A/N: A big thank you to all those who have so far started reading or following my story or me as an author. I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter as well! Please drop me a review to let me know whether you do, and if you don't, tell me what I should change. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Merlin, which is actually rather depressing.

Chapter Three

Some days I can't even trust myself.
It's killing me to see you this way.

The leaves rustled restlessly, smudging weird shadows across the floor of the forest. Not that the autumn sun was particularly strong, just strong enough to make the shadows noticeable. The looked oddly like butterflies fluttering through the sky with the grace inherent to those creatures.

But Merlin didn't pay too much attention to the shadows or the other things of beauty that still persisted around him. He wasn't here for pleasure. He was here to honour the request of an old friend, a request he couldn't have denied even if he'd wanted to. After all, Kilghara had done so much for him that coming there was the least Merlin could do.

Not that the reason for his being there was joyful. Kilghara had reached the end of his life's path. The Great Dragon was about to die, and he had asked Merlin to meet him one last time. There was something the creature of magic wanted to give to young warlock, and the dragon's words had held such force that Merlin had left as soon as he'd woken up that morning.

Truth be told, he'd been planning to leave Camelot that day as it was. He'd said his goodbyes to Gwaine and the other knights, to Gwen and to Gaius before. His bag had been standing at the ready, looking too small to be used to start a new life somewhere far away.

But Merlin had left everything he didn't think he'd need. He'd simply taken his clothes and one of Arthur's tunics (a keepsake for the days he feared he would forget his one true love), some of his books and food to keep him going for a few days. After he ran out of food, he'd use his magic to get himself some more.

If it hadn't been for Kilghara's request, he would have probably been miles away by now. He'd planned on walking away from the city with his head held high and focusing on the future he might be able to build for himself. It was the only way to find the courage he'd never thought he'd find.

"Lancelot might have had a point when he said I was the bravest of us all," Merlin conceded years after the most loyal of Arthur's knights had uttered those words. It had been when the immortal army was about to bring Camelot down stone by stone, and all he had done back then was snort at Lancelot.

Arthur had been so angry when he discovered Merlin had trusted Lancelot with his biggest secret and not him. It was the first fight they'd had in their relationship, and by far the worst as well. Not because of the magic, but because Arthur had feared Merlin didn't really trust him.

For three days they'd barely spoken to each other. Arthur hadn't come to Merlin's room and he'd avoided Merlin as much as possible. Merlin had eventually cornered him on that third evening and had confessed to him that all he'd been afraid of was that Arthur wouldn't know how to handle the knowledge he had magic that early on. He'd insisted he had never been afraid Arthur would kill him, he'd simply thought this was an even worse moment to admit to having magic than any other moment he could possibly pick.

That had settled Arthur's nerves and their relationship had come out stronger. Since that day they had not kept secrets; instead, they'd faced their fears and insecurities head-on, as they should have done from the start. It hadn't always been easy, but at least they'd avoided some dangerous pitfalls along the way because of it.

Finally, Merlin noticed the trees were wider apart. According to Kilghara's message, it wouldn't be too far to the clearing where the Great Dragon was awaiting his arrival from here. He wasn't exactly sure he was glad for that, as the end of this road was not one that held anything good.

Merlin shook his head, clearing it of the unwelcome thought. Instead, he contemplated Kilghara's choice of setting for their final meeting. He had to admit it was a good one. It was far from prying eyes, not many travelers dared to cross these woods. Legend and myth had a firm grip on these surroundings. It was also a good choice because the Goddess of the old religion they were both creatures of was most easily found in nature.

Even the season was fitting. Autumn was the season in which everything slowly died, culminating in the seeming death of all things that was so typical of winter. On the other hand, it was also the season that never failed to remind Merlin the world was stronger than people thought.

Suddenly, there were no trees anymore. There were herbs, grass and bushes, but the trees stopped abruptly to indicate Merlin had now reached the clearing. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed the large figure of Kilghara lying down on the grass a few feet away.

Kilghara's eyes were closed. He was still breathing, as the soft movement of his flanks showed. Maybe he was asleep, Merlin pondered as he quietly approached the enormous creature, trying not to disturb the Great Dragon.

He should have known it would be futile, though. Kilghara had never failed to notice Merlin's arrival before he'd even made himself known, and this time was no different. The Great Dragon's eyelids fluttered slightly before opening fully.

"It's nice of you to be here, young warlock. Once again you show the kindness I have known you to have for as long as I've known you," Kilghara said, his voice more steady and less gravely than Merlin had anticipated.

Not that it wasn't different than before; Merlin didn't even have to be a dragon lord to hear the fatigue and acceptance behind the words. Even a child could have heard it if they'd been listening for it. Which Merlin obviously was, since he knew of the state Kilghara was in.

