Karkat had barely signed out of that ridiculous internet approximation of a conversation when a new and unwelcome window popped up on his chat client.

-twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:15-

TA: hey kk

CG: YOU ARE A DESPICABLE FUCKASS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

TA: iit look2 liike you got home fiine. what are you biitchiing at me about?

CG: LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE JUST AS MENTALLY IMPAIRED AS THE AVERAGE SLUG AFTER ALL. YOU DITCHED ME WITH A BUCKTOOTHED MORON.

TA: you're the one who deciided two go 2ee an awful moviie wiith hiim ii ju2t had two leave after my 2hiift.

CG: AND WHAT WAS SO COSMICALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAD TO LEAVE ME STRANDED AT THE REMOTE DESERTED ISLAND OF A MOVIE THEATER WITH A FULL CAST OF STRANGERS LIKE THAT ONE TV SERIES THAT REVOLVED AROUND THEM ACTUALLY BEING IN THE AFTERLIFE?

TA: liike youre not the mo2t dangerou2 per2on there.

TA: and ii went two go 2ee aa 2he texted me when my 2hiift wa2 over

CG: OH YES, YOUR MYSTERIOUS GIRLFRIEND WHO ALWAYS CONVENIENTALLY STEPS IN WHENEVER YOU HAVE SHIT TO DO.

CG: HOW FUCKING EASY IT MUST BE FOR YOU TO GET OUT OF STUFF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO LIKE CARTING A SELF-DEPRICATING LOUDMOUTH HOME.

TA: ii never 2aiid that.

TA: calm ur tiit2 kk

CG: MY FEMALE MAMMARY GLANDS ARE CHILLED TO SUBZERO TEMPERATURES THANK YOU VERY MUCH. EXCUSE ME IF I SOUND LIKE A GUY WHO'S BEEN FORCED TO GET A RIDE WITH A COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER WHO I MET TWO HOURS PREVIOUS.

CG: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MEET MY FRIEND WHO POSSESSES TWO DICKS. THE SECOND OF WHICH BEING HIS PERSONALITY.

TA: ahaha. ii'll act liike ii havent heard that one before. you were beiing pretty friiendly wiith hiim though

CG: FRIENDLY, ON THE KARKAT VANTAS SCALE, IS APPROXIAMTELY NOT CURSING HIM OUT WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.

TA: ba2iically.

TA: but 2eriiou2ly you're u2ually paranoiid about human contact. what made thii2 kiid diifferent?

CG: HE WAS OBVIOUSLY A DEFENSELESS INFANT WITH NO QUALMS ABOUT "STRANGER DANGER" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK NORMAL PARENTS TEACH THEIR IDIOTIC CHILDREN.

CG: TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS TRUST WAS JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT I COULD COMPENSATE FOR A DISPROPORTIONATE CHILDHOOD AND SHOW HOW LIKELY I AM TO LATER BECOME A SOCIOPATH.

TA: ii thiink 2omebody'2 got a cru2h

CG: HELL NO. SCRUB THAT MENTAL IMAGE FROM MY BRAIN WITH A SPONGE. MAKE THAT NEUROTIC STEEL WOOL. THAT DISGUSTINGLY NAIVE ASSHOLE IS ONLY FIT TO LICK THE STREETS CLEAN AFTER A SHITSTORM.

TA: that'2 2ome pretty kiinky 2hiit.

CG: NORMALLY, I WOULD INCOHERENTLY SMASH THE KEYS UNTIL I REGAINED THE POOR SEMBLANCE OF SANITY THAT I STRING ALONG IN ORDER TO AVOID SCARING SMALL CHILDREN AND HORSES. BUT I'M SO PISSED OFF WITH YOUR COMMENT THAT I'M GOING TO INSULT YOU INSTEAD.

