After a quick application of the breaks, John took an appraising glance of the house. Not too shabby, a one-floor brick-red rancher with a neatly-kept lawn and a flowerbed that had been dutifully mulched and cleared of autumn leaves. It definitely looked like someone cared for it. Sure, the awning over the short steps was a bit rusted and the roof could have used a few extra shingles, but it was a nice house.
"Well, welcome to Casa de Fuck You, see you later, don't stick around." The crabby passenger jumped out of the truck, strolling across the lawn while undoubtedly cursing the cold. John noticed as he tripped on the steps, swearing all the more.
After pulling out his set of keys, Karkat, master of all threshold portals and secured entryways, managed to only pick the wrong key twice before unlocking the door.
He was welcomed into the modest abode he called home by the sound of melodramatic DVD trailers from the den and the delectable smell of a home-cooked meal emanating from the kitchen. The entrance hall was, as always, a mess of shoes and poorly hung up winter clothing. A side table rested by the door, a nice repository for his traitorous keychain.
"Nep! Status report!" Karkat yelled, kicking off his shoes by the door.
"Aye aye, General Karkitty, dinner on the table and Serendipity is working its way through the purreviews!" His sister's cheery voice called out over top of the clash of noises.
"Thanks, Nepeta." He replied, toning down the decibel count this time. He stumbled through the doorway, past the set of stairs going up to his left. Loping over the kitchen, he discovered half of a roasted chicken and some salad. However, his focus shifted to the ticket stub laid out on the old oak table, accompanied by his car keys, a flagrant reminder from his carefree sister that she was capable on her own.
John smiled, vaguely amused by his commentary. As the porch light turned on and the worn red door opened to let Karkat in, a flash of blue hit caught his focus as he went inside.
He felt like face-palming. Karkat had taken his jacket. He stopped the car and parked, running over the scenarios for getting it back. One, meet up with Karkat at the theater sometime later. God no, he didn't even know when the guy worked and it'd be creepy to loiter in the theater waiting for him. Two, drive back here tomorrow. No wait, he had the thing with Dave tomorrow. Three, go up there right now and try to get it back.
Sighing, John dismounting the truck and locking the doors before sprinting across the lawn and using the knocker provided to disturb the residents.
Sifting through the out-of-style pine cabinets, Karkat found one of the few plates without flowery graphics on it. Just as he was searching for a glass, a knock sounded at the door. "Nep, get the door. The Girl Scouts like you better."
Over in front of the television screen, Nepeta frowned. It wasn't cookie season, Girl Scouts knew better than to be out this late, Equius was going to meet her tomorrow, and they'd already given Ms. Fitzgerald the pan they borrowed. Who was it? Nonetheless, she set down her bowl of potato chips, since Karkat was understandably sick of popcorn, and got up to answer the door.
A kid she hadn't seen before was standing there, a slightly bashful expression on his face, blue eyes darting around behind glasses as he scanned the inside of the house. "Uh, hi. Can you get Karkat for me?"
An evil thought blossomed in Nepeta's mind as she smiled. "Sure. Come on in!"
The guy stuttered. "Uh, come in? I-I'm fine, it's just Karkat took off with my jacket, and I kinda need it back…"
The peppy brunette just waved him in. "Oh come on in, it's fine. Cold out tonight, isn't it?"
"Well, yeah, I guess it wouldn't hurt…" John stepped across the doorstep, swiftly taking stock of his surroundings. A narrow hallway split off into a few rooms, with a direct vantage point to the kitchen. It was nicely decorated though, lots of art on the saffron walls and decent furniture hanging around in other rooms.
"Kaaaarkat! Visitor for ya!" Nepeta called back into the kitchen.
A grumpy voice replied. "Pull the other one."
His sister giggled. "I'm not lying!"
The voice shot back. "Well, they obviously got the wrong house. Unless it's Sollux or Terezi and you're both shitting me. You all are blatantly disillusioning the most self-deprecating sentient being this side of the Andromeda Galaxy. I hope you're happy with yourselves."
John was beginning to think he was getting way too involved with this guy's life for having met him three hours ago. He'd just come to get his jacket back! "Uh, hey, Karkat? It's John over here."
"Oh. You just keep popping up like one of those irritating Whack-A-Moles. What the hell do you want?" Karkat shuffled out from around the corner, giving the youth a reproachful glare. He was still wearing John's blue jacket, which looked remarkably out of place on him, the cleanliness contrasting his messy hair and stooped shoulders.
"You kinda walked off with stuff, so, um, could I have it back?" John held out his hand, indicating the offending piece of clothing.
Karkat looked down at himself and swore, "Fuck, sorry. Here you go." He took it off, handing the zip-up to the restless fellow. But before he could leave with a quick "goodbye", Nepeta intervened.
