Into the swing of things once more, Shiver shall venture towards the land within thy core.
And with that teeny bit of poetry, I present to you the next chapter of Place For Fear.
I apologize for the MIA ;)
MPOV
It was late. The stars sparkled against the dark backdrop of the sky as a tiny sliver of the moon peeked out from one of the French doors guarding my balcony. I pressed a damp hand to the pocket of my plush white robe, where I knew the piece of paper was lying.
All day I had avoided this moment.
The moment I got inside the house, I made a mad dash for my room, resolving to delve deep inside my homework in a pathetic attempt at distracting me from the note. Fang's note. It was a futile attempt, though, as I quickly found out. All throughout my physics homework, the flimsy paper burned a hole through my back pocket. Even after I moved it out of sight, crammed within a pile of sweaters in a drawer, the message still called to me.
When Ella knocked on my door to inform me it was time for dinner, I resolved to giving up on my homework. It was clearly of no use to try and sort through it when all I could think about was the warm, fizzy feeling that bubbled up inside my every time I thought of Fang's silent messages to me.
My mind was lost in thought as I slowly picked my way through the chicken and rice on my plate. Angel and Ella were yammering excitedly away beside me; my mother was nowhere to be found. Left alone to my wandering thoughts, my pulse quickened rapidly as I thought about the smug wink Fang had sent me at lunch that day. Growing hot, my fork slipped right through my clammy grasp, clattering loudly on the black and white checkered tile beneath us.
Cringing at the abrupt loudness, I bent to retrieve my utensil. When I looked back up, I was met with the questioning gazes of my sisters. The muscles in my forehead worked to form a crease.
"What?" I asked, irate.
Ella gave me a knowing look, to which I immediately shot down with a stare that could kill. Pushing back from the table, the legs of the chair screeching against the tile in protest, I announced to them that I was finished and tossed my plate in the sink.
I took the steps two-by-two, making sure to keep my feet light and springy as to not make a noise loud enough to send my mother raging down the stairs at me. So far I had escaped her wrath that day, and I wanted to keep it that way.
When I reached the all-too-white walls of my room, I made the subconscious decision to jump in the shower. With my thoughts tumbling through my mind in no discernible order and my nerves doing summersaults through my stomach, the steaming hot trails of water seemed like the perfect remedy.
Snatching up the robe crumpled up on one of my chairs, I made a bee-line towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. Within minutes, I was immersed in the water, a slow, lucid sigh escaping my full lips.
It was as if all my thoughts floated away with the rising steam. I was able to soak up the warm water without one thought of Fang or my mother or my new home ghosting through my mind. It was a nice release that left me reluctant to leave.
A long, long time later I glanced down and saw my fingers shriveling up from the overexposure to water. Sighing, I turned the sleek silver knob and watched as my warmth dripped away to nothing but small, inconsistent droplets.
After patting myself dry and running a comb through my soaking locks, I tugged the plush material of my robe on over my bare, damp skin and scampered off back to my room. I passed Ella in the hall on my way back, a perfectly trimmed eyebrow cropping up into her hairline.
"I sure hope you and Fang aren't sexting tonight," she remarked. Her expression led me to believe she was utterly serious.
I rolled my eyes at her, giving her a playful shove that sent her knocking gently into the wall. "Oh, shut up."
Laughing, Ella continued on towards the stairs with nothing more than a tongue stuck out in my direction. My eyes tilted up to the ceiling once more, but I continued padding on down to my room, my bare feet making a slight sticking noise against the hardwood.
In the enclosure of my room, I stood facing myself in the mirror I had hung up earlier that morning. A pale, bedraggled version of me stared blankly back. For the life of me, I looked like a cat dragged through a puddle.
Despite my ability to push Fang out of my mind for the past hour, I couldn't help the fleeting glance I sent out my French doors to his balcony then. Thankfully, his dark black curtains were drawn tightly together, completely blocking off any view he could have had of me and my grunge-like appearance.
With the thought of Fang came the memory of his note. I didn't even register what I was doing before my drawer was suddenly open, the crumpled piece of paper with Fang's number scrawled onto it secured safely in my hand.
A shaky sigh expelled from my lips as I shoved the note into the front pocket of my robe. Ordering myself not to think of Fang, I tugged open the door to my expansive closet and stepped inside. One of the upsides to my new room was that I no longer had to change in the bathroom to avoid Peeping Toms. Despite my long journey from home to home, I never really acquired any curtains, leaving me always unbearably exposed to the outside world in my room. Here, I had a spacious walk-in closet that was now functioning as my own personal changing room.
