Gardener of Konoha
(original first chapter)
by Lord Dragon Claw
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. YuYu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi.
Chapter: Not Just Trees
Oven ten-thousand years ago, a two-tailed demon fox was on the run from some demon hunters. After being critically wounded, he hid himself within the body of an unborn child, pushing the previous soul out of the body and into oblivion. Within the child, he was reborn.
He no longer had any tails, but he still had his wits. He also had a talent for making plants grow. He learned many things while regaining his power, including the love a human mother has for her son. He began to have a fondness for humans.
The fox boy grew into a fine young half-demon, and eventually made friends with a group of demon hunters, which included another demon who had three eyes, and a female reaper.
They had several adventures, including a showdown with four beastly demons, a tournament where their very lives were at stake, and a war against a demon-hunter-turned-madman. Towards the conclusion with the madman, the fox boy had regained his second tail.
After all their adventures were over, he was forced to watch as most of his friends grew old and died. His fellow demon hunter who had three eyes also didn't age much. They watched as wars broke out among the humans and among the demons, and even among both races. But soon, the humans had another war which engulfed the world. They foolishly used the unquenchable fire of the atomic bomb which nearly wiped all life off of the planet. At the same time, demons began slaughtering each other to decide who would be allowed to go in and finish off the humans. Eventually, there were as few demons as there were humans.
Millennia passed, and the face of the world changed. Few things survived; among them were the tenacious humans and the stubborn demons. Very few ideas continued on through the catastrophe, but a few ideas seemed to be indestructible. The idea of the "ninja" was chief among them.
As the world changed, so did the fox demon and his three-eyed friend. Eventually, the fox was able to take on a fully-animalistic form. The three-eyed demon didn't change his physical form so drastically, but grew in power nonetheless. As they both grew in power, they watched as other demons began to enter the fray. Large beast demons began to appear, including a former human priest from a desert. Each of the beast demons had a different number of tails. Then the fox demon gained his ninth tail, making there be nine Bijuu (tailed beast demons).
One day, when the three-eyed demon was asleep, an event happened that would change the world...
The Kyubi was attacking Konoha. At least, that was how the villagers and the ninja of the village perceived it. The giant white fox attacked a certain residence first, and then started attacking the rest of the village as if looking for something. Or for someone. No one knew. All anyone knew was that the most powerful of the demons was attacking Konoha and it had to be stopped.
The Yondaime Hokage had finally come up with a plan, and summoned one of the more grotesque shinigami to seal the Kyubi within his infant son forever.
Although he was the son of the Yondaime Hokage, it was a fact known to only three people, one of which no longer resided in Konoha. The boy was not among those three people. Most of the villagers and many of the ninja hated the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy despite the Yondaime's wish for him to be seen as a hero.
Uzumaki Naruto grew up isolated from most people partially because they refused to acknowledge his existence except to beat him or yell at him and partially because he preferred it that way. But when he wanted attention, the whole village knew it, for he pulled some of the most spectacular pranks. Like painting the Hokage Monument or stealing everybody's left shoe. The frustrating part was, he was almost never caught in the act or with any evidence proving he did it, so he was hardly ever punished.
All throughout his Ninja Academy days, Naruto intentionally kept his skills hidden, as he felt that they were easily mistaken for a certain kekkei genkai - the Mokuton. His skills didn't involve just wood though - they involved all plants. Naruto had no idea why he could turn a rose into a whip, only that he could.
Even being the dead-last in his class, Naruto soon discovered that some of the girls had put together a Naruto Fanclub, as he did look "dreamy" as they put it. The head of the club, as Naruto discovered, was Hyuga Hinata, the timid brunette who sat near the back of the class. For the most part, Naruto ignored them and read his books, which seemed to only encourage them.
He managed to talk several librarians into allowing him to borrow manuals on botany and physiology and he spent his spare time gardening, as he felt he could relate more to the plants than he could to other people.
Eventually, the fateful day arrived when Naruto failed the final exam, but not because he wanted to. He was never able to get the stupid bunshin jutsu down, as his bunshins always turned out horribly disfigured.
"But Iruka, he did manage to make a bunshin..."
"Mizuki, you know as well as I do that if he were to go out into the real world with such deplorable skills as that he'd be dead within a week."
