Chapter 19: 3 days and a know-it-all

'Why are they glaring at you Gwen?' Lily whispered as she took her old seat beside me. Marlene was flirting with Jordon and so remained oblivious and Dorcas was happily digging into some toast and wasn't listening. No-one heard what she'd said apart from me.

I looked over at them sitting further down the table, knowing already who she was talking about. Half of the marauders were glaring at me as per usual recently. The other two were James Potter who was looking at his cereal, though he had rosy cheeks which probably meant he knew Lily was looking his way. I was kind of proud of him after hearing how he'd captured Lily's heart at last.

The only other one not glaring at me was Remus Lupin who was glaring hard at Malcolm for some unfathomable reason which I didn't care about at all. I wasn't even the tiniest bit curious. I don't care at all about anything to do with Remus Lupin at all. Not at all.

'Why do you think Remus is glaring at Malcolm Lily?' I blurted in a whisper to her. Damn, despite everything I still did care.

I liked Remus, missed him, and still wanted to know everything about him. I hate myself sometimes. It would be so much easier if I decided I hated him, I should hate him. Well, maybe not hate- but something close to dislike at least.

But no, instead I got chills and weird stomach flips and even though I was so mad at him that I could quite literally just go and slap him on the cheek right now- I don't think I ever would simply because I loved him too much.

Whoa! What the hell did I just think?! Did I just think what I think I just thought? But that's-that's not logical or right or-

'I don't know, but he is isn't he?' Lily whispered back breaking me from my thoughts. 'Are you two still fighting?'

I raised my eyebrows, 'You know about that?'

She nodded and took a sip of her juice, 'Remus told me. Plus, you haven't said two words to each other for ages. He was in the library alone too. Normally you guys go together…' she trailed off after listing the clues as James looked up at her thinking she had turned away.

Lily wasn't kidding about her pride, she gave a small smile and turned back to me and pretended we were talking about something, 'Stop looking at him!' she whispered in my ear. I chuckled and turned to her.

'This is too weird.' I whispered back.

She grimaced at me, 'Your telling me? Anyway, we were talking about Remus…'

I sniffed, 'I don't want to talk about Lupin anymore.' Hmmm, had I meant what I'd thought before. Did I like him in anyway more than a friend? No, of course not- that would be weird. Plus we're not even friends so it would be stupid too, to suddenly think I liked him in that way. 'Besides we're not even friends anymore' I whispered aloud to lily.

'Since when is he 'Lupin'?' Lily whispered shocked that I'd started calling him by his last name like she does with Sirius and used to with Potter.

'Since… right now' I said. Lily raised her eyebrows at me.

Across the table, Dorcas narrowed her eyes at us, 'What are you two girlies whispering about?'

I shrugged but lily said, 'Remus'. I sighed then realised it didn't matter if Dorcas knew that anyway.

She gave me a sympathetic look and patted my hand, 'Just remember- his loss.' Whoa.

'I don't care, I hate him too now. So I don't care.' I said as I buttered a bread roll hastily.

Dorcas and Lily shared some look they thought I would suddenly become blind and not see, 'seriously guys!' I said. They nodded but gave each other the exact same look. I sighed.

I may not hate him right now because I must have hit my head if I was having lovey-dovey fuzzy feelings- but I would. I was determined too. Hate him, I mean. I'm not falling for Mr. I-suddenly-don't-want-to-speak-to-you-anymore-and- I'm not-going –to-tell-you-what-you-did-wrong-and-I'll-avoid-you -and-smile-at-you-and-confuse-you-and-make-you-fal l-in-love-with-me-just-so-we-never-speak-again-Lup in'.

Whoa- I said it again.

I saw Amos walk past our table and he caught my eye, 'Ready for your big game later?' I called.

He flashed a grin and said, 'I was born ready!' His Quidditch friends around him cheered in agreement.

I laughed at the enthusiasm radiating off the group. Amos smiled, 'See you then Gwen' He said as they walked off.

'So guys- the winter ball is in three days. That's…' What is that? Exciting? No, none of us had dates and I'd brought a dress that I was having doubts about now. I finished the sentence, 'That's… that.'

Dorcas looked at me and laughed, 'I know how you're feeling and trust me I feel exactly the same, I'm considering giving the whole thing a miss.'

Lily jumped in, 'No, we can't do that- we've bought dresses!'

Marlene turned away from Jordon to say, 'What? You can't miss the dance! I can't be the only girl from our group- who will I talk to?! And like lily said you brought dresses and everything! Loads of people come without dates don't them Jordan?'

He nodded while his mouth was full of food, 'Yep. Loads. Don't worry about it girls- These three days are when the boys will come knocking.'

We nodded disbelievingly and as the bell rang trudged off to Potions.

I took my seat in potions and childishly moved my chair away as far as the desk would allow from Remus's. I was such a kid. But I could play jerk too.

