Bait and Switch
by Lord Dragon Claw
Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto created "Naruto". Everything else belongs to those who created them.
Naruto had finally decided, at the tender age of five, that he needed to enroll in the Ninja Academy. He would get paid a sum of money which he could put towards rent for an apartment and towards food.
Let's examine for a minute the reasons WHY he would need to do any of this. He was kicked out of the orphanage that he had been staying at only a week ago. No one would sell him food at a good price. In fact, no one would sell him anything at a good price unless they were selling him inferior items at premium prices.
And so it was with a heavy heart that he assumed the throne, but out of the... oh wait. Wrong story.
And so he enrolled in the Ninja Academy as it was his only option.
Later in the year, after all the scorn he received from his classmates, he celebrated his sixth birthday by running from the mob of drunken villagers. After they caught him and beat him within an inch of his life, he decided that he didn't like being hit. He didn't like it at all.
Soon, Naruto was taught the basics of the three basic jutsus. There was the Bunshin no jutsu (Clone no jutsu), the Henge no jutsu (Transformation no jutsu), and the Kawarimi no jutsu (Substitution no jutsu).
For the bunshin, Naruto was supposed to create one illusionary copy of himself, but he kept accidentally overloading the clone causing it to look obnoxiously different from himself. And he couldn't properly control the henge.
But the kawarimi... he showed a natural talent in this area as it was a jutsu that couldn't be overloaded. Also, dodging any attack seriously appealed to the blonde, so he determined that he would focus on this jutsu to make up for his deficiency in the other two basic jutsu.
At first, he could only switch with logs, rocks, chairs, or desks, but he practiced it everyday after school. Soon, he was able to switch with objects no smaller than a breadbox and no larger than a boulder and his switches produced very little smoke.
On his seventh birthday, he was able to avoid the mob for a whole hour longer before they caught up to him and kept him from making any hand seals.
He resolved to do better.
Within a few months, he could use the kawarimi without needing to use hand seals. Additionally, he was able to switch with objects as small as a shuriken and have there be no smoke whatsoever.
Soon, every person who ever assaulted him on his birthday found graffiti all over the insides of their houses as Naruto was able to break in simply by sliding a shuriken under their front doors and switching with it.
Naruto continued to practice and refine the kawarimi. Soon, he could do it with a thought and at greater distances from the object he was switching with than ever. And then his eighth birthday rolled around...
"Where is that brat!"
"Who knows!"
"There he is!"
"No he isn't! He's over there!"
"No, he's over there!"
"There he... wait, he's gone again!"
"Could he have learned to teleport?"
"It's probably just the Shunshin..." (Body Flicker)
"Impossible! He hasn't graduated from the Academy!"
"We should tell the Hokage!"
"BAKA!"
"OW!"
"If we told him that, how would we explain ourselves?"
"Yeah, I'm sure that he would be real understanding of the fact that we formed a lynch mob to hunt down that monster when we witnessed his disappearing act."
Monster? Wonder what they're talking about...
"Fool! You know the law!"
Needless to say, the next morning, all the members of the lynch mob found that their houses had been graffitied again. However, they were in a panic as every house had a single message all over rather than the random things from the previous year. The message read "the monster is annoyed with you" over and over again.
At the spot that they had witnessed Naruto's disappearing act, they found stones arranged in a spiral.
Naruto, on the other hand, had been summoned to the Hokage's office from the Academy.
"Naruto, I have reasons to suspect that you are the one responsible for the graffiti that has been found in several villagers' houses and for the spiral made of rocks found in the street this morning."
"Can you prove that I did it?"
"Well, no..."
"Then why am I here?"
"Because I am curious as to how you did it. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
"Kawarimi."
"What? The substitution jutsu? How can that be possible?"
"I can switch with objects as small as a pebble now."
The Hokage blinked.
"That's amazing..."
"I know. I wonder why no one else in the history of the village has bothered to master that jutsu."
"Wait, I thought that you were..."
"Refused admittance to the library? Yeah. Doesn't stop me from switching with a scroll to get inside at night."
"Well, about the message you put inside the houses..."
"I don't know why, but one of the members of the lynch mob from last night called me a monster. Why is that?"
The Hokage froze. He didn't know how to explain to the eight-year-old that he was the container for the Kyubi no Kitsune, the demon who attacked their village the day Naruto was born.
"Clammed up? Well, I suppose it's one of those things that I'll have to research on my own, though I suppose that all scrolls pertaining to the subject will have been removed from the library... Your stunned silence is very reassuring. Well, in that case, I'll be seeing you later, old man!"
With that, Naruto's form was suddenly replaced with a pencil.
By the end of the year, Naruto was finally able to do the henge relatively well (it still needed some work), though he continued to have trouble with the bunshin.