So says you, thought Naruto. No one has any idea what I am truly capable of.
"Sorry Naruto, but you've failed."
Later, Mizuki made an offer to Naruto about a scroll with powerful techniques.
So this idiot takes me for an idiot, ne? Let's see if he can catch me after I've stolen the scroll.
That night, Mizuki was patiently waiting for that blasted alarm to go off. He waited in vain. He was arrested at sunrise for attempting to steal the Kinjutsu Scroll. Naruto was the one who tipped the ANBU off.
Meanwhile, Naruto personally returned the scroll to the Sandaime Hokage.
"I think this constitutes my graduation to genin."
The Hokage raised his eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"
"I stole this scroll last night."
"And?"
"I wear bright neon fluorescent orange and I have golden, shiny blonde hair that goes to my waist. And yet I still managed to not be detected except of my own volition." The Hokage sweatdropped. "Also, I learned the kagebunshin and a couple of other jutsu I thought I could work into my style."
"With all of your pranks, I was wondering if you were going to come in with a normal picture or not," said the Hokage. "Seems like you went with a rather normal picture, though why you have a rose in your hair is beyond me."
"I always have a rose in my hair."
"Eeto... Naze?"
"That..." Naruto said, causing the Hokage to lean closer in anticipation. "... is a secret!" Facefault, of the old man kind.
Shortly after the Hokage got up, his grandson, Konohamaru, burst into the room.
"Gramps! Hand over the title of Hokage!" And then the little boy tripped on his own scarf. "Ow!"
He got up, and spotted Naruto.
"YOU!"
"Nani?" asked Naruto, sounding quite bored.
"You tripped me just now, didn't you!?"
Naruto suddenly had an idea. He began speaking in a sarcastic tone. "So, you have me all figured out, ne?"
"Just the sort of thing I'd expect from a rival!"
Still in a sarcastic tone of voice: "Oh, this can't end well..."
"I challenge you! Right here, right now!"
"Very well. I accept. Rose Whip." Naruto said in a very bored tone as he ran his hand through his hair, pulling out one of his roses from the locks of his hair and transforming it into a whip in one smooth motion. He swung it in Konohamaru's direction. He cut the boy's shirt and pants right down the middle in the front without even touching the boy's skin.
"AH!" exclaimed Konohamaru as he fell backwards onto his but.
"So that's why you..." mused the Hokage.
"Yeah," said Naruto. "It is." He then transformed the whip back into a rose and returned it to his golden locks. "Well, if we're done, I have a garden to check on."
Naruto nearly bumped into Ebisu on his way out. Ebisu was coming in to find Konohamaru and was quite perplexed as to why the poor boy's clothes had been cut.
Naruto let Konohamaru follow him all the way to his apartment, where the blonde began tending to his plants.
"Come to learn the secrets of my power, ne?" asked Naruto. He then looked right at Konohamaru who was hiding behind a rosebush.
"Exactly what I'd expect of my rival!" exclaimed the small boy. "And yeah, I have. Is this what you do all day?"
"Yes."
Konohamaru waited for additional information, but Naruto seemed to ignore him. Eventually, Konohamaru asked the question on his mind.
"When do you train?"
"What do you think I'm doing right now?"
"Gardening."
"Exactly."
"How is gardening training?"
"If you have to ask, you'll never know."
Soon, Naruto was finished checking his plants, and then he turned to one of his many botanical reference books. Curious, Konohamaru peered over his shoulder to see a bunch of boring pictures of plants and lots and lots of writing. Eventually, Konohamaru grew bored and left.
"Finally," said Naruto, after Konohamaru was out of earshot. He then turned back to his book.
Naruto graduated, but he managed to do so at the bottom of his class (just like he planned it). Naruto observed his two teammates with an analytical eye as they awaited their jounin instructor.
The pink-haired girl, Haruno Sakura, had a sort of beauty one would see from a rare sort of animal. But her pink hair was pretty much all she had going for her. She also seemed totally infatuated with Naruto's other teammate. A fangirl, then.
The other one was the surviving boy of the Uchiha clan. Brooding, acting cool, keeping quiet, ignoring the fangirl... Yup. Definitely an Uchiha. His name was Sasuke. He graduated at the top of the class.