The thought brought a twitch to my lips. I had no idea what compelled my mother to buy such a grand home this time around, but trust me when I say I definitely wasn't regretting her decision.
Untying the rope cinching my robe together, I let the delicate white article slide to the floor, then rifled through my clothes searching for something to wear. In the end, I settled on a plain pair of black cotton shorts and an old New England shirt I had picked up when we lived on the coast. It took a while, but I finally filled the shirt out, the cream-colored, silky material clutching at what meager curves I possessed.
I flung open my closet door and stepped out, not being able to control the quick glance I sent towards Fang's room. His curtains were drawn now, revealing a bit of his room, but the dim lighting he had didn't leave much for me to see. A shiver raced up my spine, both delicious and frightening at the same time. Goosebumps prickled against the fabric of my clothes.
I tugged the robe back over my shoulders, my hands clutching the mouth of it closed as I took a perch on the edge of my bed. My hand fluttered over the pocket where I knew Fang's note was resting as I tilted my face up to the moonlit sky. Every pore of my being was screaming for me to take hold of the note and heed the message Fang had wrote, but a cold lump of nerves bundled low in my stomach as I thought of facing rejection. What if he got home and regretted giving his number to me? I didn't think I could face the humiliation of it at school tomorrow; especially not since I was supposed to be doting around him for the rest of the week.
Suddenly, a moment of bravery mixed with notes of bitterness rose in my chest. What did it matter if Fang suddenly regretted his decision and found me distasteful the next day? I would be sailing out of this town in no time, leaving me with absolutely nothing to lose. Soon, I would be just a distant memory.
Solidifying my decision, I took the note between fingers, shrugged my robe to the floor, and snatched my cell from my bag. Within seconds, I had Fang added as a contact and was making my way over to my balcony.
Prying open the double French doors, a chilling breeze flowed past me, leaving gentle kisses across my bare skin. The goosebumps were back, clawing at my clothes, as was the gnawing pit in my stomach. I swallowed the nerves, though, and settled down on the marble of the balcony, wrapping my slender legs around one of the gray columns.
Tapping my phone to life, I took a deep breath and shot Fang a message before I could even begin to think against it.
Look outside your balcony.
The seconds that followed the sending of my message were some of the longest I ever had to face. The longer time seemed to stretch, the harder the butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings. I tried not to fidget too much, but ended up twisting a lock of my sandy brown hair around a finger anyway.
Suddenly, the doors across from me were being pried open, and a soft breath I didn't even know I had been holding escaped me along with the rampant butterflies. Fang's stoic, chiseled face was gazing over at me as he sat with his legs crossed down on his own balcony. He held up his phone at me as if to say, "cheers."
I gave a wry smile back and mimicked his actions, swinging my legs gently back and forth with the wind as I watched him duck his head and reply to my text. Seconds later, my phone buzzed to life.
Just get out of the shower?
My lips twitched as I absently fingered a damp lock of my hair. Yes. Unlike you, I don't enjoy sitting in my filth.
Even from this far away, I could see his eyes twitch heavenwards at my comment. I take my showers in the morning. You're welcome to hop over and join anytime.
Two red apples appeared on my cheeks, as I felt a warm rush spread through my veins. I'm considering hopping over to slap you.
This time when Fang's phone buzzed, he released a short laugh that he quickly stifled, as if surprised he had emitted it himself. Any physical contact will be openly welcomed. How was your first day at Bridgewater?
I was eternally grateful for the change in subject. My skin was tingling at the thought of Fang's hands roaming my skin, and I wasn't sure if I necessarily enjoyed the feeling or not. It wasn't a feeling I was used to experiencing, that was for sure.
It was alright. I would have gotten completely lost if not for you though.
Is my assistance still required for tomorrow?
A smile blinked through my eyes. Yeah, it might take me a while to get used to the school.
I'll stick to you like glue, then. Wouldn't want you getting lost, after all.
I chuckled slightly under my breath, knowing all too well how easily I got lost. Right, because when I get lost, I'll most definitely find myself in a life-threatening situation.
Don't worry, I'll be there to protect you.
My face tilted up of its own accord, meeting Fang's even gaze. His chocolate brown eyes were working magic to undo the wall I had built up around my heart over the years, though the emotion that I saw swimming through them was undecipherable.
The small rectangle of my phone buzzed in my lap, wrenching me away from his stare to glance at the screen.
How'd you get the stitches on your arm?
My heart froze in my chest, icy needles stabbing me all over. A cold sweat damped my palms, making it a difficult task just to lift my phone into my grasp and tap out a white lie to the boy sitting across from me. At that moment, though he was mere feet apart, I began to feel alone, as if the distance between us stretched on for miles upon miles. It was an unsettling feeling.
