Naruto, the Mazoku
by Lord Dragon Claw
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Slayers belongs to Hajime Kanzaka.
Xellos was bored. Never a good thing, as any who know of him will tell you; the reason for this is that Xellos was a Mazoku. Not only was he a Mazoku, but he was the self-proclaimed Trickster Priest.
He decided he needed a vacation. So he pulled himself into the astral plane to find another world to go and have fun with. He soon found a world populated by warriors. Well, these warriors were more of an assassin disposition. Oh alright, fine! They were ninja! Happy? Good. Anyway, Xellos found something interesting. There was a blonde-haired man riding a giant toad going against a gigantic fox demon with nine tails. And what's this? The man was holding an infant boy.
There was something quite familiar about the child...
"Ah," thought Xellos out loud as he analyzed the boy's soul. "The boy is part Mazoku. Hmm... His mother was a Mazoku chimera... Wait a minute... His mother was... MY DAUGHTER!"
Xellos remembered her. She was "born" nearly four years ago. She was a chimera created from some genetic material from a dragon and Xellos's own power. She was quite annoying, even by Mazoku standards, because she was easily distracted. Sure, she could stay on task for nearly a year, but then she'd move on to something else. And she usually moved about every three weeks. In essence, she was a total ditz.
"It seems that she decided to stay here for nearly a year. Hmm... seems I missed her by half an hour. She 'died' in childbirth and then she left. Hello? What's this?"
At this time, the blonde man performed a special sealing technique, sealing the fox demon inside the boy and locking away a large portion of the boy's Mazoku powers as a side-effect. The Shinigami that had been summoned to perform the sealing was somewhat disgruntled about something as he placed the fox inside the boy. Then the blonde man died after handing the boy to another ninja.
"This will be interesting, to say the least. I might as well watch." Xellos's soul looked slightly annoyed. "Too bad I can't materialize popcorn in the astral plane."
The boy grew, and was known as Uzumaki Naruto. At the orphanage, he quickly learned that making other people feel bad made him feel better and stronger. And so, against his better judgment (which was a slowly dwindling conscience), he continually pranked nearly everyone as soon as he learned how. Additionally, people kept finding their stuff missing.
The annual beatings on his birthday always resulted with him being the only one standing, even though he never fought back. He always had an annoying smile throughout the whole event every time, which compelled the ones assaulting him to become enraged and beat him more. The more rage and hatred they felt towards him, the more powerful he felt. The more powerful he felt, the more annoying his smile became. This vicious cycle would continue until those beating him would collapse from exhaustion. Then, Naruto's body would regenerate any wounds it had incurred.
Even with the Council trying to find every way possible to hold Naruto back or cause him harm in a subtle manner the boy kept getting stronger. And from the beginning, Naruto knew that he had to keep his powers a secret from the world... at least until he got to the point where he could level a city, and then he could go all-out. Maybe he would conceal his true skills even then?
Naruto had decided to join the Academy in order to pay for a place to stay so that he could stash all the stuff he kept stealing. He quickly found that he could annoy or piss off most of the kids in the class and all of the Chuunin instructors. He also continually failed his exams for two reasons: no one would tutor him and he did it to piss off the instructors. Soon, his favorite Chuunin became Umino Iruka, despite the fact that the man didn't actually hate him. His favorite thing to do to him was perform Oiroke no jutsu (Sexy no jutsu) and watch the nosebleed. Such an action always pissed Iruka off and embarrassed all the girls in the class; both emotions strengthened him.
Naruto also found that he could easily annoy a pink-haired girl named Haruno Sakura. He also found that he could gain tons of power from Uchiha Sasuke, after the massacre of the Uchiha Clan, due to the boy's brooding nature.
Iruka hurried into the classroom as he was slightly late. As soon as he entered the room, he slipped on some water on the floor and fell on his back, causing the children to laugh.
"NARUTO!"
"What?" responded the blonde demon child in a calm and annoyingly innocent manner as Iruka stood up. To Naruto, anger tasted like barbecue beef.
"You put this water here, didn't you!"
