With my injuries still healing, I am bound to the bed for an amazingly horrible amount of time. I don't like that I can't do anything on my own and the feeling of having nothing to do but think is quite unsettling. All this time alone in a very quiet room allows my mind no reprieve to the struggles I have yet to resolve. I still have no idea where I stand with Natsuki nor do I know what she wants. The times in which she visits me comes with a bout of mixed feelings. I don't know her as well as I hope but I can still pick up on her moods or facial expressions now and then and sometimes I get this niggling that underneath all those smiles, she is still debating on something with herself.

As much as I want to snuggle up close to her, hold her in my arms and kiss her, I can see her hesitate when I even do as little as try to hold her hand. If there is anyone else besides the two of us in the room, she refuses silently; apologetically. Suffix to say, I feel very frustrated with the way we are progressing after the accident. Perhaps she thinks it is all a mistake? I desperately hope this is not the case. I don't think I can bear it. Never seeing her again. Because that is what probably will entail if she decides this is too much to handle. It is a common reaction and I don't doubt it will happen. The heartache I'm sure I will feel when we break off would make me want to avoid as well; for her sake as well as mine.

While my relationship with Natsuki has me worried, I can quite honestly say (with much surprise on my account) my relationship with Shizuka has greatly and vastly improved. The past week she has been visiting me every day. Apparently her school holidays has started and she figured that it would be interesting to keep me company. At first she seemed to be full of apologies but as time progressed she got more comfortable after our conversations. Somehow through that she has me now reading her books! She is quite sneaky, that little one. I say that but actually, I am grateful she gives me something to do and it is quite interesting to watch her expressions as I do so. She may seem calm and collected but still she is a child and in the company of people she is comfortable with she does not hide her feelings.

Interesting that I only notice how very akin to Natsuki she really is now. How blinded I was before. So enamoured with Natsuki was I that I failed to see the little things I love so much in her embodied in this precious little child. She seems so very much likeable now that I see the apparent differences between her and the person I had unconsciously missed so incredibly. She may have the same name and the same face but if you took the time to see it, this child is no replica of my dear sister.

She is a precious gift that has come from the two most precious people in my world.

Shizuka was seated by my side, watching me. The book she had asked of me to read long forgotten on the night stand with the last of its pages fresh in our minds.

"Have you ever wished for a life that is not yours?"

Her eyes were bright, twinkling in curiosity.

"Before, all the time... but now, after meeting your mother, no more."

"Why?"

"You mean why I wished for it... or why I wish no more?"

A long pause.

"Both, I guess."

"Before Natsuki, I felt lost. I didn't have the drive for anything. No passion. No thirst. I basically went day by day only feeding my human needs. I simply watched as others interact and envied that they could get intimacy so easily. They had family and people who loved them, cared for them, whom they can spend time together and here I was, supposedly successful in life and yet no relationships to speak of. My life was one big desolate place. Empty."

I take my time, looking out the window as I gather my thoughts. She remained quiet, absorbing my words.

"Natsuki was the start of everything. I can't exactly explain it but somehow, meeting her, something opened up inside of me and what was missing was not missing anymore. The passion. The thirst. The human contact. Suddenly everything was at arm's reach."

My eyes were wet with tears as my sister once more resurfaces to the forefront of my mind.

"Natsuki was also the key to my past. A memory so long forgotten."

A whisper, tinged with a sadness similar to my own.

"Mommy."

"Yes. Your mother, Kaya. My sister whom you were actually named after."

On the day I was to leave the hospital, I decided that today was the day. Today I was going to get an answer. No more avoiding the purple elephant in the room. I've already given Natsuki enough time to think it over. Her answer will be what decides how my life would go from here.

My parents were handing me my crutches when Natsuki finally showed up at my room door. It seemed like she had been running just prior to entering and I could hear her taking deep breaths of air. I hobbled off towards her, nodding lightly as my parents left to give us some space.

