"And then she tells us the Maker gave her a vision, that she is meant to join us," Lorelai said, winking exaggeratedly across the table.
Sigrun's mouth dropped open. "What did you say?" she demanded.
Lorelai gave a simple shrug, even as her heart gave a leap of joy at the excited glint in Sigrun's eyes. In the past weeks, the dwarf had wept silent tears at Ostagar, gasped at the Kocari Wilds, and now this. Sigrun not been this engaged in anything for so long. It seemed Lorelai's crazy plan might, in fact, work. "I let her join us."
"What?" Sigrun dropped her palms to the table in surprise. "But she was crazy! I mean, you don't believe the Maker talked to her...do you, Commander?"
"If you knew what that bard looked like, you'd have taken her, too!" Oghren grunted, then cackled into his mug of ale. "Finest legs I've ever clapped eyes on, and an-"
"Perhaps you could manage to watch your tongue, seeing as we're in public," Nathaniel admonished sternly, though there was no real reproach in his voice. Oghren's...charm had grown on them all, just as it had grown on Lorelai in the depths of Orzammar.
"Anyway," Anders said, flourishing his hand in Lorelai's direction, "you were saying..."
Lorelai spread her hands wide. How to explain the earnest conviction in Leliana's voice to someone who'd never heard her speak? To illustrate the shining determination in her eyes...and the quick efficiency of her blades? "It didn't matter what I believed," she said to the dwarf. "It mattered what she believed. And we certainly weren't swimming in allies by that point!"
"Just you, Morrigan, Jacob," Sigrun reached down to pat the mabari on the head, whose ears had pricked at his name, "and His Majesty."
"Please, Sigrun!" begged Lorelai, folding her hands in supplication. "Call him Alistair!"
"I...I can't!" the scout replied, though she giggled when she said it. "It seems so strange!"
"New goal for the end of this journey!" Anders proclaimed, finger pointed to the ceiling officiously. "By the time we make it back to Denerim, you will be calling him by his name!"
"Or at least be capable of doing so," Nathaniel amended at the look of horror on Sigrun's face. The dwarf smiled at him in relief.
"Spoilsport," the mage accused.
Lorelai bit her lip and smiled. It was so good to have Anders back. She couldn't show it, but it had hurt her deeply to see him go. That's when the feelings of doubt had begun, when her choices from that dark time of the Architect had started haunting her. Right decisions, wrong decisions. Joinings passed...but should they have been asked to drink the blood in the first place?
But he'd returned, and she hoped to use that as the icing on the proverbial cake of this trip. Hopefully, between Anders and the Fifth Blight "tour", she could get Sigrun to see there was no reason to leave.
"Well, I'll leave you in suspense for the night," Lorelai said, breaking up the friendly banter that had been going on during her internal musings. "Tomorrow, before we go, I'll tell you about how we met Sten."
The party broke up. As she watched them shuffle their way up the stairs of the inn, Anders poking Sigrun in the sides from behind, making the dwarf burst into raucous giggles, Lorelai ducked outside for a bit of air. An ever-present shadow, Jacob followed.
She reached down to pat his head as she looked at the star-dusted sky. She had felt empty without him those five years ago at Vigil's Keep. It was so easy to take for granted something that was always there. For a while, she'd felt like she was fighting without an arm.
Of course, Jacob had been her partner in crime for a very long time. They had been respected on the practice field, and feared on the hunt.
But as a ranger, especially, the lack of an animal nearby was a lack keenly felt.
In the breezy night air, she could feel them. Innumerable presences pulling at her from the darkness. Hearts open to her like so many books strewn across the ground, their covers spread wide, revealing their hidden secrets. Sometimes, she just liked to wade through their consciousnesses, slipping her mind among them, running them between mental fingers like strands of yarn. Feeling them, tasting them.
They were all hers to Call.
Whether they answered that Call, well, that was up to them.