CG: YOU MUST BE THE MOST MORONIC FUCKER IF YOU BELIEVE THAT FOR ANY FRACTION OF A SECOND I COULD EVER POSSIBLY BE ATTRACTED TO THAT REPULSIVE AND INSIGNIFICANT GANGLY TEENAGER. YOUR TWO BRAIN CELLS THAT HAVE MIRACULOUSLY SURVIVED THE GENOCIDE OF THEIR OWN KIND WILL BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO RUB TOGETHER AND GENERATE ENOUGH ELECTRICAL PULSES IN ORDER FOR YOUR REASONING TO FUNCTION.

TA: 2ure ii've got two debug a a22hole'2 computer by morniing. bye kk

-twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:27—

Karkat felt like throwing his old laptop across the room. But resting directly across the room was their TV displaying one of his favorite romcoms. Urge barely resisted, for now. The movie was reaching the climax, when both protagonists realize that they are fated for each other, but he had something else on his mind. Blue eyes and a stupid bucktoothed grin.

The romcom ended with its typical fanfare, and as the credits faded out, Nepeta yawned, getting up from where she'd curled up on the couch beside her exhausted brother.

"All right Karkat, I'm going to bed. It was a long day at the old pet shop." As she got up, the semi-gelatinized form next to her yanked her right back down.

"First you're going to explain to me why a buff, scary-looking guy went to the movies with you."

She sighed wearily. "You worry too much, Karkat."

"Explain. Otherwise I'll block all the anime channels on the TV. I'm the only one who knows the parental code, remember?"

Nepeta stamped her foot in frustration, but begrudgingly spun the tale. "He's a guy who comes by the pet store sometimes. His name is Equius, not buff guy, and he is purrfectly safe! His family has a ranch and sometimes people post ads for their horses there, and he comes by to look at those. We just stared talking, and that's it!"

"It better be just it."

"You don't have anything to worry about, Karkitty." She smiled, using their oldest nickname.

Her brother grunted a reply. "Night, Nep."

"Good night Karkat."

As his sister left the room, Karkat sank deeper into the worn couch and made the mistake of glancing at the photo on the table. It was never a wise decision to dwell in the past this late at night. It brought back bad memories.

The picture was one of the few they still had of the entire family. On an impulse, he grabbed the frame and held it closer, slowly tracing a finger over the figure preserved in the captured moment.

There was a seven year-old Karkat, half-smiling at the camera, and a five year-old Nepeta pulling him into a tight hug. His father and mother were seated behind them, hands intertwined, golden bands barely visible in the small photograph. Karkat gazed at the faces of his parents, outlining their features with a fingertip, his father's dark hair, the same shade as his own. The family nose. Ears that stuck out a little bit. And his mother, long, cascading hair, light brown, more like Nepeta's. The same eager grin. The green eyes from her side of the family.

He set it back down as his eyes saw a different scene superimpose itself over the room. A Christmas morning, when Nepeta would bounce around like a chipmunk on caffeine and his father would drag himself from a warm bed to spot the joy on her face. Karkat himself would always act more mature, but tear apart the wrapping paper with glee given half the chance. His mother would have been up painting the night before, so her fingers would be stained with a rainbow of tints, but she would make hot cocoa just for the morning.

Karkat sighed, closing his eyes slightly as he relieved some of the happier times. Before any of that stuff had happened, before Nepeta cried herself to sleep every night, before he exchanged glares with those who saw him as an outcast, a mutant, before life threw him the curveball of the century. He could soak in the peaceful reminiscence until reality brought him back to the modest home on Crimson Lane.

Though Karkat could not have known it at the time, in about fourteen hours he would be sitting down at a table inside a café on the west side of town. Directly in front of him at that table would be a very confused, reasonably stunned one John Egbert.

They had just gotten their coffees, one that was ordered "as black as my soul" and the other "salted caramel mocha, please", and Karkat had picked the table the farthest away from any other occupants of the restaurant.

Silence dominated for the next several seconds, until John, in all his finger-twiddling question avoidance, broke the pause. "So, uh…" he cleared his throat, "that was…something."

Karkat was staring out a window and barely noticed the statement. "Yes Egbert. By pure definition, it was 'something'. Now's the time to ask questions."