At first, her eyes seemed like they were avoiding mine. I speak, anything to get her to respond to me. She looks at me but I'm still unconvinced she really is looking at me. Then I grab her hand and flash her smile as I kiss each of her knuckles and led her towards the chairs so I didn't have to stand for too long. Her attention is all on her hand, her head bent at an angle that I couldn't see her face.

Then she lifts her head and gives me a smile. A tiny little smile that if it weren't for the noticeable slight curves at the sides would not have been one at all. Actually, I think it is one that is she is trying to show so as to not hurt my feelings and I could literally feel my stomach drop right to the bottom as the thought that she did surfaces to the forefront of my mind. My instincts tell me that whatever she is thinking, I might not like.

"I just wanted to see you one last time before I leave for Germany."

"You're leaving? This is quite...sudden."

Try as I might, I couldn't keep the devastation from my voice. I think I can already guess what her decision is without even her saying it. Still, I want to hear it from her lips.

"Do you regret us?"

"No!"

She looks up at me as if I had said something so horrific that she can't believe I would even suggest it. But it's the thought that has always been on my mind lately. It's hard to miss the guilty look in her face every time she looks at Shizuka and for the past few days, me. Why she would even feel guilty around me so suddenly is what truly baffles me. But if she had decided then already that she was going to break off whatever this was with me then I definitely can see why.

"Then why? Why are you leaving me? You do love me, don't you?"

"You don't get it. It's not a question of whether I love you or not."

She shakes her head, hiding her eyes yet again from me. She let her hand slip away from my grip.

"I have to leave because it's the only thing I can do."

She stares right back at me with wet eyes.

"We can't."

I grab her hand back in mine firmly, a defiance flaring within me.

"Why heavens not? This love, ours, is genuine. From the moment I realize I truly love you, I knew that you were the one for me. Do you not feel it as well?"

She refuses to look at me, focusing instead on the view outside the hospital window. She is biting her lip and if it weren't for the situation we were in, I would have been tempted to take that lip between mine instead.

"You know I do."

Her voice is so small. So meek. This time when her eyes meet mine they are pleading and I almost feel bad for pushing. Almost.

"I know it's hard to let go but still we can't, Shizuru. It's for the best."

"No, it is not."

In frustration she gets up and puts some distance between us. She looks down, thinking, as a hand is balled and placed over her mouth. When she finally speaks, her voice is loud at first and then a bare whisper towards the end.

"I was married to your sister for goodness sake! Tell me how that doesn't make you understand that this was not meant to be? Don't you feel guilty for going after your own sister's wife?"

How did she know that? Did Shizuka tell her? No matter. It's good that she knows. One less hurdle to overcome. As much as she thinks how wrong it is, it is truly not. I won't leave it like this. Never.

"Tell me, do you only believe in coincidence and not fate?"

I get up to approach her and squash this distance she is trying to put up, undeterred as I watch her step backwards with each step I take.

"Was it just coincidence that we both met?"

One step.

"The way you found me in the forest."

Two steps.

"That I resembled your wife and was the perfect excuse for you in that garden party."

Three steps.

"You had been with my long lost sister all these years. My sister whom I have not seen since I was three when she was taken away from me. Not to mention only when she wasn't with you did we meet."

"Do you really think that these were mere coincidences? The way I seem to bump unto you at most opportune of times. We get tangled in each others' mess!"

I've backed her to the wall and am so close to her now that I can feel her breath on my face.

"You know, I just remembered something. I had a friend once for a summer back before my family moved away. She had been visiting her grandmother for the holidays with her mum and older sister. Although my time with her had been short, it was one of the fondest memories I have of a time I had locked away a long time ago. The first time we met, I gave her my favourite cookie and then she gave me a kiss."

"A kiss is for someone you like, she had said."

Playing with the few stray strands of her hair between my fingers, I watch as her mind worked and recognition slowly surfaced on her features.

"Thinking back, I think she was my first love."

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I laid my head on the crook where neck met shoulder. Inhaling her intoxicating scent, I lifted my head after when I had to whisper in her ear.

"She turned out to be my one and only love."