kind of all did a mix of both emotions. They first stared at me completely dismayed, and after about thirty seconds they acted extremely excited for me. It was a little obnoxious, but I just laughed along with them. If they even knew the half of what Quil and I were…

I started school on August twenty-ninth. It was a nasty day, even for Washington. Quil and I had already been to two ultrasounds at this point. The ultrasounds were usually hilarious, seeing as there were nine of us. We were all at various levels of experience, and that led to some pretty interesting moments. Seth fell asleep while Abbey was working the ultrasound machine on the rest of us. She was going to do herself last, and Seth had been up all night. She finished up with Amber and then sighed, looking at Seth. She threw a towel at him and his head jerked up.

"What?" he said quickly.

"Do you want to know if the overall state of your developing child is healthy or not?"

"Yes," Seth said, shaking the sleep out of his eyes. "I'm in."

Abbey rolled her eyes at him.

I laughed at the memory. It was comforting to think that by the time Quil and I were ready to have our second baby a lot of the nerves would be gone. I was just happy to know that everything was going well with our baby at this point. I was doing as much as I could to keep myself healthy, but I still felt like I was gaining a ton of weight. I had gained five pounds already, and I was only about eight weeks in.

My first class started at nine that morning, but I was up at six emptying my stomach of anything I had eaten in the last twelve hours. I wasn't feeling up to much of anything, but I was a committed student and I would not miss class for this. I took a shower, washing my hair and face, and I felt better after that. I was a little nervous, but I blamed that on the pregnancy. I combed and dried my hair, leaving it down for the day. I took extra care on my makeup, and then opened the door of the steamy bathroom, heading back into our bedroom. Quil was up at that point, flipping through a magazine.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I said.

"You look awful nice today," he told me, looking me up and down.

"Thanks," I said.

I started raking through our dresser, looking for a pair of jeans. "Are you nervous?" Quil asked me.

"Yes," I said. "But I'm pretending not to be, so you're going to pretend that I said no."

"Okay," Quil said.

I found the pair of jeans I was looking for. They were a little tight, but I thought I pulled them off alright. I shook the wrinkles out of them, and took my robe off. I was already wearing a bra and underwear, but Quil still gave me a low whistle.

I gave him a look. "Give me a break," I said with a smile.

I pulled my jeans on, and went to button them. I fumbled with the button for a minute, but ultimately realized that I couldn't get them to fit. I went to stand in front of the full length mirror in our room, and looked at myself.

I realized I had gained some weight, but I didn't think it was that much. I turned sideways, looking at my stomach. I cocked my head to one side, trying to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me.

"Quil," I said.

"Huh?" he asked, already having gone back to his magazine.

I walked to the foot of the bed and took a deep breath. "Do you think I'm showing?"

Quil had the same reaction I did. He looked at my stomach, and then cocked his head to the side, getting a different angle. I walked back over to the mirror, looking at myself again.

He climbed out of bed and walked over to me, standing behind me.

He wrapped one arm around me, reaching across my chest and resting it on my shoulder. He placed the other one right over my belly button.

"You know," he said. "I think you just might be."

I put my hand on top of his. "Huh," I said, slightly flabbergasted. "I think you're right."

He kissed my cheek, and I turned so that I could kiss his lips. He placed his hand on the small of my back, and the other one in my hair. It was the most gentle, and romantic kiss I had ever experienced with him.

He pulled away. "You're so beautiful," he said.

"I love you," I told him.

So, on my first day of college, I also started looking pregnant. Perfect. I liked my teachers for the most part, and the class sizes were very small. I was actually in a math class with only three other people.

It turns out that I was the first person to start showing out of our little pregnancy cult. Abbey told me it was because I was so skinny to start out with. I'm not sure if that was actually a medical fact or if she was just telling me that to make me feel better. Either way, it made me feel more normal.

The next month of my pregnancy rushed by. My schoolwork wasn't easy, but it was doable. I kept to myself in my classes, and I think the others were starting to realize that I was pregnant. By the end of my first trimester, I had no clothes that fit me anymore. I had taken to wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts, and I was in desperate need of some maternity clothes.

About as my third month was wrapping up we had another ultrasound. We all carpooled over to the big white house, and filed in upstairs. There were eighteen of us up in Carlisle's previous office by the time it all was said and done, and that was one toasty room. I kept Quil by me and I took a seat in one of the folding chairs that Abbey had put up there.

Today was a big day. We were going to find out the sex of babies today. We had all decided just to find out right away so we could start getting hand-me-downs sorted out and such. We were also going to get to hear the heartbeats of the babies today. That was the part I was most looking forward to. It would be confirmation that my little baby was okay. Brooke volunteered to go first. She hopped up on the table and pulled her shirt up. Her stomach was just slightly swollen, and she definitely had that pregnancy glow to her. Embry took a knee by her head and gave her his hand. Abbey already had the ultrasound going, and put the wand on Brooke's abdomen.