What was keeping their sensei? Naruto was beginning to get bored waiting for this "Hatake Kakashi" to arrive. Then an idea hit him. He went and took one of the chalkboard erasers, placed a seed within it, and then jammed it in the door so that it would fall and hit whoever tried to open it.
"Naruto?" wondered Sakura. "Why are you doing that?"
"Because our idiot sensei is three hours late."
"You know," began Sasuke. "He's never going to fall for such an obvious trap."
"We'll see."
"Well, you can take all the blame for yourself. I'll have nothing to do with it." And then her Inner Sakura chimed in: I LOVE this kind of stuff!!
"Fine. I'll take credit if it works."
Just then, a hand appeared through the crack in the doorway. The attention of all three genin was riveted to the doorway. The hand opened the doorway and a second caught the eraser.
"So who's the one who planted this obvious trap?" asked the man with a cloth covering the lower half of his face while his forehead protector covered his left eye.
"Naruto did it!" blurted Sakura. Naruto raised his eyebrow at the outburst.
"Naruto, I think we're going to need to teach you how to make better tra- GAH!!" The man was interrupted as the eraser exploded and was replaced by a watermelon. Which he dropped.
"Got you," stated Naruto.
Sasuke blinked. What the hell? What kind of jutsu was that?
The man blinked for a moment. "First impression is... not too good. Not too bad either, but definitely not too good."
Five minutes later on the roof...
"It's time for introductions," said the man. "Any volunteers?"
"Eeto... Sensei?" began Sakura. "How about you go first and show us how it's done?"
"Very well. My name is Hatake Kakashi. What I like and dislike is none of your business. As for hobbies... well, you're a little young to know that. As for dreams... well, never mind."
He didn't tell us anything at all, mused Sakura.
That was a waste of time, thought Sasuke.
"Do your hobbies have anything to do with this?" asked Naruto, while holding Kakashi's book. All three of the other attending people snapped their eyes to look at the book Naruto was holding.
When did he...? wondered Kakashi. "Mind explaining how you got that from me without me noticing?"
"Sure," he began, while handing the book back to his sensei. "Your pocket has a hole in it and I simply picked it up on our way here when it fell out of your pocket."
Kakashi checked his pocket. There indeed was a hole large enough for his book to fall through in his pocket. Why he didn't notice the hole earlier or notice the book leaving it he'd never know. He knew that the hole wasn't there the day before but he felt that he would know if someone had cut a hole in it. He checked the hole again and it seemed that the seam had burst and unraveled. He must be getting rusty. That was the only possibility. He was sure of it.
As he was pondering what happened, Naruto flicked his hand through his hair, acting as if he were adjusting his forehead protector.
"Anyway," said Kakashi, continuing his previous line of thought. "I think the girl should introduce herself first."
"My name is Haruno Sakura. I like... well..." She glanced at Sasuke and blushed. "What I don't like is skinny pigs! My hobby is..." She then giggled while glancing at Sasuke. Sasuke shuddered. "And my dream..." She blushed again while saying something unintelligible.
"Okay... Now for the brooding one." Kakashi blinked. "The brooding one with dark clothing."
Wait, I don't brood, do I? Naruto quickly analyzed his behavior and realized that it could be perceived as brooding.
"Uchiha Sasuke. I don't like anything in particular and I hate most things. I don't have any hobbies. And I don't have any dreams, but I do have a goal. There is a man I wish to kill."
So cool! thought Sakura.
Typical Uchiha, mused Kakashi.
"I suppose that leaves me. Uzumaki Naruto. I like flowers and plants and ramen. I hate people who look down on me. My hobbies are gardening, shogi, go, and reading. I dream of surpassing all of the Hokages. Not saying I want to be a Hokage, just saying that I want to surpass them."
Kuso! thought Sakura. Now Naruto seems almost as cool as Sasuke... but he couldn't be, as he graduated at the bottom of the class.
"Odd," thought Kakashi out loud. "I was under the impression that you were going to say less than I did."
"In strategy games like shogi and go, it is imperative to keep your opponent guessing."
Kakashi was about to say a witty retort, when he realized what Naruto said. He decided against it.
"Well," he said. "I'll give you the rest of the day off. Meet me tomorrow at five in the morning at Field 13 for a special session of survival training. Don't eat breakfast. You'll throw up." With that, he left them to their own devices.