"Everyone is young in comparison to you, old friend. I may be an adult now, but when I'm around you I still feel like a child," Merlin smiled, letting the fondness he felt for the Great Dragon shine through in his words.

"Be that as it may, young warlock, you have an old soul. I just keep referring to you as young because you shouldn't let the weight of that old soul drag you down," Kilghara grinned in turn, his enormous white teeth shining brightly in the few rays of the sun that managed to reach him.

Merlin was glad that his old friend wasn't in any pain. That probably had to do with the fact Kilghara had readily accepted his time had come to leave this earth. He was so at peace with his destiny that there was nothing that could hurt him in any way. Merlin envied him for that. He could only hope he would be able of accepting his death as easily when it came, whenever that might be.

"You said you had something you wanted to give me before you passed. Why don't you do that now? If things get worse later, you might not be able to anymore. And I don't want you to die with any regrets," Merlin softly intoned, sitting down on the grass close to the dragon's side.

Kilghara nodded his large head, but didn't speak. His golden eyes never closed, though, which told Merlin that the gesture held more meaning that words ever could have. His heart thumped rapidly in his chest. What was it Kilghara had planned? Should he be afraid or suspicious?

He immediately decided he shouldn't be. The dragon had always tried to help, even if Merlin hadn't always heeded his advice or had refused to ask the dragon for it. There was no reason to assume Kilghara's intentions were anything but good this time.

"When Arthur passed, I told you some life's have been foretold and that his was one of those lives. I told you that he was the Once and Future King, and that he would return when he was needed by his people, did I not?" Kilghara asked, positively scrutinizing Merlin with those enormous eyes of his.

Merlin nodded, mimicking the Great Dragon's actions from before. It was hard to breath, and his hands were trembling. This was about Arthur? What did the creature know that he'd kept from Merlin until now? Did he even want to know?

"I have in my possession a spell that will help you find Arthur when he rises once more from his grave on the Isle of Avalon. I am sorry to not have given it to you before, young warlock, but without the pain and grief you've felt it would not have worked. I'm afraid that that is the way of this spell," Kilghara apologised.

"I understand. Magic works in strange ways, and this is simply an example of that. I'm already glad you can give it to me now. But why? I am bound to die one day. Arthur is gone and will return, but that is not my destiny. Or is it?" Merlin asked, worrying his bottom lip as he spoke.

For a second, Kilghara closed his eyes. There was something in those orbs that Merlin couldn't name. Or maybe he didn't dare to, for fear of being right. Whatever the reason, the warlock waited patiently for the Great Dragon to speak once more.

When he did, his voice was softer and filled with a larger array of emotions than Merlin had ever know it to be. Unconsciously, he scooted somewhat closer to Kilghara. The creature placed his head almost on Merlin's lap to get his message across before the words tumbled from the ancient lips.

"No, young warlock. Your story is a different one. You are meant to wait for the King's return. You are meant to guide him and help him find his place in the new world when he is born into it once more. That is the price you will pay for losing your heart to him," Kilghara said.

Now it was Merlin's turn to close his eyes. Of all the things he thought Kilghara might say to him, this was the one thing he hadn't included. He'd have to find out what to think about this, but not now. Now, he needed to accept the spell Kilghara wanted to give him.

"Give me the spell then. If I might need it one day I have no choice but to accept it. There is no running from your destiny. You taught me that right after we'd first met," Merlin spoke, finally letting his eyes meet those of the dragon again.

Kilghara uttered the words while breathing across Merlin, something he hadn't done when he taught Merlin how to heal Morgana or defeat Cornelius Sigan. Why he did it was a mystery to him, but he decided to let it slip.

"Ábeþecedest mín oþres dæl," Kilghara said, the tone of his words more serious and gravelly than ever before.

Merlin's inside warmed up when the words washed over him. The blue-ish hue around him felt exactly right, as it always did. For a moment nothing but the words mattered, they were all that existed in the world.

Slowly, the hue disappeared. All that was left was the feeling a wrong had been righted somehow. From experience he knew that feeling would subside in a few minutes, as would the dizziness accompanying it. It had never really gotten any easier to accept spells from the dragon as time went on.

"Remember that this spell will not work until he reawakens. Your heart will tell you when that is. And on that day, you may utter the words that will lead you to him. But don't forget that he will need time to come to terms with who he is. It's very likely he won't remember a thing until the two of you meet," Kilghara warned him.

It wasn't what Merlin had wanted to hear, but he would take it. If Kilghara was confident Merlin would help bring back Arthur's memories of his first life, then he should not doubt that. If this all came to pass, that is. For all he knew, destiny might all of a sudden decide things would go quite differently. She was unpredictable like that, after all.

