Writer's block is an absolute nightmare.
Am sorry I took so long. Not very satisfied with this chapter but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. I'm crossing my fingers that this doesn't disappoint you.
Thanks again for the reviews, they keep me motivated to continue. :)
Kata - detailed choreographed patterns of movements practised solo or in pairs.
Body still yet eyebrows knitted together, seemingly in a troubled fashion. Or was it just by the will to keep the eyes closed?
She didn't want to wake up from her dream. She needed a closer view. A better understanding.
Lately they have become much more vivid in detail. Tangible somewhat. Before, she could not really see anything but could feel traces. Smiles. Laughter. Pain. Tears. Now, the only thing she can't seem to get any grasp on were the faces. There was always a blank; a void of black where eyes, nose and mouth should be. She could hear them, their voices ringing true to her but when she awoke each time, she seemed to forget their distinctiveness; the point needed in which she could remember them clearly, to be able to discern them and pick them out from a sea of voices.
Damn it, she would think to herself countless of times; dissatisfaction scorching within her. Why couldn't she remember? Why did she only remember how clear it was in her dream and not the voices themselves? Why could she not see their faces?
It is because of this that every single time she is interrupted from her dream world, she spirals into a bout of frustration and upset before she reluctantly continues on with her day. She had taken every measure to make sure that absolutely nothing would give her a premature awakening. There were no more 'invited guests' allowed to stay overnight in her bedroom anymore and the alarm clock was now a banned item, which, if caught sight in the bedroom, would be smashed to smithereens and properly disposed off into her prettily purple waste basket. Not that she actually needed a clock. She had an innate biological clock but that didn't stop people from giving her one. And with this biological clock came the inability to sleep in, not even for a second longer. Trying to sleep earlier didn't help much either. She would be unable to fall asleep or she would rise up even earlier.
Shizuru yearned to see their faces and finally get a clue as to who her mystery person was. Then maybe, she could find her happiness like the princesses in her childhood stories. The princess meets the prince and they lived happily ever after. But such thinking was unrealistic, she reminded herself. Happily ever after in the real world does not likely exist. But a girl can dream, yes? And the dreams from her sleep only made her much more convinced that her soul mate could be out there- didn't they say that when you dream something in your sleep, it might come true? -like a premonition of some sort. The emotions she felt in them were so real, the touch a warmth in her heart.
It became something she could not part with and sleep became her solace from the reality she lived in. Unloved and alone. These were feelings she felt from time to time. Not always because she convinced herself otherwise. Time to time because there were times she felt weak- helpless- but always in the solitude of her bedroom, never in front of another person's eyes or within earshot of unwanted ears.
It was not that her parents were in any way horrible to her. They were really nice people. Though they made her happy, their presence was never strong enough for her. Probably it was because she didn't feel close with them as she thought she should or could be. It might be because they never did spend much time with her. As far as she could remember, they were always working. Being sent to boarding school in her early years only worsened the distance. There was no free time at home for her other than school holidays and during those times they were mostly busy with meetings and business trips.
Apart from that, she had no real or close friends. The only people that approached her almost always had false pretenses. They never wanted to know the real her; only the dreamlike self they thought she was. When they find out she was different from what they imagined, she knew they would soon lose interest. So she didn't bother with them.
Fan girls were not friends as far as she was concerned. Maybe if they stopped their obsessive streak or worshipping then maybe she could reconsider. But really, she doubted that. There was the possibility that if she befriended one the others would go berserk. There was no telling the mental state of some these people. Not to mention that one time she got kidnapped. Getting close to them posed such a great potential for danger that it was much better that she kept her distance.
All the people she ever dated were all shallow relationships; short-term relations, easily forgettable.
Such was her sad, dreadful life in which she hated. Sure, she had some things,
A stable job? Yes.
A home to live in? Yes.
A family? Yes.
Lots of money? Yes.
…but a complete heart? No. She wanted to be loved and to love back. She wanted to feel the caress of a lover who cared about her; filled her with happiness, cheered her up when she was sad, listened to her thoughts and problems and be her pillar of support. Someone to share good times with and be there for her in times of loneliness.
Her other half. Her everything.
She wanted to be engulfed in that passion that love gave and be smothered with endless warmth.
Just like her dreams.
Strong arms were hugging her from behind again. They encircled her waist and held unto hers. The figure's legs surrounded her at the sides. Like a protective cocoon wrapping around her, the body kept her warm from the chilly morning air. They were watching the first rays of the sun with remnants of a well prepared and well eaten picnic beside them.
"It's so beautiful," she heard herself utter in awe.
"Yes, it really is. That's why I wanted to show you. I used to come here a lot when I was small," the figure said before giving a sudden chaste kiss on her cheek.
"Ara, what was that for?"
Gentle whispers flew to her ear and a faint blush rose to her cheeks.