"Can't prove it."
"Class? Did Naruto put water on the ground or not?"
"Yes he did!" responded the remainder of the class.
"You're just saying that because everyone hates me!" yelled Naruto pitifully.
This reaction caused many of the children and Iruka to feel guilt. To Naruto, guilt tasted like dark chocolate. Naruto snickered, and then began to laugh. Realizing that Naruto had done that simply to manipulate the whole class, Iruka became very annoyed. His annoyance tasted just like chicken. Just as Iruka was about to reprimand the boy, Naruto used his favorite variation of Henge (Transformation): Oiroke no jutsu. (Sexy no jutsu)
"Oh Iiiiruuuukaaaa!" said Naruto's naked female illusion in a sensual manner as she swayed her hips just so. "Do be gentle, pleeeeeease!"
Nosebleed rocket! As Iruka flew backwards, Naruto changed back. The developing lust of some of the males tasted like bread whereas the embarrassment of the females tasted like orange juice. As Iruka came to, his barbecue beef anger came back tenfold. But before he could do anything, Naruto got hit in the back of the head with a book.
"Will you stop it with your daily annoyance ritual!" asked an enraged Sakura. Her rage tasted like pork. "Some of us actually want to learn!"
"Why don't you come down here and make me?" As Sakura made for a flying kick at Naruto's head, the class erupted into chaos. Confusion, by the way, tasted like bacon and eggs.
Iruka did his best to calm them down. It was a losing battle.
If Xellos could be heard, he'd be rolling on the floor laughing out loud. The antics of his grandson were all so hilarious! But Xellos was concerned; the boy wasn't learning magic and the jutsu that the ninja were trying to teach him were difficult for him to learn, as his chakra system happened to be partially borrowed from the Kyubi. The Trickster Priest decided to do something about that.
He created a spellbook above Naruto's head as the boy was walking home from the Academy...
"Ow!" exclaimed the boy as a large and heavy object hit him in the head. He didn't know it was coming as he could usually taste whatever emotions an assailant had as it snuck up on him.
He turned around and found a large book on the ground behind him. He read the cover: The Uzumaki Clan's Book of Spells. He picked it up to find that the book was heavy. He figured he'd have to read it. On his way home he bought a sealing scroll so that he could hide the large and awkward book with him.
Once he returned home, he unsealed the book from the scroll and began reading it. The first part was a primer on magical creatures. He read about dragons of various kinds, and came to wish he was at least part dragon. A lot of the other creatures didn't hold his interest for long, but he soon came across the section describing Mazokus. He was intrigued that they fed off of negative emotions, much like he did. He hoped that he was at least part Mazoku.
He soon came across the largest section of the book: the actual spell section. It had everything from simple illusions and cantrips to high-powered spells such as Dragon Slave. Naruto was amazed at the wealth of knowledge that the book contained. He figured that his progenitors were very powerful indeed, though they must have been very secretive. Naruto was smart enough to figure out that at least one of his relatives was still alive and watching over him, or else the book would never have found him.
Naruto found the spells to be infinitely easier to learn than jutsu, though he figured that there may be a few jutsu for which there was no magical equivalent. Naruto soon found out about summoning beasts and realized that the primer on magical creatures was a guide on which beasts to summon and when.
Xellos was pleased. Naruto had learned about half of the book in less than a year. Most of the spells he learned were shamanistic spells, though he did manage to learn a weak Black Magic spell. He learned Void, a teleportation spell used by part-Mazoku chimeras, which was exactly what Naruto was (not that he knew that).
Over the next few years, Naruto learned a few of the more powerful shamanistic spells as well as learning some White Magic for the purposes of countering magic with Flow Break and paralyzing opponents with Lafas Seed. Naruto figured that he may eventually come across someone else who used magic and thus he learned Flow Break.
Eventually, it was time for Naruto to graduate from the Academy...
"Okay Naruto," said Mizuki, a shady Chuunin instructor at the Academy. "The first part of the final exam is multiple-choice, so don't screw this part up like you did last year."