"Does it look the same?" asked a voice from behind her.
Lorelai jumped a bit with surprise, hand sliding to the dagger at her belt.
"Peace, Commander," Nathaniel said with a small smile, coming to stand beside her. He had his hands raised in surrender.
"Perhaps you shouldn't sneak up on a woman wielding blades," she replied haughtily, but her grin made the loftiness a lie.
"Perhaps such a woman should be more on her guard," he responded, raising an eyebrow.
"Indeed," she laughed. "Alistair would certainly never forgive me if I even break a nail on this trip."
"Well, that's a husband's prerogative." Nathaniel clasped his hands behind his back, looking up at the sky for several moments. "So, does it look the same?"
Lorelai considered her reply as her eyes roamed over the darkened village. She'd never seen it at night before. But then again, the Lothering she'd known and the one that had rose from its ashes were different enough that light or lack thereof was of little consequence.
"No," she finally answered. "it's bigger now. More hustle and bustle. The whole atmosphere is different, too. The desperation in the air is gone." She took a huge breath, and let it out slowly. "That's all I remember from Lothering that first time: desperation."
"You couldn't have helped them," he said quietly.
"No, but I'm allowed to beat myself up about it anyway, aren't I?"
"No."
She laughed. "Oh, is it as easy as 'Nathaniel says so'? Sure could've used you during the Blight. It would've saved me a whole lot of agonizing and over-analyzing!"
"Seemed like you did all right to me, Commander."
"You don't know everything," she pointed out, and managed to quell the shiver that tried to race along her skin. The Blight was a dark time...for many reasons. Fueled by black hatred and revenge, there had been little space in her mind for questioning her decisions. Even today, she didn't necessarily think she'd made bad decisions in that time. But brutal ones...definitely.
The role of leader had been cast upon her, for good or ill. She'd grasped onto the title with both hands, using its responsibilities and power to drown out the pain that wailed through her heart. She'd fooled herself into believing that she was fine, that she was in control. Lost in the abyss, and she didn't even know it.
Alistair had been the only ray of light to break through.
"I know the tales the bards sing," Nathaniel said. "I know what you did, what you accomplished."
She smiled slowly. "Bards are notoriously liars. But you'll know that by the time we make it back to Denerim."
"Indeed I will." He smiled back in the darkness, a shifting of shadows across his sharp features. "Might I escort you inside, Your Majesty?" He offered her his arm.
"Don't you start with that!" she growled, but took his arm. "I'm thoroughly behind Anders' mission to get that woman to say my husband's name at least once!"
Nathaniel chuckled as they ducked back inside the inn. "You cannot blame her. Besides, it's not as if we call you by your name."
"That's different," Lorelai protested as they crossed the dining area to the stairs. "I'm your commanding officer, he's just-"
"The King?" Nathaniel was having a hard time keeping his laughter in check.
She gave him her best glower. "What I mean is that, in non-official conversation, just among us Wardens, she can call him by his name. Obviously, I'm not expecting her to shout it at him during a formal dinner with the Orlesian Empress!"
"Forgive me if I fail to see the logic, Commander." They reached Lorelai's room, and, just to irk her she was sure, Nathaniel bowed low. "Goodnight, Your Majesty."
All right, that was definitely to irk her.
"Insubordinate wretch," she responded with a grin as she shut the door.
As it closed, and as Jacob curled up on the rug by the fire, Lorelai leaned against the sturdy wood. Never in a hundred Ages would she have thought she'd count a Howe among her dearest friends, but here she was just the same. Although the former legionnaire's well-being was at the forefront of her mind...her fellow archer's came right behind it.
And now Sigrun's wild look was leaving...and Nathaniel's was, too.
If she could just show them where the Fereldan Wardens came from, show them the dirt and mire she and Alistair had struggled through to bring this country out on the other side of a Blight that, by all rights, should've eaten it alive, then maybe... Maybe she could permanently banish that caged-animal look from their eyes.
