Garrus

After Noveria, nothing changed with Shepard. Not outwardly. She still took me on missions, still stopped by the main battery at 0645 every morning. We were still, for the most part, quiet when we were together.

Once, when she was leaving the main battery, I caught her looking back. It was progress.

The rest of the crew wasn't quite so circumspect. I had to deal with more than usual amount of winks and sidelong glances when Shepard wasn't watching, especially from Vega. He kept asking about logistics, you know, the way things work - questions I answered with a blank look. Then, when he persisted, by very deliberating reloading my rifle.

Persistence eventually lost to his survival instinct, and he passed along the word to the rest of the crew. Traynor still blushed when she saw me.

The Primarch - well, Victus never could leave well enough alone. I was relieved that he kept his commentary restricted to me.

"The Commander isn't here."

"Thank you, Primarch. I was actually looking for you." I ignored Kaidan's muffled snort - what he was doing in the War Room, I would never know. "Kovalan's report - the civilian evacs from Scoriae have been rerouted to Blerrin and Dos, but the Reapers are funneling troops away from those cities. We can't expect to hold both cities."

The Primarch took my datapad and stared at it, mandibles drawn tight in disgust. "Suggestions?"

I had been dreading the question, but it didn't mean I wasn't ready with an answer. "Pull out of Blerrin completely - leave three platoons to cover the last of the civilian evacs while the rest fall back to Dos."

He rubbed his neck. "Abandon Blerrin?"

"Dos is more easily defensible. It's an older city, which means we can hide civilians in the tunnels until the fleet clears airspace for evacs. Fewer civilians on the streets means fewer casualties for when the Reapers send scouts."

"It's a stopgap measure at best, Garrus." The Primarch stared at the datapad before letting his hand drop to his side. He looked unspeakably weary. "But every action we take is nothing more than a delay for the Reapers."

"Yes, sir."

"It's a good plan. Best we have. Tell Kovalan to move the civilians." I keyed opened a comm channel. I already knew which platoons would stay behind. They would hold till the end.

I was ordering them to die. I couldn't pass this up the chain of command; I was the second-to-last link, and the Primarch had given his order.

"Vakarian?" Kovalan sounded very far away. "Orders?"

I took a deep breath. "Pull back." I didn't hear the rest of what I said.

I didn't look up when Shepard came into the main battery, and she was quiet until she stood at the railing with me.

"I just talked to the Primarch," she said. Shepard didn't say I'm sorry, but she didn't need to. I nodded.

After a moment, she took a step closer and leaned into me. It couldn't have been comfortable, pressed against my armor, but she didn't complain.

"I'm going to Eden Prime with Tali and Liara. We've found more Prothean tech - some artifact that had Cerberus all heated up before they bugged out. Liara can't contain her enthusiasm."

"Unsurprising," I murmured. Shepard waited a moment, then straightened. I leaned on the railing and let my head slump.

"Garrus?" My neck ached, but I turned to look at her. She was already in her undersuit - the same old one, shiny with wear. "Will you want to talk later?"

"Yeah," I said. When words stop tasting like dust. When I stop feeling like burrowing into a hole and start wanting to fight again.

"Come up to my cabin tonight. If you're up for company." She didn't sound diffident or unsure; she sounded like she was giving me an out if I wanted it. "I found some levo-dextro neutral beer last time we were on Omega. It probably tastes like ass, but you don't look like you care about taste much right now."

I let my mandibles flicker in a hard-won smile. It was brief, but when it was gone, I could stand up. "I'll be there. Ping me when you're back."

"Got it."

"And I'll be monitoring the comms - for science," I forced myself to say. The humans had a saying, fake it till you make it, and they all claimed it was true. Time to find out. Shepard gave me a slow smile.

"You do that."

"Shepard, be careful."

"Best I can." She gave me a look I couldn't read, then reached out and brushed the tips of her fingers over the unscarred side of my face. Her skin was cool. "Gravity," she said.

"What?"

"Tell you tonight," she said. "See you later, Garrus."

I spent the first three hours of Shepard's absence in the War Room, waiting for a report from Palaven. None came, and I'd never admit it to anyone, maybe not even Shepard, but I was so relieved I could barely stand.

After that, I spent forty-seven minutes in the cockpit, trying to make Joker laugh. I failed miserably. Joker chased me away. "Go bother someone else, I'm working, man."

With a valiant effort, I stopped myself from telling Joker that I wasn't a man at all, and retreated. I tried to eat, and when that failed to distract me (and even made the knot in my stomach worse), I calibrated. Once every calibration had been checked, rechecked, and was screaming for mercy, I sat on my cot, talons clenched.

I should have listened better. Shepard was on Eden Prime, without me, just like the first time. I wasn't superstitious by nature, but something pricked the back of my neck.

Keying into the comms would only feed my paranoia, but sitting still was even worse. I've always preferred to know my enemy.

Seconds passed before the connection went through. When I heard Shepard's voice, I sagged.

"- living Prothean? That seems impossible."

"I'm sure of it! We should check the rest of the dig site. There may be more survivors."

"All right - Kal'Reegar, Tali, you take the eastern section. I'll cover the north. Move out, we're wasting daylight and I don't want to trip over any Cerberus surprises in the dark."

"Right, Shepard." I had forgotten Kal'Reegar was still on the Normandy. Somehow he'd managed to get around Shepard's iron-clad three-person ground squad rule. Tali must have been very convincing.

After that, the comms chatter dropped to Shepard asking for regular status updates, while Liara mumbled to herself in the background. The knot in my gut started to unclench. It was relaxing to just listen as Shepard talked. I could see her, moving efficiently through the dig site, a frown nicking a line between her eyebrows.

"Shepard."

"Go ahead, Kal. What have you found?"

"Cerberus tripwires - they've laced them through the equipment in this part of the dig site."

"Goddess," breathed Liara. "Did I arm them? Did I -"

"Liara, stay where you are - don't touch anything. Kal, Tali, did you touch anything before you noticed the wires?"

"No, Shepard, we stuck to passive scans only."

"Good, then your way back should be clear." Shepard's voice took on the bright imperative she always found on the battlefield. She sounded precise, controlled, unafraid. My heart thudded painfully against my ribs, but I was sure her pulse had barely quickened. "Single file, step in each other's footsteps. Head back to Liara. Double-time!"

Tripwires were one of Cerberus' nastier surprises. As hard to spot as microfilament, they were hair-thin barbed strips of explosives. They dug into equipment and skin without prejudice, and you could set a timed charge, so they could snag clothing and not explode until the victim got back to their ship. We'd already lost two turian frigates to them.

All I heard over the comms now was heavy breathing. How long would it take them to get back to Liara? My fists clenched so tight the bones ached.

"Shepard," gasped Liara. "There's one - there's one on my sleeve."

No.

"Hold on, Liara!"

"I think I can get it off, just let me try -"

"Liara T'Soni, leave it!"

Tali whimpered Liara's name, and Shepard shouted for Kal and Tali to stay back.

"Hold still, Liara, just hold still, you're fine, it's going to be fine." Shepard still sounded calm, only the slightest raw edge of panic in her voice. "Just one minute - fuck!" I heard soil gritting under boots, and then Shepard yelled again.

"Get down!"

The explosion whited out the comms.

Fifteen seconds later, the comms came back, and three voices were yelling one name.

Shepard.