She smiled innocently and said, "Thanks for bringing my brother home! Hey, since you came all the way out here, do you want to watch Serendipity with us? It's movie night."
Karkat was about to respond with something along the lines of "no, what the fuck, why'd you invite him", but John beat him to it. Rubbing the back of his neck in some gesture of reservation, John shook his head. "I think I'm good. I'm not really into romantic movies and all, so I think I'll just be going-"
Last straw for Karkat. Brewing up his most intimidating death glare, he said, "Are you really so ignorant as to deny the classic talent of the actors portrayed in the film? That's it, you're not dissing my favorite movies and getting away with it scot free. Get over here."
John waved his hands frantically. "No, no I'm fine, listen, my curfew's 10, so I've got to be home in a few minutes. I'll have to take a rain check."
Giving him the death glare, Karkat walked right up to John, jabbing him squarely in the chest with his pointer finger. "Now open though cartilage flaps you call ears, moron. You will come to appreciate the realm of romantic comedies even if I have to hunt you down and tape your eyelids open. Get your ass on Pesterchum when you get home or so help me."
"Sheesh, okay!" John backed out of the house, faking extreme fear while trying to restrain a guffaw of laughter. "Can I at least have your last name to look you up on Pesterchum?"
As John stepped down to the walkway, Karkat looked as if he was torn between giving a final rebuttal or answering the question. In the end, he decided on both. "It's Vantas-Leijon, asshole, and if you can't spell it, get a fucking clue." Settling for a door slam, Karkat left the argument feeling satisfied. After the footsteps faded away, he rolled his eyes.
"Come on Nep. Sounds like the DVD is on the title screen."
Nepeta silently exploded from victory as she followed Karkat to the TV. Operation "Get Karkat a Date" was practically a success.
Meanwhile, John was high-tailing it back to the old pickup truck. He'd gotten a name! This could be the potentially best chat log ever. He wondered if the guy typed like he spoke. That'd be fantastic, the way Karkat talked made it sound like he'd swallowed a dictionary of curses.
Vantas-Leijon…something sounded oddly familiar about that name. He'd seen it somewhere, in a book, maybe on the internet? He'd look it up when he got home.
After five minutes of driving, John parked in the driveway of his own house on Crockery Street. He'd always liked his house, one of the few white houses on the street, two stories tall with a balcony. The tree out front promptly dumped a branchful of leaves over the car when the wind picked up.
Home sweet home. When he opened the door, he was met with the extremely curious face of Jade and the apathetically pretending-not-to-care faces of Dave and Rose.
Jade was the first to speak. "So, how'd it go?" They were all sitting in their usual places in the family room, Rose and Jade taking the old worn couch while Dave sat cross-legged on the carpet.
The question was fraught with implications that John didn't bother deciphering. "How'd what go?"
Dave chimed in, "Your high-speed ride to boner city, that's what, Egbert."
"Dave!" Jade scolded.
"Sorry to disappoint Dave, but the train never left the station. I wasn't even on it. Mostly because I bought a ticket from Who-Needs-To-Know airlines." John was proud of himself for attempting to continue the metaphor.
Behind his dark shades, Dave might have raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'd the say plane had a layover in Ass Town, and you need to spill the beans faster than a Mexican with severe indigestion."
Rose rolled her eyes. "There was no excuse for the utter disgust you've caused me with the previous sentence."
Dave shrugged nonchalantly. "Sorry, sis. It's just the way I roll."
"Well, there's nothing to tell. Excuse me for not being a homosexual. He was just a guy, working the counter, Dave ditched us, so I invited him instead so we wouldn't waste a movie ticket. End of story!" John plopped down on the couch in his spot, right behind Dave, and crossed his arms.
"You were engaging in a rather interesting conversation, and it appears that his hair is on your jacket, as it is not your own nor one of ours." Rose carefully analyzed, picking up a light brown hair off the hoodie. "Highly suspicious and warrants further investigation."
"What? No, he was cold, and since he didn't have a jacket I let him borrow mine when I drove him home."
"You drove him all the way home? Catch me Jade, I'm swooning over Mr. Casanova here." The blond rapper fell over sideways, mocking a delicate Southern lady.
John got flustered. "No! Not like that! Dave, stop confusing me. He didn't have a ride, so I drove him home. Simple!"
Dave pushed for more information. "You get a phone number after hitting him up like that?"
"Well, no, but I have a name. Karkat Vantas-Leijon. So stop hounding me! God, guys, just calm down. No romantic advances started or received. Happy?"
Dave nodded, having lost interest in the lack of dating escapades, and instead got up and walked over to raid the fridge. However, Jade was boring a hole through the wall above John's head. He gave her a look. "What?"
"Vantas…Leijon…hold it, you drove him home, where did he live?" She looked as if she was putting together a mental jigsaw puzzle and the last piece had slid just out of reach.