Naruto sat down for the written part of the test. Unlike the previous two years, the blonde Mazoku realized that there must be a genjutsu centered on his copy of the test. With a simple recital of "kai", the word used to dispel weak genjutsu, the illusion was removed from his copy of the test. He passed the written test with flying colors.
"The second part of the test is skill-based," said Iruka. "You must complete the three basic jutsu we teach here. Okay, Naruto. Kawarimi!"
Naruto leapt into the air and performed Kawarimi no jutsu (Replacement no jutsu). He performed it with such a speed that neither Iruka nor Mizuki were able to catch.
Naruto switched places with Mizuki. Mizuki, who had been positioned upside-down in the transfer, hit his head on the floor once gravity realized that it should be affecting the Chuunin.
Iruka, seeing this, turned to where Mizuki had been sitting before and saw Naruto there, his omnipresent annoying grin displayed proudly on his face. Iruka raised an eyebrow, but continued.
"Next you must do the Henge no jutsu. Do NOT use your Oiroke no jutsu."
"You're no fun," Naruto stated as he made the seal. He transformed into Mizuki - with a katana sticking through his head.
"Okaaaaay..." said Iruka as he observed Naruto. "Naruto, does Mizuki look exactly like that right now?"
"No, he doesn't. Not yet anyway." Naruto (still transformed as an assassinated Mizuki) grinned evilly at Mizuki, causing the Chuunin to wet his pants.
"Okay, why don't you like Mizuki?"
"He put a genjutsu on my test so that I'd fail. Again."
Iruka looked at his fellow Chuunin with a look of disgust.
"Moving on, perform the Bunshin no jutsu." (Clone no jutsu)
Naruto dispelled the Henge and made the seal for the Bunshin. But instead of performing the jutsu which the blonde had no talent at, Naruto cast a simple second-level illusion spell creating five copies of himself.
"Very good, Naruto! You pass!" He turned to Mizuki. "And you're in deep trouble. Very deep."
Mizuki was going to have his Chuunin License taken away from him. On top of that, he couldn't find Naruto anywhere to attempt to trick him into being the scapegoat for stealing the Scroll of Seals.
Oh well, he thought. I suppose that stealing it will be more challenging if I do it by myself.
That night, Naruto was bored. He wanted to try out his second Black Magic spell that he had only recently learned - Blast Ash. It was described as a black mist that turns anything with a will to continue existing into ash. However, it was also described as not affecting clothing, walls, armor, or other inanimate objects that do not have a will of their own.
Naruto used a simple first-level scrying spell to see if there were any viable targets for Blast Ash anywhere in or near Konoha. He saw an image in his mind of Mizuki fleeing the village with the Scroll of Seals strapped to his back.
"Oh. That's why the alarms are going off all over town," said the blonde Mazoku, thinking out loud. "And I can kill him without harming the Scroll of Seals. Perfect! Void."
When Naruto said the name of his teleportation spell, he was instantly transported directly in front of the thief's path. He then constructed a dome around himself encasing Mizuki with him. It was a seventh-level barrier spell. The dome, made of pure spiritual energy, was completely impenetrable unless enough force was applied on the outside of the dome. The only downside was that it also disallowed air flow. As he completed the spell, he said its name.
"Adamant Array." With that, it was complete. The dome was opaque on the outside but crystal clear from an interior perspective.
The blonde waited for his silver-haired victim to arrive, and arrive he did.
The Sandaime Hokage was trying to find Mizuki with his Toumegane no jutsu (Telescope no jutsu) using his crystal ball as a focus. He finally found him inside of a dome that wasn't there the day before.
"What? Naruto's facing him? ALONE!"
He calmed himself down and decided to see what Naruto could do.
"Out of my way, you little punk!"
"And if I refuse?"
Mizuki threw a gigantic shuriken at the young Mazoku. Naruto used Kawarimi no jutsu to switch places with the large shuriken. It fell harmlessly to the ground.
"Well, aren't you impatient?" asked Naruto rhetorically. "I am going to summon something and see how long it takes to kill you. If you manage to kill it, I'll summon something else. On and on we'll go; until sunrise if I have to." Naruto was smiling yet again.