We all waited excitedly. Pretty soon a constant thumping sound came through the ultrasound. "There it is," Brooke said. She had a huge smile on her face.

"And," Abbey said. She stared carefully at the screen and turned it so that Brooke could see. "That looks like a little princess to me."

Brooke chuckled. "Perfect."

Embry held his fist out to her and she punched it.

I laughed. "Did you just give her a fist pump after finding out the sex of your baby?"

"Oh yeah," Embry said, as he helped Brooke climb off the table. "We fist pump everything."

"The kids just gag if we kiss each other, so that is what we have resorted to," Brooke said. "And that is about the extent of our romantic lives."

"Well," Seth said. "Obviously not, because in case you didn't know, you're having a baby."

Brooke turned to look at him. "Hey," she said. "We may or may not have been slightly drunk when this happened. And I do believe that that was your doing."

"What?" Quil said. "People were drunk and I missed it?"

"Yeah bro," Seth said. "You were on your honeymoon. Bryce, my mom and Charlie all took the kids for a night so we could have a night out. It was great."

"Seth poured jello shots down my throat," Brooke said. "Therefore; such is baby."

"Wow," I said. "We just didn't use a condom."

"This is true," Quil said.

"Man," Abbey said. "Didn't you learn about birth control in health?"

"Probably," I said. "But hey, what's life without a little risk." I shrugged my shoulders.

Abbey laughed. "Okay," she said. "Who's next?"

Lyssie willingly hopped up on the table, and the process continued. It turned out that Seth and Abbey, Lauren and Brady, and Wyatt and Ashley were all having girls. Lyssie and Michael, Kaylie and Collin, Nathan and Kaitlyn, and Kyle and Nicole were all having boys. I was supposed to go last, and by the time I got up there, all the positive energy in the room was kind of starting to wear me out.

Quil gave me a hand and I hopped up onto the table, leaning back on the backrest. It was warm from all of the other bodies that had been on it, and it felt good on my just-starting-to-feel-sore back. Abbey put the wand on my belly without hesitating, and I reached for Quil's hand.

Abbey was quiet as she looked at the screen, and then paused, staring at it. The silence in the room became deafening the longer she stared at the screen, and I began to panic. Something must be wrong…

I looked at Quil, and he turned towards Abbey. "Abbey…" he said.

"Everything is fine," Abbey said to him immediately. "Just give me one second."

I relaxed again into the seat, repeating those words over in my head again. Abbey walked to my side and put her hand on my stomach, pushing down on it a little at different points. She took her hand away after a moment and rubbed the ultrasound gel off on a towel.

"Well Miss Claire," she said, and smiled. "It looks like you are going to be having twins."

I kind of choked out a laugh. "Wait," I said. "Really?"

"Really really."

"Wow…" was all I could say.

Quil laughed. "Didn't see that one coming."

"You've got one boy, and one girl," Abbey told me.

I smiled. "I want to hear their heartbeats." She flipped a switch and soon there were two even heartbeats rebounding off the walls of the room. I squeezed Quil's hand, and he put his other hand over mine.

"Oh my gosh," I said, and I started to cry. "This is crazy."

Everyone was laughing at this point. Abbey shut off the ultrasound and I hopped off the table, giving Quil a hug.

I was smiling like a crazy person. "This," I said. "Is going to be no less than a hot mess."

Everyone laughed even harder then. "Well," Abbey said. "We are all sure going to have our hands full."

That night everyone was coming over to the big white house so that we could evenly distribute hand-me-downs of everything that the others possibly had. There were twenty boxes of baby clothes, ten cribs, hundreds of bottles, at least eight diaper bags, nine breast pumps, and four pack-n-plays.

The task at hand seemed large, but once we got everyone working, we had the clothes separated by sex and by age pretty quickly. Quil and I got two boxes full of clothes for our baby boy, and two more boxes for our little girl. Abbey handed me one of the breast pumps.

"You will need this," she said to me. "I guarantee it."

I held it up. "It looks like a torture device out of a horror movie."

A few people laughed. "It occasionally does take on that role," Leah said.

I gave it a look. "Whatever you say," I said, putting it inside the large diaper bag we had been assigned. We were also given Brooke's old cribs, which had been passed from her, to Abbey, to Lyssie, and finally to us. I assumed the next person who needed matching cribs would get them from us. That is, if Quil and I survived parenting twins.

The girls had also brought over maternity clothes to split up between the nine of us. There were some larger shirts that they gave to me, and I was only slightly intimidated by the size of them. I walked away with enough clothes to last me through most of my pregnancy. Seeing as Quil and I were definitely going to be pinching pennies, this was a good sign.

That night, I was up lying awake of course. I hadn't been getting as much sleep as I was used to lately, but I tried not to worry. Tomorrow was a Sunday, and Quil would let me sleep as late as I wanted. He had a patrol shift at five though, and I would probably be up sick then anyways. I was laying on top of the blankets, in just shorts and t-shirt that was too short on me. It was really hot in the house, and lying next to Quil wasn't cooling anything down much. I was flat on my back, staring at the ceiling fan whipping around above us. I had my shirt pulled up, with my hands on my belly; a habit I had started getting into at the first signs of my baby bump.

