So this is the original twelfth chapter for "The Laughing Fox". Moved to the Brain Dump because that's how I roll.
For those of you who don't know... this version of the chapter sucks! Sticking with the newer version because it makes more sense.
")Good morning, Sunshine!(" said a familiar female voice. Obviously, she was entirely too cheerful.
Batman opened his eyes to find that he was tied to a chair, wearing nothing but his boxers, cape, and mask. When he looked up, he saw Harley Quinn.
")Me oh my!(" Harley said, continuing. ")We ought to make a bat stir-fry! But seriously, Joker's in charge of your interrogation. That doesn't mean that I don't get to talk to you like an irrational being. Or was that rational being? I can never remember which.("
Batman made no response. He looked around the room without moving his head. One door, two chairs (one of which was occupied by himself, the other by Harley), a metal table, a single light bulb overhead, an off television set hanging in a corner, and at least two security cameras, one in each of the visible corners. Batman guessed (correctly) that there were two more cameras in the corners behind him.
Harley continued speaking again. ")Why do you always have to try and break up our happy little family, huh? Twelve, almost thirteen, years ago, my honey and I stole a portal from that crazy computer that Supe's people let loose. When we activated it, it spat out a little blonde child. We decided to adopt him.("
Batman's mind raced. They adopted a child? What? Where did they keep him? Why did they adopt him? Why hadn't he died early on?
")And then, when he was a little older than six, we decided to leave, but not without letting you track down the portal room. I suppose you know better than we do what happened after that in your world. But here, we were hired as ninja, and we've been happy ever since. And you tried to take that away... You tried to destroy our family! YOU'RE THE MONSTER HERE! Mad enough to track us down across dimensions... I should have fed you to those piranhas when I had the chance!!("
Crying, she gave Batman a standing boot to the head, knocking him over. She then stormed out of the room, slamming the door.
Batman blinked, and then the door opened again. Joker walked in, closing the door behind him. The clown had a clipboard and a wistful look upon his face while looking at where Harley had left the room. The man sighed before turning his attention to Batman, righting the masked man's chair once he noticed it was on the floor.
Rather than breaking out into a full grin or laughing maniacally like Bruce had predicted, Joker simply smirked.
")You know Bats, I have you at my mercy. I've wanted to have you in this position for a long time so that I could finally kill you. But no. Instead, we're just going to torture you before sending you home. And no, we don't want information. We just want to send a message.("
Finally, Batman spoke.
")You're an imposter.("
It was then that Joker threw his head back and laughed.
Ibiki monitored Joker and Batman on the security feeds. He turned his head to another screen to watch as Anko interrogated the dark-skinned man with the energy ring. Joker had been adamant about removing the ring but also not letting anyone else wear it.
R&D had scanned it and found it to be high in various energies, none of which were chakra, so it was quite possible that the thing was booby-trapped in case someone other than the ring's owner put it on.
Anko slapped the man awake.
John felt a sharp pain on the right side of his face where he had no doubt been slapped.
"Wake up!" Anko said sharply.
")What?("
"Nani?"
"Anko-san," said Ibiki's voice over the intercom. ")Mr. J( said that they don't speak the same language as us."
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot."
")Who was that? What did he say about the Joker?("
"Looks like I'll have to go with the universal language then."
")What?("
Anko then pulled out a scalpel from the briefcase sitting on the metal table.
"I'd tell you how much this is going to hurt, but you wouldn't understand a word I'd say."
")What are you doing?("
The snake mistress walked up to John in a sultry manner, and began to inscribe kanji and kana on his right arm using the scalpel.
John screamed in agony as Anko wrote the phrase "For a good time call Anko in Konoha at..."
Ibiki shook his head. He then checked on Joker and Batman. So far, all that )Mr. J( had done was talk and laugh. The man in the cape hadn't said much. Ibiki turned to another monitor where the green man was being held in stasis via a network of seals. The man was finally conscious and being interrogated by an ANBU who was an expert Katon user. Joker had said that fire and lightning jutsu would be the only attacks able to affect the man.
