thanks once again to JennyTHETimelord for the review :)
and holy crap, this is the longest chapter yet! but totally worth it :D
Castiel sat on Dean's bed, waiting, and his hands in his lap. The bathroom door opened behind the angel, and he turned. "Cas, what are you still doing here?" Dean asked, a towel around his waist. "Did you want me to leave Dean?" Castiel asked. "What? No, it's just…" Dean began to say. Castiel stared at Dean, perhaps indicating he go on. "I thought you would have left already is all, I mean, aren't you busy?" Dean asked, going over and looking out the window. He could see Sam and Gabriel in the parking lot, and the arch angel was standing very close to the younger Winchester. Dean rolled his eyes and turned back to Castiel.
"Yes, but I wanted to discuss something with you," Castiel replied. Dean was confused. "What?" He felt the towel slip a little and pulled it back up over his hip. "I wanted to discuss "us"," Castiel told him, doing the air quotes. "Cas, what…?" Dean began to say, but couldn't form a sentence, the fact that Castiel had used air quotes correctly almost stunned him. "I simply wish to know if Odyne was telling the truth," Castiel explained. "About what?" Dean asked, the goddess had said a lot of things, but Dean had a feeling of what Cas was asking about. "Do you really want to fuck me?" Castiel asked. Dean winced, yep that was it. He ran a hand over his face.
"Uh, look Cas…" he walked over to the angel, and then stopped, not sure with how to proceed with this. "Was she right Dean, do you wish to do that?" Castiel asked. Dean blushed, his cheeks burning. He cleared his throat and sighed heavily. He licked his lips and locked gazes with Castiel. "It's not going to make a difference if I say so or not," he finally said. Castiel's eyes narrowed. "It makes a big difference Dean," he said. "Why?" Dean asked. "I want to know your true feelings Dean," Castiel simply said. Dean blinked and leaned closer to Castiel. "Do you have feelings for me?" he asked. Castiel had looked away, but he turned back to Dean. "I already told you that I do." "So you want to know if I would return those feelings," Dean said. "Yes," Castiel answered, his blue eyes focused on Dean's green.
Dean panicked inside. Odyne had seen his true feelings towards Cas, Dean knew that, but he barely admitted them to himself as it was, so how was he supposed to tell Castiel? He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, he was so nervous. Wait, what did he have to be nervous about? It wasn't like it was more than sex, was it? Dean turned to Cas, suddenly realizing he had been pacing. The angel still wanted an answer. Dean took a deep breath, and then the words came tumbling out of his mouth.
"Yes, I do want to have sex with you Cas, but only if you want to. And if you don't, that's fine, I understand, because you're an angel and I'm human, there are probably rules about it, right? And you know what, this is going to sound crazy, but I don't just like you enough to want to fuck you, I think…I think…" he stopped pacing again and turned to look right at Castiel. "I think I love you Cas," he finished. There was silence as Dean looked at the angel for some kind of reaction. Castiel looked at his shoes.
"Fuck," Dean muttered. "You probably think I sound like an idiot…" "Dean stop," Castiel said, looking up at him. Dean stared at Castiel. "I understand that due to human views on sexuality, you are concerned and worried, but I assure you there is no need to feel this way," Cas told him. "Why?" Dean asked. "I feel the same about you Dean, I love you," Castiel explained. Dean stared, and was half aware that his mouth hung open. Then he moved forward and captured Castiel's lips in a kiss.
Dean then pulled back, socked at himself for moving things along too fast. But since when did he care if he was going too fast? He realized deep down that if he were to get in a long term relationship with Cas, that he didn't want to take things fast. "Sorry," he muttered and moved back a few steps. "There is no need to apologize Dean," Castiel told him. "Can we fuck now?" Dean flinched. "Jeez Cas, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound sexy at all."
"What would you prefer me to call it?" Castiel asked, confused. "How about sex, or making love, or some scientific term, I don't care! Just, don't say it like that; I don't want you to assume that's what this is." "I don't understand Dean; there is a difference between fucking and sex?" Castiel asked.