Naruto pulled out a book on various antidotes and toxins one can create with herbs and began walking home. Sasuke got up and walked in the other direction towards what was left of the Uchiha Estate. Sakura got up and couldn't decide which way to go. Thinking that she already knew a lot about Sasuke, she decided to follow Naruto. She knew something about flowers, so she figured she might have something to talk about with him.
"I demand to be paid in full in advance," said a shadowy personage. He was short, and seemed to enjoy wearing black.
"Sorry, I refuse to meet your demand," replied a man whose voice was filled with greed. "You, with the big sword. Are you willing to be more compliant?"
"I'll accept a third of the payment now, and the rest when that pesky bridge has been demolished."
"You're hired. The name is Gâtou."
"Momochi Zabuza."
Naruto let Sakura follow him to his apartment, as he simply didn't care. Besides, once that brat, Konohamaru, realized that Naruto had a girl following him, Konohamaru got nervous and left.
As he came up to the door to the lobby of the apartment building, he suddenly turned to where Sakura was peering around a corner. She squeaked and pulled back behind the corner.
"Are you content with knowing where I live or do you wish to know more?" After she didn't make a move, Naruto sighed. "Look, it's not like I have rabies or eat human flesh or anything. Why don't you just come on out?"
She gathered her courage and stepped out from behind the building. "Well, I figured that I knew a lot about Sasuke and since we're going to be teammates I was wondering..."
"Not a single stutter nor did you rush through your sentence. Seems you have much more confidence than that Hyuga girl who was in our class." Naruto fished his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He held it open for her. "After you."
Sakura could feel her cheeks flushing, but she entered the building just the same. Naruto closed the door and locked it. He then took her hand gently and walked her to his apartment. Though she liked Sasuke, Sakura couldn't help it when her heartbeat began to quicken. He unlocked the door and opened it to reveal that nearly every spare inch was occupied by some sort of plant or a book on plants.
"My sanctuary," stated the blonde. He then walked over to the sliding glass door and opened it wide. Sakura could see even more plants occupying the balcony.
Sakura observed him as he began watering his plants and tending to them. He even seemed to whisper words of encouragement to them as he worked with them. Eventually, curiosity overcame her and she sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed a book from the shelf.
"It's considered polite to ask first," warned Naruto.
"Sumimasen!" exclaimed Sakura.
"Don't worry about it. It's just some of the books are booby trapped. Others are being used to preserve leaf samples. That one's okay though. Help yourself."
She opened the book and looked at the title. Advanced Botanical Biochemistry was its name. Sakura goggled at the sheer complexity of the various formulas and diagrams. Even the accompanying descriptions blew her mind away. She realized that Naruto was much more complex than he let on.
"Naruto?"
"Yes?" replied Naruto as he checked the foliage on one of his many hanging plants. It had purple flowers with yellow trim.
"You're not as stupid as you appear to be, are you?"
Naruto paused.
"No, I'm not. You see, for some reason, most people in Konoha hate me. Every time my birthday came around, a lynch mob formed to hunt me down. Thankfully, ANBU forces were able to stop them before they went too far, but I learned that if it seemed as though I was gaining too much power, the mobs would come after me when they weren't drunk. So I feigned stupidity up until it was time to graduate. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes. I'm sorry I brought it up."
"No. I'm glad you did. You're the first person that I've revealed that information to, though I'm not sure why."
"... You cut that hole in Kakashi-sensei's pocket, didn't you?"
"Yes. I did."
"Why?"
"I thought it would be funny. As reserved as I am, I enjoy a good prank every now and then."
Naruto then grabbed a book from another shelf entitled Botanical Toxins: A Complete Guide and sat down next to Sakura. He quickly flipped through it until he came to a place where there were a few leaves in between the pages. He examined them, and then removed them and placed them in a bowl. Putting the book back where it was on the shelf, Naruto grabbed a small mallet and began pounding the leaves into a fine powder. He then left the room to go into the kitchen area. Curious, Sakura put her book back where she found it and followed him.
Naruto poured the powder into a beaker and then added a green liquid. The mixture turned a dark brown. Naruto grabbed a bottle marked "Lime Juice" and poured a measured amount into a graduated cylinder. He then poured the amount of the lime juice into the brown mixture and it turned black. He then poured the contents of the beaker into a trough where several kunai had their points sticking into it. The liquid seemed to be absorbed into the kunai.
