My apologies, dear readers. This chapter was almost complete for a while, but my beta thought that someone needed to talk more...and it took me a while to figure out what that someone needed to say :P
Your prayers to Andraste and the Maker for answers have been, well, answered :)
Lorelai paced in the dank cargo hold of the ship, kneading her fists into her lower back. The constant sound of her chains dragging against the dirty floorboards was going to slowly drive her mad, while the pitching and yawing of the vessel sought to toss her to her knees every now and then.
At least she could blame her recurring vomiting on being seasick.
She'd take this vessel headed to Maker-only-knew-where over her last location any day.
That pitch-black basement, shut away from everything. People, sunlight, fresh air, all things that, by the end, felt like a forgotten dream. A secure place for them to keep her while they'd waited for their ship to arrive. Water had dripped from the ceiling, randomly striking her in the head no matter what new position she moved to. An elaborate form of torture perhaps.
She'd wondered if the sections of the Deep Roads she'd eventually banish herself to would be this dark, this stifling.
Despite the daily deliveries of the drug-laced food, Lorelai never saw anyone. The plates were passed beneath a slot under the door. No talking, no touching. Sitting in the blackness, it had seemed like she'd been forgotten…like she'd become the darkness, and that she would vanish with the night when the sun broke the horizon.
Looking back, she may have gone a little mad.
With no light to guide her, time had become meaningless.
Then he'd returned. In a twisted way, she'd almost been glad to see him. To see anyone. He'd forced her to eat a bowl of disgusting porridge. The smoke of the drug had not rolled over her mind so much as it suffocated it. Definitely stronger than the regular dose. The Grey Warden had had a vague sensation of collapsing into his waiting arms, and then all had been lost.
She'd awakened here, in the bowels of a ship, chained to the walls.
At least she could see now. At least she saw the men when they brought her the food. At least he came and spoke with her every now and then. Of course it was only to mock oh-so-politely…but at least it was a human voice.
Sudden heat dashed down her lips, dripping off her chin. Startled, she hastily wiped at her lower face. She pulled her hand back, and glared at her blood-stained fingers. With a growl of frustration, she pinched just below the bridge of her nose. Damned nosebleeds. No expert on either subject, Lorelai wasn't sure if it was a symptom of being a captive or of being pregnant. Either way, it was a nuisance.
Heavy footfalls. Someone was coming.
Scrambling to her hands and knees, she backed herself against the hull, pulling her knees up quickly to hide her protruding stomach. It didn't seem all that noticeable to her, but she was taking no chances, since against all odds she was still miraculously pregnant.
He descended the stairs and approached her lowly corner. Bending from the waist, he gave her one of the courtliest bows she'd ever seen…marred only by his condescending grin. "I trust you're enjoying the voyage so far, my lady?" He bent his head, and examined her closer. "My, my, my. Where has that blood come from? Not hurting ourselves, are we?"
Her lip curled in a silent snarl, a base reaction of fear and anger. After that endless exile in the basement, it felt like layers of her being had been scraped away. Queen was long gone, Warden-Commander shortly after that, though Warden was still just barely there. The Cousland girl with the slick, persuasive voice? Buried until such a time as she would be useful. Wife had faded, paled, bleeding away into Lover. There were few things left. Those that were, however, were strong. Lover. Woman. Mother. All three primal, all three dangerous.
"In a quiet mood today, I see. That's good, since it's time you were told what's going on." He kicked an errant crate a bit closer, and sat down. "Though I'm not sure you will believe me, I am sorry for the need to have kept you in the dark for so long. It seemed the best course of action."
Lorelai tilted her head to the side, and imagined sliding a dagger through his heart.
"I suppose I should start at the beginning, before the Blight…and before your actions that led us down the path we find ourselves on at the moment." He sighed and shook his black-and-gray hair out of his face. "My name is Grady, and my surname is unimportant," he added sternly, as if she'd asked him for it. "I was captain of Loghain's home guard at Gwaren for many years."
Her eyes narrowed, her interest piqued. The archer managed to stop the colorful images dancing through her head of blood pouring down…Grady's body. She disliked that he had told her his name, given himself an identity. It made him more familiar, when what she wanted was distance.
But his name aside… Captain of the guard? He had told her Loghain was a fool once. Not usually the opinion one had of their teryn.
"Loghain and I had grown close during the rebellion, hence my subsequent elevation to my position. We remained close, and our lives paralleled each other nicely over the years. We married around the same time, and our wives bore us children relatively close in age." He stopped, and bowed his head. "And our wives were lost to us barely months apart."
Rage bit down Lorelai's nerve endings, and Lover growled through her mind like a beast in the bushes. Here he sat before her, a widower, knowing full well what it was like to lose a wife. And yet he would put another man through a similar torture.
"Those were dark days, for both of us. We helped each other, and our children helped us both. Anora was like a ray of the purest light, and my boy, well," he rubbed his cheek ruefully, and grinned at her, "he never failed to distract us with mischief."
Definitely not the words of someone who thought Loghain a fool. Her mind twitched sluggishly, like a hibernating bear.
"Well, grief faded, as it does, and life returned to normal as best it could." Grady's eyes lost focus as he stared off into nothing. "I watched that ray of light strengthen and grow into the most beautiful young woman. Sharp, ambitious, poised." He grinned suddenly. "You know, at meal times, she used to drill the guards on duty about etiquette. If they answered wrong, she'd sigh and tell them they'd never land wives that way." Chuckling, he rubbed his chin, the grin softening to a small smile.