John, ever the socially awkward guy, cleared his throat again, Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to rope together his thoughts. "So…the park…"

The early morning…

Karkat woke up that morning to the insistent actions of his sister. Nepeta had been poking him for a while before her terminally grumpy brother came to.

"Karkaaat…Kar….Karkitty…I saw you blink that time, wake up already! Okay! I left breakfast on the table, waffles and bacon, I open the shop this morning so I'm taking the car. Be back at 5. And don't forget, it's your turn to make dinner!" He opened his eyes just as the door squeaked shut.

Following the heavenly smell of morning food to the kitchen, Karkat pulled out a plate from the cupboard, shoveling the still-warm waffles on it and grabbing the maple syrup from the fridge. After adding diabetes-inducing amounts of butter and syrup to his waffles, he wiped off his sticky hands to check his phone. Fuck, he was practically a living emotional crutch to half the people in his contacts. Not that he had many contacts. It was important to check up on them. Wait, 5 new Pesterchum messages?

-terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering carcinoGenecist at 9:34-

TC: HeY My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr fRoM AnOtHeR MoThEr

TC: WhAt iS AlL Up aNd hApPeNiNg iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg mOrNiNg?

CG: OH IT'S YOU.

TC: WoAh mY MoThErFuCkInG BeSt fRiEnD, yOu dOn't hAvE To uP AnD SoUnD So mOtHeRfUcKiNg sUrPrIsEd

CG: IT'S JUST BEEN A BAD WEEK, GAM. MAYBE I WOULD HAVE A MODICUM OF FUCKING PATIENCE IF YOU HADN'T PESTERED ME AT NINE IN THE MORNING.

TC: I CaN UnDeRsTaNd tHaT BeSt fRiEnD. wAnT To hAvE A FeElInGs jAm aBoUt iT?

TC: DiD YoU Up aNd fInD YoUr oWn mIrAcLe?

CG: GODDAMIT SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR MIRACLES FOR JUST FIVE SECONDS.

TC: Oh i sEe. YoU DiD, dIdN'T YoU? yOu wEnT AnD FoUnD YoUr oWn lItTlE MiRaClE. aBoUt tImE ToO. yOu aNd mE WoUlD HaVe eNdEd uP As oLd sPiNsTeRs sItTiNg oN SoMe fRoNt pOrCh kNiTtInG If yOu dIdN'T FiNd sOmEoNe qUiCk.

CG: WAS THERE SOME SORT OF FORMALLY AGREED ON TWENTY-FOUR HOUR TIMESLOT FOR PEOPLE TO ACT LIKE I DESPERATELY NEEDED SOME SORT OF SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO SPEND MY LONELY, MISERABLE DAYS WITH? AND NO, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. SINCE, AFTER ALL, I'M STILL SURPRISED MY MIRROR DARES DISPLAY MY REFLECTION WITH ALL THE CLARITY THAT IT DOES.

TC: NoW CoMe oN KaR, yOu aIn't tHaT BaD.

CG: I'LL TELL YOU HOW BAD IT IS, YOU FUCKING IMBECILIC RODEO CLOWN.

TC: So wHo eLsE ThInKs yOu'vE Up aNd gOt sOmEtHiNg gOiNg oN WiTh sOmE BoYfRiEnD?

CG: WHY DO YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME IT WAS SOME GUY? I COULD HAVE WENT TO THE MOST POSH RESTAURANT IN THIS DESPICABLE TOWN WITH A TOP-HEAVY, BRAINLESS, BLEACH BLOND AND DEVILISHLY TANNED BRAZILIAN SUPERMODEL WHO HAPPENED TO HAVE HER CAR BREAK DOWN AS I WAS WALKING BY.

TC: I DoN'T ThInK ThAt cAuSe i'vE MeT YoU ;o)

CG: GOD DAMN IT.

CG: I WAS COERCED INTO GOING TO SEE A SHITTY MOVIE WITH A GUY. AND HIS TWO PERFECTLY ATTRACTIVE FEMALE FRIENDS, MIGHT I ADD. NEPETA TOOK THE CAR LIKE IT WAS A TEN SPEED BICYCLE IN THE CITY WITHOUT A PADLOCK AND SHE WAS A DOWN AT THE HEELS ORPHAN WHO HAD GROW UP IN LARCONY, SO THE KID GAVE ME A RIDE HOME. END OF STORY.

