This is really long. Wow. Um, lol sorry to those who hate reading long things.

Disclaimer: I don't own PLL

And Thank you so much for the reviews! Love you all. (: Please keep reviewing, I got such good feedback on tumblr, and here, and you guys are just great. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. By the way, your going to have to be patient with me through this story. Please. (: It might be a little depressing at times, but I'll try to put in a cute moment each chapter, so hopefully you wont kill me. Okay thank you again.

And so it begins...

Chapter 2

It was a hot mid July afternoon in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Many were outside on that warm day, embracing the heat, and enjoying the summer that was speeding past them. It was perfect weather for a swim, or simply just having a picnic. Or in Spencer's case, to have a child's birthday party at a state park.

The picnic tables were covered in decorations, and guests were arriving quickly. The sun hovered over them brightly, and children's cheers filled the ears of many. "Hey," Spencer greeted the shorter brunette, and dark haired man with a hug. "Hey Malcolm." Spencer greeted the eleven year old with a smile. "Your getting so big!" She cooed, and he was certainly looking more and more like Ezra as the days passed.

He shrugged sheepishly, with a small smile. He was a polite boy, he always said please and thank you. Also, Noah admired him since he had met him. "I'm almost as tall as Aria." He smiled a huge grin taking hold of his face, as he glanced up teasingly at his step mom. Yes, Step-Mom. Shortly after Maggie had paid a surprise visit to Ezra's, Maggie had told him the truth of their secret son. Maggie didn't give away any hints that Aria knew, but Aria couldn't keep that secret from him. They already had too many secrets. So she told him everything, at first it caused a small bump in their relationship, but they pulled through. Ezra started to get involved in his son's life since then, with time, Malcolm and his father got closer and closer. Maggie and Ezra's relationship was strictly friends, and unlike Jackie she was okay with that. Both had moved on. After spending some time with his son, he had introduced Malcolm to Aria. Being the mommy's boy he was, he wasn't too fond of Aria when they first met, but by the second time met, he had changed his mind drastically and he had taken a liking to her. After high school graduation, Ezra and Aria eloped. She knew her parents, especially her father, and Ezra's mother would never allow the two, to marry, but that didn't stop them. Aria was sure she wanted to be with Ezra for the rest of her life, and he felt the same way.

"You'll be taller then her in two years, tops." Ezra laughed along with Aria.

"Not if I wear heals." She supplied giggling at her stepson.

"Yeah, yeah." The little boy chuckled. "Wheres Noah?"

"He's playing basketball with his uncle Jason," Spencer said referring to her little boy who was passing the ball back and forth, and occasionally dribbling it, but most of the time, failing. " and some of his little friends from day care." She said pointing to the small basket ball court. Jason still had his basket ball skills, and ever since Noah could hold a basket ball, they would play every time he came for a visit. He was turning him into a little basket ball star athlete.

"Oh, dad, can I go over-" He asked, his eyes filled with anticipation.

"Yeah, sure." he said with a smile, and just like that, not so little any more, Malcolm was running towards the basketball court.

"Thanks for bringing him, he's like Noah's idol." Spencer laughed moving her eyes back to the happy couple in front of her.

"No problem. He was pretty excited to see the little guy too." Ezra said taking his eyes off his son, and wrapping an arm around Aria.

"Well either way, thank you." Spencer smiled genially.

"Where should we put this?" Aria asked, gesturing the small present she was holding. It was wrapped in simple striped, black and blue paper, and had a pretty little bow on top.

"You didn't have to-"

"Spencer, just shut up." Aria said overpowering the taller brunettes words. "Where did you say?" She singsonged, a smile creeping on her face.

"Over on that table." Spencer stated nodding her head to the picnic table piled with gifts.

"Ezra, will you?" She asked turning her body towards him, her hazel eyes looking at him innocently.

"Uh sure." He murmured taking the present out of her hands.