She slammed her fist against the door in disgust, causing Jacob to raise his huge head in alarm.
She didn't even know what they were looking for. How was she supposed to show it to them?
Throwing her hands up in the air in temporary resignation, she knew that she couldn't spend the entire trip dwelling on that kind of thing. Her plan would never work then. Vowing to put it firmly out of her mind, she got undressed and crawled into bed.
A beautiful garden sprawled before her. Its immensity was staggering, and encompassing. Vines crawled up the stone walls, then latched onto the overhanging trees. Lorelai had never felt the presence of animals superceded by anything else...but here all fauna was drown out by the sheer weight of the flora.
Looking down, she saw that her feet were on a path of flattened grass, as if the path were well-traveled. She followed it.
As she walked, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the greenery. Shades of green for which she had no names exploded all around her, not to mention flowers of every shape, size, and color. The proximity of so many plants was so heavy, it made her steps slow, her mind even slower.
"I didn't think you'd ever arrive."
Lorelai raised her head slowly to see the speaker, seating on a white marble bench. "Morrigan," she whispered, not sure whether to feel apprehension or joy at the sight of the witch.
"Ah, it is good to see you, sister," the raven-haired woman replied.
Lorelai felt more than heard laughter ripple out of her own throat. "Leave you to be so casual! I thought you were a woman of your word, Morrigan."
"And how have I not been?" the apostate asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You said I would never see you again."
Morrigan waved her hands in dismissal, a small smile on her face. "You aren't truly seeing me now, Lorelai."
"I suppose you're right." The Warden looked around her again, before letting her eyes settled on her former companion. "Am I dreaming?"
"Of a sorts," was the cryptic reply.
Lorelai's lips twisted wryly. "Never a straight answer for you."
"How would you learn, if I gave you all the answers?"
Laughing again, the ranger threw her arms in the air. "Too true, my friend. Too true. So, to what do I owe this...visit?"
"There is a matter which requires discussion. A matter which concerns you first and foremost." Morrigan smiled reassuringly. "Come, sit." She patted the bench beside her with a pale hand.
Obediently coming near and placing herself on the cool marble, Lorelai felt a bit troubled. Morrigan, though not as horrible a person as all would think, was not generally the selfless type. This "matter" might be more than Lorelai wanted to deal with. But...she owed the witch much. "I didn't realize you had the power to speak to a lowly non-magical person like myself through the Fade," she commented.
"Do not sell yourself so short, my friend," Morrigan disagreed. "Mage you may not be, but I would hardly call you 'non-magic'. It is not just anyone who can command animals to do her bidding."
"I suppose."
"Besides," the witch gestured deeper into the garden, "there are many things I can do that I could not do before, now that I have my Brighid."
Lorelai's gaze followed the other woman's gesture, and her heart stilled. Farther down the garden path pranced a child. Long, flowing black hair caught the filtered sunlight and skin as pale as cream seemed impossibly soft, even from this distance. The girl danced and spun, picking flowers, blowing dandelion puffs.
As if she felt Lorelai's eyes, the girl turned slowly. The eyes that looked at the Warden were not cool reptilian yellow...but amber.
A moan slipped from her throat. "What matter did you want to discuss?" she managed through numb lips.
"I'm sorry this hurts you. It was not my intention," Morrigan said softly.
Lorelai bit her lip. Though some would call her a fool, she believed her former companion. Social niceties escaped the witch; she'd never had to know them.
"I fear my so-called 'people skills' have degenerated back to abysmal, as opposed to the mere horrible they were under your influence," the apostate continued, as if reading Lorelai's thoughts.
Perhaps she could. Now.
"Ah, well. One can't be the best at everything," Lorelai remarked.
"One can try," Morrigan answered stubbornly. "At any rate, I have a gift for you."
Lorelai finally managed to tear her eyes away from the frolicking girl-child among the flowers. "Yes?"