Noticing Sakura's face, Naruto answered the unasked question. "I'm lacing these kunai with a slow-acting poison that paralyses the muscles. On a man about Kakashi's size and weight, it should take about forty minutes for a single prick of the skin to have a significant effect."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"This 'special session of survival training' as he calls it is a test of the team's ability to function as a unit. I read about it in a history book about the Sannin. We will have to attack him with lethal intent to get a pair of bells, so I'm lacing various weapons with various poisons."
"Ingenious."
"Yeah. These kunai are for you to use, though. I was trying to figure out how to get them to you, but then you followed me home. I know Sasuke would never accept my help, so I'm not going to bother making any poisoned weapons for him. Oh, you'll want this antidote in case you accidentally cut yourself." He handed her a vial of red liquid. "Be warned, though. It tastes nasty."
"Thank you!" said she. "But why are you doing this?"
"I did say 'a test of the team's ability to function as a unit', did I not?"
"Right. But why go this far?"
"I'm finally strong enough to show my strength without worry, but I first have to get past Kakashi-sensei in order to advance in rank."
Sakura seemed disappointed about his "reason", but he wasn't even looking at her, so he might have said it unintentionally. She put the offered kunai in her pouch and headed home. The whole way to her house, she was seriously considering quitting the Sasuke Fanclub and joining the Naruto Fanclub.
The next morning, Sakura arrived at Field 13 to find that Naruto was already there, inspecting the various plants. She figured he was just getting in some relaxation time before they fight their jounin instructor. Little did she know that he was taking stock of his available weaponry.
Sasuke arrived about twelve minutes after Sakura did, and he was rather disappointed that the dead-last and the fangirl had both arrived before he did.
As they waited for Kakashi to arrive, Naruto pulled out a manual Sakura hadn't seen before. It was a manual about the various vital points on the body and how to hit them efficiently. She read the title.
Advanced Assassination Techniques, ne? she thought. Then Inner Sakura chimed in: He gets more awesome every time I see him!
Sasuke simply brooded, totally ignoring his two teammates. He figured the book Naruto was reading must be some sort of manga or something. Though Sakura seemed to be disturbingly quiet.
They waited a total of three hours for Kakashi to arrive. When he did, Naruto put his book away.
"Sorry for the hold-up, but I first had to go and get my pants mended. Then this old lady begged me to get her cat from a tree and..."
"The first part was plausible," interrupted Naruto. "The rest is total fiction."
Kakashi blinked. The boy had actually figured it out. Of course, getting his pants mended was only part of the reason for him being so late, but they didn't need to know that.
"Well, let's begin, shall we?" He explained the rules of the encounter.
When he started the timer, all three of them hid amongst the foliage of the bushes and trees.
Very good, thought the jounin. They've hidden their presences quite well.
Then Naruto leapt out of a tree and pulled a rose out of his hair.
"Rose Whip!" he called out, and the rose turned into a whip with thorns on it. The thorns had some sort of black liquid on them.
Naruto swung his whip in Kakashi's direction and continued his assault by constantly lashing the botanical weapon at Kakashi. Kakashi seemed to dodge with ease, but things were not as they seemed. Naruto's assault didn't give the jounin any openings to counter attack, even though there were gaps in the boy's guard. Kakashi also guessed (correctly) that the liquid on the thorns was some sort of poison. Finally, it seemed as though Naruto was tiring, and so Kakashi finally countered.
A few seals, and the jounin called out: "Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!"
Exhaling his breath, Kakashi sent a fireball at Naruto. Naruto dodged, but the majority of his whip was turned to ash. Naruto let go of the whip and grabbed a few blades of grass from the ground. He threw them at the jounin. Sensing danger (and a pattern), Kakashi dodged. The blades of grass embedded themselves in the boulder behind Kakashi. The jounin retaliated by throwing a shuriken at the boy far too fast for him to dodge. It impacted the blonde in the face, and he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Kagebunshins! realized Kakashi.
Another blonde jumped out of a different tree and launched a handful of leaves at Kakashi. The leaves imbedded themselves into the ground after the jounin leapt out of the way. Naruto then opened his sleeves and a dark gray smoke began pouring out of them. Soon, all visibility in the immediate vicinity was gone.
