A/N: I'm teasing you guys. I just couldn't help myself. If this doesn't appeal to you, don't read it. Simple as that. :D Otherwise thanks for the reviews! It'll get less discombobulated as the story goes on. I promise.

Disclaimer: Oh, I wish...

I'm home. Usually I'd be spending the weekend with Beck. I guess that's not happening now. He's probably sucking faces with Tori. Feelings are stupid. I almost wish I didn't have any to begin with. I'm mad that he's dumped me. He wasted everything we had together. It doesn't even feel real. I hate to think that it's final, but I can't let myself cry. I don't know if I can function without him. Why the hell can't I get him out of my head? I'm such a fucking idiot.

I call Cat. I need a distraction. She talks non-stop. I don't have to say anything. I just listen. She knows I'm there. I know she gets me in a way, especially since Tori had kissed her boyfriend. But it's different. It's different because it's Beck. He had such a hold on me. But now I'm so broken. Except I don't find myself in tears. What will crying do anyway? It would likely make things worse. I have to stay grounded. I should've punched Tori in the face just like Cat had. That would sure make me feel a lot better. I soon hang up, filled with so much emotion yet none at the same time.

Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have been so stupid to fall for Beck so easily. And to make things worse, my dad hates me more than ever. We're no longer on speaking terms. Sure, he had seen me perform that one time, but then he just goes right back to hating me again. He thinks everything I do is stupid. I'm starting to agree with him. He isn't home. He tries to avoid me as much as possible. I'm all by myself. I'm sitting by the fireplace because I'm fucking classy like that.

That's why I learned that it's easier when you don't have anybody. You're not afraid of getting hurt. I shouldn't have gotten close to him. I guess I was stupid to think that Beck and I would have a long-term relationship. Yeah, right. Who was I kidding? Myself. I fell for him so hard, but now what? Nothing. I just know that I can't do this again. I can't keep on going back to him no matter how much it hurts. I'm physically and emotionally empty. I don't exactly feel like eating at a time like this.

Would it be different if Tori hadn't even entered my life? Probably. Maybe we'd still be a couple. We probably would've lasted longer. But I don't think that would stop us from fighting. I really need to control my temper. I'll admit that it's a flaw of mine, but it helps cover up how I really feel. I'm alone. Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. I thought I could be fine on my own, but this doesn't feel right. It's better to hide your feelings. People don't see the vulnerable side of me that's underneath. That's why I have to be a bitch.

I had tried being nicer to Tori. I don't think I'm going to try ever again. Too much work. If I don't even get anything in return for trying, what's the use? I didn't think things would end up like this. I'm not used to being nice. Now I know why. What do you get for being nice to people? You get hurt. You find out they aren't really who they seem to be. Like Beck, for instance. How could I have been so foolish? I guess that's what happens.

I hear the doorbell ring. I don't feel like getting it, but I do anyway. It's Cat. I didn't invite her. If she is here to try and make me feel better, I wouldn't bother.

"Hi, Jade!"

She's so damn happy all the time. She's always in a good mood. I don't know how to be in a good mood. Literally. And I probably won't be in one ever. Why does she see the world like it's so full of unicorns and rainbows when I fucking hate it? I'll never get that. I hate unicorns and rainbows.

I stand by the door, staring at her. "Cat, it's midnight. Why are you here? I'm not exactly in the mood for sleepovers."

She shrugs, rolling her shoulders up as she stares back at me. "I dunno. I don't like it when you're sad."

I internally groan. "I'm not sad. I'm just pissed off. There's a difference. I hate everything, remember?"

"I brought candy!"

I keep my voice firm. "Thanks, but I'll pass. Candy doesn't solve all the world's problems."

"You don't know!"

I wish she would stop acting like a child. Even though I hate Tori, I guess that's one of the things we have in common. I just don't get why Cat is always so full of life and I'm not. Maybe it's because it's easier for her to get over things. I don't get why I should be though. I'm a sick and twisted person. I've fully accepted that. But I don't see it as a flaw. Not exactly.

I cock a brow up. "So what, Cat, you think you can make me feel better?"

And then, while I'm standing by the door and wondering why Cat is so clueless, she grabs my face and crashes me into a kiss. Oh. That's what she meant to make me feel better. She's so naïve. Never knew I would feel like this. My heart is literally beating a mile a minute having her so close to me. But it's wrong. It's so wrong. I shouldn't be kissing Cat. This isn't right. Cat shouldn't be kissing me. I don't care for labels, but I'm not over Beck at all. Tori shouldn't be with Beck. I break the kiss. Why did Cat kiss me? This is not my night.

Cat blinks. "What's wrong? I thought it would make you feel better. You said candy wouldn't. I thought I would try something different, y'know?"

I can't hold onto these feelings for Beck but I can't let go. How do I stop myself from thinking about him? I don't know. Now that he's gone, what am I supposed to feel? I don't know if I ever really called Cat my friend. But I don't hate her like I hate Tori. That's for damn sure. She was basically like a pet, but now that she's kissed me I'm not sure what to think. What was she thinking? She was just trying to make me feel better, right? She doesn't know any better. She doesn't make sense at all. None of this really makes sense.

"I don't know if I do. Cat, I think you should go home. This wasn't supposed to happen. You don't just kiss me like that. Why did you kiss me like that?"

"'Cause I don't like seeing you sad. I just wanted to make you feel better. I told you that already. Plus you said candy doesn't solve all the world's problems. Maybe if I kissed you it would make you feel at least something besides hate all the time."

This is all wrong. I just stare at Cat. She hasn't even stepped inside yet and I'm already filled with so much confusion. Can anything really take all the hate I feel towards the world and possibly myself away? I doubt it. My mind's blank. I can't love Cat. I don't think I will ever love Cat. But then again, I never thought Beck would fall for Tori. I don't know if I can move on. I thought our relationship was fixed. Maybe it wasn't fixed enough. I know I can be obnoxious, but that's a flaw I can't fix. Everything's so messed up. I'm supposed to be with Beck.