"I won't forget the spell or the warning. I couldn't, even if I wanted to. You must know that by now," Merlin said, letting the corners of his mouth twitch up in something that resembled a smile. He wished he could grant Kilghara a true smile on the last day of his life, but he refused to fake one. The Great Dragon would know anyway.

Kilghara rested his head back on the ground, his breath rustling the grass and plants. He was breathing softly, though, which meant Merlin could easily sit in front of him without getting blown away. He was grateful for it. He wanted to be as close to Kilghara as possible right now.

"My end is closing in. It won't be long now. I wish there was more I could for you, the one who showed Arthur magic wasn't evil. And I hope you will remember me fondly," Kilghara said, not opening his eyes anymore.

"I will most certainly remember you fondly, old friend. We might have had our disputes in the past, but you've never been anything but my friend. Or even family, considering your place in my heart beside Arthur and Gaius," Merlin smiled.

Kilghara's lips twisted into something Merlin knew to be a smile. It was an odd look on the dragon, all teeth and lips. It made him look even more terrifying than normal. But Merlin knew that his bark was worse than his bite. Apart from the one time he had taken revenge for being locked up for so long. It was the only time they had faced each other as opponents instead of friend and allies.

"All the creatures of the Old Religion are family, Merlin, whether they want to be or not. Aithusa, Morgana, you and myself were all relatives in that way. Because Morgana was a creature of the Old Religion. She would never have had the same powers as you, but she would have been a lot more powerful if she had used her magic for good," Kilghara said, speaking more slowly now.

"I never really considered her a part of my family, even if I had two reasons to do so," Merlin said, referring to the fact Morgana had been Arthur's half-sister. "Maybe that was because she stood for everything I despised and wanted to kill the one I loved more than life itself. Maybe it was something else. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter anymore. I killed her and she won't bother anyone anymore," Merlin whispered, reaching out to place his hand on Kilghara's head.

A soft pressure against his hand told Merlin that Kilghara was leaning into his touch. For a creature so powerful and large it was odd, but Merlin enjoyed the sensation. It spoke volumes at to the trust they had invested in each other, how much they had come to depend on one another.

"Usually another dragon watches over a dying dragon. If Aithusa had still been alive, she would have been here. Because no matter how they feel about the dying dragon, whichever dragon is closest will sit by him. I'm glad in some way the old tradition hasn't died, even if you're not a dragon," Kilghara said, rumbling softly.

"I'm grateful you're letting me do this. No one should die alone, whether it be a dragon, woman, man or child. It's a good thing you realized that before it was too late," Merlin said, gently stroking the dragon's scales.

Silence fell over them once more, only disturbed by the rustling of leaves. The sun was setting by now, making the shadows lengthen. It was becoming colder and darker, but Merlin didn't notice. He was too focused on the fact it took Kilghara longer and longer between each breath to draw the air he needed into his lungs. The Great Dragon was holding on, though, as if he was waiting for something.

Merlin wracked his brain to remember all he read about dragons and all that Kilghara had ever told him. As Gaius' ward he knew full well that Kilghara would soon be in pain, as his longs would begin to feel as if they were burning when the pause between each breath grew even larger.

And Kilghara's heart was slowing down as well. It had been beating, which Merlin could feel beneath his feet as the dragon was lying on the ground. If that didn't go fast enough, he would be suffering a lot longer than was truly necessary.

"It's okay, Kilghara. You have done all there was to do. You can let go now," Merlin whispered, hoping he was saying the right thing. He wanted to make sure Kilghara died with some dignity, and that the Great Dragon knew he had done more than his fair share to keep Camelot safe despite his initial anger.

Kilghara sighed, his entire body growing limp and sagging somewhat to the side. His face had a peaceful expression on it, at least as far as Merlin could tell; he wasn't a master at reading the dragon's facial expressions by a long shot. But there were no worry lines or tension lines in his face, which made him believe his assessment was right.

And then, the soft thumping of the dragon's heart stopped entirely. The ground no longer trembled. Even the forest seemed to have gone quiet in respect of Kilghara's demise. Merlin also refrained from speaking.

The tears, though, did fall. Silently they dropped to the floor much like the autumn rains that often fell in these months. He quickly got himself together, though. He needed to say his goodbyes and leave before the day ended completely.

"Goodbye, Kilghara. May you be at peace wherever you are," he softly said, pressing his head to Kilghara's snout in a final show of affection for the creature of the Old Religion that had just left this world.

As if the body had waited for this, it crumbled to dust. The wind swept in, carrying the grey crumbles away to wherever it was they would come to rest. Merlin smiled despite the sadness he felt. It was a beautiful way to honour the Great Dragon.

Finally turning his back onto the clearing, he swung his bag onto his shoulder; there was no reason to stay any longer. And without looking back, he set foot onto the path to his uncertain future, waiting for it to begin.