Over the next few years, Naruto continued to improve and was eventually able to switch one object with another rather than just himself with another object.
Any merchant that refused him good service would find their shop's walls covered in graffiti the next morning. The message was always the same: "the monster is annoyed with you". And Naruto would feign ignorance of the whole thing, though he would find the merchants to be nervously friendly to him. He seemed to always get discounts as well.
Never again did a lynch mob form on his birthday, especially since the morning after Naruto's birthday the former members of the mob found a single line painted on the inside of their door once: "the monster is pleased".
Two days after Naruto's eleventh birthday, the switching boy came across one of "those" shops...
I don't remember seeing that shop there... thought the blonde.
"Powerful Items - by Mad Miracle Max" read the sign in some weird script that the boy was surprisingly able to read. On the door, in the same script, a "CLOSED - GO AWAY" sign hung.
Naruto switched with a fly that was resting on the top of the "building". All he saw behind the wall he was standing on was an empty alleyway. Confused, the switching boy hopped back down to the ground. Through the shop window he saw a veritable SUPERmarket full of random assorted goods as well as weapons, books, armor, and other such things.
Deciding to see whether this was an illusion or real, Naruto opened the door and entered. Suddenly, he heard an old man yelling from the back room as he came into the store proper, but not in a language he recognized.
"NO NO NO! Go away! Can't you see we're closed! AND... Oh? Run along, you little brat!"
"Nani?"
The old man looked confused, and then he looked out of the window. "VALERIE! THE SHOP MOVED AGAIN!"
What Naruto heard in response from the back room was more gibberish coming from an old woman, which he correctly assumed were curse words.
The old man opened a drawer behind the counter and removed an earring from it as well as a scarf. He put both on.
"Now," began the old man, who was suddenly understandable to Naruto. "What the HELL DO YOU WANT!"
"Um... to find out why this shop exists in an empty wall with no room behind it," replied the boy meekly.
"That's a new one," muttered the old man. Then he saw the look on Naruto's face and his features softened. "Look boy, I'm sorry, but where we came from we just had this store open for a sixteen-hour shift. But I'll tell you what, Val and I will whip something up so that you can come back in a few hours and still find the shop. VAL?"
Again, Naruto couldn't understand the old lady.
"I NEED A FREE SAMPLE OF NUMBER THREE-HUNDRED-SIXTY-ONE!"
More gibberish.
"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU WITCH!"
More gibberish, sounding even angrier. And it was getting louder as she walked up to the old man. But upon seeing the boy, her volume dropped. She even looked embarrassed.
"Don't worry, Val," said the old man. "He couldn't understand you unless you were wearing one of the Speaking Scarves, or if he were wearing a Translator Earring. Did you bring it?"
She handed him a chocolate.
"Good. Now boy-"
"My name's Uzumaki Naruto."
"Uzumaki being your family name?"
"Yeah."
"Great. We ended up either in Japan, or in some sort of really bad anime."
The old woman's gibberish sounded exasperated.
"Anyway, Mr. Uzumaki, if you eat this, you should be able to always find this shop again in its current location. But I'm not giving it to you for free. What do you have to offer?"
"Will this be enough? It's all I have on me at the moment." Naruto pulled out ten ryo.
"Ryo, eh? Just two ryo will do."
Naruto blinked, but he handed over the appropriate amount. He was given the chocolate in exchange. He ate it. Though the chocolate covering was delicious, the thing had a bitter juicy center that made him want to throw up, but he swallowed it anyway. Then, something occurred to him.
"Wait, you didn't just poison me, did you?"
"No. Why? Does that happen often?"
"At least once a month. It happened more frequently when I was younger."
"Do you have any relatives?" Valerie quickly put on an earring at this question.
"No, and they kicked me out of the orphanage when I was five."
The old man turned to Valerie. "He says that people have been trying to kill him since he was little."
Valerie looked horrified. She put on a scarf and then turned to Naruto.
"I'm sorry that you've had to experience such hardships," she began. "You'll always be welcome here!"
Naruto was shocked by her kindness. He was speechless.
"Wait, what?" asked the old man.
"Just look at him, Max! Malnourished, unloved, and he's already carrying weapons! He deserves a home!"
"Um... I have an apartment..."
"But you have to pay rent on it, don't you?"
"Yeah..."
"Then that should settle it!"
"Val, I think that you're getting too sentimental about this."
"Well, excuse me if Humperdinck hired a wizard to banish us into this shop because we helped the Dread Pirate Roberts to wreck the stuck-up prince's wedding!"
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, YOU WITCH! I TOLD YOU TO NEVER AGAIN SAY THAT NAME!"
"Oh, shut it! You're just tired. Go to bed, or I will say Humperdinck at you again!"
Max harrumphed, but he left the room. Valerie turned to Naruto.