"And you should go join the basket ball game over there. Show off your mad skills." Aria joked, Ezra wasn't the best at sports. Surprisingly, Jason, Ezra, and Aria became good friends. Around two years ago, Aria started to befriend Jason again, Ezra saw him as a threat, but after spending a simple afternoon together, that was simply just Aria showing him Jason was only friend, the afternoon ended up planting a seed of friendship between the men. Soon enough, Aria was the jealous one. "You haven't seen Jason in, what? A week? You two okay?" She teased. "Did you guys break up?"

Ezra rolled his dark blue eyes. "You're just jealous of the bromance we have going on."

"Um, hello? Team Sparia all the way." She smirked, as he chuckled at her.

"I married such a weirdo." He laughed as he kissed her cheek, before fleeing of to the table piled with presents, and then off to the basketball court.

"So," Aria said as soon as Ezra was gone. "How'd it go?" She asked nudging her friend with her elbow, as Spencer unwrapped a pasta salad from the bags.

"What?"

"Your date." Aria smiled coyly. "With Trevor." Spencer couldn't help but roll her eyes, her friends had been setting her up on blind dates for the last four years, and none of them were exactly... her soul mate. Some, Spencer would hate, some she would take home, and have a little fun with to relieve some stress, but none of them every came close to anything serious. She wasn't looking for a relationship, but her friends just didn't understand.

"Spencer, you know I think it's better that you finally came to your senses and broke up with that Cavanaugh boy. He was trouble." Her father said from across the table cutting his chicken breast with his knife.

It had been three weeks now. Three weeks since her whole world had crumbled apart. She had gone to the doctors, and now she had a new secret. A secret that she could get rid of, a secret that would make her parents give her hell, a secret that maybe she wanted to keep, but that didn't necessarily mean keeping the secret, a secret.

Of course her dad would think that. Couldn't he see how vulnerable she was? Did he really have to bring in those thoughts, that she tried so desperately to block out? "I know you liked him, and all. But, you have so much more potential Spencer. He was okay for a high school boy friend, but for a second there I was a little scared, you two were getting serious." He continued, completely oblivious to her feelings. How he didn't even have to say his name, to make her heart continue to shatter into a million of pieces. "I think you'll agree soon enough. But, I'm glad you went to school today. Those studies are what's important." Her feelings weren't important, no Hastings didn't have feelings. Spencer was just a disgrace in her parents eyes. "You'll go to college, you'll meet a lawyer, or some doctor in premed, and you'll continue being successful, like the Hastings you are."

Expect Spencer didn't want to meet another guy, she didn't want to be with any other guy, asides 'That Cavanaugh boy'.

"It was okay." Spencer shrugged nonchalantly, taking the pasta salad bowl, towards the picnic table.

"Come on, he's cute, and sweet, and funny, and-" Aria followed her.

"Yeah he is." She declared turning on her heel after setting the pasta salad down. "But, that's the thing. He's a nice guy. He really is. But, I'm a single mother, at twenty two. He's probably looking to get married, and have kids. I don't want that Aria, I'm fine with what I have." Spencer declared.

"How could you possibly know he wants all those things? You had one date." She exclaimed, her vibrant smile still present on her face.

"Because that's what nice guys want Aria." She stated dryly.

"Well, not all nice guys want that-" She testified.

"Look, I know you guys are just trying to help me out, and I love you guys, but please stay out of my love life." She said before walking past Aria to greet Noah's preschool teacher. Aria sighed, why did her friend have to be so stubborn?

Four weeks, four weeks had passed and she was still moping around lifeless. She was confused, and she was scared. She was depressed, and she was anxious to wake up from this never-ending nightmare called her life. Four weeks had passed, and the wombs were still unhealed. Four weeks, and she was still hurting every single day.

