As always, thanks to JackAreWild for proofreading and giving feedback :)
Lorelai stared at herself in the mirror, smoothing the ornate dress's skirts down. The small army of servants had left, and the silence was comforting. It gave her a chance to breathe.
She felt like she was looking at a stranger. All those jewels, the elaborate hair style. The solid stone walls of the palace in the background of the image, and the plush couch she sat on contributed to the oddness of the picture.
Why was it so hard to remember that this had been her life? She'd grown up a noble, a teryn's daughter. Being Queen hadn't been all that different, as far as ceremony and dress. Just more elaborate. And she'd done that for five years, give or take the time spent at Vigil's Keep.
So the person looking back at her shouldn't seem so foreign. And yet she did.
A gentle knock hit the door. Jacob rose to his feet, his stub of a tail wagging expectantly. "Come in," Lorelai called.
Adelle pushed the door open, curtsying deeply in the doorway. "Your Majesty."
Lorelai smiled, and motioned her the rest of the way inside. "It's good to see you."
"And you, Your Majesty," the older woman answered, rising from her curtsy. She folded her hands, and smiled a little. "I thought I should warn you before he cornered you: Arl Eamon is on the prowl. He's practically dancing for joy over your condition. He's so happy he isn't even lecturing the King about having disappeared."
The Warden repressed a sigh. Eamon was the last person she wanted to see, but she supposed she couldn't avoid him forever. They'd managed for almost an entire day. That was something. The ship arriving in the dead of night helped a bit, too. Making their way to the palace without all the usual pomp and circumstance had been a treat.
Now all the rooms on the floor were filled with her allies. Apparently, one of the maids had screamed, then fainted upon seeing Shale stomping around one of the guest beds. Lorelai had laughed herself silly when Anders had told her.
"And you, Adelle?" Lorelai asked. "Is it time for my lecture?"
"My Queen, I would never presume to-" She stopped, and pressed her lips together. "Would it do any good?"
With a smile, she shook her head. "You could, if you wanted. If it would make you feel better. But seeing as I didn't run off exactly, I think your scathing words would be wasted."
The other woman bowed her head. "I'm very happy you're home safe," she said quietly.
"I'm very happy to be home…safe," she responded, tripping over the last word a little. Feeling "safe" seemed a long way away. Maybe she'd never feel completely safe again.
"Forgive my boldness, my Queen," Adelle stared at her, and Lorelai held firm under her penetrating eyes, "but will I ever know the truth of all of this?"
Lorelai gave her sour smile. "I think you already know what happened, Adelle. Maybe not all the details. I wish I didn't know the details, so count your blessings. But you know."
She closed her eyes. "I was hoping you'd tell me I was wrong."
"Does Eamon know?"
"No," Adelle answered. "He is not…observant enough to have put all the pieces together." Her eyes snapped open, and her cheeks stained red. "Forgive me, I shouldn't have spoken about the Arl like that."
"No, I won't forgive you. I'd like you to keep talking like that. Just to me, if you please."
Adelle blinked for a few seconds, then nodded, the corners of her mouth twitching in what might have been a smile. "As you wish."
Another knock came, and Alistair stepped in to the room. Adelle curtsied to him, and he nodded in response. "Everyone's all gathered, love," he said. "Are you ready?"
She took a deep breath. "Sure." Gathering her strength, she pushed herself to her feet. Alistair took her hand halfway up, pulling her the rest of the way. "I think I may have to start letting you do all the heavy lifting, which includes me lately."
He smiled, and gave her hand a kiss. "It's nice to have a purpose." He held out his arm for her, as gallant an escort as any lady could dream of. "You look gorgeous," he whispered in her ear as she draped her arm over his.
"You're biased," she whispered back.
"True."
They headed down the corridor, and Lorelai could hear the clicking of Jacob's nails against the floor behind them. Behind that, Adelle's foot falls. Even in softly soled shoes, she managed to make her walk sound strict and vaguely disapproving.