Kakashi wondered what Naruto would do next. Kakashi uncovered his Sharingan eye in time to see a number of shuriken and kunai headed his way. Kakashi used kawarimi no jutsu to dodge them. He traced their origin back to Sasuke, who was now fleeing. Kakashi decided to track him down.
Watching from a distance, Naruto cursed his luck for having "Sasuke the Hotshot" on his team. The Uchiha had ruined his entire plan to get the bells. At least Sakura was smarter than that. Naruto figured he'd have to wing it. Besides, he still had his "insurance".
Kakashi managed to hide his Sharingan again by the time he caught up with the Uchiha. There was a short face-off, with Sasuke sending a fireball at Kakashi and the jounin dodging it by disappearing into the ground. Then Kakashi pulled the young Uchiha into the ground, leaving only his head exposed.
Meanwhile, Naruto sent a kagebunshin to Sakura to tell her to get Sasuke out of the ground when Kakashi came back to confront him. As Kakashi left Sasuke in the ground, he revealed his Sharingan again.
Kakashi made it back to the main field to see that the smokescreen had dissipated and that there were nine blondes waiting for him. Two had Rose Whips, another had a handful of leaves, and others had kunai. One even had a tree branch.
Kakashi could see that all of them were kagebunshins. The nine Narutos then attacked. Kakashi was hard-pressed to dodge, but dodge he did.
Meanwhile, Sakura couldn't get Sasuke out of the ground. She could have used an explosive tag, but that simply would've been counter-productive.
"I'll be back," she told Sasuke.
As she returned to the main field, she could see three clones fighting Kakashi. One had an axe made from wood and the other two had Rose Whips. Seeing an opening, she threw her specially treated kunai at Kakashi. He dodged them. Not easily, but he still did. He managed to grab one of the kunai moving past him and he made to toss it at Sakura.
Knowing that Sakura would likely get hit by the kunai, Naruto employed his "insurance". Kakashi screamed in agony.
Kakashi's muscles spasmed as a bush began growing out of his chest. He couldn't see past it, and it was extremely painful. He dropped the poisoned kunai he was holding and fell to his knees. He felt two of Naruto's kagebunshins holding him up as the third retrieved the bells.
The real Naruto walked up from his hiding place and poured an orange liquid on the bush. It began to dissolve and die.
"That was a Death Plant," explained Naruto. "I planted it on you yesterday when you were puzzled about the hole in your pocket that I cut there. It'll take a few minutes for you to regain use of your non-vital functions. Sakura, watch our dear sensei and make sure he stays awake. I'm going to dig out Sasuke. Hold on to the bells until then."
Naruto left the clearing and went over to where Sasuke was still buried. Evidence of Sakura's attempts to dig Sasuke out were all over the place, but it seemed that she neither had the strength nor the time to dig the Uchiha out.
"Having fun?" asked Naruto.
"Go away," retorted Sasuke.
"Why? The test is over." Naruto shoved his hands into the dirt next to Sasuke and got his hands under Sasuke's armpits. With a grunt of exertion, he pulled the Uchiha survivor out of the ground in one swift motion. Naruto then began walking back to the clearing.
"I could've gotten myself out."
"Uh-huh."
"I hate you, you know."
"Do you hear that? It's the sound of me not caring."
When they arrived back at the clearing, Kakashi was sitting up and Sakura was idly holding the bells. Naruto walked up to Kakashi and examined his chest.
"Hmm... seems I didn't get it all. Here, drink this." Naruto handed Kakashi a vial of the orange liquid. Kakashi drank it through his mask. Kakashi was surprised.
"It's... orange juice!"
"That it is. Orange juice kills Death Plants, oddly enough."
"Hmm... Why did you activate your Death Plant at that time?"
"Because the kunai Sakura threw at you were laced with poison. You were going to hit her with the one you caught."
"That I was. Well, time to see if the three of you learned anything. Sasuke, what would you do with the bells?"
"I'd keep them."
"Both of them?"
"Yes."
"Fail. Sakura, how about you?"
"One for Sasuke," she said as she tossed one of them to him. Then she did something that surprised Kakashi. "And one for Naruto." She tossed the other bell to the blonde.