His interrogation was going well. The green man was already begging for an end to the pain from the electrical wiring he was hooked up to. Odd that he was able to speak their language.
Ibiki directed his attention to another monitor where Harley was interrogating the final prisoner.
")Wakey wakey! Eggs n' bac-y!("
Dick groaned. His head and back still hurt. He opened his eyes to see an extremely familiar face smiling at him. He was suddenly very alert, and sat up, ramrod straight, in his chair. His eyes were almost panicked, and his muscles creaked under the tension he put them through.
")Harley!("
")Thaaaat's me!(" said the insane woman in a cheery tone. ")How nice of you to join us among the living - though you'll probably wish we had killed you once we're through.("
")You're... not going to kill me? What about the others?("
")Nope. They'll live. But their ability to come back and hurt us will be compromised.("
")What!?("
")You heard me right, Batsy! It's not about revennnnge...("
Bruce was suddenly very worried about what was going to happen to him and his teammates. Joker NOT trying to kill him was totally out of character - or at least he thought so.
")... it's about sending a message: mess with Konoha, you'll get burned. Badly,(" said the clown. After a moment, he continued. ")And maybe stabbed in the spine.("
")Message?(" asked Dick.
")Yes. Batsy will have a message of his own to carry, but you'll carry a different one. Before dismantling the portal, the Justice League must allow whatever Gotham criminals a one-way ticket to Konoha that want to, as well as send the two ninja that we're sending out back to our fine Hidden Village.("
")... what?("
")Well, sure! I mean, why did most of them turn to crime anyway?(" asked the female clown as she began to sharpen a kunai.
")They're insane,(" responded Nightwing, clothed in only his mask and boxers.
")No, silly! They were rejected by society at large. Sure, some of them would turn to crime regardless, but for the most part, most of them were wronged or shunned by the people around them, or other criminals took advantage of them. Take Killer Croc, for example: I seriously doubt that he'd have turned to crime if he wasn't rejected based solely on appearance.("
")I think you've overly romanticized your fellow villains.("
")Perhaps. But if they get uppity after coming here, we can always just kill them and use their bodies for research.("
")You're-("
")Twisted? We're ninja. Our honor is only to our Hidden Village; in this case it's Konoha. If anything threatens Konoha, we eliminate it as quickly and efficiently as possible.("
")And you haven't killed us because... ?("
")Killing any of you would bring the Justice League into this world. We want to be left alone. That is the message Batsy will carry.("
Before Nightwing could respond, the television monitor in one of the upper corners of the room suddenly turned on. On the screen was Batman's cell (via the security feeds). Joker was in there as well.
")Hey, Honey!(" called out Joker. ")I thought you'd like to see who's under Mask Number One!"
")Certainly! And I'll show you who's under Mask Number Two!"
Dick began to sweat as Joker grabbed one of the ears on Batman's mask. With a quick flick of the wrist, the cape and cowl were removed and tossed upon the table.
Joker stared for a moment. Harley looked shocked. But then the clown duo simply laughed.
")Hahaha... Batman is *snicker* Bruce Wayne! *snort* Whatsa matter, Batsy? Did you have a really bad day the night momma and poppa died? AAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!("
Bruce's face went beet red, and his visage twisted into a mask of rage. He struggled against his restraints and violently thrashed about in his chair, toppling it over. Still laughing, Joker hopped over him and righted the chair. Bruce tried to keep struggling, but Joker was holding his forearms steady with an unshakable grip.
")I'm so sorry, Richie Rich, I just have a hard time believing that the billionaire playboy is the BAT!("
Bruce began to calm down. Seeing this, Joker whispered into his ear.
")But what's more... I wonder who that black bird is?(" The clown stood up and began talking at a normal, if slightly hysterical, sound level. ")Harley, if you please?("
")Certainly, Mr. J!("
Harley ripped off the small, skinny little mask that Nightwing was wearing.
")Oh, another little tragic hero! If it isn't the little acrobat boy who lost his family!("
Joker laughed while Harley giggled. Batman seemed to slump forward in his seat a bit. Although Dick was frustrated, he realized that losing his temper wouldn't do him any good. Also, he saw that Bruce was beginning to crack. Suddenly, the television shut off.