Her eyes opened wide. She stared at the ceiling. In reality, she too felt the warmth on her cheeks. It was rare for her to blush but those whispers stirred something inside of her.
"For being my love; my happiness."
Those six words shook her to the core. The desperate longing she suppressed rose up and she shook in protest; trying to subdue it yet again.
"Where? Where are you?"
Murmurs flutter into the air to nothingness; desperate and needy.
Only her self-disciplined routine kept her from looking disheveled that morning; her morning rituals done almost robotically. Had it been a Sunday however, she would have probably be still in bed, fighting the haze in her head. But alas, it was a work day and someone had to run the company.
When it came to dealing with distracting thoughts there were a few ways Shizuru could deal with the problem:
Tea always helped, acting as a calming balm to her restless mind. As soon as she had her usual customary tea, all strains on her mind and body would be manageable enough that her thoughts did not bother her as much.
Naginata practice served to further empower her in this effort when she repeatedly follows through with her kata. Doing so needed a mind that was clear and focused, allowing the body to move in fluid and precise motion and left her in a state of refreshment and consciousness.
Overworking herself to exhaustion was another option she could take. Though not as favourable as the first two, it is still one of the most effective. Her job required copious amounts of concentration that whatever unrelated thoughts she might have had would be pushed aside until she took a break or when she got off of work. That was why 'to exhaustion' was needed so as to not allow her mind to continue working even as she finished. She would be so tired after work that all she wanted and thought of was to sleep.
Apart from that, there was one more – finding something even more distracting. It was by far her most favourite out of the four probably because most of the time it was interesting and enjoyable. Unfortunately, other distracting things did not come by often so this method was not always useable. Luckily for her, she had found something utterly interesting to occupy her mind lately and that was what she went to on this particular day.
On this fortunate day where a meeting with Kuga Co. was scheduled.
Just as the said meeting was adjourned, she struck; expressing her wishes to speak privately with her as soon as the opportunity arose. The woman held her attention on her, silently nodding to her request as she watched the last of the others leave the conference room from the corner of her eye. She had a blank expression on her face as she waited for Shizuru to speak, her eyelashes flickering as she blinked.
"Would you like to have lunch with me Natsuki?"
Her face changed at the question, a noticeable look of surprise then a small amicable smile.
"I would love to."
And that was how she had found herself sitting across the dark beauty in a quaint family restaurant 4 kilometres away from her office building.
"I am grateful for your invitation Shizuru. I kind of got the feeling that Kanzaki-san was itching to come up to me and ask before you made your request. I tell you, the smile drop right off his face as soon as I said yes."
Her laugh was infectious even if she felt a tinge of anger then for reasons unknown. Perhaps it was because she didn't like the man very much. She had heard quite the rumours of him, playboy of the office he was. Though he was a capable individual business-wise, she couldn't seem to have a better impression of him when it came to anything other than that.
"Ara, he is known to be a ladies' man. Are you sure you wouldn't have liked to?"
"Oh please, don't even joke about that. Anyway, have you decided what to order yet? The-"
"Kuga Natsuki!"
Her companion went stiff at the tone of the voice; the words she was about to say, halted. She watched as a red-haired woman stomped right to their table with a spatula in her hand. Despite coming straight from the kitchen it looked surprisingly clean though she could not say the same for the chef wielding it.
"What have you been doing? I have not seen or heard from you in weeks! You should give me a call at least."
"Mai? How did you know I was here? It's lunchtime, you should be in the kitchen cause you know, it's the busiest time of the day."
She looked nervous which was a pretty interesting sight to Shizuru.
"Well, I would be had I not seen my missing friend! You should be glad I have extra help here or it would be your fault my good customers are starving."
"Okay, okay. Would you just calm down. You're making a scene and not to mention a bad impression in front of my friend here."
At her words, her friend finally took notice and the look that graced her features was absolutely humorous. There was only one conclusion to such an expression.
"Ara, it is a pleasure to meet you, Mai-san. That is your name, yes?"
A nod was given but the dumb stricken look on her face did not fade as quickly as she thought it would.
"Did you know-?"
"About the similarities? Yes, Natsuki did mention it to me."
"I was going to ask if you knew Kaya and Natsuki since a long time ago but I guess I would have heard about you at least if that was the case. How long have you known Natsuki?"
There came the thinking pose, so very reminiscent to the two who were witnesses to it. The answer did not take long to form, the words leaving her lips before their minds could begin to wander off from the present conversation.
"A little over a month, I surmise."
"A month? "
A harsh sharp turn to the left. Blazing eyes with angry questions. A gulp in answer.
"Would you please excuse us for a moment, Miss-"
"Fujino. Fujino Shizuru."