"No, you keep it." Naruto tossed it back.
"Don't be stingy; you wanted to be a genin!" Back to Naruto again.
"Sakura, I insist!" Back to the pink-haired girl.
"Quiet," commanded Kakashi. "Both of you pass. Sasuke, you're very lucky. Because of your teammates' selflessness, you will be allowed to pass as well. And... where did Naruto go?"
"He probably went home," replied Sakura. "I think it might have been tiring for Naruto. That, or he wanted to check on his garden."
"Makes sense," mused Kakashi. "I'll have to talk to that genius later."
"Him?" asked Sasuke incredulously. "He is an idiot and he ranked dead-last!"
Kakashi shook his head while Sakura groaned at Sasuke's stupidity. She was definitely joining the Naruto Fanclub after this.
"Sasuke," began the jounin. "I doubt that someone would fail every single test and all of the other assignments for three years straight. One or two a week would make sense, but every single one?"
"So he's just stupid."
"Sasuke, you're an idiot. Shut the hell up. Sakura?"
"Naruto told me he failed on purpose, so that no one would know his skills. He did it to avoid getting killed by the annual mob that attacks him on his birthday."
"Oh, and how did you get him to tell you that?" asked the jounin.
"The books he reads are usually way over my head. Except for the one he brought today."
"What was the one he brought today?"
"Advanced Assassination Techniques."
"That one is a good read. Sasuke, you would do well to get a copy of that book for yourself." Kakashi got up. "Well, I'm off to report to the Hokage, so amuse yourselves for the rest of the day."
After reporting to the Hokage, Kakashi went to Naruto's apartment. It seemed that Naruto actually did gardening for a hobby, as Kakashi wouldn't be able to set foot on the balcony without stepping on one of the blonde's plants. He decided to use the front entrance. He knocked on the door.
"One moment, Kakashi-sensei," he heard from inside the apartment. Soon after, Naruto opened the door.
"Hello, Naruto. May I speak with you?"
"Certainly."
Kakashi was disappointed that Naruto didn't invite him in. "Do you have the Mokuton kekkei genkai?"
"No, I have something else, though I don't know what it is. I can control more than just trees you know."
"Well... hmm... what would you say you aren't good at, battle-wise?"
"Taijutsu. If I have a weapon I'll do fine, but without one I'm pretty much screwed."
Kakashi looked thoughtful for a moment, and as he was about to say something, Naruto interrupted him.
"Don't you dare make me train with Might Guy and Rock Lee. I've heard the horror stories."
"... Okay. Looks as though I'll need to train you myself then."
Sakura had to hurry out of the building as she was being chased by nearly every girl in her class. Yamanaka Ino was at the front of the mob.
All the pink-haired girl did was announce that she was quitting the Sasuke Fanclub. Then she explained why. Her explanation seemed to have pissed them off. Apparently, they felt it was blasphemy to speak against Sasuke.
She finally lost them by running in between Might Guy and Rock Lee.
Later, she managed to track down Hinata only minutes before the weekly meeting of the Naruto Fanclub began. She was allowed to join.
Amongst the members of the small club were Hyuga Hanabi (Hinata's little sister), Inuzuka Hana (the older sister of Kiba), and Tenten (of Team Guy).
"Alright, quiet everyone!" said Hana, as she was the spokesperson for the club. "I call this meeting of the Naruto Fanclub to order! We'd like to welcome Haruno Sakura as our newest member!"
Sakura stood and bowed. Then she sat back down.
Tenten took the stand next. "As is tradition, all new members must tell us why they have joined our club. Please come to the stand, Sakura."
Sakura took the stand and explained why she liked Naruto better than Sasuke. When she was finished, she was barraged with questions.
"How did you find out about this?"
"Well, I am on the same team..."
"Did you kiss him yet?"
"Well, no..."
"Is it true that he likes to read?"
"Yeah, he..."
"What's his favorite food?"
"Ramen is his..."
Well, we can see where this is going. Needless to say, Sakura was accepted into the Naruto Fanclub whole-heartedly.
End Chapter.
Author's Notes
Keeping the original as a reminder of what I used to write like, back in the day. Obviously moved this to the Brain Dump (as the originals of all rewritten chapters will).
Anyway, I like the new one a lot better.