Mr. Darcy opened the doors to the terrace with a flourish and walked as quickly as he could over to the other side so that he could look out into the gardens. The cool air helped calm his temper. Wickham! He had only realized his feelings for Elizabeth were more than a passing fancy yesterday, and he had to pollute her mind to him. Everywhere he went, Wickham was right there, tormenting him.
Would he know no happiness? Could he really find happiness with Elizabeth? With her, yes, that was easy. With her family? Her connections? Her fortune? Money issues were no matter to him. The prestige of the Darcy name and the wealth of Pemberley and its investments meant that he did not necessarily have to marry for money. His parents taught him about finding a loving wife, and he meant to do so. But would her connections taint his name and make it harder for Georgiana? She has already had a trying experience. Would his disgrace for marrying below his station make it even harder for her coming out next year? Not four months ago, Wickham had snatched her innocence away from her by convincing her to love him, and she had nearly eloped with him. True, he had rescued her before any harm came to her reputation, but she was changed. She lost her ability to trust people, except her brother, who became her closest confidant.
Could Wickham do something similar with Elizabeth? How much should he tell her? Surely, she does not need to know about Georgiana's situation. Besides, that was not his tale to tell. But what if she does not believe his other stories about Wickham?
His musings were interrupted by the appearance of Elizabeth. He was so lost in thought that he did not hear her come out, until she was almost right next to him. He startled but regained composure quickly. "Miss Bennet." He could not think of what to say next. How should he broach the subject? How can he ignore the faint scent of lavender coming from her hair? It threatened to undo him.
"Mr. Darcy." She looked into his eyes and saw that he was agitated. He was clearly distraught to be doing this. Why is he willing to put his pride aside to tell his story about Wickham? Before she knew what she was saying, she thanked him for being willing to talk to her. It was enough to spur him into speech.
"I am guessing Mr. Wickham told you that his father was my late father's steward, that he grew up with me almost like brothers, that we attended Cambridge together. He was a favorite with most of the other men there and was favored also by my own father. Then, after my father passed away, we had a falling out, and I refused him the living at Kympton even though it was my father's dying wish. Am I correct?"
Elizabeth could only nod, confused at the accuracy of his tale. Surely it must be true if he can recount the full of it. He turned around and stared out at the dark gardens. She stared at him in wonder. He appeared to be turning his insides around to be in such a position. Clearly, he had never trusted someone before. After a long sigh and slight chuckle, he continued.
"It is the same tale everywhere he goes. He uses the Darcy name to buy credit when he relocates to a new town. The best of lies contain some truth. The late Mr. Wickham was an honorable man, and his son began his life appearing to be just as honorable. After his father's death, my father supported him at Cambridge, but without the supervising eye of my father, he was no longer honorable. He trifled with more than one lady's affections, and I had to settle many of his gambling debts. I did not say anything to my father as I did not wish to upset him. His health was very poor in his last years. He passed away six months after I returned from Cambridge.
"After my father passed away, all communication between Wickham and me ceased, as he knew I was displeased with his way of life. When the living at Kympton came open a year later, I did not wish to give it to him, knowing his character. Faith has a very important role in my life, and I did not want someone like Wickham leading his flock. However, my respect for my father compelled me to notify him that the living had opened. When he came to see me, he indicated he had no interest in the clergy and would prefer to return to school to study law. Relieved, but not entirely trusting him, I gave him the value of the living instead. He used the three thousand pounds within a year and then returned to ask for the living, which I denied. I believe he still wants revenge on me for this, and takes pride in telling his stories to everyone he meets, especially when he finds someone … someone that I admire." He had not meant to say the last part. He looked back at her to see her reaction.
Darcy heard and saw Elizabeth gasp at his last statement. She stepped back and turned away to hide her blush. "I had no idea," she finally muttered.
He waited for her to regain her composure. Finally, she turned back to him. "I am thankful that you told me your story, but I do not understand why you choose to do so."
He sighed and looked out into the garden. He had already said too much. "I do not want you to get hurt." He looked at her again and saw that she was still looking away. "I know that I should not have said anything, but I could not bear the thought of your believing his lies. It leaves you very unprotected."
She did not respond for a long time."I am not attached to him, and while I did believe him, I do not anymore." She turned to see him looking intently at her. While his face was set, she could see that his eyes were smiling. It caused her to smile in return.
"We should not remain out here together. I would not want people to talk. Go in first, and I will follow later." His hauteur was back. Clearly, he was used to giving orders and expecting them to be obeyed immediately. Thankfully, she was relieved to be returning inside now.
She turned to walk toward the doors but stopped as she felt his hand on her arm. "Mr. Darcy, I agree that we should not remain out here. Thank you for telling me what you did, but I need time to think about all that you have said."
"Miss Bennet, I do not wish for my history to become generally known. I do not want my family name to be tarnished. My sister comes out soon, and she is already shy in company. I simply wish to protect you and your family."
When she nodded, he released her arm and watched her step back inside. He remained outside for another half-hour, trying to decide what his next step should be. Mr. Bingley needed to return to London tomorrow, and he had been saying that he would accompany him. Now, the thought of leaving was unpleasant. He knew that he could not pursue Miss Elizabeth. He needed to think of the reputation of his sister. Marrying below his station would make her coming out harder for her to bear.
Thinking of Georgiana, he decided to return to London tomorrow to see how she was recovering and to attempt to get over his infatuation with Elizabeth. Instead of returning to the ballroom, he decided to retire for the night. His dreams were pleasant as he could not help but dream of Elizabeth's one day gracing the halls of Pemberley as his wife.
Elizabeth spent the rest of the evening either sitting by herself in a corner or walking outside to avoid having to converse with others. Mr. Collins appeared to be looking for her at every turn, but, fortunately, he failed to look outside, so that was her favorite refuge. He never asked her to dance again but would sit with her when he could. Thankfully, Mary and Charlotte were solicitous of his attention, so Elizabeth was able to escape for at least a few moments at a time when she was caught by him.