Hello hello!

I'll keep my A/N here short. You'll need to read the update first before I could post what I want to share to all of you. ;)

Oh, and as always, a huge THANK YOU to all you readers and reviewers. You guys are THE best.

Well, anyway, here is the next update! And… drama alert! :]

Chapter 4: Breakdown

"It sounds like you have something to tell me." – 2x06

"'Light'."

"What?"

"Liane…" Nikita said wistfully, staring up at the stars blinking brightly under the night sky. A cool breeze swept through them while the sound of the waves crashing on the shore filled the gaps of silence.

She felt a pang of self-loath, letting her vulnerability and anger do the talking earlier. Michael just only wanted answers; anybody would in the same situation. So she agreed to the chance to talk again – she owed him at least that much.

Nikita finally looked at Michael, who was standing by the edge of the patio watching her. She continued, "Her name is a combination of letters taken from Elizabeth, Haley, and Daniel. I didn't think of a nickname back then, but when she started talking, she couldn't pronounce 'Liane' and just kept on saying 'Ilya'. It kinda stuck."

"It's a beautiful name."

A small, appreciative smile passed through Nikita's lips. "Surprisingly, both names also mean 'light'. It was kind of coincidental that she really's like that to me – my reason to keep going, a future that I had to fight and live for, the light I had to protect… I wouldn't have made it without her and the others during those dark times."

She looked down, not bearing to see the change in Michael's eyes as he took in her last words.

"Nikita, you still should've told me," he reasoned with her, gently. "You didn't have to go through all that alone. I could've been here with you."

"And what? You'd leave Max all alone? No," Nikita shook her head lightly, "You couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. At his age at that time, Max needed you to be his –"

"But you sacrificed our daughter from having her own father." Michael rebuked.

"Michael," Nikita said softly, looking up back to him. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat on the outdoor sofa, "it never was like that. Ilya had – well, not really you there as her father but she had… father figures: Birkhoff, Owen – they're surprisingly very good with her… Ilya had them. Max didn't. He never even had the right father to be there to guide him. He needed you more."

He glanced sharply away for a few moments, before gazing back. In a firm voice, Michael told her, "It wasn't your choice to make."

Nikita sighed. Tilting her head to the side, she tried her best to reason out, "Can you blame me? I knew that separated, we were better, safer. Our enemies would less likely find out about our children that way... Think about everything that's happened in our life in the past six years we were apart. You'll see it was for the best."

After a few seconds of silence, Nikita stood up and walked over to Michael. She looked up to him with sad brown eyes and continued, her voice slightly strained, "Michael, after all these years, I'd like to think that I still know you… And I can see it in your eyes that you know I'm right."

"It doesn't matter what's right, Nikita!" Michael suddenly reproached, his eyes darkening like emerald ice, "I have a daughter and you never said anything to me. You made the decision by yourself again and kept me in the dark all this time. Just like what you did before with Max."

"Fine! It was all my fault!" Nikita shot back through gritted teeth. Anger flaring again, she clenched her fist, trying to control her self, "Just like with Max, I kept it a secret because I was trying to protect the both of you! Do you want me to say 'I'm sorry'for the six years I've been trying to keep our daughter safe? Would that make you feel better?"

Michael hesitated for a second. Painful emotions were evident in his eyes. "I'm her father, Nikita. I have a say about her well-being too."

"But you weren't here, Michael. You were busy being with Max and Cassandra!"

"You were the one who told me to stay," Michael reminded her. He narrowed his eyes at her, "And now you're angry that I did?"

Nikita mashed her lips in a thin, hard line. She looked away and crossed her arms against her chest, refusing to answer.

"Max is my son, Nikita," Michael continued, "I had no choice –!"

"You always had a choice, Michael!" Nikita spat, turning back to look at him. Stinging tears were starting to build up again but she angrily blinked them back. The next words tumbled out of her mouth before she had any chance to think about it, "You were just too righteous and too noble enough to make it."