Now, on top of this all, she was pregnant. Pregnant with his baby. Just a further reminder of all the pain, all the hurt, all the lies. She didn't know what to do. She was now around eight weeks along. She was going to have to make up her mind. She was going to have to decide. At this point, what else was she going to do with her life? Her grades were dropping after skipping school for so long, and not turning in assignments. Hell, she wasn't even trying in school anymore. She didn't have the energy to do so. Her dream of going to Upenn was shattered, along with her heart.

Although she was back in school, she wasn't back to her normal self. She barely said a word to anyone, even her friends. Although, 'A' or Toby... was being quieter than Spencer. She hadn't received a text from 'A' since finding out the truth. Maybe it was over. Her friends hadn't said anything either. Although, maybe they were just doing so, because they didn't want to push her any farther into her depression. Spencer had barely talked to them, their everyday visits, turned into every other day, once she returned to school.

"Hey Spence," Emily said pushing her bedroom door open, a shy smile on her face.

"Hi." Spencer said meekly, staying put in her position of hugging her knees on red sofa chair in the corner of her dark room, the only dim light coming from her. The early December, rare sun rays, glowing on her.

Emily sighed, the smile on her face diminishing. "Toby came by today," Emily said her voice shaking with fear that Spencer would burst out in tears at the mere mention of his name. He had skipped town shortly after the girls discovered his dark secret of being A.

Spencer looked up, cautiously.

"What." She breathed.

"I only saw him for a second. I didn't know what to say, or do. But he was talking to Angie, and he gave her something. Then he left, I was too in shock to do anything, if I even knew what to do. I told Aria, and Hanna, but when we went to his loft, he wasn't there. Then I talked to Angie, later that night. She told me he had moved out, and was leaving Rosewood. And he told her to give you this," Emily said pulling out an envelope hesitantly. "I told her I would give it to you." She gulped nervously.

"Toby was...in Rosewood?" Spencer breathed indifferently, her eyes far away, and defiantly not on Emily or the envelope for that matter.

"Yeah," Emily breathed holding out the letter to her friend. Spencer looked up at her finally, and took the envelope apprehensively. All it said was 'Spencer'. She glided her thumb across the written word, and swallowed hardly. This was his hand writing, this wasn't fake. Spencer just stared blankly at it for awhile, just the word 'Spencer'. She couldn't bring her self to read it, bring her self to see his excuses. She couldn't bring her self to put her self through the pain of reading it. Whatever he had to say, whatever he had to tell her, she just wouldn't be able to handle. She finally set the envelope down and looked at Emily. "I'm pregnant." She whispered, her voice trembling with fear.

"Sorry I'm late." Emily said instantly greeting her friend with a friendly hug. "I got lost." She admitted with a small giggle.

"It's okay." Spencer smiled taking the wrapped gift away from her friend.

"Where's Noah?" Emily asked instantly.

"Yeah, i'm doing great, thanks." Spencer said sarcastically. "Last time I checked, he was with my parents." Spencer said, annoyance in her voice. Her parents weren't happy with her, they weren't happy with her at all. A Hasting's getting pregnant at seventeen? That would tarnish their reputation. Although her parents were cold about it, and treated her like she was a huge embarrassment, they had helped her with finances at least. They had offered to track down Toby, to make him pay for child support, but Spencer had to practically force them not too. It was mostly her mother who wanted to do so, her father rather have Toby out of his daughter's life forever. Spencer, honestly didn't know which parent she agreed with...

Ever since her pregnancy, her parents were worse than ever. They also implied she was the failure of the family, and that her little mistake had caused her, her whole life. Although, they adored Noah. Even though her parents were always nice to her little boy, Spencer made sure, after each visit from his grandparents, that they hadn't brain washed him into thinking he had to be the best, that he had to gain love through good grades, being captain of a sports team, or being best at everything. She made sure he knew, she loved him unconditionally.

After whipping their heads back and forth for a few seconds, they spotted Noah. He was looking up at Peter Hastings, looking as if he was completely intrigued in what ever he was saying, while Veronica stood next to him listening to her husband's rambles.

