Enjoy! :)

"You know, you really look beautiful today. Purple really suits you."

"Why thank you, Natsuki. I think you look quite dashing in a polo and shorts as well."

Grinning at her compliment, Natsuki went on to say, after a pause,

"Really, thank you so much Shizuru. For being here and helping me. Taking time out of your precious day off to play parent. I've been having such a fun time."

The smile of hers looked almost rueful now, her eyes downcast.

"It doesn't have to end here."

She didn't want it to end. No, this was her only day and she didn't feel like letting go yet. Not when the day is so far from over and she's feeling so amazing to want it to ever stop. If there was chance for it to go further on then come hell or high water she would do everything in her power to do so! Gripping Natsuki's hand with both of hers, she looked straight into those green emeralds with bright eyes.

"What do you say to walk in park? An ice cream cone for you, me and Shizuka?"

Smiling gently, she suggested further but was careful not to seem too eager.

"We can feed the ducks or take a boat out onto the lake if you'd like."

If with any other person, she wouldn't have; usually having no interest whatsoever in these kind of things. But with Natsuki she found that she would do anything at all just to spend time with her. Just as she did by coming to this event. There were many things she wanted or found herself not minding to do when it came to Natsuki. She never knew she could have such a sentimental side to her when it came to the relationships she forged with people, especially those that had to do with romantic involvement. Actually, one can say that she never even had any romantic involvement before. Her night conquests were just conquests. They were sexual and nothing else. Only for her to satiate her needs.

With her past "relationships" the one in control was her - everything went to her wishes on how it should progress or in most cases, end. But here, it mattered how Natsuki would react. She couldn't do as she pleased. Restrain and patience which were before only what she showed with her parents, were suddenly becoming more and more of what she practiced in everyday life. If her actions could be called ruthless before then now they could be considered having more deliberate and considerate thought behind them. At the very least towards Natsuki. But she reluctantly admits that she finds herself sometimes giving much more thought to her business decisions and interaction with her subordinates than she normally would.

Natsuki had the power to make a change inside of her.

The thought of it scares her but at the same time she accepts it. She knows it is a change for the better so she doesn't object to it; doesn't push it away. But only for her. Only for her and no one else.

It thrilled her but at the same time scared her. How different she was around the woman. How hard it was to hide behind a facade in front of her. How she not only wanted to bed her but also find out what she liked and what she thought of. What Natsuki's impression of the real Shizuru was. Did she like who she was? Was there something that she despised?

Actually, Natsuki made her want to change. Made her want things she never thought she wanted before.

Natsuki cracked the shell she never even knew was there. Made her realize that there was another Shizuru hidden inside of her.

So yes, it was absolutely terrifying. But also necessary.

This new Shizuru was what she thinks had been missing her whole life.

Now, she was beginning to feel truly like herself.

A Shizuru that she could like.

Hopefully Natsuki did too.

Staring at the roof of the car, I will myself to fall asleep. I'm lying horizontal over the row in silence, secretly privy to the whispered conversation between the two adults in the driver and passenger seat. I want to sleep but I cannot seem to fall into unconsciousness. It's funny when at times, my ears can be so sharp when I least expect it too. You know, there are those times where I'm not even paying attention and suddenly my ears are in tune to every little sound. It can get annoying at times, when I find myself listening to sounds that can irritate me like when someone chews with their mouth open and I can hear every squish and squelch when I rather not.

All this while my eyes have been close. Despite how heavy they feel, I'm unable to slip away like I want to. My body feels so lethargic but overall my mood right now is content. Yes, I am blissfully content. The day has been pleasantly wonderful and right now, a nap would be a way to make it even more pleasurable. If I could just...

"I met your mother the other day. Well, at the time I didn't know it was her."

"Hmmm. Being next door, it was only a matter of time. She wasn't with father was she? Compared to her, he's not really the outdoorsy type."

Next door? What does she mean by that? Suddenly, I feel more awake than ever.

"Really? No, he was not. She did leave to meet up with him though."

"Yeah, father rather sits inside his study and read a book then spend some time on a golf course like his friends seem fond of. Can you imagine a man with business contacts as he does can actually be quite a coach potato? He might go out for business deals but he doesn't if it isn't needed. Since retiring, I think his skin has become whiter."

"No wonder she went inside for tea when the weather was so fair."

"Ara, he does sit out on the patio sometimes."

"Hey, did you know there was a door connecting both yards?"