TC: WhAtEvEr yOu mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAy, BeSt fRiEnD ;o)

CG: ENOUGH ABOUT THE UNRELATED ROMANTIC TRIALS OF YOURS TRULY. SINCE I'M TRYING TO BE NICER TO COMMON AND INSIGNIFICANT PEASANTS LIKE YOURSELF, HOW DID THAT BIG RODEO GIG WORK OUT?

TC: PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg wElL. dIdN'T BrEaK OnE BoNe iN My bOdY ThIs tImE. wOuLdA PuT Me oUtTa cOmMiSsIoN FoR A CoUpLe oF WeEkS If i dId.

CG: YOU ONLY TWISTED YOUR ANKLE THE OTHER TIME BECAUSE YOU WERE DISTRACTED BY THAT, AND I QUOTE "MoThErFuCkInG AdOrAbLe" TAMER KID BY THE GATES.

TC: YoU ShOuLdA SeEn hIs fAcE. iT'S LiKe sOmE SoRt oF MiRaClE FrOm tHe mEsSiAhS. i sEe hIm aT MoSt oF ThE RoDeOs i gO To. ThInK HiS RaNcH SuPpLiEs tHe eVeNtS Or sOmE ShIt.

CG: DID YOU EVER TALK TO HIM LIKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD WHEN I WENT APESHIT ON YOUR ASS FOR BEING SHY?

TC: NeVeR GoT ThErE MaN.

CG: WHY THE HELL NOT?

TC: WeLl i wEnT ArOuDn tHe cOrNeR To tAlK To hIm bUt wHeN I DiD I JuSt fOuNd a mOtHeRfUcKiNg tOn mOrE ReAsOnS To bE ShY As mOtHeRfUcKiNg hElL.

CG: AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

TC: WhEeLcHaIr, BeSt fRiEnD. mOtHeRfUcKiNg cUtIe dIdN'T HaVe nO LeGs. LaSt tHiNg hE'D WaNt tO SaY Hi tO Is mY TrOuBlEd aSs.

CG: SHIT, REALLY? AND THEY JUST LET HIM HOP ON SOME FULL-GROWN BULL AND PINCH IT SENSUALLY UNTIL THE BEAST WANTS TO TRAMPLE THE NEXT HUMAN-SHAPED LIFE FORM IN THE VICINITY?

TC: PrEtTy mUcH. hE'S ReAl gOoD At iT ThOuGh.

CG: JESUS, JUST GET A ROOM ALREADY. SHOULD I START SENDING OUT WEDDING INVITATIONS?

TC: GoTtA Go, It's mY DaD AgAiN. wIsH Me uP A MoThErFuCkInG MiRaClE It lOoKs lIkE He's pIsSeD.

CG: FUCK YOUR DAD AND GOOD LUCK YOU MORON.

TC: ThAnKs bEsT FrIeNd

-terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 9:46-

A/N: Welp, I'm back after my burnout, break, hiatus, holiday, whatever you want to call it. LET THE FANFICTION FLOW! When I say there will be pesterlogs, by god there will be pesterlogs. This is my idea of a time transition, so look, it's me trying to be non-linear! Hold onto those stovepipe hats and monocles, ladies and gents! It looks like the story still exists, so I'm running with it. Like scissors. But twice as dangerous.

Thank you, whoever anon guest you are, that was a very nice review :3 I will use some of those ideas. With my luck you're secretly Andrew Hussie. Such is my luck. This Karkat happens to be 21, so I gave him a ramped-up vocabulary. Fancy lil' KK, he was such a bookworm as a kid. That's where I got all these big words, gigantic books.

And fixture to my reviews, Magzy, gracias, I try ^o^

Read and review, high-fives optional, hugs preferable, cookies readily welcomed, flames good for marshmallows and writing XD