"Maybe, I'll just wait." Emily said laughing.

"That would probably be a better decision." Spencer laughed.

"You're what?" Emily spattered. Spencer avoided her friends dark brown eyes. "Spencer, is-" She gulped. "You and-" She sputtered. "Is he the dad?" Emily asked her voice low, in a hushed tone. An almost panicked tone. Spencer didn't answer. "Spencer." She whispered into the dead silence.

"Yeah," She said finally, shutting her eyes tightly, letting the tears fall, and exhaling a shaky breath. "It happened before, before I knew." She sobbed hysterically as Emily sat down with her, wrapping her sobbing friend into her arms. "I don't know what to do Emily." She wailed.

"Sh," Emily hushed her, swaying her back and forth. "It will be okay." She whispered. "It's going to be okay." She said unconvincingly. Truthfully, Emily had no idea what was going to happen. They hadn't mentioned it to Spencer, but they had been getting A texts. A wasn't gone. This wasn't over. But, Emily would say anything to make her friend feel better, at least for a blissful moment.

"People keep telling me that," She sniffled into her friend's dark hair. "They keep telling me I'm strong. They keep telling me that soon it will stop hurting, that the pain will go away with time. But none of that matters. Because that bright future? That future that every one talks so fondly of, may never come. But these feeling, these feelings of hopelessness and loneliness, and emptiness and confusion are what's happening right now. Knowing that maybe it will get better, that the pain will eventually stop, doesn't make any of that pain go away. It doesn't change anything, because that future isn't real. It's not definite. But all this pain? That's what's real. It's how I feel right now, and it doesn't matter that it might get better, because right now, I don't want to live, to wait for this future that may never come." She confessed through her tears, and this crushed Emily's pour little heart. This was the most she had said about how hurt she actually was. She had been so closed off with everyone. Knowing that this is how Spencer really felt, made Emily cry herself.

But, Emily knew the feeling. The feeling of hopelessness and depression. When Maya died, that's how she felt. People told her, 'the pain would heal with time', but that didn't mean anything, that didn't do anything for her. That didn't change how she was feeling right then, right there.

"I'm so sorry." She said tears falling off her cheeks. "I'm here, we are all here for you, you just have to let us be there for you. You have to let us in." She said tightening her hold on her still sobbing friend. "I'm so sorry, Spencer."

Within minutes the little four year old came running to his mother, and his auntie Emmy. "Hi auntie Emmy!" He said a huge smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling looking up at the woman who smiled instantly at his greeting.

"Hi there, Noah!" Emily said. "Happy Birthday!" She exclaimed. "How old are you now?" She asked, even though she knew exactly how old he was, down to the minutes.

"Four!" He exclaimed holding up his four little fingers, happily.

"Wow, you're getting pretty old!" Emily exclaimed.

"He is," Spencer said admiring her son.

"Mommy, Uncle Jason told me that I got better since last time!" He boasted happily. He might have, just maybe, inherited Spencer's bragging ways.

"That's great!" She said a huge smile coming across her face. "I'm sure you'll be an all star athlete by next year."

"That's a long time." He said widening his eyes. "I'll be..." He said pondering. "Five!"

"Yes," Spencer nodded.

"That's really old!" He exclaimed. "It's your whole hand!" He said looking at his hand in awe, as if it were some incredible sight.

"Well that's pretty far away, so we don't have to worry about it." She assured him.

"How old are you mommy? What about you Auntie Em? What about Gramma and Grampa? Are they like 100 years old?" He asked curiously as Spencer picked her son off the ground, holding him on her hip, and laughing at how prehistoric he thought her parents were.

"We are all old." She declared. "Way to old too even count." she exclaimed widening her mocha eyes.

"I'm a good counter though!" He counteracted. "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8-" He began quickly, number after number, coming out of his mouth.