The night was silent, and my breath was slow and even, just a little faster than Quil's.

Suddenly, I felt the strangest sensation. It was like a gentle shifting just below my ribs. I caught my breath, and lay perfectly still.

The babies were moving.

I whipped my hand over and whacked Quil on the back.

His breath caught and he sat up. "Huh?" he said, confused.

I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly. "The babies," I whispered. "Are moving."

He sat there very still, registering what I had said. The babies shifted again, and I saw in his eyes that he felt it.

He lay down next to me, and I curled into him. My stomach was pressed into his. When the babies moved again, I knew he could feel it too.

"You know," he whispered. "I can't imagine anything more beautiful than you right now."

I looked up into his eyes and he was staring right back at me. I gently put my lips onto his, and he rolled over so that I was on top of him. I straddled his torso, and gently pulled myself up so that I was kneeling over him. My hair hung down in his face. "You know," I said. "I could say the exact same thing about you."

The next two months flew by, dragging me through the middle mark of my pregnancy. I was huge, but Abbey kept telling me I was below the average mark for other women pregnant with twins. She said this was probably because I was so young. My back was killing my already, and I was wondering how much larger I could possibly get. I already couldn't see my feet when I looked down. I had taken to lying on my left side with an ice pack on my back, and then after about twenty minutes I would switch it out with a hot towel. I hadn't noticed any stretch marks yet, but I was taking extra care to keep it moisturized and putting anti-stretch mark cream on it. I was keeping up on my schoolwork, and was doing fine in all of my classes.

A few weeks after the middle mark, we had to go have a six-month ultrasound. We would be able to see the babies more clearly now, and I was looking forward to it.

I went first this time, and didn't even cringe as Abbey put the cold-but-familiar ultrasound gel on. She moved the wand over my tan stomach and slid it around until she got a view of 'baby A'. The twins had a habit of kicking and squirming like crazy when I was getting an ultrasound, and this time you could see my stomach visibly quivering from all the movement.

Abbey laughed. "They keep moving out of the way…"

I was out of breath from all the moving, but said, "They're probably camera shy."

Abbey had the wand on me for a whole two minutes before the babies finally calmed down enough for Abbey to get a view of them. "So," Abbey said. "You're little boy looks all healthy. He's had good development so far…" she trailed off, thinking. "Everything should be just fine with him." She moved the wand to get a view of our little girl. "She looks good as well," Abbey said. "She's a bit skinnier than he is, but that tends to happen with a multi-sex pregnancy." She pulled the wand off my stomach and Quil pulled me up to a sitting position. "Have you been getting cramps anywhere?" she asked.

"A little bit around my belly button," I said.

"Okay," Abbey said. "We have to start watching out for false labor with you. If you have any contraction-like pains, lie on your left side and drink water. Keep off your feet, and keep calm. They're going to hurt, but not like real labor."

"How will I know the difference between false and real labor?" I asked.

"Well," Abbey said. "It's just something a mother knows. If you're really unsure, call me. But I had false labor the last time I was pregnant, and I could tell the difference. Plus, false labor doesn't really come as consistently as real labor does. You shouldn't have any problems."

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you say so."

The assembly line continued. The other eight girls were doing great, and looked fantastic. "Okay," Abbey said after she finished with herself. "I was thinking."

"Did it hurt much?" Embry said.

"Shut-up," Abbey responded fluidly. "Recently, there have been really good reports about women who go to a birthing class before they give birth." She sighed. "I know it sounds awkward… But I think we should give it a shot."

"How much is this going to cost?" Nicole asked immediately.

"There's a clinic in Port Angeles that offers it for free. I've already looked it up," Abbey said.

"Well," I said. "I suppose there's no reason not to…"

"Exactly my thoughts," Abbey said. "It's on Saturday nights, and it lasts for nine weeks. We could start as early as next week."

"So that would take us almost to the very end of our pregnancies," Kaylie said.

"Yes," Abbey said. "Which is why I thought that it would be a good idea."

"I'm in," I said, shrugging my shoulders a second time. There was a chorus of agreement.

The next Saturday, we were getting ready to go up to Port Angeles for our first go at a birthing class. Apparently, we were supposed to bring a pillow. We were carpooling up there with Brooke and Embry to hopefully save some money on gas. I knew everyone else was carpooling in one way or another as well.

Embry pulled the car into our driveway at six pm, and the class started at seven. I walked out of the house carrying my purse and the pillow and got into the backseat. Quil came out behind me.

I slammed the door shut. "I do not want to do this," I said.

Brooked laughed. "Quite honestly," she said. "Neither do I."

"You will both be fine," Embry said.

"It's going to be awkward," I sighed.

"Childbirth is awkward," Brooke said.

"Oh boy," I said. "What have I gotten myself into?"