I broke a vase.
I cursed at myself, knowing very well that the lie was pathetic, with absolutely no logic backing it up. Sure enough, Fang's message voiced as much.
And what? A shard of it magically floated up and sliced you?
Tipping my head up, I met his heavy stare once more, my fingers absently going to the crude stitching of my forearm. It was my fault Fang had discovered them. I was being careless wearing a short-sleeved shirt; it exposed not only my stitches, but the faint, white, lingering scars from the previous abuse of my mother.
Fang's eyes bore into mine, begging me to give him the truth, the real answer to his burning question.
I tripped with it in my hands, and fell in the pile of glass.
My gaze never strayed of Fang's. Instantly after he read the text, I knew he didn't believe me by the way his body went rigid. Every muscle in my body tensed, awaiting his response of probing questions. My stomach clenched just at the thought of it. The second Fang started asking questions was the moment when I would have to shut him out.
And damn it all, I wasn't prepared to do that. Despite all my efforts, all my years of building an impenetrable wall around me, Fang was beginning to seem like my Kryptonite. There was an unspoken understanding between us I had never felt with anyone else before. It was an understanding that made me melt from the inside out. It was an understanding that whisked away the unbearable feeling of being alone.
The dreaded buzz hummed against my thigh, making the bare skin there tingle. I picked the phone up with stone-cold hands, heart thrumming fast in my chest.
At least you weren't hurt worse.
My head snapped up, eyes bulging out the size of saucers. Fang met my surprised gaze with a sad, understanding one of his own. He knew I was lying to him, but allowed me to slip by anyway, patiently waiting for me to come to him with the answers.
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, blurring my vision for a moment before I blinked them away.
Thank you.
For the next ten minutes, Fang and I shot mindless texts back and forth, carefully tiptoeing around sensitive topics relating back to our pasts. Though I had no idea what kept Fang wrapped in silence, I had a dreadful feeling that he was catching on to my reason pretty quick. The thought made me sick.
Eventually, we both agreed we should slip into bed before one of our parents found us out there. I bid him goodnight with a rueful smile, my heart clenching as I wished I had nothing to hide from him.
Deep down, though, I knew that I wasn't the only one clawing on to a dark secret. Somewhere in those deep brown eyes was a past that had struck Fang with the bony touch of silence. We were both just two broken kids trying to wade through this sea of a broken life, day by pitiful day.
I had mixed feelings about going to school the next day. Part of me was excited to see Fang at school again, but the butterflies coursing through my stomach when I woke up that morning told of the other side of my double-edged sword of emotions.
I ate quickly, scarfing down a granola bar that I really had neither hunger nor taste for before skipping up to the third floor bathroom. Angel was currently occupying the first floor bathroom, Ella in the second floor, leaving me to brush my teeth and work through the knotted mass that dared called itself my hair on my mother's floor.
Thankfully, the bathroom I was using wasn't actually my mother's. She had her own private bathroom in the master suite at the end of the hall, so I didn't have to risk getting a beating on the off chance that she discovered me in her room.
With my mom off at work, my sisters and I were allowed to be as rambunctious as we so desired during the morning. For Ella and Angel that meant squealing over mindless things and chattering up a migraine. For me, it meant burning up my vocal chords.
Spitting out the extra toothpaste in my mouth, I began a tune low in my throat, humming it out into the vacancy of the bathroom. Slowly, as I brushed my way through the sandy brown jungle on top of my head, the hum transformed into a sweet, melodic song that floated from my lips.
I was by no means a talented singer. That being said, I still enjoyed the art of music and loved the way my emotions could pour out in the songs I sang. So I sung them anyway, as loud and as soft as I wanted. Ella complained constantly about my cat-like voice, but it was all in good teasing. I knew she secretly enjoyed the fact that I was able to bring myself joy from time to time.
Ella severely worried about me sometimes.
I would too.
Within twenty minutes, the three of us girls were clambering outside, a chilling breeze whispering against our skin. I tugged the zipper of my jacket up a bit higher and stuffed my hands deep within the confines of my pockets, not yet ready to feel the force of the oncoming winter against me. The Xaviers were exiting their home as well, and both of our groups morphed together.
As usual, I strayed behind the rest of them, ducking my head down to watch the cracks in the sidewalk disappear beneath me. It was only early November, but my breath was already beginning to fog up in the air around me, a chill seeping into my converse and wrapping around my toes.
A tug on my hair had me tilting my head up. After a second, Fang's impassive face popped into view, blinking a greeting at me. A rosy color had seeped its way into his cheeks, softening his chiseled features and making him appear more boyish.