The blonde clasped his hands together, as if in prayer.
"I call thee from the Bogs of Creotia to corrode my foe! First-Level Summoning: Green Slime!"
A pentacle appeared on the ground near the blonde; from it rose a large green blob about the size of a horse. Mizuki's eyes went wide as he saw the strange monster rise from the unearthly five-point star inscribed in a circle.
The strange creature lunged at Mizuki, tendrils of its gelatinous body reaching towards the former Chuunin. Mizuki slashed at it with his remaining giant shuriken only to find that attacking it in such a manner was the same as attacking a lake in the same manner; in other words, his attacks did jack!
To get away from the odd creature and think of a strategy, Mizuki took to the trees. He sat on a branch keeping an eye on Naruto as he thought about how he should go about killing the "green slime" as the blonde had called it. The slime grasped the base of the tree and began to digest it in an effort to get Mizuki out of the tree. It took mere moments before it felled the tree. Mizuki, being the idiot that he is, didn't even leap from it in time. He ended up pinned under the mass of wood, his legs broken.
Before the slime was able to attack Mizuki's screaming body, Naruto held up his hand, stopping the creature.
"Pathetic," he said to Mizuki. "Oh well. Time to try out my new spell! Blast Ash."
Mizuki screamed with increased vigor as the black mist began to envelop his body. As soon as it reached his chest, he fell silent. Soon, all that remained of him was a pile of clothing, weaponry, and ash. Naruto was surprised to find that the spell had affected the tree as well, though he figured that Blast Ash was able to affect any living thing.
The Hokage was very much impressed by Naruto's performance. However, he didn't know what type of creature it was that the boy had summoned. He knew it was called a "slime", but other than that, he had no information on it. On top of that, he had never seen a jutsu quite like that "Blast Ash". He knew the boy's father had no such jutsu, but it was possible that his mother did. Not much was known about Naruto's mother; she had simply shown up out of the blue and fell in love with the blonde's father.
He supposed that the slime might be Naruto's familiar, though he doubted it. The creature couldn't talk and couldn't use jutsu. He decided to wait and see if Naruto might pull something else out of his bag of tricks.
In any case, the Hokage disengaged the Toumegane no jutsu as he knew that Iruka was waiting outside the barrier. He felt that student/teacher interactions were private affairs.
The blonde sent the slime back to the swamp from which it came and dispelled the barrier. Iruka was standing outside of it.
"That was your barrier?"
"Yes."
"Have you seen Mizuki?"
Naruto pointed to the pile of ash, clothing, and weaponry, a grin on his face.
"By the kami..."
The next day, Naruto had found a way to annoy the Hokage: he took his ID picture dressed as a clown of some sort. The Sandaime made him take it again.
And then Konohamaru, the Hokage's grandson, tried to attack the old man. He tripped on his own scarf but he blamed it on Naruto.
"That's right! I did it! What are you going to do about it?"
The small child charged at Naruto to attack him.
"Diem Wing!"
A tornado of air encircled Naruto and lifted Konohamaru from the ground and launched him back through the door from which he came.
The Hokage looked at Naruto curiously.
"What? He'll live."
"That's not what I was wondering about. How did you learn that jutsu?"
"That..." he began, causing the old man to lean closer in anticipation. "... is a secret!"
Facefault!
The next day, Iruka was calling out the assignments for teams.
"Team 6 is already in the field. Team 7 is Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto..."
Sakura looked ready to cry. Naruto grinned.
"... and Uchiha Sasuke."
"YES!" shouted Sakura happily. Sasuke looked irritated. Naruto's grin widened.
"Jounin is Hatake Kakashi."
Sakura and Sasuke didn't know who that was, but Naruto's grin somehow widened even further.
"Team 8 is Hyuga Hinata, Kiba Inuzaka, and Aburame Shino. Jounin is Yuhi Kurenai. Team 9 is already in the field. Team 10 is Akimichi Chouji, Nara Shikamaru, and Yamanaka Ino. Jounin is Sarutobi Asuma. Team 11..."
