Disclaimer: I own Victorious. Kidding. If only...

I walk into Hollywood Arts. I skipped most of the morning periods just because I felt like it. I had to think. Nobody asks me about why I didn't show up earlier. I'm known to be intimidating. I like it that way. I want to keep it that way. Beck always knew how to keep me guarded, but now that we're over, I don't think anybody at all can keep me guarded. Tori can't even fix this. She'd probably just ask why we broke up, but I don't have the reason this time. I don't have the reason at all.

I lean back against my locker, and everybody's looking at me but I don't care. I don't care what people think. I guess they saw that me and Beck's status changed. Not surprised. I'm not going to Tori. She can't see the vulnerable side of me come out again. I can't cry in front of her like I did last time. I want Beck back, but if he wants to go through the same breakup thing, I'm not gonna deal with it anymore.

Truth is, I don't need anybody. I can do fine on my own, but it's different now that I've gotten close to Beck. We seem to be more and more distance from each other after every time we break up. It's almost like it's some sort of pattern.

"Hey, Jade."

I look up. I'm surprised I didn't snap, but that's because it's Beck. I never snap at Beck, not even when we breakup. Why is he talking to me? Is he trying to get the vulnerable side of me to come out? That's not gonna happen. Does he really want to go through this route again? I really don't. I'm so confused.

"Don't give me that attitude."

I always say the first things that come to mind. I'm not afraid, even if it's Beck. Most people would find me intimidating. I think I'm just not afraid of what needs to be said. There's a lot that needs to be said. There's a lot that needs to be figured out. Why the hell did he breakup with me? I still haven't figured that out.

He blinks. "Whoa, Jade. I'm not giving you any attitude. I just said hey. It's a greeting. But I wanted to talk for a sec. We don't have to be like all the other couples."

What does he mean? This isn't making things any better than they were. I don't even know why he broke up with me in the first place. We were the perfect couple. At least I thought we were. We fought, but shouldn't he have gotten used to that? I thought he had. It was more like bickering, but all couples fight, don't they? Why does he have to be so hard to read? God. I knew I shouldn't have gotten close to anybody. My mistake.

"Yeah, we don't. We're not a couple anymore."

I feel my heart sink when I say the words, but I do my best to not let it show. I'm feeling like hell. I hate feeling things. If we keep on getting back together, why do we always break up? There's a part of me that thinks maybe this time it's final, but I'm trying not to let my guard down. Were all those years we were together just a waste?

We stare at each other in silence. It's tense. I remember that time we got voted the worst couple. We weren't the worst couple, were we? Somehow I'm doubting myself. What am I supposed to be feeling? I can't even tell. I'm not sure what he's expecting me to do. He doesn't say anything. He just shrugs. We stay in silence.

Before Beck has the chance to say something, the bell rings for lunch.

I break the silence. "I gotta go."

He doesn't say anything but give me a light nod. I walk away from him as I feel like someone's smashing a hammer in my chest. This doesn't feel right. I don't feel right. I'm so damn empty. It hurts. It hurts worse than ever because all I can feel is emptiness.

"Did you guys see Beck and Jade's relationship status on the Sla—"

Tori shuts up when I walk up to them, taking a seat at the table we usually sit at outside. Well, my appetites suppressed. I look at Tori. She thinks she's perfect. She's not perfect at all. Offense. I tell her that countless times, but she always tries to get the vulnerable side of me out. She tries to fix things. She tries to be my friend. Why even bother? Beck isn't here. Shocker there. I don't know why I'm here. Maybe I'm just trying to kill some time. Either way, I can't stop thinking about Beck and I can't help it. I should be over him, right? I can't stand this. I can't stand how he wants to pretend that everything's okay between us when it's not. Maybe I had more of a hold on him than he did of me. Maybe.

"They're broken up!"

I bite my lip, looking at Cat. "Really, Cat? I had no idea."

"Jade, no need to be such a gank."

I narrow my eyes at Rex. "Shut it, puppet!"

Robbie shouts defensively, "That's an offensive term!"

"Come on, Rob," Andre says, giving him a quick rub on the shoulder. "Somebody's always gonna offend Rex."

"At least I'm not a gank." Says Rex. He's quiet, but I hear him.

I glare at Rex. "What did that puppet say?"

Rex shuts up. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with these people without Beck here. If he tried to not make everything seem so tense, why isn't he sitting at the table with us? If only I knew why he broke up with me. I had done nice things to him. He can't expect me to be nice all the time. I don't get it. My heart's hammering way too much.

Ugh. Beck was the only person I could tolerate at Hollywood Arts. Sure, I hang around with the rest of them, but now that we're broken up? Everything just feels so weird. I don't know if I can handle it. I need him to keep me guarded, but I can't be the first one to go back to him. I can't seem vulnerable. I'm not vulnerable. Jade West isn't vulnerable. But I'm starting to think that I am. Damn it.