Lorelai's brain kicked again, harder, reflexively. Why? About what? Instinct knew something reason couldn't understand yet.
"And when the noblemen's sons came to court her, bah!" He waved his hands in theatrical dismissal. "They all disgusted her. As they should've, they were all beneath her. But Loghain kept bringing them in. One after another." Green eyes, gone so fuzzy in pleasant memory, suddenly narrowed sharply. "Pushing her to marry, pushing for an heir," he grumbled.
The smile returned, banished by the rise of another, apparently happier, memory. "After one particularly trying day, when she'd been forced to be on display like some...piece of livestock, she asked me if I'd throw the lot of them in the dungeon!" Grady laughed uproariously, like it was some hilarious joke, but then he sobered. "Little did I know the real reason for her distaste for her suitors. She had much bigger plans for herself.
"She set her eyes much higher than the fools paraded before her. She aimed for the crown. Aimed and won, but even he was beneath her." His face waxed into fanaticism. "None were good enough." As quick as it had risen, the crazed look faded, and he looked at Lorelai pointedly, emerald eyes burning. "I'm sure you know what that's like. Reaching for power, angling for a throne. It seems you're quite the expert."
She sat up straighter, lifted her chin. Her lip curled again, that animalistic reaction showing itself without conscious effort. Even as her body responded on its own, her mind spiraled in a hundred different ways, laboriously chasing the hidden meaning of his words.
Grady rose to his feet, towering over her. Pointing a finger at her fiercely, he barked, "And here we are now. You have no one to blame for your predicament but yourself, arlessa. If you could've just kept your ambitions smaller, not reached quite so high-" He cut himself off, grinding his teeth together. With a deep breath, he said with much more control, "You hold a position not rightfully yours. You and your bastard husband are thieves, and I intend to rectify that situation.
"When we reach our destination, we'll prepare a message to your husband stating our demands." Spreading his hands wide, he smiled gently, as if granting a great mercy. "I am not a monster, my lady. I respect you as a daughter of the great Cousland family line and as a Grey Warden. I do not ask much, only that you and your husband relinquish the throne of Ferelden to its rightful owner: Queen Anora.
"You will both be unharmed, but you must leave the country afterwards, and never return. Do I make myself clear?"
One, last shred of common sense screamed, and that was all that kept Lorelai from surging to her feet in appalled shock. That's what this was about? Her beloved was being put through this nightmare…for this. "You love her," she hissed, hands gripping her knees so tightly they shook.
"What?" he demanded. "What did you say?"
"You love her," she repeated, louder. "All this…because you love a woman…young enough to be your daughter."
Clenching his fists, Grady growled, "I would not say such things if I were you."
She ignored him. "An impressive gift you're…attempting to give her. Illogical, traitorous…and reprehensible, but impressive."
"You stole her throne," he reiterated stubbornly.
"So goes the spoils…of war!" she shouted back. "Perhaps her father should've…considered that before murdering…his daughter's husband…and his King…and nearly starting a civil war!"
"And she should be punished for his idiocy?" he argued. He gestured furiously. "I do not deny his grievous mistakes, nor do I find flaw in the punishment you meted out against him, though it pains my heart to admit that. But she did nothing wrong!"
"The people of Ferelden…deserve a King of Maric's blood," Lorelai bit out.
"The people of Ferelden do not careif a son of Maric's blood or an Andraste-damned toad sits the throne!"
"The Landsmeet-"
"The Landsmeet did not proclaim the bastard King! They sided with the Grey, and with your decision as to who would have the crown!" Grady thrust his finger at her again. "You placed him upon the throne, you usurped Anora!"
Lorelai thought of Anora, in the estates and lands given to her by Alistair and herself, given mercy and the ability to live out the rest of her life as she pleased. A move that, in the darkest corner of Lorelai's mind, seemed a poor one. Now, low and behold five years later, it appeared that the Warden had been right.
"You seem to know quite…a bit about what happened at the…Landsmeet," she said, her voice thick with fury. "I wonder who told you all of that."
His eyes narrowed, but he didn't answer her.
"Mark my words…you filth. If your precious blonde…bitch has anything to do with this-"
"Do not finish that sentence!" he warned, his voice echoing through the cargo hold.
"-I will…see to it that…she shares her father's fate!" Lorelai finished in a hoarse scream.
Hideous, choking anger filled the space, beating against her trembling body like a river against a stone. She watched the rage fill him up, watched it take his eyes and change him.
Good, she thought furiously. Strike me! Lose that shred of civility you still cling to and show the monster you hide from yourself!
And his fist clenched, as if he intended to do her silent bidding. But then the rage receded, and his eyes became his own again. "I will grant you that transgression on the basis that I have upset you with the truth," he whispered. "But do not think to test my mercy again."
"Truth?" she hissed. "You commit an act of…high treason over a hopeless…infatuation, and you speak to me…of truth?"
"Do you deny your actions, Warden-Commander?" he sneered, crossing his arms.
"How can I? In the face of…your conviction?" she snorted. "There is no…truth in politics, there are…only sides. Sides and power." Lorelai narrowed her eyes and jeered, "Hide behind the…guise of truth if you'd…like. You're just trying to…shift the power. Well played." She smiled mockingly. "Enjoy it while…it lasts."
"Do not threaten her again," he said flatly.
Lorelai didn't answer, and felt a greasy bolt of satisfaction as his cheek twitched.
He exploded then, kicking the crate he'd been sitting on with enough force to send it careening across the floor, before storming back up the stairs.
It was only after he left, after there was nothing left in her ears but the sound of water caressing wood, that Lorelai broke down and wept.