Dean rolled his eyes, he was not having this conversation right now, it was hard enough to get Cas to not watch porn just because "it was there". But Dean found himself sitting down beside the angel. "Yeah there is," he said. "Fucking is usually considered for one night stands, mindless, just to get the job done sex. It's just to fulfill needs, understand? Sex, sex can be slow and sweet and sweaty, or hard and rough and kinky, it depends on what gets you roused." Dean licked his lips and looked away, that went better than expected, but it was still awkward. "Making love falls under the category of sex then?" Castiel asked. Dean turned back to him and nodded. "I could show you Cas, but we don't have to do this," he said. "I think we've withheld our feelings long enough from each other Dean, don't you want to have sex with me?" Castiel asked. Dean groaned. "Yes I do, I really really do Cas, I just don't want to rush this. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I don't want to ruin it or lose you." "You won't lose me if we have sex Dean," Castiel told him and inched closer. He dropped his voice to almost a whisper and said, "I want to have sex with you Dean." Dean blinked, feeling something stir beneath the towel. "Damn," he hissed. "You know more than you're letting on Cas." Castiel tilted his head at Dean. "That wasn't flirting, but it wasn't exactly talking dirty," Dean explained. "But it was good." "Do you want me to say it again?" Castiel asked. "No, no you don't have to," Dean told him. He took a second to look out into the parking lot again, and saw Sam and Gabriel had disappeared.
Dean glanced back at Castiel. "You're sure you want to do this Cas?" he asked. Castiel nodded. "Okay," Dean said, taking a deep breath. "I'll lead, assuming you don't know that much sex in the first place." "I am a fast learner Dean, and the pizza man was very informative," Castiel said. Dean arched an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind," he muttered and leaned close, to kiss Cas again. "If you feel you don't want me to go on, just tell me Cas and I'll stop." Castiel nodded and Dean kissed him. Dean gripped the back of Castiel's head and slid his tongue along the angel's bottom lip. Dean pulled back a little and muttered, "Cas open your mouth." Castiel did and Dean slid his tongue inside. Dean grunted and pulled the towel away from his lap, throwing it to the floor.
Dean pulled away, his breathing starting to quicken. "Cas, do you know if Jimmy ever…had sex with another man?" "You want to know if I could access his memories to help guide me," Castiel said. "Yeah, I do," Dean said. "And-and combine that with what you've learned from the pizza man." Castiel nodded slowly, and then leaned forward to kiss Dean back. Dean was shocked, but grinned and there was a battle of tongues as they continued to kiss. After a moment they pulled apart and they were both breathing hard.
"Cas you should get undressed," Dean told him. Castiel began to do so, and went to take the trench coat off, when Dean stopped him. "L-leave that on," Dean said. "Dean I thought sex required all clothes to be off," Castiel said. "It does, but I want you to leave that on, just this once, please," Dean pleaded. Castiel removed the trench coat and Dean looked ready to bitch. "I will put it back on once all my other clothes are off," Castiel explained. He continued to undress and Dean couldn't help but stare.
Imaging Cas taking off his clothes was one thing, but actually seeing him do it was another, and Dean had to admit the real thing was better than what he fantasized about. Dean watched, entranced as piece by piece the clothes came off and revealed another part of Cas's body. Finally, after what seemed to be a tremendous amount of time, Castiel was naked, and he put the trench coat back on, draping it over his body. "Now what Dean?" he asked. "We keep going," Dean told him and kissed him again.
Castiel responded again with another battle with Dean's tongue. Dean pulled back from the kiss, biting Cas's lip, smirking. "You want to go on Cas?" he asked. "If I do not want to, I shall inform you Dean," Castiel told him. "Great," Dean said, knowing he had been given the go ahead and didn't have to worry about going too fast now. Dean pushed Castiel back onto the bed. Dean hovered over the angel, and took a moment to just look him over. Dean kissed Castiel softly and briefly to mutter, "You look so good Cas…" He trailed kisses down Castiel's jaw, and then down his neck, sucking gently at points on his throat. Dean continued for a moment, then was about to suck harder when Castiel said, "Dean I have a boner." Dean stopped and looked down. He looked back up at Castiel's face. "Yeah, and don't worry," Dean told him. "Jimmy would have known how to use it." "What about the pizza man?" Castiel asked. "The pizza man didn't use it right," Dean said and sucked harder on Castiel's neck, leaving marks. Castiel sucked a gasp in between his teeth. After a moment Dean moved down to stare at Castiel's nipples.
