Thanks once again to JennyTHETimelord for another reivew :) keep it up people.
The ride back to the motel was rather silent. Castiel sat in the back seat, while Gabriel tended his wings. Sam didn't say anything, and neither did Dean. Though Sam did notice Dean was gripping the steering wheel really hard. After a few moments Sam asked, "Dean, what's wrong? You got her, what are you pissed about?" Dean glanced at his brother. "You don't know what she did to Cas," he snarled. "Gabe told me she hurt his wings…" Sam started to say. "That's not all she did," Dean growled. Gabriel looked up. "What?" he asked. He looked at Castiel. "What else did she do?" Castiel looked at Dean for support. Dean didn't say anything. "Cas," Gabriel said, softly. "What did she do?" Castiel looked at his brother, his blue eyes reflecting his pain. "She chose a form in which to torture me…" he began. "It was Alastair…" Dean flinched and Sam's eyes widened. "We were inside Dean's mind," Castiel clarified. "And she used his form to…violate me." Dean gripped the steering wheel harder. Sam was confused. "What do you mean Cas?" he asked. Gabriel looked ready to speak when Castiel replied, "He performed nonconsensual sex with me." Sam's eyes stayed wide. Dean closed his, then opened them, turning to Sam. "You see why I'm pissed?" He turned back to the road. Gabriel was shocked, but his eyes were hard. He went back to tending Castiel's wings. "Was that before or after she hurt your wings?" he asked. "Before," Cas replied. Sam frowned and turned to look out the window. Gabriel finished working in fuming silence.
Once back at the motel, Sam suggested they tell about what happened, to which Dean's response was, "No Sammy." "Dean, if we don't talk about it, how are we supposed to know what really happened?" Sam asked. Dean turned to his brother. "I do know what happened, okay? That bitch made me watch as she used Alastair to rape Cas! What else is there to talk about?" Sam took a deep breath, letting Dean vent. "How about how it affected you?" he asked. "I don't need a therapy session Sam," Dean said. "I just want to shower, and forget about what happened." "See!" Sam said. "That right there, you can't just expect this to go away Dean, because it won't, and it's just going to bother you till it destroys you. Then, she will have won, even in death." Dean had turned towards the bathroom, and then turned back to his brother. "What about "I don't want to talk about it", don't you understand Sam?" he asked. Gabriel cleared his throat. "Uh, angels still in the room," he said. The two looked embarrassed. Gabriel stepped in between them. "Look, Deano, we're not asking you to gush about your feelings, we just want to know what happened." "Why can't you just ask Cas?" Dean asked. Castiel looked hurt about the fact that Dean just wanted to blow this whole thing off. "We want both sides of what happened," Sam said. "Oh come on!" Dean proclaimed. "Dean, please," Sam said. "Or I'm going to read your mind, and not ask, which will hurt and just tell everyone," Gabriel threatened. Dean growled. "That includes what you were feeling too." Dean sighed. "Fine," he grumbled.
The four sat on the beds, two to each; because Sam thought it would help calm everyone down. He and Gabriel summarized what happened to them after Dean was knocked out, and Castiel had been taken to another room. "Basically it was one big blur," Gabriel said, with Sam's hand on his thigh. "Did she make you watch Sam?" Dean asked. Sam nodded. "Yeah, the whole thing, though I didn't know what she was doing. Did you know from the start that it was Odyne?" Sam asked, looking at the arch angel. "You mean after we were all trapped and strapped down?" Gabriel asked. "Yes," Sam answered, in a huff, he knew Gabriel was trying to bother him, but he just wanted to get this out now before it ate at them from the inside, mostly Dean. "No, but when she started jabbing and stabbing inside my head, and I couldn't block her out, then I knew," Gabriel explained. They went on explaining what happened, when eventually they got to when Odyne was inside Dean's head.
"I don't really think there's anything left to discuss Sam," Dean said, glancing at his brother. "Are you sure?" Sam asked. "Yeah, I'm fine, Cas is fine, you two are both fine, so we should just drop it," Dean told him. "Are you fine Cas?" Sam asked, looking at the angel. "He's fine Sammy," Dean growled. "I would prefer if my brother answered," Gabriel snapped. Dean grumbled, and then turned to Castiel. "Are you fine?" he asked. Castiel looked up at Dean. "I mean, your wings are healed right?" Castiel nodded. "Then you're fine?" Dean restated. "My vessel is aching in some places still," Cas eventually replied. "Where?" Sam asked. Dean turned to look at his brother, hissing, "Where do you think?" "Odi had the power to make the pain feel real for me," Gabriel said. "So that's what she did to Cas, his vessel's body couldn't tell the difference between what was real or imagined." "So is Jimmy okay?" Sam asked. "Jimmy has not been with us for some time," Cas told him. Dean closed his eyes. "So that's what he meant," he muttered. Sam was confused. "What are you talking about Dean?" Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam. "Alastair said that Cas would feel everything, which is because Jimmy's not riding shotgun anymore." There was an uneasy silence.