When they arrived at the throne room, Arl Eamon approached in a rush. "Your Majesty, you're positively glowing!" he exulted. He bent and gave her hand a gentlemanly kiss. "Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight, Alistair?"
Surprisingly, she felt her husband's arm tense under hers. "Never in my life."
Either Eamon was choosing to ignore it, or he didn't notice the change in Alistair's body language. "Now, my lady, I understand you wanting to get away for a while, but I do wish you'd stayed here so we could've made a proper announcement to everyone. Sprung on us like this, with so little time," he scolded, wagging a finger playfully under her nose. "There's so much preparation to be done-"
"Lorelai is free to do as she wishes," Alistair snapped.
Eamon blinked in shock, straightening up. "Of course. I wasn't implying that-"
"And I don't appreciate you implying that anything she's done has inconvenienced your grand plans," he added, the volume of his voice decreasing as the anger did the opposite.
She tightened her grip on his arm, trying to rein him in without saying anything. The last thing she wanted to do was to stop him from standing up to Eamon, who had done nothing but try to bully him since they'd ascended the throne. Normally, Lorelai was the buffer with charm, deflecting the Arl of Redcliffe with ease.
But she wasn't sure she had the strength for it at the moment. She didn't feel like she'd have the strength for much for quite some time. Andraste, all she wanted to do was hide in her rooms. So, it was really good that Alistair was handling him.
She just had no idea why he was doing it right now. Nothing the Arl had said was all that bad. And yet, Alistair was acting like-
"And if you try to bother her with tons of insignificant, stupid details about insignificant, stupid parties or insignificant, stupid anything, you might find yourself returning to Redcliffe."
Lorelai heard Adelle gasp behind her. She knew she should probably be concerned, but she found she wasn't. Instead, all she felt was…safe. Laying her head on his shoulder, the archer gave her husband's arm a squeeze.
He turned, and planted a kiss on her head. Ignoring the Arl's astonished face, he said, "Come on, love," and led her gently away.
She settled her back against her throne, the feel of the carvings against her spine comforting. It made her life seem more real, and less like a fever dream that would be snatched away at any moment. Looking out at the expectant faces of all her friends and Wardens made it little better, too.
The only one who wasn't looking expectant was Nathaniel. He looked a little bit ill, in fact. She tried to give him a reassuring smile. He responded with a small smile of his own, and a nod.
"As I'm sure you all guessed, I'm not going to be able to juggle being a mother, and a Queen, and a Warden Commander," she began. "I was barely juggling the last two." A chorus of denials greeted this statement, which she waved down dismissively. "So, it's time to appoint someone new. However, I would like to perform one last act as Warden Commander." Turning her gaze, she stopped when she found Liam. "Step forward."
He did obediently. He got down on one knee before the throne, his head bowed. "Yes, my Queen?"
"I invoke the right of Conscription, Liam. You will accompany the Wardens to Vigil's Keep when they leave, and join their ranks."
His head snapped up as the rest of them burst into a rush of babbling. Aednat's face had gone paper white, and she stared at Lorelai with a mixture of betrayal and relief.
"Your Majesty," Liam began, shaking his head. "You are too kind, I don't deserve-"
"I am not kind," she interrupted sharply, silencing the chatter. He knew nothing of the potential death sentence she had laid on his head, or of the trip to the Deep Roads in his future if he survived the Joining. He didn't know that he would be robbed of having children.
He straightened his shoulders. "You show more mercy than I-"
"Me too," Aednat said, stepping forward. Bending her knee beside Grady's son, she lifted her eyes to Lorelai. "I volunteer to be a Grey Warden."
"What?" shouted Aideen as another storm of talking erupted, this one louder than the last.
"Aednat," Alistair said, his voice just loud enough to be heard by those closest to the throne, "are you sure?"
The elf nodded, then turned to the man next to her, who was staring at her in dumbfounded shock. "I told you I wasn't letting you go."