"Sorry about that. He gets grumpy when he's tired. How about you come back in ten hours?"
"Well, it seems that Naruto came back, Max!"
"Yeah yeah."
"So, are you moving in?"
"I'm afraid not. Living in a ninja village, word about the fact that I'm living somewhere other than my apartment might get around and you two might end up being tortured for answers."
The two old people blinked.
"I'll try to come by once a week though, okay?"
"Well, that works," muttered Max.
"N-ninja... v-village?" stuttered Valerie.
"Yeah, Konoha, the Hidden Village of Leaves in the Fire Country. Why?"
"Well, we definitely ended up in some sort of bad anime."
"N-ninja?"
"I think I broke her."
"Don't worry about it. What kinds of weapons do you use?"
"Kunai, like these, and shuriken, like these."
"Look at the horrible craftsmanship! That simply won't do! Here, give them to me. Alright, that'll count towards... How much did you spend on these, anyway?"
"V-village?"
"About 800 ryo."
"Well, Hell. I can't give you that much credit. You must have been overcharged."
"Evidently. Looks like I'm going to have to scare a few merchants..."
"N-ninja?"
"Don't bother. I'll give you... 530 ryo in in-store credit!" Max walked around from behind the counter. "Let's see what we can replace these with... Do follow me."
Naruto followed Max though the store. They came across the weaponry section.
"Throwing weapons, correct?"
"Yeah, that would be useful."
"Well, here's some." Max pulled down a box of five-pointed throwing stars with a hole in their centers. "Much higher quality than those four-pointed stars you used to have. You can have the box for... 120 ryo, bringing your remaining credit down to 410 ryo."
"Okay."
"And you need some knives like those... kunai, correct?"
"Yeah."
Max began rummaging through some of the boxes on the shelves.
"Shotgun shells? No. Stink pellets? No. Rocks? No. Wait, why do we have a box of rocks? Ah, oh well. BFG 9000 charges? Nope. Oh, here we go."
Max pulled down a box. It was filled with rows and rows of throwing knives. Each had a triangular hole in the pommel, similar to the eyelet in a kunai's pommel.
"Wow," said Naruto.
"Yeah. They're tougher than most weapons and they are etched with runes that return them to their owner. You can have the lot of them for 190 ryo, brining your credit down to 220 ryo."
"Cool!"
"Yeah. Now for a melee weapon."
"What?"
"Hey, you just may need it."
They went deeper into the weaponry section.
"Bastard sword? Too heavy and big, I think. Broadsword? No, still too big. Rapier? Useful only for stabbing and slicing, not for cutting and hacking. Katana? Seems a bit more up your alley, but it might be too big for you. Maybe when you're older. Kodachi? Hmm... here, hold this one."
Naruto took the short sword. It was about 23 inches in lenth and had a nine-inch hilt.
"Seems about right for you. But this is a low quality one. How much money you got on you at the moment?"
"Ninety ryo."
"Which means you have 310 ryo to spend..."
Absentmindedly, Max took the kodachi from Naruto and put it back on the rack. He turned the corner and went down an aisle. Naruto quickly followed. They were going down an aisle filled with various kodachi and wakizashi (a short sword designed to be used with a katana). Finally, Max stopped.
"I think this would be the best for you. It also happens to be the best in the house. For anyone else, I'd let it go for 350 ryo, but for you, I'll sell it for 300 ryo. Like the throwing knives in that box, it has runes that allow it to be returned to the owner. However, it is also made of a material called darksteel. This kodachi will never, ever break. Now, let me show you how to activate those runes."
An hour later, Naruto was leaving the store with a smile on his face and only ten ryo left in his pocket.
"I do believe I shot us in the foot, but I couldn't help it with that boy."
"V-village?"
"Oh, snap out of it!"
Naruto spent the rest of the Academy year learning how to use his sword and new throwing knives.
Like he promised, he visited Max and Valerie once a week. The money he saved on no longer needing to buy weaponry, he saved up to buy a couple of books from "Powerful Items". Also, Valerie taught him how to read better than they had taught him at the Academy. The two books he bought were called "Intermediate Shapeshifting" and "Advanced Fighting Techniques for the Kodachi".
Soon, he felt ready to take on his test for becoming a ninja. He could do the kawarimi exceptionally well. The henge he used had improved vastly from reading his book on shapeshifting. And he could produce... well, okay, his bunshin still wasn't up to par. Maybe he could pass with just the other two?
End.
Author's Notes
Nice idea. But I'm too busy with other stuff at the moment. Maybe someone else can work with this?
Basically, Naruto absolutely masters Kawarimi to the point that nothing can touch him. A later scene would be him dropping a building on his opponent in the Chuunin Exam Finals using a high-powered Kawarimi.