")Well, now to get on with the torture! I wonder what I should etch into your forehead? How 'bout a smiley face!?("
Dick swallowed loudly.
She slowly opened her eyes. She still hurt, but she knew that the internal bleeding had stopped.
"Shhh," whispered a familiar voice. "Don't worry about a thing! I got someone to help you out, but you won't be able to use your chakra for awhile. You should be able to do so once the Finals start."
"N-Naruto?"
"Yes, Hinata-chan. It's me. I'm sorry that Neji was more powerful than we anticipated, but you'll still be able to prove them all wrong soon!"
"B-but I failed..."
"Nonsense! You simply had a bad day! Rest now, and bide your time."
Naruto walked away a bit, and Hinata closed her eyes. Before Naruto left the room however, he did have one final thing to say.
"You know, my dad said that it only took one bad day to make him so powerful... I hope you can become more powerful too!"
As Hinata drifted back to slumber, she dwelled on the idea of embracing chaos and laughter. Of smiles and screams. Of her one bad day...
"Why would you ask me to help you with torture?"
"Well, the usual methods don't seem to be cracking a couple of them," lied Joker. "I thought maybe you could help us out with some experimental torture."
"Breaking bones is experimental?"
"Er... no. We've already tried that. No, we want your unique... speeches. Talk about what you usually talk about when you try to get the troops moving. We want to go for... uh... intimidation."
"Yosh! I'll do it! I'll strike fear into their most unyouthful hearts by telling them about the Flames of Youth and the glories of Konoha!!"
"Perfect!" said the clown with a wide grin.
"So, you understand what your mission will be, correct?" the Hokage asked two of his ANBU who he knew weren't loyal to the ROOT.
"Hai. That is why we allowed ourselves to be subjected to a genjutsu designed as a rapid language course for this... Eego... )English( language."
"Good. You remember who to look for?"
"Hai," replied the other. "A woman called )Poison Ivy(, a short man with a monocle named )Penguin(, a disfigured man named )Two-Face(, a large grey man called )Killer Croc(, a shapeshifter named )Clayface(, a scientist called )Scarecrow(, a genius in a green suit called )Riddler(, a female thief named )Catwoman(, and a very short man wearing a top hat called )the Mad Hatter(. We are to avoid the large man called )Bane(, the ice-user )Mr. Freeze(, and any other freaks as well as the authorities."
"Very good. Be ready, for you will leave as soon as Uzumaki Joker says go. Dismissed."
It took nearly two days before Batman was almost ready to crack. Joker could have caused him to crack much sooner, but would give him a couple hours of rest every once in a while, just to make it worse for the rich boy. The medic-nins had to keep on bringing the prisoners back from the brink of death, but they made sure that the wounds would scar when they healed them (it was more difficult for the Martian, but they managed to keep him... relatively healthy).
")Today's the big day, Bats. You finally get to go home, but not before I give you a choice. When I send you back, you will have to choose which of your personalities will die. Whether the rich ladies' man known as Bruce Wayne suddenly disappears without a trace or the dark and mysterious knight known as Batman will cease to hunt down criminals. This will be a difficult choice for you. If you chose to kill Bruce Wayne, Batman will become suspect, especially since he will be cut off from his money. If Bruce Wayne lives on as a broken victim of the Joker, Batman will have to vanish.("
Bruce's voice was raspy, especially because he screamed himself hoarse, but it still carried a hint of defiance.
")What... makes you think... *cough* I'll choose either?("
")This!(" said the Joker, as he pulled a kunai out of his kunai pouch. ")I want to see you smile; always have! But you never do... So, I'll just have to put a smile on your face!("
With one hand, the clown grabbed the bat's head and held it in place. The other hand slowly and carefully placed the kunai inside Bruce's mouth.
")LET'S PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!!!("
"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
")Yeah, so you'll have to let them know that we have the Kryptonite that Batman normally carries in his belt here in Konoha.("
One of the... what was it called? ANBU? Yeah, one of the ANBU was talking to him. He felt terrible, especially when they brought that blonde child they had seen earlier to help with the torture sessions. These were terrible people, but they were powerful.
