I absentmindedly surf the channels and talk to Natalie, however as has been the case for around two weeks now, she refuses to talk back. It has been about a month since I was discharged from the hospital, and I haven't worked a case with Kate yet. I'm itching to get back in the game; I am in dire need of a puzzle. The monotony of the hospital can grate on your nerves after a while. Natalie stares at me judgmentally. She has been urging me to call Kate for many reasons. The dark haired FBI agent visited regularly in the hospital, and still stops by to see how I'm doing, but never with a case. Natalie has employed this form of silent protest to attempt to make me take the first step. We both know, or I know, so she knows since she's part of me, that Kate probably thinks I'm afraid to go in the field after the incident. She doesn't want to pressure me, but as we become more and more careful around the issue, we become more careful around each other as well. The distance between us is growing, and now I really do have to choose. Do I let it happen, and slowly let us drift apart, or do I man up and talk to her? The stalemate has reached its endpoint; the game must come to a close. Of course I am afraid, but not of what might happen in the field. As usual, I am afraid of Kate Moretti. A knock on the door jars me out of my reverie.
"Daniel!" It's Kate's voice and she sounds determined.
"Coming!" I reply as I extract myself from the couch. I rush over and open the door. She stands there, slightly drenched from the rain I hadn't noticed was falling outside the windows, but with an expression that could make the devil himself cringe in fear.
"Come in." I say, more than a little concerned for my wellbeing based on the fire in her eyes, but still not wanting her to catch hypothermia.
"We need to talk." Lewicki comes bounding down the stares at the disruption. Kate turns her gaze on him and asks for a towel. I have zoned out to a degree in confusion.
"What's going on?" I ask with some trepidation.
"Look, Daniel-" She is interrupted by Lewicki handing her a towel. She thanks him, and the TA nods and practically flies out of the room.
"Do you want to do case work or not? Are you afraid or are you ok with it? I can feel us walking on eggshells and I never want to do that with you, so tell me what you're feeling."
I am a deer in the headlights. I am right back in front of that bullet, but time won't stop. It just keeps ticking on, as I stare dumbfounded at the remarkable woman in front of me.
"Tell her Daniel. Answer her question." Comes Natalie's voice from somewhere.
I take a deep breath. My heart breaks, but I have made my decision.
"I'm going to need you for this." I whisper to Natalie, even though I know she is part of me, and this makes no logical sense. I feel her appear beside me, and take strength in her presence.
"I don't think I can work cases anymore Kate."
Her disappointment is etched on her face for only a moment, but I can still feel it in my gut, my heart, my bones. If there is one thing I never wanted to do, it is let down Kate Moretti. But here we are, and I have to. I let all those puzzles slide through my fingers, and I let the extraordinary agent slide with them. This is how it has to be.
"I see." She says. "Ok." She pauses. I can tell she is trying to find the next step, and realizing there isn't one. The game is over. She thinks she's lost, I see it in her eyes, but really she's won. In several weeks or several months or several years, she'll realize that, and she'll be grateful. I know she will. The stalemate is shattered on the floor, the scales have fallen off there balance. It is over, and she has won. Then suddenly, her lips are on mine. This is not a move I was anticipating. Good god she can play me like the piano that I love so much. I know I should be pushing her away, I should be telling her all the reasons that I have locked away inside me why this can't happen, I should be running from this temptation, but the kiss is pure bliss. I feel alive, I feel young, I feel invigorated in a way I haven't in years. It's ten times better than a puzzle, better than any moment I hallucinated with Natalie, and I realize, maybe I do have what other people have, I've just been ignoring it. She pulls her lips back from mine and takes a step back.
"I don't care if you never work another damn case in your life Daniel, I'm in love with you, and that's what I really came here to say tonight." She looks at me with those perfect eyes, and she knows that I love her too. She also knows that I won't say it, not yet anyway. But she must know, because my heart is beating out of my chest and my eyes are burning with desire. She gives me a small smile, turns around, and disappears back into the rain. I stand there, dazed and on cloud nine, until Lewicki comes down the stairs and I fall back to earth. Reality comes crashing down on top of me, and so do all my reasons, all my fears, and all my dreams.