An indignant sigh left Michael's lips. He shook his head lightly in disbelief. Nikita's last words shot down whatever retort he had. So for a few silent moments, he just gazed at her with those piercing green eyes. Softly, he finally asked her, "How could you do this, Nikita?"

The painful memory of seeing Michael kiss Cassandra burned in Nikita's mind. Her anger rose higher. She clenched her fists tighter. Hypocrite. She hissed, "I could ask you the same thing."

Michael's eyebrows furrowed for a second. "What?"

"Like you don't know." She sneered at him.

Silence enveloped them again.

A few seconds after, Michael went for a different approach, asking, "How could you do this to her, to Ilya?"

"No." Nikita shook her head. Her brown eyes glinted with a flurry of emotions. "You don't get to say that, Michael. You don't get to say those things about Ilya because up to a few hours ago, you didn't even know she existed!"

"And whose fault was that?"

"Don't talk about something you know nothing about!"

Michael and Nikita stared hard at each other, neither one backing down.

Years of knowing each other have taught them how to deal with tense moments like these. And one of the things they've learned was that sometimes when arguments were getting out of hand, the best way to handle it was to… just not to.

Even when the smoldering tension in the air suffocated every gaps of silence, they did nothing but stare.

Raising their voices at each other would get them nowhere. Except, probably bruises in the morning.

Nikita couldn't deny that she knew where Michael was coming from. He was Ilya's father and he had every right to know about his daughter. She knew she should've told him about her. She also knew how he would react. But she thought that is was the best thing to do. Even Alex and the others have advised her about it ever since. But Nikita was just too upset and mad that she didn't want to listen to any of them.

Though now, seeing Michael standing before her, asking about their daughter, angry at what she had done, angry at her… it was just too real.

All the justifications and rationalizations she did regarding her actions just seemed to fizzle right before her eyes.

In that second, just like that, after all the years of not thinking about it and repressing it to the back of her mind, the gravity of what Nikita had done finally caught up with her. It made her see the bigger picture than the one she had deluded herself in.

And it was worse than what she had convinced herself to believe.

Nikita looked away as she felt her chest tighten.

What had she done?

Her lower lip trembled.

She denied Michael the chance to be there when his daughter was born…

To carry Ilya in his arms for the first time…

To hear Ilya say her first word…

To see Ilya take her first step…

To be there for her to pick her up every time she fell…

Every precious memory Nikita held about their daughter, it was a robbed chance from Michael too.

And she prevented her daughter from knowing her father.

What kind of a mother was she?

A failure.

She had always seemed to fail everyone who meant everything to her.

She was never cut out for this.

She had never been mother material.

She couldn't do this anymore.

The first of many tears finally trickled down her mocha cheek.

"I'm s-sorry," Nikita stammered. She shut her eyes tightly and buried her face in her hands, ashamed. Her soft sobs shook her thin shoulders. "It was so selfish…"

Nikita's knees buckled, submitting to her repressed emotional turmoil. But Michael managed to catch her before she hit the ground. After a scuffle of movements and the blur of tears, Nikita ended up sitting on the wooden floor and in between Michael's legs. She didn't bother to push away from him anymore because she was sobbing on his chest with his arms holding her tight.

Ironically enough, she was so mad… at him, and at herself mostly… but in Michael's arms, she had never felt so safe in the longest time.

"You have no idea what I've been through, Michael," Nikita cried, while irately yet weakly pounding on his chest with her fist. He just silently held her close and didn't let go as her tears continued flowing and her hiccups were getting more frequent. She confessed, "I was so hurt and angry… I didn't tell you because I was so scared… So scared that I'd lose her the same way I did you… And I couldn't have that… Not when I finally had a family…"

It had been so long since she had allowed herself to be like this: curled up like a ball, crying her eyes and heart out, exposed with all of her walls and guards down…

"Shh…" Michael said, softly. Leaning against a wooden post, he pulled Nikita closer and just let her cry into him. He smoothed a hand through her dark hair and pushed away the ones that were sticking to her face. "Calm down."