John could understand why they reacted so violently, but he hoped he could make the others see that. They were simply defending their fellow ninja and wished to send a message to the rest of the Justice League! John was going to destroy the portal as soon as possible - but not before the two ANBU returned to Konoha with whatever criminals they had recruited from Gotham.
They had returned his costume to him, and, after he was dressed, bound his arms again. Then, they took a small yellow bag, put his power ring into it, and used a safety pin to attach it to his suit.
J'onn... J'onn looked horrible. They said that the symbols had been tattooed onto him, permanently stripping him of most of his powers. Bruce... he had that horrible smile carved on his mouth. Dick had a smiley face on his forehead, as well as a phrase in English on his back that said: "Eat Ichiraku Ramen: Feel Great!" Still, he seemed to have been the only one not really broken by the torture.
What that crazy snake lady did to him though... still made him shudder. She had brought in that fluorescent ink and tattooed his... organ to look like a snake!
And then two of the ANBU, including the one who was talking to him, were going to return with them to the Watchtower.
The only truly unsettling thing was that he could hear Harley in another room, singing the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy". That song seemed to really stress out Bruce. The man's almost vacant eyes were actually swelling with tears!
Within a few days, a portal opened at the appropriate coordinates at Training Ground 80. Joker, Harley, Naruto, Jiraiya, the Hokage, Nara Shikaku, Yamanaka Inoichi, and Morino Ibiki were waiting there.
An ANBU exited the portal. He was followed by a tall, skinny man in a green suit with a question mark on the back. Another man stepped out wearing a burlap mask and a straw hat and dragging a large trunk. Following him was a large grey man carrying two more trunks. Following him was a large, flesh-colored monster that looked like it was ready to melt. Finally, following him was the other ANBU. After everyone stepped out of the portal, the large grey man set the trunks down next to the trunk the man with the burlap mask was dragging and the portal closed, never to open again.
"ANBU, report!" commanded the Hokage.
"Mission successful, Hokage-sama. Four recruits from )Gotham(. All of them either already knew our language or allowed us to put them under the genjutsu to learn our language."
"You are the Hokage?" asked the man in the green suit. "Greetings. I am known as the )Riddler(, but I suppose you could call me Gimonfu." (Question Mark)
"Very well. If you pass Morino-san's psyche evaluation, we will begin your training, Gimonfu." The Hokage then turned to the man with the burlap mask. "You would be )Scarecrow(, would you not?"
"Yes. I was just talking with your... ANBU and they said that there was already someone named 'Kakashi'. If I may, I'd like the name Osore." (Fear)
"Certainly. A bit pretentious, but it could work. Like Gimonfu, you will all have to pass the psyche evaluation." The Hokage turned to the next one in line.
"Hokage-sama. Lemme introduce meself. I was known as ')Killer Croc(', but here I'd like ta just be called Croc."
"Of course. Also, you look fairly intimidating, which is a plus in our village."
"Thanks, Hokage-sama."
"You must be that shapeshifter," said the Hokage, turning to the final being. ")Clayface(, wasn't it?"
"That it was, Hokage-sama. I simply wish to be known as Domen from now on, though." (Clay Face)
"Makes sense. ANBU... Only four?"
")Poison Ivy( attacked us on first sight for stepping on her lawn. )Penguin( refused to leave his information and business network. )Two-Face( would have rather gotten revenge against one of the local crime lords. )Catwoman( turned us down politely. She did not give a reason. )The Mad Hatter( refused to come along for the reason that the technology he developed would not exactly survive a ninja's lifestyle. We avoided the detection of all others."
"That so sounds like something )Ivy( would do," stated Harley. "Oh well. Too bad she didn't want to hang 'round here."
Later, in the Hokage's office...
"How did the negotiations with the )Justice League( go?"
"Well, the one in the red cape was furious, but he eventually agreed after some urging from the dark-skinned man in the green suit as well as a number of other strangely dressed people."
"Including one wearing a red bodice and blue panties..."