"I do remember seeing a door... but I've never tried opening it. It's easy to guess where it leads to though."

"Not interesting enough for the elegant Shizuru, eh?"

"Well, considering how I haven't actually been there that often, I can safely conjecture that it is reasonable that I haven't been bored enough to intrude on another's property. I take it that Natsuki has trespassed before out of curiosity, hmm?"

"Hah, I was a wild child. I remember being scolded for doing all sorts of crazy things so I won't deny cause it might be true. I wouldn't put it past me."

"Ara."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Oh, no. I have no doubts. Just that the image of little Natsuki sneaking around suddenly came to mind. Ara, I think it fits my image of you as a child. A little naughty Natsuki."

There was something different about her voice there at the end but I don't know what it is. It was lower. Almost like a purr.

"Shizuru!"

Hearing the squeak in my mother's otherwise husky voice, I open my eyes. In the corner of my vision, I spot the fluster in her body language as she tries to concentrate on not affecting her driving. Then I notice a hand on my mother's at the gear stick and I can feel my eyes narrow. They seem to be more and more touchy feely since the last time I saw them together and what surprises me is that my mama is welcoming it. Her body seems relaxed when Shizuru touches her.

She says nothing of the touch. Not a word passes from her lips since then.

Mama is resisting no more.

I don't know what my feelings on that are.

I don't know what to think.

They were at the lake just like Shizuru had suggested, feeding ducks they passed with oats they picked up from a grocery store nearby. It occupied Shizuka, who was enjoying herself and laughing. Happy. Natsuki was with her, a hand on the girl's shoulder to keep her steady and to make sure she stayed in on the side of land and not water. Shizuru wasn't doing this; participating. She was watching over them like a person detached from the scene.

A glimpse into the life of family that wasn't hers.

The thought pinched and squeezed; like she was holding her breath.

Just months ago, it would have never crossed her mind. She wouldn't have cared all that much. But now, it was unbelievable. Surprising. The thought that she actually wanted this.

All of it.

She wants this family.

This wasn't about finding her soul mate anymore. Not about locating that person in her dreams. This was about the whole package. The whole picture. The entire dream. The whole life it presented.

She wanted Kaya's life.

It almost brought her to tears.

How could she do this? Her happiness was right there at arm's reach but was it hers to take? At what cost would it take for her to be able to live with herself if she really did take it? Would it be fair? Was it even welcome?

Funny how people change. If it had been months ago, she would be telling herself to take it; nothing mattered but herself. She would have thought, 'Others be damned! I want it, so I'll have it'. Now, she couldn't even dare bring herself to even think about it.

"Hey Shizuru, don't just sit there! Come 'ere, them ducks are dying to see you."

Out of her thoughts, Shizuru does not miss the pointed look from Shizuka to Natsuki and the sheepish smile that resulted from it.

"Well, not literally dying but you get the point."

She sees the hand thrust out to her and is surprised that there is more than one. A smaller one. Something lights up in her and a touch of tenderness reaches her eyes unconsciously. It certainly is not impossible that is for sure. If she could have it without the thought of Kaya's shadow looming over her that is.

Taking both with a genuine smile, she decides to put the all the thinking behind her and just try to enjoy it; serious thinking came after today, wasn't that what she had planned on doing?

Careful with her balance, Shizuru reaches the edge of the bank without raising alarms, squatting down as they did. Natsuki releases her hand only to turn it over in her palm so that she could place the grains in them. Shizuru barely notices when her other hand was let go but cheerfully notes that the warmth does not stray too far; still can feel it enough to know it's there.

"You see that one? I think it has you in its sights. It wasn't interested until you came on the scene."

"Oh? How do you know, Shizuka-chan?"

"Interestingly, I have been eyeing him as well. And if I had to guess, he's giving such sparkling eyes right now. Can you see?"

"Ara, really? We shall have to humour him then."

Tossing the grains into the lake, she made the mistake of emptying everything in one go.

Whispering conspiratorially, Natsuki held her wrist.

"Woah, careful there Shizuru. You don't need to fatten him up. He's not going to be on the menu."

Shizuka continued, whispering just as well.

"It would be kidnap and murder."

"Pardon?"

"Tsk, tsk. Shizuru, taking him home is kidnap. Cooking and eating him is murder."

"You're not that hungry are you Shizuru? I'd have to report you to the authorities if I so much as suspect you of looking at these ducks like you were going to roast them."

