Well, it's been a week since the last update and I feel a little bit guilty. A lot of the reviews are sympathising with Remus- which I get. Thanks for reviewing by the way, haha- some of them made me laugh- like how Gwen needs a slap and Andrew needs to just go somewhere.
Let's see how their date went shall we?
CHAPTER 23: Thinking
Andrew was talking as we walked, his hot hand grabbing mine, but for the life of me I didn't know what he was saying. Not from lack of trying of course, but my brain wouldn't hold the information- his words just became noises that rambled on and on like a background buzz to me.
My thoughts wouldn't let me wander. Wouldn't let me hear him. They were screaming at me over everything.
The noise of the happy oblivious Andrew, the clippety clop of people's shoes on the ground, the muttering of wizards walking by, the crows of overhead birds, the rustle of the wind- It was suddenly droned, and muffled. And it left me to my thoughts.
Trapping me in what had happened, what I'd seen before, what I knew now.
Remus.
I was screaming at myself. Inside I was arguing and crying; I was shaking in fear and fainting. I was in denial and I was shaking my head; I was hyperventilating and I was shocked-
But outside? Outside I felt grubby and numb. Hollow even as Andrew moved me through the streets talking.
I tried to hear him. I'd recovered enough to realise that this was our 'date'. He was laughing, I laughed like I knew what he was saying. He smiled at me and talked again.
Remus John Lupin was a Werewolf.
I entertained a thought: What am I going to do?! This is so dangerous- where is he going for his full moon? Off the school grounds, surely!? He could murder people, he could snap their necks and change them. What was Dumbledore THINKING?! Letting that into the-
Wait.
What?
That.
Him. I meant him.
But did you?
He's a werewolf! He's Dangerous! You've seen what werewolves are capable of- you've seen it. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CAN DO! What should I do? Does Dumbledore even know? He must know. He must. If Miss Pomfrey knows then he must know. Should I warn people, tell him, tell Andrew, tell people- because Remus is a werewolf and everyone could be in danger?
I winced. That didn't feel right.
Suddenly Andrew had stopped us and he was tugging off his jacket, he put it around my shoulders. He'd misunderstood the wince I figured somehow in the scattered mess of my mind. I think I smiled at him. I couldn't tell, I felt suddenly like my body didn't belong to me- like I wasn't attached to it.
I figured I was in shock. I must've been. I couldn't feel my fingertips. And I suddenly couldn't feel Andrews either- but looking down blurrily, I saw his hand was indeed holding onto mine. This was a date and I couldn't even focus.
Remus. My mind repeated his name over and over again.
Was he going to hurt me now that I knew? 'Shut me up'?
I winced again, no- that didn't sound right either.
Remus would never hurt me. I blinked at the thought. I entertained it.
Remus was a prefect, he was my friend, he was nice and kind and funny and he read lots of books. He loved chocolate and never went anywhere without it though he never put on weight from it. He was a marauder and he liked to laugh. He hated flying and liked his feet on the ground. He raked his hair back with his hand because he was so used to be around 2 people who did it so regularly. He smiled.
I chuckled out loud and it broke into the air suddenly. And I heard a bird overhead.
Remus smiled all the time, he smiled when he pretended to be mad at me, when he was confused, when he was thinking, when he saw people. He smiled so much. He had a nice smile, it matched him. Who he was.
Who was he?
Were all those things I knew about him, were they lies? I pondered it.
No, no- they were genuine. Genuine things; Genuine smiles.
But he was a werewolf?
But he's still all those things.
My mind hurt and I stopped suddenly. Andrew had a concerned look on his face as he looked at me. I couldn't feel my face to know what expression it held.
Andrew's voice got louder but it was still a muffled drone. My head was fuzzy again. I was going to be sick. I was going to faint. I was going to-
'I need to sit down' I said into the air of hogsmeade. Suddenly Andrew was leading me into hogshead and he plonked me down on a bench. His face was right in front of mine.
He was saying something frantically but I didn't know what it was. I was thinking about Remus. I needed to think this through. I needed to figure this out.
Remus. Tell me about Remus. Who is Remus?
Remus was good.
Remus is a werewolf.
Werewolves are bad.
But Remus is not bad.
Remus is good.
And suddenly I heard everything. Like someone had unmuted the silence in the hogshead and there was a crash of sound as it blasted into my ears. I heard the loud scrape of a chair peeling back. I heard the loud cackling laugh of witches in the corner around the bar, I heard a hearty voice chuckle close by and I heard Andrew speaking urgently.
'Gwen? Gwen! Please answer me! Something? Anything?! I don't know what to do? Tell me what to do?!'
Suddenly I was standing up. 'Andrew, excuse me a moment' I said to him.
And then I was running. I was running back to Hogwarts. I didn't know why I was doing this or whether or not Andrew had stayed in the hogshead because I didn't look back. All I was thinking was that I can't believe I ran away.
The pain that rippled across his features as I took that step back. I was so scared of werewolves but maybe I should erm, hear him out? I shouldn't have ran away.
Remus was like the perfect example of what 'good' would be-kind, funny, follows rules (mostly) works hard, good morals. Werewolves are bad- My parents had always told me so, everyone thinks so. They were uncontrollable- animals? Right? Remus was a werewolf. My mind was scrambled but I saw Hogwarts over the hill and soon enough I was running up the steps to the common room. It was like something had taken over me and it was too quick for my mind to tell it to stop.
'Gwen? What are you doing here? I thought you were-' I ran passed Dorcas as she came out the portrait hole carrying three heavy old books.
'GWEN! Stop her!' Sirius' voice hissed as I ran through the common room. My mind frenzied but my body ignored him and sped up the boy's staircase.
'SHE'S GOING FOR REMUS!' James growled and he was running after me too.
Seventh door. Seventh door. Ah. I heard loud footsteps behind me: Sirius and James and Peter. I found their door and threw it open. I ran inside to face a real life version of my boggart.
AND THEN?!
*gasp*
Yes,
I really amgoing to stop the chapter here.
Well, please Review and I hoped you liked it- I've never been in shock before – like that, so I hope I got the just of what it's like for her. SO Please tell me what you're thinking.
Update coming within the week. Keep an eye out.