"I appreciate stability, and I have no desire to see this country plunged into civil war again. While it is out of your control, you know that you and your...husband will be the source of this impeding problem."
The Warden felt her heart twist painfully. "Is your gift to me that you remind me of my shortcomings as wife and Queen?" she snapped.
The other woman flushed for an instant. "No, sister. Forgive me for my heavy-handedness, but I know no other way to say it." Morrigan grew quiet for a few moments. "We worked too hard against Blight and that idiot Loghain to have it all fall apart. You have worked too hard to have it all be broken once you leave."
Lorelai narrowed her gaze at the witch coolly, and Morrigan looked away. "And...?"
The raven-haired woman turned back, fierce joy brimming in her strange eyes. "Inside you, life clings desperately. And cling it must, for even now, as we speak, your taint threatens to expel it. This has happened before, but you did not, could not, know it."
Her mouth went dry, and Lorelai's hands clenched into firsts reflexively. "It... I... What?"
Morrigan grabbed her hands fervently. "I can stop it, Lorelai. I can give your womb the strength to keep that life inside, to push back the taint and hold onto the child!"
The ranger's limbs felt like they weighed too much to move, and her spine seemed to have turned to jelly. Andraste only knew how she managed not to flop over. "How? We're two Grey Wardens. We can't... I can't...!"
"With Brighid's help, anything is possible," whispered the apostate.
Lorelai turned to look at the girl again. She was crouched, stroking the petals of the biggest rose she'd ever seen. Rose...
"You could solve the problem of an heir much easier yourself, Morrigan," she choked out.
"I told you then I didn't want that!" the witch countered sternly. "That holds true now more than ever!"
Still watching the girl, Lorelai whispered, "What do you want in exchange for this?"
With the mage's hands still firmly gripping hers, the Warden felt the other woman stiffen. "Can I not simply be seeking to preserve a country's peace? To help a friend, my only friend, who helped me time and time again?"
Lorelai laughed lightly. "Oh, Morrigan, I know you too well. While those may play a part in your motivations, they aren't the whole story."
There was a stretch of silence. Lorelai found herself even more riveted by the dark-haired girl playing down the path. Girl? Had she so easily blocked that from her mind? That was no girl over there...but a God. Andraste help her if that particular choice ever came to back to haunt them all. Alistair's face came to mind, and doubt was banished. For him...for the life they had together...anything.
"Fine. If you insist on being that way," Morrigan was saying. "When Flemeth returns-"
"'Returns'?" Lorelai echoed, finally looking at her former companion again. "She'll do nothing of the sort, believe me!"
"She will," Morrigan insisted, "and when she does, despite all the advantages Brighid can give me...I may need your help. Promise me that you will give it, no matter what."
The ranger's skin prickled, and her mind raced with a thousand questions. In the end, she asked the only one that mattered. "The child...the taint. Will it be...?"
"Your child will be free of the taint," Morrigan answered. "Do not fear. Brighid and I will take care of everything."
"I promise," Lorelai replied. "Call, and I will come...with all I can bring with me."
Relief flooded the witch's face. She tried to cover it, but she did a poor job. "Thank you."
Lorelai's lip trembled, and she bit it swiftly. "Thank you. For this."
"You are quite welcome," came the swift reply, coupled with a wide grin. It seemed so out of the place on the normally grouchy apostate's face. "Now, listen to me carefully, Lorelai. Just because Brighid and I can allow your body to hold onto this life, it does not mean this will be easy. You must be careful. Do not put yourself under any undue stress. No fighting, no impromptu battles. You will shake the child's tenuous grip loose. That which makes you a Grey Warden will always be looking for an opportunity to push it out. Do not give it the chance! Do you understand me?"
"Yes," she breathed, even as she thought about the trip she was on. Should she cancel it, go scurrying back to Denerim? Or should she simply take it easy?