Dean chuckled. "It's been a while since I was with another man, I'm used to breasts," he muttered against Castiel's flesh. "Dean…?" Castiel began to say. "Just give me a sec Cas," Dean said, then lightly pinched one nipple. Castiel grunted. Dean then licked the nipple and Castiel gasped. "I-I'm curious about something Dean," he said. Dean hummed, nipping and licking the other nipple. "O-Odyne mentioned it, and you and the pizza man have demonstrated it," Castiel went on, but did not explain. Dean pulled away to look at the angel. "What are you talking about Cas?" he asked. "Pain being mixed with pleasure," Castiel finally said. "I figured it might be a human thing, but now I'm not so sure." Dean chuckled. "I don't know either," he said. "But if you don't like it, I'll stop." "No, it's alright," Castiel told him.
Dean nodded and moved down Castiel's body, coming to eye level with the angel's hard member. "Wait, Dean" Castiel said, placing a hand on the hunter's shoulder. Dean looked up. "What?" "The babysitter was the one to preform fellatio on the pizza man," Castiel said. "So?" Dean asked. "Then make believe you're the pizza man, and I'll be the babysitter." Castiel was ready to protest when Dean ran his tongue over his length. Castiel hissed, and watched as Dean took him into his mouth. Castiel grabbed a handful of Dean's hair as he began to bob up and down. Dean grunted, but it didn't bother him, at least he didn't have to explain everything to Cas. Dean continued and Castiel's eyes fluttered close, and he groaned. Dean smirked and as he moved up again, he licked the slit and he heard the angel intake a breath sharply. After a moment, Cas flexed his fingers in Dean's hair. "Dean," he said. "Something's happening. I-I think I'm going to ejaculate." Dean pulled away. He licked his lips and said, "Not yet, we've barely started." Castiel was panting slightly and he opened his eyes, gazing at Dean, nodding.
Dean got up off the bed and Castiel propped himself up on one arm. Dean was rummaging around in his overnight bag. He moved clothes around, throwing some out of the bag, and then pulled out a tube. He opened it, squeezed some of the contents onto his fingers, rubbed them together, and then went back over to Castiel. Dean rushed, so none of the substance would run down his hand. He crawled onto the bed, and panting said, "Cas, could you…spread your legs?" Castiel nodded and opened his legs, bending them at the knees, spreading them as far as possible. "Like this Dean?" he asked. Dean was half aware his mouth was hanging open for the second time that night. He snapped it close. "That's perfect Cas," he said, blushing. He moved closer to the angel, and pressed two slick fingers to his entrance. "Okay, now hold still and keep calm, this might feel strange," Dean told him. Dean rubbed the lube all around Castiel's entrance, and then slowly pushed the fingers inside.
Castiel grunted and frowned. "It is an odd sensation," he said. "I know, I know," Dean said, reaching over Castiel's stomach for his hand. Castiel took it, their fingers intertwining and watched Dean. Once Dean had his fingers in, just past the knuckle, he began to scissor them, opening Castiel up. Castiel shifted. "Dean, what are you doing?" "Preparing you Cas," Dean explained, not looking up. Suddenly Castiel pulled his hand free from Dean's, Dean looked up, and his heart dropped.
Castiel's blue eyes were wide in fear. "Cas, what's…?" Dean began to ask. "You're going to penetrate me, like Alastair did," Castiel said. "No, no! I would never do that to you Cas!" Dean told him. Castiel was still scared. Dean grabbed his hand, keeping a good grip. "Cas, look at me," he instructed. Castiel did, worry lining his face. "I would never hurt you, do you understand that? I love you Cas. I was sort of expecting this, which is why I asked if you were ready for this. If you don't want to do this, I understand," Dean said. "But if you want me to go on, I'll go slow and stop if you want me to." "Dean that is not the issue…" Castiel began to say. Dean sighed. "You're having flashes of what happened, aren't you?" Dean asked. "Yes," Castiel replied. "How…?" "It can happen to…victims like you Cas," Dean explained. "And I just know okay, I don't want to get into how I know that now." "Is there a way to make it stop?" Castiel asked. Dean shook his head, sighing. Then he looked right into Castiel's blue eyes.
"There might be actually, but you might not like it," Dean said. "Doesn't matter, what is it?" Castiel asked. "I'll…penetrate you, slowly, and I want you to focus on me, just me, nothing else," Dean said. "Is that all?" Castiel asked. "Cas, you're probably going to have flashes the moment I enter you, so I want you to concentrate on me in any way, hopefully the pleasure will drive out the pain." "I see," Castiel said, and tightened his grip on Dean's hand. "Just give me a second to finish," Dean told him, moving his fingers all around. He did this for a few moments, then removed his fingers and wiped them on the empty bed. Castiel frowned at Dean. "What? It's not like Sammy's going to be using it tonight," Dean said. "He would not approve," Castiel said. "Like I care," Dean growled. "I just want you right now." He leaned down to kiss Cas, brought the angel's legs up towards his chest. Castiel pulled away to ask, "What are you doing Dean?" "Making it easier to enter you, just another measure so I don't hurt you," Dean explained, positioning himself, and then pausing. "You ready for this Cas?" Dean asked. Castiel stared into Dean's green eyes, making sure he still had a hold of the hunter's hand, then nodded. Dean gave a short nod and pushed in slowly.