"I would have paid to see that," said the perverted old Hokage.
All three of them chuckled for a bit.
"Well, most of them realized how powerful our world was if virtually everyone here had 'super' powers. Simple numbers and all. Also, we promised them that we'd invade their world if they did not let us recruit some of Gotham's criminals and then return to Konoha."
"Did they believe your bluff?"
"Not until after we told them that we knew how to break dimensional boundaries..."
"... and then proved it to them by summoning a nin-cat."
"Apparently, that scared them out of their wits. This guy with a golden mask actually started panicking."
"So they let you do whatever you wanted?"
"Hai, Hokage-sama."
"Good. Go back to spying on ROOT members. Dismissed."
"Hai, Hokage-sama!" they both chimed at the same time. A poof of smoke later and the Hokage was alone... except for a few hidden ANBU in the corners.
He did like the Neko Brothers. They were extremely diplomatic and could easily read one another and know what the other was thinking. They made excellent ANBU. Considering that they were identical twins from a non-clan family who happened to come upon a minor summon scroll - the Housecat Contract, to be exact - helped catapult them into their careers as ANBU. They had tested into the ANBU program from Genin rank - a remarkable accomplishment.
Croc, unsurprisingly, had a strong water affinity in his latent chakra. He also had immense reserves. Rather than use a sword or ax, he opted for a halberd. He and Naruto trained in their chakra control together, as they had about the same amount of control. Croc also trained with a still-despondent Might Guy in taijutsu, which seemed to help the Jounin out of his funk more than his vigorous (and humorous) outburst during Batman's interrogation did.
Gimonfu was a genjutsu and seal specialist. His love of puzzles helped him in both areas. Also, it was nearly impossible to tell when he had placed the genjutsu on his victim because of how subtle he was. For the most part, he didn't cause people to see their fears or whatever. Rather, he had a more practical use for them - causing his targets to perceive things slightly differently and messing with their depth perception or their hearing. Gimonfu and Kurenai trained together, especially in layering genjutsu using multiple senses.
Osore was more of a poison expert, though he also dabbled in genjutsu and poisonous ninjutsu. He and Anko had a cordial respect for one-another, but they both openly stated that they hated the other. Osore also worked with Ibiki and Joker when it came time to interrogate prisoners. Also, the only thing really keeping Osore from slaughtering the entire city was Joker. Joker was immune to his fear toxins. Joker was also unpredictable for the scientist in the burlap mask. Additionally, Joker was just plain scary when he was angry. Yes, Osore would not betray Konoha so long as Joker lived. Come to think of it, Naruto scared him too. If the Laughing Fox was still loyal to Konoha, then so would Osore be.
Domen worked on infiltration and various water-repelling exercises. His methods of information gathering were becoming extremely subtle. His first mission? Help the Hokage track down all security leaks and spy on all ANBU ROOT members.
Domen already found a huge security risk after only two hours: paperwork. There was entirely too much of it. A great deal of it was legal filler. If the Hokage was bogged down in the bureaucracy of the pen and paper, he'd be unable to react to a time-critical crisis or be too bored to properly process intelligence.
"Domen... I see your point, but how did you figure this out?"
"I used to be an actor. Though I had an agent, I insisted on reading all the legal mumbo-jumbo myself, and I found a couple loopholes that my agent intentionally overlooked. He was fired within the hour. Still, they can hide a lot of things within their complicated wordings. Also, I've seen criminals back home get away with the most heinous of crimes simply because of the long paperwork that the victims' families had to file before the man could be tried. By that time... the police couldn't find him again."
"... Thank you, Domen!"
"Just doing my job. Add it to my pay."
After about a week of training, Jiraiya had a gift for Croc. One of his toad summons had found an ancient summoning contract scroll - one almost as old as the Uzumaki's Hyena/Jackal Contract. He had gone to fetch it and had brought it back in a day. It was a contract... with crocodilians.
Naruto was also making excellent progress on the Rasengan, and had vowed he'd have it finished by the end of the month - when the Chuunin Exam Finals began.
And that's the end of the original sucky chapter twelve.