So we sat there in complete silence except for the scraping of quills. I was having trouble with the questions on the board and hesitated. Remus was going through them easily and quickly. I saw him write down the number 8in the corner of my eye while I was still stuck on question 5.

Wow, not studying with Remus was damaging my progress in class- but it was doing nothing to his. Something hurt in my chest, was he just fine without me- had he literally just cut me out so easily? I mean I couldn't study nearly half as much as i used to without missing him or doodling or getting distracted or by putting it off.

Was he just fine? I watched him work out of the corner of my eye. He looked just fine.

I don't know why that annoyed me so much. I tried to focus and by the end of the lesson I was on question 9 and he was on question 14. As he moved to pack up I hid my parchment quickly so he wouldn't see how little I'd done-the last thing I want him to think is that I'm stupid and dependant on him to actually work.

What? What happened to not caring about what he thought Gwen! My stupid mind can't even focus.

My parchment fell out slightly though and I knew he saw it. I glared at him though I was angry at myself. No, I was angry at him too. He gave me a pitying look- pity!

Oh, I hate him.

Know-it-all-lupin.

The bell rang. I stormed out and away from him and the classroom when I bumped into someone tall. I fell to the ground with an 'oomph'. My books scattered everywhere. Great.

'Gwen?' A happy low gruff called. I recognised the voice and saw Andrew from the year above, sixth year, kneeling down to help pick up my books. His brown hair fell into his eyes as we reached for the same books and accidentally touched, his hand covering mine.

He chuckled at the contact and handed me my books, 'Will we only ever talk because of books?' It was true the first time was when he gave me my transfiguration book, the second because I had lost a book and was trying to find it and now this.

I laughed remembering. 'That does seem to be the way…' I stood up, 'Sorry about the crash- I wasn't looking where I was going.'

He shrugged and re-adjusted his shoulder bag on his shoulder smiling, 'You know since this book thing seems to be a trend, maybe we should investigate it more, like at hogsmeade tomorrow- we could meet up at the bookshop just to be clear.' He smiled.

Wait. Was Andrew asking me to Hogsmeade with him?

'What'd you say?' he urged.

I nodded dazed, 'okay. That sounds like fun.'

He grinned and raked a hand through his dark brown hair. He leaned in and whispered, 'It's a date. See you at the bookshop at 11.00AM Gwen' and walked off smirking smugly.

Lily was at my side instantly grinning like a Cheshire cat, 'Who in merlin's name was that? And why did I hear the words: hogsmeade, date, 11.00AM and tomorrow?!' Marlene giggled as she walked past.

I shrugged, wondering if anything that happened was real anymore. A sixth year- who I'd spoke to in all of 3 conversations asked me to hogsmeade.

Dorcas grabbed my arm and pulled me away from lily and to the side, 'What was that?' but she didn't look happy, she looked confused and disappointed.

'What? What's wrong?' I said confusion setting in.

'Why are you going to hogsmeade with this 'Andrew'? I thought you liked Remus?'

I stared at her shocked while her expression turned to amused and she raised her eyebrows. How can she know that- think that- I mean I only just really discovered it for myself like this morning!

Ah ha! You admit it!

No, shut up little annoying voice.

I pulled my arm out of Dorcas' tight grip, 'I think you misheard- I said I 'hate' Remus. Hate. Commonly defined as the opposite of Love. Opposite- Hate. Which I do to Remus. Hate.'

Dorcas sighed, 'Never become a spy. Gwen you are possibly the most pathetic liar I've ever seen, you can't even lie to yourself about what you feel. You like him Gwen.' She told me smiling.

'Well, you know what- that's kind of a dead end isn't it? Remus hates me.' I said angry that she'd basically made me admit to something that I couldn't do anything about.

Dorcas frowned, 'Well how is dating 'Andrew' going to fix that?'

'We aren't dating. We're going to a bookshop together. And who said I wanted to fix that anyway. Remus doesn't so nor do i.'

Dorcas frowned and said, 'I wouldn't be so sure…'

I snapped my eyes to hers, 'What?'

'I think he looked a little weird just now.' She muttered thinking back.

'He saw that- that thing with Andrew?!' I groaned.

Dorcas smirked at me in a very non-dorcas way, 'I thought you didn't care..'

'I don't' I said stubbornly. 'So when you say 'weird'?'

Dorcas laughed, 'You're terrible! I don't know he just watched you two and then when Andrew whispered into your ear he went all pale and sad and then clenched his fists and angrily walked away followed by his 'marauders'. '

Pale and sad and then clenched his fists and angrily walked away.

'What emotion is all that?' I muttered. I shook her shoulder slightly, 'What does this all mean Dorceey!'

She giggled and pushed me away, 'It means that you are clearly and utterly in love with him Gwenzy and that I think we're going to be late for herbology.' She said while looking at her watch anxiously.

We started running.

Hehehehe I really like including Jily now. And Remus? what was that about?

So: POLL=

Andrew? Remus? Amos? WHO ARE YOU ROOTING FOR?!

Drop me a review.