Mai pulled a reluctant Natsuki to the back, behind the counters and into the staff lounge area. Her feet were dragged upon the checker-tiled floor, creating a wince from the red head which quickly turned into a glare. The sound stopped and so did the pulling, followed by another new set of footsteps trying to keep up with the former. When both stopped, an 'oomph' was expelled, then a mouth opened and the voice that came out had Natsuki reeling and put further back into the seat she had taken forcefully (with much surprise) by Mai.
"Sheesh Mai. There's no need to shout."
"In case you don't know, I am furious. Absolutely furious, Natsuki."
"What for? I don't seem to recall having done anything to deserve such emotion."
"Honestly, you go for months without any news and then do this? To stoop so low."
"What the hell, Mai?"
"I would have never thought you would be desperate enough to go and look for a replacement. Can you honestly tell me that just by freaking coincidence you just happen to find a woman who looks exactly like your late wife so soon after she passed? Not only does she look exactly like her, she even has the mannerisms down to a boot!"
"To find- to find an actor and then give her plastic surgery is just too much, Natsuki. There's no love in that."
"Huh? What kind of crap have you got in your head Mai?"
She was about to open her mouth yet again but the startling buzz in her pocket stopped her and she reached for it. Noticing the caller id, she huffed and answered.
"Is it important, Nao? If not I'm going to hang up."
"Woah. What is going on Mai? You sound angry. Wait, let me guess. Natsuki is there, isn't she?"
"Nao."
"Okay, okay. I have some crazy news here so don't hang up."
"What is it?"
"You know how I do my research by reading business magazines? There's this article or rather picture you guys got to see. I guarantee it to be a shocker. Trust me."
"Nao, I don't have time for this. Either you tell me exactly what this 'article' is or I rudely hang up in your face."
"You won't believe me if I say it. Ah, never mind. I'm already at your restaurant's back door. I'll be there in a few seconds."
"Nao, can't you go through-"
Nao had hung up on Mai just as she strutted through the door like she owned the place.
"Hey Mai! Hey Natsuki! Have I got something that will knock your brains out!"
She grins as she approaches them, her hand going to the rolled up magazine in her back pocket.
"Am I or am I not awesome? Yes? Anybody?"
There, on the cover was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen. The same person they had just left minutes ago.
Fujino Shizuru. Daughter of business tycoon Fujino Takashi. Heir to the longstanding Fujino empire. The new president of Fujino Corporation.
Our most eligible bachelorette of the year!
"Oh my goodness! Isn't that?"
"Yes Mai."
"But she…how did the two of you meet?"
"We're business partners."
"Wait. Wait. So you the both already knew of this identical twin of your wife here? And you are somehow business partners with this said woman? Why have I not caught wind of this yet?"
"I only saw this woman minutes ago by chance. It seems Natsuki has been friends with her for over a month though."
"Oho, Natsuki's got some explaining to do, doesn't she?"
"No, I don't. There's nothing more to it. We're just working together and are friends. Anyway, I should head back. She is still waiting there."
Without giving them a chance to hinder or speak, she left.
"Again, I'm sorry about my friend back there. When she gets excited she's like a train. You can't change her from the set course."
She spared her a laugh, the motion with her fork and spoon left idle as she raised her head from her plate.
"It's fine, no inconvenience done. I am in no hurry so a few minutes spared is no harm. Natsuki really should not worry. Her friend did not leave a bad impression on me."
"That's good cause she really is a good friend to me. Though, she could get naggy at times as you have just witness."
A pleasant smile danced on her features and a comfortable silence fell on them, their meals unforgotten. Sounds of cutlery clashing with ceramic filled the space, the chatter from other occupants in the restaurant only a murmur to their ears.
"Natsuki, can I ask something of you?"
"Depends on what you want to ask for."
"It's about Kaya-san. Do you have a picture of her family with you now?"
"I think I do. Let me check."
Between cards and notes of various sizes, a few photos were laid carefully and safely. Her fingers went through each of them, stopping by the third. Out came a photo of a time when Kaya was still well and healthy looking. Two gracefully aged people were seen behind her in the photo. Shizuru, having expected them to be of a similar age to her parents, was quite taken aback.
"This picture was from how many years ago?"
"Before Shizuka was born. So about five years?"
They looked much older than her parents. Their hair was completely white whereas her parents were only starting to grey. The photo was slightly blurred and there was not much she could go on with their faces but she still saw how much of a family they were. It showed so much happiness, it hurt a little. A brief close of the eyes and the pain ebbed away.
"Why do you need to see it?"
"Ara, I was just curious is all. Perhaps her parents are distant relatives of mine. Does Natsuki have any other photos I could see?"
"Unfortunately, no."
"That is too bad then."
She expelled a sigh, expressing her disappointment.
"I was hoping that I could find something and be able to put the thought to rest."
"If it really bothers you that much, then why not I bring you to see them in person? Maybe you can even ask them some questions that could help ease your mind."
"You would? That is very kind of you Natsuki."
"I'd be a fool to not accept such an offer."