Disclaimer: It wouldn't be over already if I owned it. Just saying.
I wouldn't say I hate Tori. That would be an underestimate. I just hate how she showed up at Hollywood Arts and makes herself seem like she's better than everybody else. That's not true. Tori isn't perfect. I hate how she thinks that she is. I know she isn't. What are her flaws? Fine. I'll admit that she's talented, but everybody's got flaws, don't they? I hate to think that I do. But man, deep down I know I've got a lot of them.
Tori and I don't get along. I don't get along with her. That's for damn sure. Saying I'm jealous of her would be another underestimate. I'm not jealous of Tori. I could say that with a straight face. I wouldn't be lying. I might've been jealous when Beck tried to kiss her, but that was only because I didn't know that she would stop him. Who knows what would've happened if she didn't.
That's why I mock her. I know she told me she doesn't want Beck, but I don't need her help this time. Is Beck worth it? Yes. I don't regret all those years I was with him. But if I'm not good enough for him, that's his loss. I'm not giving in so easily.
Tori suddenly walks up to me. Ugh. I hate how nice she is. I hate nice. I've told her that I don't want her to be my friend. I can't even count how many times. But it's been a lot. Does she not get that? What part does she not understand? I've let her know that so clearly but she still tries to be my friend!
"Jade! Hey!"
"Does everybody have to give me that attitude?!"
So maybe that wasn't the best response. Whatever. I'm always mean to Tori, but that doesn't seem to matter to her. It's not fair how she's still nice to me when I'm mean to her. That's not how it's supposed to work. Why the hell is she trying to push my boundaries? She never gives up. I'm not used to people wanting to be my friend. They're usually scared of me before they get the chance. I don't blame them though. Who would when it's someone like me? But Tori's different. She actually tries to get to know me. I hate that.
"Jade, it's a simple greeting!"
So what? I'm not used to friendly conversations. I'm not friendly. I'm supposed to make people scared of me. Tori doesn't seem to care if I'm friendly or not. I'm not weak. That's why I try not to let the vulnerable side get the best of me. There are so many things I don't get. Maybe that's because I've never tried to please people or gotten the time to know them. Well, besides Beck. Damn it. I'm thinking about him again.
"Yeah, that's what Beck said."
Tori chews on her lip. "Um, what even happened between you guys?"
That's another thing I don't like about her. I could probably make a whole list. She's so nosy. She always tries to help but sometimes it just makes everything worse than it already was. I mean, doesn't she get that this is none of her business? No. She never stays out of other people's problems. But I don't fully blame her. This is our third breakup. I hate how difficult it has to be.
I groan, leaning my back against my locker as I look at her. "God. Mind your own business, alright, Vega? You can't fix this."
"Why'd he dump you?"
I can't tell her tone. I can't tell if she's trying to be a bitch or not, but that's not who Tori is. She just likes to teach me a lesson. I've figured that out about her. I sure was a bitch to her when Danny went out with Cat, but I'm supposed to be a bitch. I can't suddenly act super nice no matter how hard I try. It's not me.
Man, dejavuu much? I asked Tori the same thing when Danny dumped her. I don't know. Literally. I don't know why Beck broke up with me. I'm confident. I'm hot. I have it all. My personality might not be the best, but he's able to keep me guarded. I can be nice on occasion. What the hell does he see wrong with me? I don't know.
I keep my tone sharp. "Stay out of it, Vega."
"Don't you want Beck back?"
No fucking duh I want Beck back. He was the only person who could get the other side of me out. Is Tori trying to get back at me? How does she expect to fix our relationship this time? It seems impossible. I can't breakdown. Not here. I won't. Especially when Beck didn't even give me a fucking reason. If I told him I hated him, I'd be lying. I always miss him when we breakup. I just don't show it that well. Maybe I need to show more emotion, but he hardly shows it himself.
Was he sick of me? We did stuff together that couples would do. I did try to act nicer around him. He knows I can't control my outbursts. I don't have the best temper, but I don't have the worst. He made me feel other things besides bitter and hate all the time. I don't know what I did wrong. Did he just fall out of love?
"I don't even know why he broke up with me, okay?! That's his loss. Do you really think I want to go through this again? I really don't. I just wish everybody would shut up about it. Please. Vega. Just shut up."
"Come on, Jade, you can't keep pushing people away!"
"I can try!"
The last bell rings. I chew harshly on my bottom lower lip, pushing Tori out of the way. Does she ever stop trying to be perfect and helping people with their problems? It doesn't seem like it. But I don't need anybody to fix things for me.