She shook her head, burying her face into Michael's neck. She finally stopped beating his chest and settled on to grasping fistfuls of his shirt. "I'm sorry, Michael… I was wrong… I don't know what to do… what to say… to make it up to you…"

"I don't blame you," Michael told her, tightening his hold on Nikita and kissing her temple. He blinked back pent-up tears as he whispered to her, "And I'm sorry too. But it's going to be okay… I promise."

Nikita chewed on her lower lip. Her cries had quieted down to occasional hiccups but the tears still continued to flow. She sniffed. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm not." Michael pulled Nikita slightly away from him to look into her glistening brown eyes, and told her in a strained voice, "And I'm not losing you again."

Hearing those words, Nikita wouldn't lie; those words made her feel better.

But hearing those words and actually seeing them in action were two different things.

For now though, she was content of having Michael right there with her, wiping the tears that rolled down her face.

Circling her arms around his neck, Nikita just held onto Michael and buried her face into his shoulder. She still couldn't believe that he was actually there, even when she could feel his arms around her and his warm breath ghosting her neck. She closed her eyes and relished the moment.

She had missed him so much.

After some time, Nikita had calmed down as she had cried out every tear she had been holding on to for the past years. She felt lighter, like a huge weight was lifted off from her shoulders. And she had Michael to thank for that.

Pulling away from the embrace, Nikita cupped the side of Michael's cheek and looked at him. A slight frown passed her features as she saw his clouded yet somewhat curious eyes, so she prompted, "There's something bothering you. Just say it."

Michael was hesitantly silent at first. Letting out a resigned sigh, he finally asked, "What does Ilya know about me – or does she even know she has a father?"

"She asked about you once. Told her you were overseas dealing with your business." Nikita gave a rather sad smirk, "The best lies have the most truth, right? She never asked after that."

"That's it? She never wondered why she hasn't received any phone calls from me to check up on her? Or received any presents during her birthday and Christmas?"

Nikita shrugged lightly. "Like I said, Birkhoff, Owen, and Alex are good to her – too good even. You'll see what I mean on her birthday. They spoil her too much. But Ilya is happy with them."

"But she never asked when I'd be back?" Michael pressed.

"Something you should know, Michael, even for a four-year-old, Ilya has a knack of knowing what questions not to ask…" A soft smile tugged on the corner of Nikita's lips, "Probably got that from you."

Michael briefly let out his signature smirk. He held Nikita's hand that was on his cheek and turned his face to kiss her palm. Leaning his forehead against hers, he said, "We will make this work, Nikita."

Her heart fluttered. There was nothing more in this world she'd ever want than to have her family complete.

They can do this. She could feel it. Maybe she can have her fairytale dream after all…

"Cassandra would love to hear about you and Ilya."

Or maybe not.

Well, wasn't that a rollercoaster. Oh, the drama.

Honestly, I really don't know if this chapter stayed true to character. Did it? :)

So… Reviews everybody! Not only are they lovely, encouraging, and entertaining to read, but they're also tons of help.

Okay, here's some additional facts about Liane/Ilya's name! (Sorry, I just want to share. Haha!)

- As you've read above, her name is taken from letters composing the names of Elizabeth, Haley, and Daniel. In that order, you'll see Liane in e(LI)zabeth, h(A)ley, da(N)i(E)l. And for Ilya in el(I)zabeth, ha(L)e(Y), d(A)niel… Get it?

- Liane and Ilya really do mean 'light'. Or so according to the baby names book that I've taken it from. Funny thing though, when I searched the net, different meanings came up for each. But we'll just go with the book's definitions.

- Lastly, Liane is also made up of letters taken from Michael and Nikita's names! (Though I only realized that yesterday. Hahaha!)

And that's it. I've been gushing to share that. Haha. And I'll shut up now.

So, once again, thank you so much for taking time to read. And to my Reviewers, I just want to hug you. :)

Till next time! Oh, and keep voting for Nikita on E! Online's Save One Show! This show deserves a Season 3!

xx Dani