A moment of silence. With splitting grins on their faces, it didn't last long however. Soon, they burst out laughing, Natsuki falling flat on her butt as she lost her balance. And then Shizuka was pointing at her and they laughed even harder.

Wiping tears, Shizuru pulled Natsuki up by her hand and patted her clothes of dirt. Receiving thanks, she smiled.

"Want to walk around some more?"

Nodding, they started walking further down the path lined with trees and benches. Natsuki was walking hand-in-hand with Shizuka, swinging their joint hands energetically as they went with Shizuru by her other side. Exchanging glances and smiles here and there a companionable silence fell between them. The both of them didn't notice at first but at some point during their walk, Natsuki and Shizuru had managed to intertwine their arms hands and then interlock their fingers as if lovers. It was completely and utterly natural in the way that they did this instinctively rather than consciously- without realizing. Their hands gravitated to each other as if seeking the connection like two lovers separated and wanting to reunite.

It started with a funny story while waiting for Shizuka outside the public washroom; Shizuru telling a gripping tale on her encounter with a persistent salesman and his 'wares' and how she showed him the door after commenting -quite distastefully- the 'poor quality' and that it was very much 'unneeded'. As the story progressed, Natsuki came nearer and nearer. Suddenly, the sweet smell Shizuru came to know as essentially and uniquely Natsuki conquered her senses and all she could focus on was her lips and the way her eyes sparkled. Her mouth felt dry. Licking her lips, she watch Natsuki chuckle.

Then, Natsuki was looking at her -right into her eyes- and it seemed like she was about to lean in towards her.

"Shi-"

"Much better!"

The moment was lost; Natsuki jumping back and leaving space between them which never seemed to diminish as they continued their walk. Shizuru terribly missed the contact and at times would stare longingly at the hand she could so take if she stretched but daren't not if it was against Natsuki's wishes.

"Yo, Shizuka!"

They were passing a playground when Shizuka spotted the neighbourhood kids she mingled with on occasion, or rather they spotted her and she turned to look. Waving back, she passed a glance towards her mother who readily gave a dismissing gesture and just like that, Natsuki and Shizuru were left to themselves.

Parking their behinds on a nearby bench overlooking the playground, the desire for closeness came back in full force- the electrifying air. Shared laughs. Touches. Looks. Totally innocent but told more of the changing relationship between them. They no longer had the excuse of pretending as parents to act intimately. This meant that whatever was happening right now was truly what they wanted. This was no act. Not an excuse.

They both wanted this thing between them. This closeness. This intimacy.

Right now I am watching them. They don't know it but I am. Mama...she is so taken by this woman and I can see it so clearly in her eyes. A look I am all too familiar with. In my hands there is ice cream. Vanilla. But it is not enough to lose this punch I feel in my gut. It doesn't hurt really, but it isn't comfortable either. Maybe it isn't something in my gut. It feels higher than that. Was it my heart? Am I showing signs of things I usually regarded utterly and lamely cliché?

I never liked romance stories. So sappy and predictable. But my mother really liked them and I was always with her, wanting to see her smile. I tried to do everything together with her and it had been unfortunate that I never understood her interest in the love between the couples in her books, television shows and movies. To me, they always seemed to follow a certain pattern. If it wasn't between people who hated each other at first, it tended to be two (or at least one of them) who were pretending to be lovers. Eventually they would fall for each other and then something happens to break them apart (third party or realizing one person had ulterior motives prior to falling in love) and then later on, they patch things up/ fight for the other to realize they belong together. They lived happily ever after. End of story. Then there are those that start with one courting the other but not reciprocated. When the other finally realizes their love, BAM! Amnesia. or BAM! Too late, moved on.

So, so predictable.

Maybe this is why I feel the ache in my chest. I can see it unraveling before me. This love story between them. And I know it is inevitable. Love is a powerful thing. I acknowledge this with much reluctance. I know where this is going to lead to if it already hadn't happen yet. But what happens afterwards? I don't believe it will be that happily ever after just like that. Real life is just too complicated for it. Not to mention in all those stories they don't really elaborate much before they end the story. They end at where the couple finally are together but not the struggle of keeping together. It is just a dream they like to feed to us poor emotional people who would pay money to bask in that temporary warmth we all like to believe in.

That there is a "and they lived happy ever after". That 100% happiness exists.

We all know that isn't true.

In order to do the one thing you like, there is always going to be ninety-nine things you don't like.