"Crimson Lane, why-"
Jade facepalmed. "Why is my brother such an idiot?"
Rose shrugged. "Perhaps it has to do with this seemingly prenatal obsession with needless violence in cinematic entertainment? Or it could be a side-effect of being male." Both girls snickered.
"I heard that." Dave's voice sounded form the kitchen.
"What are you guys talking about?"
Jade fixed her brother in a hard stare from behind her round glasses. "John. Are you sure you have no idea about what I'm getting at?"
"Well, no. I have no idea. I mean, all that Crimson is famous for is Overthrow, but I don't know much past that."
Jade shook her head. "Maybe I should start calling you Egderp. Don't you think he might have the slightest connection to the movement?"
John huffed. "I don't think you're right. No way, but whatever. I'll ask him later."
Dave returned from the kitchen holding a slice of cold pizza. "So you did get his number. You sly dog, John Egbert. The swoon-o-meter is up to eleven, it's going Scarlett O'Hara over here."
"No, I got a name to look up on Pesterchum. Lemme go up and check." John got up and sprinted up the stairs, careful not to wake up Bec. The dog was sleeping in Jade's room and no one wanted to wake him up. If you wanted him back asleep, it was like trying to stop an atomic bomb from detonating once the charge has gone off.
Tiptoeing down the hallway, he entered his own room, not bothering to turn on the light. Barely-visible movie posters coated two of the walls, and his room was a little messier than it usually was, but he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. The classic start-up sound echoed in the dark room, followed by an instant brightening of the screen. Quickly logging in, he pulled up Pesterchum and searched for the name he'd been given.
One result emerged from the search, carcinoGenecist. Figuring that was it, John sent a message.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:10-
EB: hey karkat!
Almost instantly, a reply pinged back.
CG: OH LOOK, ITS THE IDIOT HUMAN WHO INSISTS ON BOTHERING ME DURING MY ROMCOMATHON. VERY WELL SCUM OF THIS FILTHY EARTH, SAY SOMETHING RUDE AND ARROGANT SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU OUT ON IT USING OVERLY VERBOSE AND SEMI-EROTIC LANGUAGE.
Gee whiz, he was shouty even over chat.
EB: romcomathon, huh? still watching serendipity?
CG: IT IS A MASTERPIECE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. SUCH A NARROW AND LACKLUSTER MIND COULD BARELY COMPREHEND THIS.
EB: i've never seen it. what happens?
CG: THE TITLE I'VE ASSIGNED IT IS TOO LONG FOR ME TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE LIMIT THIS CHAT PUTS ON SENT MESSAGES.I WILL INSTEAD ABRIDGE IT AS "FUCKING AWESOME".
EB: okay, okay i get it. i should watch it.
CG: ALL HAIL JOHN, THE GREAT PROPHET OF THE NEAR FUTURE. LET ME DISPLAY THE SHOCKING AWE AND WONDER I FEEL WITH AN EMOTICON, EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE ONE THAT LOOKS THAT AGGRAVATED.
EB: i have no idea why you're so interested in romantic stuff.
CG: WOULD A CLASSIC LINE OF DEFENSE SUCH AS "I HAD A ROUGH AND TUMBLE CHILDHOOD IN AN ORPHANAGE ON THE EDGE OF TOWN WHERE I WAS FORCED TO EAT RANCID GRUEL" SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY BASED AROUND MY MOTIVES?
EB: not really. just saying. well, just wanted to drop you a line. wanna chat again tomorrow?
CG: SINCE THE CULTURE OF THIS MISERABLE SOCIETY DESIGNATES TOMORROW, ALSO KNOWN AS SATURDAY AS A DAY OF REST, I ASSUME I WOULD BE FREE TO HASH OUT MY BRAINWAVES INTO A READABLE FORMAT WITH YOU AS A WITNESS.
EB: see you then!
-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:15-
John reclined in his chair. Great job, failure to even as him whether or not he was related to Overthrow. But come on, ask a guy you just met a deep personal question? That was ridiculous, even for him. He'd ask him tomorrow. Walking downstairs, he hoped he wasn't going to get any snark about it. Then again, with all three of his best friends here, resistance was futile.
A/N: More dialogue, less interesting. Serendipity has canonically gotten the Karkat Vantas approval by the way. I really want to play exposition here but I should keep the suspense a little longer. I think I failed at sounding like Dave. I will try harder next time to succeed. *returns vV-Knight of Blood-Vv's highfive*
I recently heard that fics with Pesterlogs and chats get deleted when they're posted because they border on "interactive". I really hope I heard wrong. So I'm posting this chapter, if it gets deleted I'll come up with something. Chatlogs are such a major part of Homestuck that I'm not going to omit them and I want them in this AU.
Read and Review ^_^