Sam sighed, and looked at Gabriel. The arch angel patted Sam's leg. "Dean, do you think you could…I mean, you don't have to, but…" Sam started to say. "It's okay Sammy, you want to hear it, so I'll tell you," Dean said, his voice hard. "I'm guessing she put me under after she left you and Gabriel alone. The next thing I knew I was in a warehouse, and saw Alastair standing with Cas. She said she went through my memories and picked Alastair on purpose. I challenged her to get on with it and she…started to undress Cas. She made some comments and forced Cas to finish undressing, he didn't want to, but she had his blade, and it still hurt, even though it wasn't real." "Yeah, I found that out too," Gabriel said. "What?" Sam asked, his eyes wide.
"I just remembered," Gabriel said. "It was right before you got out; she was in my head, cutting me with my own blade, which was the one that physically hurt the most." Sam shook his head, he wanted to ask what else was the worst, but didn't think it'd be wise at this moment. Dean licked his lips and continued.
"It had Cas almost naked and it didn't take me long to piece together what she was going to do, and I didn't want to see it. I went to stop her, but she pinned me, and I-I was trapped. I couldn't do anything; I had to watch even though I wanted to help Cas so badly. That's when she mentioned Jimmy. She stripped Cas and…wanted him to get on his hands and knees, but he wouldn't do it. I told him not to either, or she would win if he just did as she said without question or a fight. Then she stabbed him with his blade, and pushed him down. I got angry, and shouted at her, but she just made me mute…which…was the worst part, because I couldn't-I couldn't give Cas any kind of strength, I mean maybe just being there helped, but I-I don't know…" Dean's voice trailed off as tears welled in his eyes.
"It did help," Castiel said. Dean turned to him. "Your presence alone gave me strength to endure what she did, if you weren't there, I imagine I wouldn't have held out against her for so long." Dean nodded. "Well I'm glad to hear that Cas," he said, sniffing back tears.
"Then that's when…she began…to rape Cas. I could see that he was fighting to just let it happen, but she wouldn't have that, and jabbed him with his blade. I didn't want to watch, I didn't want to see any of it, but it wasn't like I could go anywhere, I had to stay there…" Dean trailed off again and a tear slid down his face.
"She knew," he growled out. "She knew that I didn't want to see it, but made me watch every second anyway." "Yeah, that's how Odi worked," Gabriel said softly. "The things you don't want to face, because you know it will hurt, she took full advantage of and amplified it." Dean closed his eyes, another tear rolling down.
"I know," he said. "She told me." He opened his eyes. "She said I was breaking, watching what she was doing, she continued and went on stabbing Cas, telling him to just scream and get it over with, but…he wouldn't. I don't know if he was trying to protect me or himself…" "I wasn't trying to protect anyone; I was merely trying to resist giving in and doing as she asked. If she was so powerful, and wanted me to cry out then I was going to make her work for it," Castiel explained.
Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, gave a small chuckle and patted Cas's leg. "We really have rubbed off on you, haven't we?" he asked. Castiel replied, with the tiniest of smiles, "I don't mind." "I don't either," Dean said, rubbing the angel's knee with his thumb. He turned back to Sam, but didn't remove his hand.
"That's when she really went at Cas's wings, and then…probably to spite me…finished inside Cas," Dean said. He then finished by telling how the goddess had ignored him and walked out after they had come out of the trance. He looked at Cas, gave him one more pat, got up and walked into the bathroom.
"We should give him a minute," Sam explained. "Cas, did you want to add anything to Dean's recount?" he asked as the angel turned to look at him. "No, I feel Dean explained everything, and more, well enough. Anything I add would just be to describe the pain I experienced," Castiel answered. Sam nodded. They waited for Dean to come back out, and after a moment Castiel vanished.
Yeah, kind of in the middle of their conversation, and I know this chapter is word heavy, sorry about that, but I felt Dean would get emotional about what happened. It gets better after this. Again, keep on reviewing, it makes me so happy