Naruto stopped paying attention.
Sakura is easily annoyed as is Sasuke. Sasuke is depressed and brooding and hates me almost as much as Sakura does. And if my information is correct, Kakashi-sensei has a deep-rooted lingering guilt about his best friend dying. He quietly chuckled. The Hokage does love me!
"Get away from me!" screamed Sakura.
"But why?" asked Naruto, his face a mock expression of pain and shock. "I only wanted to recite poetry to you!"
"Idiots." Guess who said that!
Anyway, they had only been waiting five minutes since all the other teams left with their Jounin instructors.
Naruto finally convinced Sakura to let him recite some poetry:
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly? Thy micturations are to me
"As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
"Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
"And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
"Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"
Naruto turned to see that Sakura was having violent epileptic seizures on the floor while vomiting. He also saw that Sasuke was twitching on the ground; apparently, the Uchiha boy had the sense to smash his own head into his desk to render himself unconscious before Naruto had reached the second line. Their psychological and intellectual pain tasted like strawberry ice cream with fudge topping!
Naruto then went and made a simple trap - a chalkboard eraser wedged in between the door and the doorjamb at the very top so that if anyone opened it, they'd be hit by it. After that, he waited for the Jounin to arrive while enjoying the emotional pain brought on by such horrible poetry.
Several hours later, after Sakura and Sasuke had regained consciousness, Sakura had finally drunk over two gallons of water, to rehydrate herself. Sasuke was sitting back at his broken desk.
Finally, a hand was seen through the crack in the doorway. It was Kakashi's hand. He opened it and began to step through when the eraser hit him in the head. Neither Sakura nor Sasuke had seen it beforehand. They both looked at Naruto who was grinning fiercely.
"My first impression," began the Jounin. "... I hate all of you."
Sakura sweatdropped. Sasuke was apparently an emotionless mask. Naruto burst into annoying laughter.
Xellos thought that Naruto's laughter reminded him of someone...
"Oh yes," he thought. "It sounds almost exactly like the laugh that Naga the White Serpent does! And look at the waves of sheer horror and annoyance coming from them!"
Within moments, they were on the roof of the academy.
"Well, time for introductions," said Kakashi. "I'll go first to give you an example of how to do it. My name is Hatake Kakashi. For my likes and dislikes... well, that's none of your business. You're all too young to know what my hobbies are. As for a dream? Well, I think I'd better skip that part."
He told us nothing at all, thought Sakura.
"Your turn, pink-haired girl."
"My name is Haruno Sakura. I like..." She giggled while taking sidelong glances at Sasuke. "I dislike perverts and pigs and annoying people. As for hobbies..." She giggled again while looking at Sasuke. She blushed. "And my dream..." Her blush deepened even further.
To Naruto, her crush on Sasuke tasted like dirt. Luckily, Sasuke's hidden revulsion tasted like beef stew.
"Next is the brooding one."
"..."
"Yes, Sasuke, that means you."
"... Fine. My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don't like anything and I hate annoying people. I don't have any hobbies. And I don't have a dream, but I do have a goal: there is a certain man that I must kill."
Sakura swooned. Naruto looked mildly amused. Kakashi knew exactly which man that Sasuke was talking about.
"Okay. Finally, we have the blonde."
"I am Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, doing annoying things, pranks, jokes, and learning new jutsu. I dislike things that taste bad. My hobbies include annoying people, pissing people off, tricking people, and generally causing chaos. As for my dream? That..." All three members of his audience leaned forward. "... is a secret!"
Facefault! Naruto did his Annoying Laugh of Doom™, causing them immense horror and additional annoyance.
Xellos was laughing at his grandson's antics. That was twice in the same chapter that Naruto found a use for that laugh!
End.
Author's Notes
I am not going to get to the revision of this for a long, long time. If ever. So I'm just cleaning up my profile for now.
I apologize for not really being around or updating as often as I'd like. My compy died, then my wife's laptop's power supply died, and I only recently got a replacement power supply for the POS. But y'all prolly don't care too much.