"We're all hundreds of years old, how's that?" She laughed.

"No mommy! You're lying." He giggled.

"I would never." She said her voice high, and pretending to be offended. "Now, are you ready for some lunch?"

"Does that mean cake is soon?" He said popping his big blues out more alerted than before.

"Yes. Soon." She said. They little boy cheered, and both women laughed at the eager four year old.

Another week passed. The letter was still unread. Her mind was still not made up. And her secret was still kept. Emily had told the girls, and now, they were once again visiting everyday, sleeping over every day, making sure she was okay. They wanted her to read the letter, they needed her to read the letter. What Spencer didn't know, was that A was still on their trail. Maybe Toby told Spencer something, anything that could help them. But, how could they tell her that it wasn't over? That A was probably just waiting for her to be strong again, to knock her right back down? They couldn't just force her to read the letter he had written her. They had to wait till she was ready. Whenever that would be...

Today, it was just Hanna and Spencer, doing homework together."Spencer," Hanna said hesitantly. The whole day, Spencer hadn't mentioned a word about Toby, about her pregnancy, about A. Hanna knew she shouldn't bring up something that would bring her friend down, but she knew her friend was still hurting. She knew her friend was just putting up a wall like always.

Spencer looked up from across the kitchen counter from her anatomy homework. "Yeah?" She asked.

"I just want you to know, that it's okay, not to be okay about all of this." Hanna said with a small toothless sad smile. "It's okay not to hate him." She said apprehensively. Spencer just looked at her, her lips shut tightly, her hard eyes staring at Hanna. "When we found out about Mona... I didn't know what to do, I didn't understand why she would do those things to me. I know it's different. But, Mona was important to me. When Ali disappeared, when we all went our separate ways, you guys all had somewhere to go. Somewhere to fit in." She explained.

"Aria went to Iceland, Emily had her swim teammates, you had your field hockey friends, and you were class president. Even without Ali, everyone knew you. You guys all had somewhere to fit in, but I was just that chubby loser who was friends with Alison. But, then Mona came along. I found a new best friend. Somewhere to fit in. Me and Mona were a lot of like, we were practically twins, we both wanted to be that girl every guy checks out, and every girl envys. She was there for me, when you guys weren't. When I found out she was A, she was that bitch behind that black hoodie. I was hurt, and mad, and I felt betrayed. But, I couldn't bring my self to hate her. I couldn't convince my self that our friendship was all just part of her evil game to torture us. I still believe our friendship was real." Hanna admitted. "Pretending to do something, after awhile, becomes real. I know you think he never cared about you, never loved you. But, I know he did. He couldn't possibly not love you after spending so much time with you, going through all that with you, you can only play pretend so long." Hanna continued. "Look, maybe reading the letter. Maybe he'll explain some things and you'll know-"

"Hanna," Spencer said stopping her. "Whatever it is. It doesn't change anything. And if that's the case, then I'll just pretend to hate him until I actually do." She said her voice threading with conflicting feelings and rage.

"But don't you want to know the truth?"

"Hanna," Spencer scoffed. "What does that even mean? That letter, that letter he wrote me. Maybe it's just a bunch of lies, a bunch of lies to match our relationship. He lied to me before, why should I believe him now?"

"Happy Birthday dear Noah, Happy birthday to you." The crowd sang along, the light of the lit five candles, one for good luck, bouncing off his big blue eyes. The little boy blew out his candles in one blow. Every one clapped, and the little boy started clapping along with the others cheerfully. Spencer watched her little eager boy, her mocha eyes starting to water up. He was growing up so fast, next year, around this time, she would be preparing him for kindergarten.

But that wouldn't be the only thing different about the year to come. Spencer's life was the definition of unexpected, and the surprises; good and bad, would continue whether she liked it or not.

That was super long. I debated on cutting it in half, but I wanted to wrap up the party thing. So, well, please tell me what you thought(: Toby will be coming soon. (((: