He drops his suitcase by the door
She knows her daddy won't be back anymore
She drags her feet across the floor
Try'na hold back time to keep him holding on
And she says
Daddy Daddy don't leave
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you?
"Daddy's little girl" Frankie J.
The next day, a week before her fourteenth birthday, she wants the truth.
Lin needs the truth. She can't take it anymore.
It's a Tuesday, meaning- that is, if Lin can correctly read these new inventions brought to the city called "clocks" -that her mother has the morning shift from six in the morning, to noon. So, despite getting no sleep last night due to what is to come, Lin gets herself up at five; a plan in her mind to reveal a truth more bitter than the coffee she painstaking brews for her mother, to make sure Toph is as alert as possible for this discussion.
Lin impatiently glances at the clock every two seconds, hoping the overwhelming grease and cheese aroma from the breakfast dumplings will waft up to her mother's room and rouse her out of bed sooner.
Five minutes later, and Lin can still hear snoring muffled by a feather-pillow.
She's going to be late for work again, Lin thinks, and I can't wait all day for this or I'm going to go crazy! I have to know now!
Lin groans with annoyance, and flings open a cabinet where the biggest pots are stored. Purposely clanging pots together with the grace of a moose-lion, proves to be the force that dared to wake her mother.
The snoring stops.
Her mother's bedroom door flings open with enough force that the earth cries underneath her bare-feet.
Normally the metal-on- metal contact of the pans would sooth Lin. But now, all it does it cause her mother's footsteps to sound rushed with annoyance as she descends down the stairs, and Lin can't help but fear she's made the wrong choice.
Her mother, all slow-voiced and crusty-eyed with the spell of sleep, slumps her way into the kitchen, with more confusion showing on her face than Lin would like. Actually, Lin had hoped her mother would be smiling through her sleepy dase, and thank her for the meal, sitting down with her before she does off to the Police Station.
But that's not what happens.
"Lin, what in Spirits are you doing up at this hour making a racket?" Her mother exclaimed, hands on her hips, "I was having a really nice dream! And even I can tell that the sun probably still isn't up yet!"
A grimace twists Lin's face. Uh oh. This wasn't how Lin had planned this to go...
Panic starts to bud in her stomach. She starts to lose her nerve.
But she has to know.
She takes a deep breath. "Mom, I-"
"-Is..." Toph's face scrunches up, her head turning to the stove, "...is something burning?"
Lin gasps and lunges for the stove, fiercely turning the burner off.
"No! Your dumplings!" Lin yells and wraps a towel around the handle, quickly scraping the charred remains of eggs and wheat shells into the garbage.
"Careful! Don't burn yourself." Toph warns with concern.
Lin fights back tears, can feel the back of her throat constrict. She had planned this so well! How had it gone so wrong?
Fed up with it all, Lin flings the pot and spoon in the sink, spraying water on her shirt front.
Toph, automatically sensing her daughter's distress, gently turns her around and grasps her hand, "Rocky, tell me what's wrong, sweetie."
"Nothing." Lin sniffles, grateful, for the first time in her life, that her mother cannot see her face, "I'm fine, Momma."
"Lin..." her mother gives a warning tone, yet her face softens, "Baby, don't say it's nothing. I can tell. Tell Momma what it is."
"I wanted to make you breakfast before you went to work today..." Lin mumbles, only half of the truth escaping her lips.
Toph frowns, "Oh, you thought I had the morning shift today? Baby, today is Monday, not Tuesday...I don't have work untill eight tonight."
Toph senses her daughter's feelings of stupidity, hearing Lin groan.
"But it's the summer," Toph continues to try to cheer her daughter up, "So I can see how you wouldn't want to keep track..."
"Yeah," Lin mumbles, head down, eyes stinging, "Silly me. Woke you up for nothing." Her hands clench into fists that her mother cannot see, " Well, I guess you want to go back to bed now, huh?"
How can she ask for the truth now, when she messed up her plan? Another day, she thinks. She can't do this now anymore, she can't-
"No, it wasn't for nothing. I know you had a reason for getting up this early." gentle, yet strong hands are placed on her shoulders. "So, tell me the real reason, okay? I won't be mad, kiddo."
Lin looks up, "...You promise?"
Toph holds up her hand, palm up, "Momma's honor."
Lin swallows and tries to muster up some strength. She heaves a big breath and looks straight at her mother, "Okay, I'll tell you."
"Okay."
"Do you remember a few years ago-I was about ten and..." she trails off.
She can't do this. She doesn't want to know anymore. She's not strong enough. She-
"And what, sweetie?" Her mother asks.
"And a man came to our house." Lin can't stop herself, "You were arguing with him. You said he..." Lin bit her lip, and tried to stay calm, "You said that he had hurt you, and then left you like a cowered when you told him some news."
Toph stares at her; Toph's face pinched, yet she doesn't move or say a word.
Lin can feel her mother's heartbeat start to quicken.
She continues,"You said he hadn't contacted you for ten years and now he finally showed up...and- and when he said he wanted to see me, you yelled at him and said you...didn't need him."
Toph's face visibly pales, her throat swallowing what Lin can see is the first sign of tears.
But still, she says nothing.
Lin feels something twist in her gut, her voice coming out high and thin, eyes beginning to water. "You said you were doing a fine job raising me with without him. You called him 'Setti' You told him I had no idea he even existed and wanted to keep it that way."
She feels as if she's ran a mile by how breathless she is after finally revealing this truth.
"Do you remember that?"
Her mother looks stricken and surprised, her delicate eyebrows up in shock. Yet still, Toph does not reply.
"No?" Despite herself, a bitter laugh comes from her lips, shocking even herself. This causes Toph to look like a wounded animal, but she can't bring herself to regret it. "Well, I do."
Lin continues now, in too deep to stop at this point. "I was too young then to put two and two together. I hadn't even questioned or realized there was something wrong with being raised by a single mother untill recently. You can't miss what you don't even know exists." Toph's face hardens, mouth thinning, and Lin finds herself shivering, "But now I understand, now I know the truth. I'm sorry I lied to you about knowing about him. I had been confused and afraid then. But now, I'm almost fourteen and I have to know."
"Know what, Lin?" her mother's voice is hard and quiet, no feeling but bitterness laced in it.
Lin gulps and counts the seconds by her heartbeat.
Sometimes, the truth does not set you free; only hurts you more. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss
"That man. Setti. Was he my father?"
Toph's face betrays something, yet Lin can't tell what. Lin's hands begin to tremble, her fingernails digging into her palms.
Somewhere, she can sense an earthquake, but inside, all that is shattering is her heart.
"Don't just stand there." Lin whispers. Her mother's passive face sending shivers through her.
Then Lin explodes. All the feelings of hurt and betrayal and abandonment come up from her stomach and out of her mouth in a scream:
"Say something- ANYTHING! He was my father, wasn't he? He was my father and he didn't want me!"
Still Toph doesn't speak, face towered the floor as if in defeat.
The quickened heartbeat and heavy breathing she can sense from her mother are the only indications that Toph is being affected by this, and it unnerves her.
Then, suddenly, Lin brings her foot up, and smashes it into the ground, causing the floor to rumble, and a tea cup to roll out of a cubby and crush to pieces.
"Did you even want me, huh? Am I even your real daughter, or did you adopt me?! ANSWER ME! If you love me at all, answer me, now!"
"OF COURSE I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN YOU EVEN DOUBT THAT!?" her mother screams back, tears pouring from her blind eyes, voice wavering, "I love you more than life itself, sweetheart...I-I just...I wanted to protect you and keep you safe and..."
"Then please. Please answer the question." Tears start to sting her eyes, "Was that man, Setti, my father?"
Toph closes her eyes as more tears pool from them. "Yes." She whispers, "Yes. You're right. He was. He is."
"Then why-"
"-Please. No, Lin, baby, please. Let's just sit down on the couch and talk about this calmly and nicely. I don't want us screaming at each other. I don't want us saying anything we'll regret...I'll answer anything you want to know...Let's just...sit down...Please, sweetie?"
Heart beats count the silent seconds.
Thirteen years of lies reflect back at her from pale eyes.
...
"Fine. Okay. Let's sit down."
And mother and daughter trudge their way into the living room that feels anything but lively.
"Before I begin my story," her mother tires, "you need to know something. I love you so, so much. I have loved you since the moment I knew you were inside me and would be mine. I never, ever, once regretted having you, or raising you on my own, alright? You have to know that for me. You believe me, don't you?"
"I do believe you. Then why didn't he want me, too? Did he..." and an ugly, horrible word and meaning comes into Lin's mind. A word meaning "hurt" and "forced" and against her mother's will. A word meaning all the horrible things that men can do to women and girls to take advantage of them, and the reason that her mother had made her take self-defense classes to avoid at all costs, to protect herself from being victim to in back alleys in the dead of night. She is fourteen, but she knows what can happen if she isn't careful.
Yet, she can't bring herself to say that ugly, horrible word. So, instead she says, "Did he, hurt you, mom? Did he use you, and that's how I...that's how I...?"
Toph looks at her daughter, and holds her hands tight. "Partially, yes. But I never once regretted it. Spirits, you're not even fourteen yet! I shouldn't be telling you this! I promised myself I wouldn't tell you until you were older! I'm so, so, sorry you had to find out this way, Lin! I wish you had never seen him that day!"
Lin takes a deep breath. "So tell me how you met him."
"Wait a minute. Secondly, what have I always told you about boys?"
"That they are stupid and don't know what they are doing and are more slippery than sand, so never date until your older and on the bridge of becoming a crazy platipus-bear lady!"
"Right! Exactly, I-wait. I never said that last part..." Toph says, confused.
"Uncle Sokka told me that."
"Psh. The sounds like Snoozles. I should have known."
"Anyway, I want to know about him. Tell me how you met." Lin presses.
"Okay. Alright. Well...I was twenty-seven and it was my second year as Cheif of Police. He-Setti- was one of my Officers and-"
Lin cuts her off, "He could metal bend, too?! You were his boss?!"
"Yes. Now, hush."
" I know this is going to sound...very lame. But I was twenty-seven and had never had a boyfriend before- you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, I think."
"Okay. But what I am about to tell you, never tell anyone, alright? Not even, Tenzin or Kaya or Bumi or Auntie Katara. Do not fallow in my footsteps for what I am about to say, Lin. Do as I say, not as I do. Promise."
"I promise, Momma."
Toph sighs, bitter memories gripping her, " I was young and It was Valentine's Day. I was lonely and had never dated before. I thought guys thought I was ugly for my blindness and lack of girlie-girlness. But mostly, I had promised myself that my job came first. I was the Cheif of Police, friend of the Avatar, had recently in past years, been a member of the City Council. I knew who I was and what was important to me. I didn't need a man in my life for me to feel complete. I had my friends and my job and I was happy."
"So I made you unhappy." Lin says quietly.
"No! No, sweetie! Were you listening to what I was saying?" Toph embraces her daughter for a hug and strokes her hair, " You are the reason I am so happy! I love you so,so much. I don't want you to ever think otherwise."
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright. I just want you to understand. I don't know why, but I was vulnerable that day. I hadn't spoken to or seen my parents since I was a girl, and had recently been notified of my father's death. It was Valentine's Day and all my friends were with their spouses, doing something romantic. I was lonely and a bit depressed. I stayed at the Station later that night when everyone else went home, just doing paperwork. But then he came in-Setti. He told me it was a shame a beautiful women like me was lonely on such a night. I'm not one for melting from the words of a charmer, but his voice was so sweet, and his motives seemed sincere. He had asked me out to dinner that night at his house, and for some reason, I agreed..."
"Then what..."
"Oh, baby...I really shouldn't be telling you this. You're so young!"
"No! You promised! Tell me now! If you don't, I'll go ask Sokka or Katara or Aang!"
Toph sighed warily. "We had a great time. We laughed, we talked, we ate. He was very funny..." Lin cleared her throat and her face hardened, "But he was a weasel-snake in a lemur's clothing. He was a retched man, a coward. I drank. I drank a lot that night. I never usually did and I thought I would be fine. I was gitty and hyper and vulnerable. The next thing I remember was waking up and feeling horrible and pain all over me. I was in his bed and I couldn't sense him in the house. I was confused and hurt all over and I just got dressed and went straight home."
Lin can see tears coming out of her mother's eyes.
"I don't want that to ever happen to you, sweetie. The only reason I don't regret it, was because it gave me you. I was depressed. I felt disgusting. I couldn't believe I let that happen to me. I stayed in my house and didn't go to work for two weeks. I didn't answer calls or patrols. I wanted no one to see me, I was so ashamed." Toph fiercely scrubbed at her face, "It-it wasn't until Aang and Katara came to my house three weeks later that I told them. They were concerned and could see I was a wreck. Aang was so mad when he found out...he went into the Avatar State. They stayed with me while I cried. Katara stayed over with me that night, and the next day, she took me to the doctors to see if I was alright. They told me I was pregnant."
Lin was speechless. "Mommy..."
"Shhh...it's okay, baby. I love you. I love you, so, so, so much."
"Mommy...I look like him, more than I look like you."
"Shhhh...It doesn't matter. You are my daughter and you are beautiful. When I finally returned to work, I called him into my office. He asked me how the date was. I told him I was pregnant. He was shocked. He didn't believe me. I bent him into the wall and started screaming at him. He told me not to worry because there were plenty of orphanages around. I told him it was our baby we would have to raise. He denied it being his. He denied everything. I fired him on the spot and we got into a bending fight. I threatened to put him in jail. The others had to break us up. I told him to get lost before I filed a Lawsuit and arrested him. He ran out and I never heard from him again. Until that day."
"Momma...you're the best mother ever. I love you so much. I'm sorry I was mad at you. I'm sorry I never told you that I knew. I- please forgive me, I-"
"Shhhh, sweetheart...Lin, look at me. There is nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong. I don't need seeing eyes to be able to know how beautiful you are. It doesn't matter what happend-how you were given to me, does not define you. My love for you defines who you are."
"I am Lin Beifong." Lin says with flickering irises, "I know who I am."
"That's my strong, independent, beautiful little girl! Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You can do anything."
"I know I can. I just wish I knew why...why he didn't love me..."
"Shhhh, Lin, please don't think about it anymore. I really wish you found out when you were older. My love for you is greater than anyone's. You are not my curse, Lin. You are my blessing. You are my blessing. The Spirit's gave me you for a reason."
"And they gave me you. The best mother in the world," Lin says, her head buried in her mother chest. "We're the best family ever."