Castiel clenched and felt pain, and then images…no flashbacks of Alastair came before his eyes. "Cas! Come on, look at me! Remember, focus on me!" Dean's voice cut everything off and Castiel stared up into Dean's face. "Sorry," Castiel said. "There's nothing to be sorry about," Dean told him. Dean inched in a little more. Castiel hissed in pain, gasping, "I-I can't do this Dean." "Yes you can Cas, just hold on, wait a little more!" Dean told him, kissing the top of the angel's hand. Dean said, "This might hurt" and slid all the way in. Castiel swallowed hard, but then looked confused. "What?" Dean asked. "It…stopped hurting," Castiel observed. "Yeah, because I told you, I don't want to hurt you," Dean said. "Alastair didn't wait like I did, that's why-why you screamed, because he tore you open." Dean's face fell. "I don't want to talk about this right now." "I understand, I'm sorry," Castiel said. "Stop saying that," Dean sighed. "I'm going to move now." "Will it hurt?" Castiel asked. "It shouldn't," Dean said and began to thrust.
He thrust slowly, forcing himself to keep it slow, all to not hurt Cas. Castiel relaxed quite quickly into the pace, and began to move back against the thrusts. He groaned. "Dean, I think you can move faster now," he said. "You sure?" Dean asked. Castiel nodded. Dean moved faster, loving how Cas felt, and ignoring the remarks Alastair had made, pushing them away. Castiel tugged his hand out of Dean's and dug his fingers into Dean's back. Dean groaned. He began to angle, to try and hit or at least brush Castiel's prostate. Castiel was panting, not as hard as Dean, but still taking deep breaths.
Dean knew when he hit the angel's prostate, because his blue eyes widened, his fingers dug deeper, and he bit his lip, trying to keep himself under control. Dean smiled. "C-Cas, it's okay, you don't have to hold back," he said and repeated his thrust. Castiel's back arched slightly and he was panting hard. "D-Dean, what are y-you doing?" he asked, his hair sticking down with sweat. "It's your prostate, it's super sensitive," Dean explained. "I think if you co-continue to hit it, I will ejaculate," Castiel panted out. "That's the point," Dean told him. He repeated his thrust, just to see the look on Castiel's face as he groaned and moaned.
Dean leaned down, his body slick with sweat, and hovering close to Castiel's. Dean kissed him, and continued to thrust. Castiel moved back, to meet the thrusts and Dean could feel the angel's aching cock brushing against him. Dean pulled back, using his free hand to grip Castiel's length, and give a few tugs. "D-Dean, don't…" Castiel began. "I-It's okay," Dean told him. "I'll be r-right behind you." He angled a few more thrusts, and Castiel clenched down on Dean. Dean groaned and flicked his wrist. Castiel bit his lip, chest heaving, and came, calling Dean's name. Dean moaned as he felt Cas begin to ride out the high, and when he called out, it sent shivers down his spine, and then he came, calling out, "Cas!" After a moment, Dean pulled out and collapsed on top of Castiel.
They lay there, panting for a few minutes, when Dean asked, "So how did you like that Cas?" Castiel looked up at Dean. "It was…messy and hot…" Dean frowned. "But I enjoyed it," Castiel finished. Dean grinned and kissed him. He mumbled against the angel's lips, "Love you Cas." "I love you too Dean," Castiel told him. "Let's stay here till Sammy comes back," Dean said. Castiel tilted his head. "That could be a while." "Yeah, and I want to stay here and sleep," Dean said, settling in, moving onto his side, and draping his arm over the angel's chest. Castiel watched Dean close his eyes, then turned the light off with a wave of his hand. Dean smiled, and didn't care if he was still sticky, he felt happy, and drifted off to sleep.
I'm thinking there might be one more chapter after this, but don't worry, I will be putting up more stories, as long as my muses let me write that is
and keep up the views and reviews, reviews make me so very happy