"Good," Morrigan's smile softened, and her gaze fell to the girl in the distance. "Would you like to meet her? I can call her over-"
"No!" Lorelai blurted out, a little too forcefully. She did not want to look in the face of that child, and think about what Morrigan may have planned. To think...in some twisted way...Morrigan may be Alistair's child one day... "I just can't stand to see his eyes look out from..." she lied, squeezing her eyes shut. It was partially true, at least.
"Of course, forgive me," the mage answered. "I truly am a mess at dealing with others without you."
"You never were anything other than a mess, even with my help!" Lorelai pointed out, laughing.
Morrigan laughed, too. "You are right, sister. Shall we wake you up then? Get a head start on being a very coddled, very careful mother?"
"Yes, please. Thank you again, Morrigan. For everything."
The witch smiled, and brushed her hand down Lorelai's face, closing her eyelids with her fingertips.
Her eyes flashed open to bright sunlight, and for a moment she didn't move. Her hand slid down to her stomach then, and a slowly widening grin came across her face. Was it true, or just a dream?
Better to act as if it were true, despite how crushing it would be if it turned out to be a simple nighttime fantasy. After all, the truth of it would make itself evident soon enough.
It must have been that last wild night in Denerim, after being caught by Adelle. She'd thought her cycle had been a bit late, but she wasn't a woman to keep rigid track of it, so she wasn't exactly sure. At any rate, if she had noticed she was late, she would have thought nothing of it.
Throwing the covers off her in a flurry, she dressed quickly, nudging Jacob with her foot as she did. The mabari woofed as he woke, startled, but when he saw Lorelai he got to his feet in a rush.
As she fastened the final bit of her leather armor, she giddily wondered how much longer she'd be able to fit in it.
Out the door and down the stairs, she made her way quickly through the dining area and outside to the same place she'd stood last night. Before everything had changed. Coincidentally, the same person she'd spent that time with was there again.
"Good morning, Commander," Nathaniel said, turning to face her. "I trust you had a pleasant-" He stopped abruptly, staring a bit. "Are you all right? You look..."
"What?" Lorelai demanded. She'd have to hide this for now. She wasn't ready to make some grand announcement.
"Well," he floundered, and she was astonished to see him blush, "you're...glowing. A bit."
"For shame!" she accused, slapping his shoulder gently. "Are you suggesting I had a dalliance last night?" Lorelai asked, seizing on an opportunity to throw her entirely-too-perceptive fellow archer off the trail.
"Of course not!" he blustered. "Maker's blood, woman!"
She laughed at him, pleased with her act. "I'm going for a bit of a walk. I'll be back soon, just need to...go over some things."
His brow furrowed. "Are you sure you should go alone? I mean, you're-"
"You are worse than Alistair!" Lorelai scolded. "I'll be fine. I have Jacob."
"If you insist, Commander, but I'd much prefer-"
She cut him off. "See you soon!" Waving, she walked off, wading into the crowd before he could protest more. Jacob kept close to her side, and the dog's presence did much to cut her a path through the herd, as people avoided the hulking hound. A passing thought danced through her mind: how wonderful Jacob would be with children.
"Miss! Miss! Please help!" begged a voice by her waist, coupled with tugs on her leather skirt.
Lorelai looked down at the dirty child. "What is it?"
"My brother. Oh, we'll be in such trouble! Please, you have to come help! If our mother finds out!" the boy babbled, tugging more insistently.
"Is your brother hurt?" she demanded sternly.
"No, no, but oh, we'll be in trouble! Please, miss! Please!"
"All right, all right, I'll come." Glancing up, Lorelai noticed a break in the crowd. Nathaniel could see her, and even from this distance, she could see the concern in his questioning stare. She raised her hand to wave him off, letting him know it was all right. She watched him cross his arms in reluctant obedience just before the gap in the crowd closed again, blocking him from her view. Reaching down the take the child's hand, she said, "Let's go."