My heart did a little flip-flop as I lifted my hand from out of my pockets, fingers curling in a silent hello. For the rest of the walk to school, we remained in a comfortable silence that had blanketed itself around our shoulders.
Despite the slight heat that spread through me at the proximity of Fang to me, the warm air that wrapped around me when we entered the school was still greatly appreciated. I tugged my coat off as I trailed Fang through the halls to our lockers, already feeling the heat stick to my skin.
At least I remembered to wear a long-sleeved black sweater today. I didn't miss the sly glance Fang threw at the spot where my stitches remained, though. My jaw clenched, but I otherwise remained stoic.
When we reached the lockers, I quickly spun in my combination and tossed my jacket on one of the metal hooks installed in the interior of the metal compartment. My fingers wrapped around a spiral notebook I had stowed away on the top shelf yesterday and tugged it out, slamming my locker shut in my wake.
I spun, meeting a brick wall. My breath gasped into my lungs sharp enough to make me choke a little; my heart gave a little skip. As I glanced up, I realized that it was just Fang.
Clutching my notebook tight against my chest, as if to hide the erratic beating of my heart, I shot him a death glare. He returned my thoughtful look with a slow-spreading smirk that made his eyes sparkle with amusement. It would be a complete, flat-out lie to say I didn't notice how the brightness in his eyes made my heart falter even more, a heady sensation making me feel as light as air the longer he looked at me.
Shaking my head to clear out the cloud that had settled there, I huffed, gesturing sternly in the direction of first period. I saw Fang's eyes crinkle just a bit more with satisfaction, as if he could read the effect he had on me like an open book.
It made me wonder how often he made girls other than me feel that same way. Jealousy stroked its ugly hand through my body, ruffling my feathers a bit.
Fang turned on his heel and headed off towards homeroom. In the absence of his stare, I was able to think quick enough to hurry after him, trying to memorize the way we were heading so that I wouldn't have to always rely on Fang to navigate my way around the school.
First period was passed in a blur of comical looks shared between Fang and me behind Mrs. Cody's back. Honestly, it was a mystery to me how the woman was married; it seemed like every word out of her mouth was some cruel joke specifically designed for her pleasure alone.
Afterwards, the two of us traveled to the rest of our classes, each one duller than the next. In English, I smiled tentatively at a cheerful-looking J.J when she called a greeting to me upon our entrance. Giving a pointed look towards Fang, her eye came down in an exaggerated wink.
My cheeks blushed furiously, and I couldn't but notice Fang's questioning look thrown at me out of the corner of my eye. I pretended not to notice and headed to the back corner of the classroom, folding myself in the seat as if I could somehow magically disappear.
I was going to kill J.J.
Inside my bag, a slight spasm coursed through the material, alerting me to a new message on my phone. I dug through the junk I had in there and checked the screen on the little rectangle.
Meet me on the balcony?
My heart clenched—Fang. I slid him a look then, one of his eyebrows raised in expectation. When he noticed my hesitation, he ducked his head back down to hastily tap out another message. My phone buzzed not moment later.
Once you're done in the shower, of course.
The hint of a smile tugging at my lips, I sent him a quick text back, agreeing to meet him outside that night. When he read the message, I could have sworn his eyes lit up just the slightest bit.
The rest of the school day was pretty ordinary, nothing of interest happening. Everyone walked home together as they had yesterday, Fang and I staying behind the rest of the group as per usual.
By the time I was breezing through the door to my room, I couldn't deny the excitement bubbling up in my chest. The night couldn't come fast enough, all of my nerves alive and singing, begging for the stars to rear their twinkling heads so that I could receive more of Fang's silent messages.
What I saw on my bed when I closed my door, however, had me frozen solid in my tracks. There was a folded piece of cardstock resting on my bedraggled bed, looking pristine with its spotless beige surface. The dark, inky calligraphy whispering my name on the front of the card was all too familiar to my scarred eyes.
A hard lump formed around my throat, strangling me from precious oxygen. My converse seemed to be filled with cement. Time seemed to be moving through honey.
Licking my dry lips, I hardened the walls surrounding my mind and heart and shoved myself forward to collect the card into quivering fingers. I peeled the front back slowly, dreading every second coming ahead.
My light brown eyes locked in on the smooth calligraphy, soaking in the message written there.
I'll see you soon.
Woooah! Shiver, another cliffy in this story? Why, yes! Yes there is!
I kid. Anyhow, I've got half of the next chapter typed up already, so review and I just may be compelled to finish writing it ;)
*Shiver*