"But- But you don't even know me!" he blurted out. "You don't know anything about me!"
"I know what you did for the Commander," she responded. "That tells me all I need to know about you."
"What in the Maker's name are you thinking?" hissed Aideen, slicing through the jumble of voices.
"Do the Grey Wardens of Ferelden live somewhere other than where the Silver Order does?" Aednat shot back, turning around. "It's not like I'm not going anywhere."
"And when the Wardens send you Maker only knows where, and I'm not invited?" the other elf snapped. "What then?"
"Then you will just have to shut your mouth and find your own things to kill. I'm done sharing." A small smile softened her harsh words. "It's all right, Aideen. Besides," she turned to face Lorelai and Alistair again, "it will take more than what Liam's got to replace a Warden like the Commander. I'm just helping." The blonde gave Lorelai a bold wink, and knocked her armored shoulder into Liam's…which nearly bowled the still-stunned man over.
Lorelai closed her eyes, trying to halt the tears. Andraste only knew why she bothered. She felt Alistair take her hand and squeeze it. She squeezed back, and opened her eyes. "There is no turning back, once you've chosen this, Aednat. Is this what you truly want?"
"Yes," the elf answered without hesitation.
The archer took a deep breath. They could both die, choking on tainted blood. Or one of them could die, leaving the other. Somehow, that would be worse. And Aideen would never forgive her if Aednat failed the Joining.
She coughed out a bitter little laugh. It's not like she'd be seeing much of Aideen anymore. Not with her permanent residence being firmly in Denerim from now on. A pang of sadness tightened her chest. This was the only choice, but there was so much of Vigil's Keep that she would miss.
"Very well," she finally said. "You both will return to Vigil's Keep, and join the ranks of the Wardens." The pair rose, with Aednat gripping Liam's hand fiercely, and retreated to their places.
Shaking off the surprise, Lorelai squared her shoulders. One more thing, and then this would no longer be her responsibility. One less burden to bear. "I name Nathaniel Howe as Warden Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden, and Arl of Amaranthine."
Instead of noise, which had greeted her previous statement, shocked silence followed her voice. To his credit, Nathaniel stepped forward without a moment's hesitation. He knelt before the throne. "It shall be as my Queen, and my Commander, wishes."
Lorelai gave him a grateful nod. She knew he didn't want this, despite how well-suited he was for it. They'd talked about it before. He didn't want the responsibility, and he didn't want anyone to think it was a power play to reclaim his family's home. The shame of his father still followed him, despite his ignorance of it. There were still whispers, and the last thing he wanted was more attention being drawn to him.
Which was why it had to be him. Lorelai's plan was not simply to strand Nathaniel in a position he didn't want, trapped by honor. "Rise, Warden Commander."
"Maker, Your Majesty," the son of Rendon Howe said, giving her a wink as he got to his feet, "nothing like utter quiet to make a man feel welcome."
As if snapping out of a sleeping spell, the room filled with chatter again, everyone coming forward to congratulate him. Anders gave him a mocking salute, and the archer shoved his new subordinate playfully. Oghren clapped him on the back hard enough to make him stumble a few paces. But Sigrun was there to catch him, planting a thorough kiss on his lips.
No, she had not intended to build Nathaniel a cage and lure him in with loyalty and duty, then lock the door behind him. But she needed someone to watch Liam. Another son trying to escape his father's crimes. Nathaniel would understand his struggle best, and be able to see what kind of man would rise from the dust.
Lorelai did not doubt Liam's heart. He risked much to help her; he was the reason she lived. But someone had to see if Grady's shadow would crush him, or if he would shoulder its weight. Like Nathaniel had.
And then, if Nathaniel found him worthy… Her eyes strayed to Liam, hanging back with Aednat. Waiting for the rest of the Wardens and the others to finish their congratulations before coming forward to greet their new Commander.
She had not built Nathaniel a cage. He was merely holding the door open for someone else. Someone who, hopefully, wouldn't think of it as a cage, at all.
Just as she had.